Broken (2 page)

"Darling."

"You haven't forgotten about the benefit tonight
at Regina and Ralph's, have you?" Heather said without so much as a hello.

"Of course not," I lied with a sigh. Of
course I had forgotten all about it. Why should I remember? It was nothing
different than last week when we went to the benefit at ... who was it again
that hosted that thing last week? It didn't matter. They were all the same.
Same people, same faces, same food, same conversations, same drinks, same wife
who would surely get too drunk and have to be dragged home. Same old, same old.
There was no way out. This was it. This was my life. Thirty-two years old going
on sixty before I knew it. It was of course the beginning of the end, no doubt
about that. I couldn't help but wonder if that was it for me? Was this all life
had for me? I sighed again and missed
Aiyana
violently. I felt tears pressing on from behind my eyes as Heather rambled on
about clothes to wear and money we should donate to this good cause. I wasn't
listening any longer. Having seen
Aiyana
in my dream
earlier that same day was just about to make me break down and cry.

"Are you even listening?" Heather asked.

"Of course dear," I replied, images of my
beloved
Aiyana
running in the yard of her mother's
house ten years ago flickered before my eyes. I suddenly remembered everything.
Everything that I had been so busy trying to forget: her naked body, her
curves, her smile, her scent. I had tried to so hard to forget her scent, but
it lingered with me through all these years. Constantly reminding me of what
could have been, but what wasn't meant to be. Through all these years I tried
to forget her, let her go, telling myself it was nothing but a fling, a short
crush that would surely disappear, evaporate from my mind. But who was I
kidding? Who could stop the rain?

Now that I had seen her again in my dream I missed her
desperately and finally I let go. I let it all out. While Heather chattered on
about one thing or another I leaned back and closed my eyes. Then I let the
tears run like a flood of water. Just let it out. Silently, soundless so
Heather wouldn't know.

Chapter 2

Heather
lifted a delicate
glass of champagne to salute someone
who walked by. She wore her fake, aristocratic smile along with too much
make-up for my taste, but just enough to hide the small signs of age that had
slowly started to show on her cheeks and around her eyes. She was still young,
younger than me, but next to me she was beginning to look like the older one. I
made her look older, she would say. She said exactly that before we left our
house that evening to go to the benefit. She was sitting in her chair in front
of the vanity, dressed in only her midnight blue negligee and smoking a
cigarette. Her hair was pulled back by a hair band so it wouldn't touch the
make-up while she put it on. Her expression showed both bored disdain and
irritation.

"Ugh," she suddenly said and pulled the skin
in her face backwards to reduce the fine lines in her face that no one but she
noticed. "How come I am the only one in this house aging?"

"You look fine," I replied. "It’s
probably just because you lost weight again. You should eat more. Nothing but
skin and bone left."

She turned and looked at me. "It's amazing. You
look just the same as the day you came to my house, same face, same eyes, not
even a wrinkle, not a damn line in your face. What is it? Is it your Viking
genes? Maybe you did find the Fountain of Youth after all," she laughed.
Then she stopped and stared into the mirror at her reflection. "Maybe men
just age nicer than women. It's really not fair. We carry the babies and we get
to look the oldest and become ugly. You guys get more handsome with age. Like a
fine wine they say."

"Baby," I said while putting on my black
jacket.

"What was that?" she asked. She was now
putting on a thick layer of foundation trying to smooth the skin.

"Baby. You only had the one, remember?"

She shrugged. "Yeah well ... you know. It's that
second one that ruins the body."

"So you say," I sighed.

Back at the party I
emptied my glass thinking of that second child I had wanted so badly. A brother
or sister for William. I was an only child myself. No one should ever have to
be an only child, I had argued. But there was no way I could persuade Heather
to carry another child. She even had me have a vasectomy. One child was it for
her. That was all she wanted. One child and then she could check that off her
to-do-list. Just like her own mother whom she had started to resemble more and
more each day. I had pleaded and said that I wanted a flock of children to
light up our life and bring laughter to our big and awfully quiet mansion.
Money wasn't a problem, so that couldn't be her argument. But even having the
one was too much for Heather. She loved William, of course she did, but she
didn't love taking care of him. I had hired nannies and nurses to make sure
Heather wasn't overburdened after the birth, with the result that she had just
left all of the upbringing in their hands, while she had lunches and went
shopping with her rich high-class friends often to return tipsy in the
afternoon needing to lay down instead of playing with William who so
desperately sought and hungered for her attention and affection. It was really
sad. And it made me resent her for not living up to her obligations as a mother
and wife.

"So, how are things at the clinic?" asked a
familiar voice. I turned and looked into the eyes of my old friend Jim. He was
limping towards me on his prosthetic leg leaning slightly on his cane. He was
smiling showing perfect straight white teeth.

"Jim!" I said, truly happy to see him. I
reached out and shook his hand. Finally someone I knew I could talk to between
the crowd of high hair and bare necks in elegant colorful dresses and men in
tight bow ties. "How is life treating you?" I asked.

"Pretty good," he said and rubbed his
fingers against each other with a grin. I nodded with a smile. I knew what he
meant. Like me he was making a lot of money.

"You look great by the way," he said.
"Not a day older than last time I saw you. The last ten years have been
merciful to you my friend."

"Thanks. Still collecting those big bucks,
huh?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, the stock market never fails me,"
he answered and drained his glass when he saw that mine was empty. He signaled
to a waiter to bring us another round. Even though I considered Jim to be a
good friend we had hardly seen each other the last five years. He made a lot of
money on the booming stock market and even if he never married he had a lot of
women and every time we bumped into each other he would be with another one
that I had never seen before. Each was younger and more beautiful than the
last. This time was no exception. A stunning woman in her mid-twenties came up
to him and whispered something in his ear making him laugh before she left us.
I sucked in air between my teeth.

"Yeah, I know," Jim said glancing after her
as she walked across the room causing conversations to stall and eyes to stare
at her. "Oh yeah I know."

 
I looked
at my friend and smiled. He deserved it, I thought to myself. With all he had
gone through he deserved to live the sweet life. Even if it wasn't the life for
me.

Shortly after the accident in the swamps where Jim
lost his leg he had his first stroke. It was caused by a blood clot in his hip.
He chose to drop out of med-school and shortly after a friend introduced him to
the stock market. Soon he had investors working for him all hours of the day
making him richer than he was the day before. A few years later I heard he had
another stroke cause by a blood-clot. But like the first one he survived it
without any vital injury. He was still keen on killing my
Aiyana
whom he only knew as the jaguar that had taken his leg, but as far as I knew
the stock market took up most of his time so he only ventured into the swamps
occasionally with his rifle. I was hoping he would give up eventually like he
had given up on ever marrying Heather.

"Thanks," I said as we toasted.

"To money," he said.

"And loads of it," I answered as our glasses
touched.

"You're not doing too bad yourself I hear,"
Jim said after our glasses had left our lips.

 
"I
can't complain."

"So you've taken over the clinic completely now?
Since the old doctor had the stroke?"

I nodded and drank again. "He can't operate
anymore. His hands are not steady enough. So I took over last year. He is still
in on most of the decision making, but the clinic is practically mine."

"That's good news. I am sure Heather is enjoying
it."

I looked at my wife in her silver dress showing her
back and expensive jewelry talking to a similar looking woman with no
expression to her face. "I am sure she does," I said and emptied yet
another glass.

"And you're doing the laser now? That should
bring in the big load. You
gonna
get a new house
then? I bet Heather is getting tired of the old one, huh? A woman like her gets
bored easily. You need to keep her busy if you know what I mean. Give her some
decorating to do." Jim glanced in her direction with longing. She barely
noticed him.

"Yeah well we just bought this one last
year," I sighed.

"Then give her a beach house or something. I bet
she would love to decorate a beach house," Jim said chuckling lightly.

"I don't know ... she doesn't even like to go to
the beach. I don't have the time for it so what would we do with a beach
house?" I asked, exchanging my glass for another one from a waiter's
platter as he walked past us.

"Still surfing?" Jim asked.

I scoffed. "When?"

"Yeah, me and you both, brother. Making money
takes up your time right? Haven't even been fishing lately or hunting for that
matter."

I felt a pinch of relief in my heart. No hunting meant
Aiyana
was safe when she went on her nightly forays
in the swamps. I thought for a second about my dream earlier that day. About
her. There was something I had seen. Something in her face. It was as if she
were trying to say something but I just couldn't hear it. I shook my head
slightly. No, it was just a dream, I told myself while wondering what she would
look like by now ten years later. Did she have any kids? Considering what she
was and the secret she carried in her blood I knew she hadn't aged much. The
Fountain of Youth flowing through her veins would prevent her from looking
older than her mid-twenties. Just like her mother and grandmother had done. She
would definitely still be astonishing.

I toasted again with Jim while contemplating the
spectacle of rich people showing off in front of one another, creating
connections and laughing their empty laughter filled with pride
and
supremacy all in the name of
charity. People toasting, greeting, smiling, nodding, discussing money, loving
money, living small meaningless lives filled with only the love for themselves
and what they have created in life. How I loathed these kinds of parties. How I
loathed myself for being a part of it.

As I returned a greeting from a man in black suit and
bow tie by lifting my glass while wondering who he was and why I even cared, I
suddenly felt the strangest thing. It was as if a hot flash radiated through my
entire body. My blood started to boil; everything inside of me was steaming. I
bent over and tried to loosen my bow tie while I gasped for air. Jim gripped me
and pulled me up to look me in the face.

"Chris! Are you alright?" I heard him say in
the distance.

I tried to focus on him but my vision was foggy and
dreamlike.

"Chris! Talk to me. Are you okay?" he
repeated. The sounds of the party became distant, like a humming and inside of
my head. A loud and very clear voice took over. I wanted to smile but don't
think I managed to do so. It was the singing voice of
Aiyana
.
She was calling my name.

“Christian. Christian.”

It was the sweetest of all sounds. How I had longed to
hear her say my name again.

I heard Jim talking in the distance but didn't care.
The heat was burning me up inside, but all I cared about was her voice. She
called me again and again. And then just as suddenly as the voice had appeared
it was gone. My sight returned and I was staring directly into Jim's face.

"Hey there. Are you alright?" he asked.