brides for brothers 04 - cowboy surrender (21 page)

“Jake, you know how vets are. They’re just like Doc Jacoby. They go wherever and whenever they’re needed.” Mildred brought Toby’s hot chocolate, prepared in the microwave, to the table, along with a plate of cookies. “I’m not surprised she’s not home yet, but—but she doesn’t usually cry.”

Jake paced some more.

“Uh, Jake, Mildred and I have been talking. We know it’s none of our business, but—but exactly what happened last night?”

Jake turned to stare at him, and Red hurriedly added, “It just seemed to Mildred that B.J. was acting funny from early this morning on. I mean, did the two of you have a fight?”

“No. We didn’t fight. We made love.” His bareboned statement didn’t begin to describe the events of the previous night, the wonder of their coming together. But Jake couldn’t tell anyone about the emotions that filled him. At least, no one but B.J. He
wanted
to tell her.

If she’d just come home.

He ignored Mildred and Red and their reactions to his words. He didn’t care what anyone thought. Except B.J. “Should I drive out and try to find her? Have you called around to see if she’s made any of her normal stops?”

“I’ll make some phone calls,” Red volunteered.

As he got up to go to the phone, Mildred added, “It wouldn’t do any good to drive around, Jake. She could be anywhere.”

Toby came running back in, his hands extended. “See, Mr. Jake? I washed ’em good. Can I have some cookies now?”

“You bet, Toby. And Mildred’s got your chocolate ready, too. Have you warmed up yet?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t cold, ’cause you kept me warm. Mr. Jake put his jacket around me, Aunt Mildred. One of the cowboys said we looked just like twins,” Toby bragged.

Jake sat down beside the little boy and shared a cookie or two with him. All he could think about was B.J., however, scarcely hearing Toby’s ramblings.

He’d enjoyed the day spent with the child. More than even he had imagined. He’d expected to like it. He couldn’t wait until his nephews were big enough to teach about ranching. But in his mind, Toby wasn’t a nephew. He was his boy. His very own. Someone to pass on his legacy to.

He intended to marry B.J. And he hoped they’d have more children. But none of them would be more precious than Toby. Because he and Jake, along with B.J., all had chosen each other.

“I hear a truck,” Mildred suddenly announced, cutting into Toby’s tale of his adventures that day.

Jake bounded up from the table and ran to the window. “It’s her. Keep Toby here.” He grabbed his coat as he raced out of the kitchen.

In his head, he was carefully preparing the speech he should’ve made last night. It was past time to let B.J. in on his change of mind.

When he reached the truck, just after it came to a halt, he yanked open the door and pulled her into his arms. The speech could wait. He had to taste her lips again.

They weren’t warm and soft, molding to his, as he’d remembered. Her lips were cold and barely moving. Jake pulled his head back to stare down at her. Her eyes were full of pain, her cheeks pale.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

She pulled away from him. “I have a headache.” When she started toward her front door, he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close to him.

“I can make it by myself,” she protested, but her voice was weak, husky.

“No need to. I’ll get you inside and fix you a cup of coffee. After you take some aspirin, you’ll be right as rain in no time.”

She didn’t say anything else. When they reached the kitchen, he put her in a chair at the table and busied himself with the coffee. Over his shoulder, he noted that she’d buried her head in her hands.

As soon as he had the coffee going, he found the painkillers in a nearby shelf and grabbed a glass of water.

“Here. Take two of these.”

She did as he directed, saying nothing. He moved behind her to massage her neck and shoulders. If nothing else, it gave him an excuse to touch her, and it might relieve some of her tension.

“Don’t!” she ordered sharply, pulling away from him.

“Maybe you need to see a doctor. Do you get migraines?”

She’d lived there for almost a year, and he hadn’t heard anything about migraines, but maybe she’d kept it hidden.

“No, I don’t have a migraine. I just need to be left alone, Jake.”

There it was again, that defeated tone in her voice that he thought he’d heard when she got out of the truck. He began to think it didn’t have anything to do with her headache. “What’s wrong, B.J.?”

“Nothing.”

“Ben said you’d been crying.”

“Ben’s a big tattletale.”

He poured both of them a cup of coffee and joined her at the table. “You told him you were crying because you had a bad case this morning.”

She took a drink of coffee.

“Did you?”

“No.”

“Were you crying because of last night?”

“Yes.” No emotion was visible on her face or evident in her voice. Just a flat answer.

Jake sat there, unsure what to say. His planned speech didn’t seem right. And yet he had to let her know how wonderful their future would be. “B.J., last night was—was incredible. I had no idea—”

“Yes, it was, wasn’t it? Unfortunately we can’t repeat it.”

“What?”

“I told you I couldn’t have an affair with you, Jake, so what I just said shouldn’t come as a surprise.” She stared straight ahead.

“I don’t want an affair.”

That remark got her attention. She stared at him, then rose from the table. “Good. Tell Mildred I’m going to take a nap.”

As she reached the kitchen door, he finally got out the words he’d meant to say all along.

“I want to get married. I want to marry you, B.J.”

She froze but didn’t turn around. Finally, before she left the room, she uttered one word. “No.”

Chapter Sixteen

B.J. reached her bedroom and grabbed for the doorknob. She wanted to shut out the world.

Unfortunately one stubborn cowboy had no intention of letting her do that. He grasped the edge of the door with one hand and her arm with the other.

“What do you mean, no?”

She swallowed and hoped that stupid sandwich was going to stay down. “No, I won’t marry you.”

“Why?”

Couldn’t he leave her alone? Couldn’t he take her answer at face value and go away? “I can’t marry you.”

“Look, B.J., I know I talked a lot of nonsense about not marrying again. But—last night I finally figured something out.”

She didn’t want to know. She wanted to cover her ears, close her eyes and hum. Anything to avoid the torture of hearing Jake’s explanation.

She couldn’t. Because Jake had released the door and her arm and cupped her face, lifting it closer, nearer, within reach of his incredible lips.

He went on without any encouragement from her. “Last night, I realized I loved you. It didn’t matter whether I married you or not. I would still love you. Always.”

She supposed he expected her to fall into his arms. Given a choice, that would be her reaction. But she didn’t have a choice. She was a mother first, and a woman second, and Toby’s best interests were paramount. “No.”

Shock, then irritation, crossed his face. He released her face and stepped back. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t marry you. Please go away.” She turned her back on him. Seeing him only made her words harder to say.

Silence was her only answer. Then she heard his hard boots clumping down the hall, followed by the door slamming. He’d done as she asked.

She fell on the bed, her heart broken, tears streaming down her face.

J
AKE COULDN’T BELIEVE IT
. He hadn’t been mistaken. Last night B.J. had shared the pleasure they’d had. She’d felt what he felt. He knew it.

But today she’d rejected him. Why? What had gone wrong?

He entered the kitchen, expectant gazes meeting his. He spoke to Mildred. “B.J. needs you. We’ll keep Toby here.”

“Is Mommy sick?” Toby asked, a worried frown on his face as Mildred hurried outside.

“Yeah. She has a headache. So noisy little boys need to stay here. Want to watch a video?” Jake couldn’t imagine anything he’d like less, but he knew B.J. wouldn’t want Toby near her right now.

He only wished she wanted
him
near her.

“You okay, boy?” Red asked.

Jake couldn’t answer. His dreams had been shattered. Dreams he hadn’t even realized he’d had until too late. He’d protested so much about marriage, he hadn’t realized how perfect he and B.J. were for one another. Instead, he’d flaunted his refusal to marry in her face.

Was that the problem? She didn’t believe him?

Hell, how could she not after last night? How could she think he could even think of another woman after holding her, loving her? How could she think he wouldn’t want her at his side the rest of his life?

Because he’d told her he wouldn’t.

He squared his shoulders. He wasn’t going to give up. He and B.J. were meant for each other. He’d convince her. Of course he would.

“Jake?” Red repeated.

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

Jake nodded. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words, to give another lie. “Come on, Toby. Let’s go watch a movie.”

As he and the little boy, his hand resting in Jake’s, left the room, Jake looked at Red. “Call me if you hear anything.”

Red nodded.

Over an hour later, Red called them to dinner.

Jake stared at him, a question in his eyes. Red shook his head no.

“Maybe you should call.”

“She hasn’t switched the phone back. I tried.”

Jake opened his mouth to offer another suggestion, but Red shook his head no again. “She’ll let me know, boy. We just have to be patient.”

Jake explained Toby’s presence by saying B.J. was letting him pretend to be a cowboy all day, including eating with his cohorts.

Toby enjoyed the teasing he received. He also liked watching the twins as they took their bottles just before dinner. Janie even let him hold each one of them briefly, hovering over him.

“They’re sure little,” he said. “Was I that little?”

“I imagine you were,” Jake agreed.

“Did my daddy hold me?”

Jake’s heart twisted. “Yeah, son, he held you. Just like I held you today.”

“But you didn’t feed me a bottle!” Toby said with a giggle.

“Reckon he didn’t change your diaper, either,” Pete added, a grin on his face.

Everyone but Jake laughed as Toby gave a disgusted look. But Jake realized he wished he’d been there for Toby’s beginning. He wished he’d fathered him.

If he couldn’t convince B.J. to marry him, he’d have his heart broken twice. Once by B.J., and once by the boy beside him.

Then Mildred came in.

Jake leapt to his feet.

Red got up, too, and greeted Mildred with a kiss. “Hi, sweetheart. Want some dinner?”

“Yes, that’d be fine.”

Jake couldn’t wait, in spite of Red’s attempt to make everything look normal. “How’s B.J.?”

“She’s sleeping.”

“Something wrong?” Anna asked.

“B.J. had a bad headache.”

“Shall I go check on her?” Anna’s nursing skills frequently came in handy on the ranch.

Jake held his breath. He didn’t think B.J. would want Anna to come, but he was worried about her.

“No, she’ll be all right She just needed some rest,” Mildred said calmly. But Jake noticed she didn’t meet his gaze.

He stirred his food on his plate, but he couldn’t eat anything else. He was too worried about B.J…and their future. How ironic it would be if, after helping his brothers find love, he should be the one who crashed.

Dear God, help her change her mind.

B.J.
WOKE UP
around eleven o’clock.

The house was dark.

With a sigh, she pushed herself up from the bed. She needed a drink of water. And maybe a hot bath. And maybe a new life.

Mildred had appeared as soon as Jake left. B.J. knew he’d sent her, that he’d told her something was wrong. But Mildred had offered a wet cloth to soothe her headache. And she’d sat beside her bed, asking no questions.

B.J. had asked only one. “Toby?”

“He’s having dinner with the Randalls.”

So B.J. had closed her eyes and sought relief from the pain…in her head and in her heart.

The headache had gone, she realized as she made her way to the kitchen. The pain in her heart would never go away. Because Jake was right. They were perfect for each other.

Except for one thing.

Toby.

Jake wanted Randall blood, his blood, to carry on the name, the ranch. If she married him and they had children, he would be ecstatic. And Toby would be devastated.

He’d never had a daddy, as far as he could remember. He wanted Jake in that role. It would crush him if Jake didn’t think of him as his son.

She couldn’t do that to her darling child.

She was an adult. She could bear the pain of loss, of separation. She’d already done it once when she lost Darrell.

Hysterical laughter bubbled up inside her. How could she compare that pale affection she’d had for Darrell to the all-consuming emotion Jake evoked?

But she’d survive. Of course she would.

Turning on the light in the kitchen, she crossed to the sink and took down a glass.

The door opened behind her.

“How are you feeling?” Mildred asked.

“Fine, thanks. I appreciate your taking care of me.”

“Want to talk?”

No, she didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to tell Mildred that she was leaving, she and Toby. But she had to. The longer she waited, the more difficult it would be.

“Yes, let’s talk.” She pulled out a chair and sat down.

After Mildred had joined her, she said, “This is hard for me to say, Mildred, but—but our move here isn’t working out for me. I’m going to take Toby and move back to Kansas City.”

She saw the panic and devastation in Mildred’s eyes. Pain pierced her, but she couldn’t let it change her mind.

Finally Mildred said, “Okay.” Her voice shook.

“You’re not coming with me, Mildred,” B.J. said softly, hoping Mildred would accept her words.

Mildred pressed her lips tightly together. “Of course I am.”