Broken (15 page)

“How do you know she has one just like ours?” I try to sound indifferent, but I’m getting more and more anxious to find out.

“I wrote her a card and put it inside her drawer when she was at lunch.  I saw the picture there.  Sometimes when she thinks we’re outside and not looking, she takes it out and looks at it.  She is very sad when she looks at the picture.”

Do I stand up and dance now or later? This has to be the sign I’ve been waiting for.  No matter how cool she tried to act around me, the old feelings are still there. 

“Sweetheart you know who your mom was.  You have her picture by your bed. Jenny, I means Ms. Harmon, used to be a friend of mine.”

“But why isn’t she anymore?”  I lean back into my chair trying to figure out just how much I can or should tell Lily about her teacher. 

“Maybe she still is, honey.  I’m not sure yet.  You see adults sometimes make mistakes. Listen, if you eat all your soup, I’ll tell you the story of how Ms. Harmon and I met. 
Deal?”

We did make a deal and she did finish her soup, all the while watching me with her big curious eyes.  The more I talked about Jenny, the more I realized that she was still the one for me.  I was still very much in love.  As I tuck Lily in bed, she smiles brightly.

“I love Ms. J too.   I hope she will take us back.”

Jen

I keep wiping my clammy hands with the paper towel and pray I can keep it together. The parent teacher conference was ten minutes away and there was no way out of it.  I spent the entire day meeting with parents, listening to their concerns and complaints.  I had a throbbing headache and the nerves did nothing but aggravate it. My head snaps as I hear the soft knock on the door.  Oh dear God, don’t let me break in front of him. 

“Come in.”  I clear my throat and look up from my desk just as he enters my class.  I swallow the lump forming in my throat and try not to stare.  The jeans hug him in the right places, and the black short sleeve shirt accentuates his arms. I’m practically drooling over the man and haven’t even made eye contact. 

“Hello Ms. Harmon.”  So formal, yet the smile on his face says something entirely different.  I get up and extend my hand.  I’m a professional, damn it. The meeting is exactly thirty minutes long before the next. For some reason I know it will feel much longer than that.

“Hello Mr. Watkinson.  Please have a seat.”  His hand is warm but goose bumps are forming on my arm.  He holds it longer than necessary and I’m the first to pull back. 

I grab the packet that has his name and focus on Lily’s drawings and tests. I feel his eyes on me and I start babbling away. 

“Why are you nervous?” 

“I’m not nervous.  I’m in a hurry.  I have another parent coming soon.”  The lie rolls easily off my tongue. He knows I’m lying but he doesn’t say anything.  He continues to watch me, and I continue to say little silent prayers while going on and on about how wonderful Lily is.  I had a whole speech prepared but none of it comes to mind now. “Like I was saying, Lily is doing really great.  She is more advanced than the rest of the students.  Do you have any questions for me?”  Finished with the folder, I’m forced to look up and meet his eyes.  There goes the lump again.  The smile is still there and my lips are feeling so dry.  I lick them and he’s watching my every move. 

“I’m sorry, what?”  Who’s the nervous one now, mister? 

“Questions.
  Do you have any questions for me?”  He pauses for a minute as if he’s thinking of something.  After a while, he just shakes his head.

“No questions.”

“Ok then.  These are for you,” I say, and hand him a smaller folder making sure not to touch his hand again.

“Thank you.”  The meeting is over yet neither one knows what to do next.  A petite lady sticks her head inside the class and coughs loudly. I’m not sure if I want to hug her for interrupting or smack her aside the head. 

“I’m sorry.  Am I too early?”

“No.  Please come in.”  David is still watching me, his sad eyes burning a hole into my soul. 

“Thank you Ms. Harmon.”

“You’re very welcome.” He’s gone before I can clear my head.  He’s gone and I’m left with my killer headache and a broken heart, trying to pull myself together for my next appointment. 

By five o’clock, I’m drained.  I’m ready for a long hot bath and maybe a glass of wine.  Or two.  Or maybe I’ll just drink the whole freaking bottle and have myself a little pity party.  Why did he have to look so good?  That’s all I can think about.  The way he was watching me the entire time.  Like he wanted to say something.  The reality is that he said NOTHING.  Arghhh. 

For the second time today, I take the picture out and just stare.  Lily is so small in my arms, her little cheek pressed against mine. 
David’s arm draped around my shoulder.  All the Christmas lights behind us.  A perfect day.  It had been perfect.  At that time, I’m not sure if I knew just how amazing it was to be part of their family.  Who am I kidding?  I knew it.  That was the reason why I had to leave, to set them free.   

I put the picture back inside my desk and start gathering the art project supplies to take home.  I do this every weekend, mostly from the lack of anything better to do.  My social life is more nonexistent than before, if that’s even a possible.

The skies are getting darker by the minute, and I know if I don’t hurry, I will not be able to make it to my car without getting drenched.  This weather is the perfect match for how I am feeling right now.  My reaction at seeing him today is a reminder that even after all this time he still has the power to make my knees go weak.

The thunder makes me jump out of my skin, and I hurry out of the classroom. The corridors are empty, the air still.  I push open the exit doors and I’m instantly hit by the chilly wind.   My car is parked on the other side of the school, the so-called special lots reserved just for teachers.  The first few drops start falling and now I’m certain I’m going to get soaked no matter how I try to hurry. I look up to see where I’m parked.  That’s when I notice him, leaning against his truck.  My mouth goes dry, my throat clenches, and I’m out of air.  I stop a few feet away from him, as my legs are no longer willing to move.

“You know what this weather reminds me of?”  I can’t speak. I can’t even make a sound.  I just shake my head, my eyes locked with his.  It’s as if I’m under a spell and he controls my entire body.  “No? A year ago, on a day like this, you decided to walk away from me.  It was raining that day too.”

The drops are coming down faster and faster but I’m still not moving. 

“I’ve dreamed and waited for this moment for a whole year, Jenny.  A year filled with nothing but emptiness.  Oh, I tried to hate you.  I really did.  But I just didn’t know how.  I really wish there was some how-to-mend-a-broken-heart-and-hate-the-ones-responsible-for-it manual that poor suckers like me could buy online or something.  Every time I would think about that day, that fucking horrid day when you shattered me into tiny little pieces and I had to watch you walk away, every time I try to remind myself your mother’s words.  She said that if it were meant to be, you would find your way back to me.  Do you think she was right, Jenny?”

“I don’t know, David.”  Did he even hear me?  My words are faint.  I watch him, still captivated by his gaze as he slowly walks towards me.  I swallow hard and try my best to ignore my shaky hands.  If he touches me now, I’m lost. Of that I’m sure.  I’ve never been surer of anything in my entire life. 

“Why did you leave me, Jen? Why didn’t you return any of my calls? You said you needed space, remember? And like an idiot I believed you.  But a whole year?”

“At that time I wasn’t thinking clearly. Does it really matter?  It was a long time ago.”  That was the best I could give him.  What was the point of talking about it now?  It was all in the past.  I was no longer that woman.

“It matters to me.”  He’s so close now that I can smell the familiar aftershave.  I breathe him in as the memories start filling my brain. “I’ve never stopped loving you Jenny.  If anything, I love you more today than I did a year ago.  So if you are ready to stop running and well, if you feel the same way, just say the words and I’m yours.  For as long as you want me.  I don’t care if it’s a day, a month, a year, or for the rest of our lives.  Just tell me that you want me as much as I want you baby.” 

The box is long forgotten; supplies are scattered all over but
I don’t care. None of that matters.  All I see is David, his clothes now pasted to his body, his mouth mere inches away from mine.  I don’t answer his questions.  I simply show him my answers.  My hands are in his hair, pulling him closer until our lips are only a breath away.  I’m floating, spinning, dancing to the music of our beating hearts.  I don’t close my eyes as our lips meet.  I want to see him; I want to see the beauty in his eyes as our tongues collide.

His kiss is still so familiar, so fresh, and as I drink him in, I feel a beautiful buzz filling my entire body.  The more I taste, the more I want.  We don’t even care that we’re running out of air, or that we’re in the middle of the school’s parking lot.  We don’t even care that the rain has picked up and we’re soaked to the bone.  His touch feels like hot lava on my skin.  When he has his fill of my mouth, his lips start moving slowly towards the neck, biting, nibbling, and I’m embarrassingly close to climax.  Someone drives by and honks the horn but we don’t care. 

He finally pulls away just enough to look at me, his hand in my hair, the other holding me close by my waist. 

“Does this mean you feel the same?  Because if you don’t, I think I’ll just die right here, right now and you’ll have to deal with my wilted body. Tell me you’re coming home with me, Jenny.” 

“You are a little heavy, besides I might get blamed and end up in jail.  I don’t look good in orange. I guess your house is much better than some cold cell.”  A huge smile runs across my face.  I can’t contain my happiness right now, nor do I want to. 

“Come here you weirdo.  God, I love you.  I love you so freaking much it hurts.”   I settle back into his embrace.  I never want to leave the comfort of his arms.
“Ready to go home?” He doesn’t have to ask me twice.

“Daddy the angel is crooked.”  I watch David struggle with the tree topper.  As expected, he got the biggest tree he could find and even standing on the chair he still can’t reach the top to fix the angel.  I shake my head and smile at him.

“She’s right, you know.”

“Nonsense.  It looks perfect.  What do you think, Danny?”  He jumps off the chair and comes to sit next to me and our six-month-old son.  “See, my boy agrees with me.”  Daniel giggles at the voice of his father and stretches out his little hands towards him, a clear sign that he wants to be picked up.  And David is more than happy to do so. 

I look at my little family and still can’t believe it’s all real.  Sometimes I fear that maybe it’s all just a dream.  But then I remember the rainy afternoon when David took me back into his life and it all makes sense.  How did I go from hiding away, from being neighbors, to being friends and lovers?  I can’t really say.  But one thing I know is that David loved me unconditionally even when I couldn’t love myself.

All the pieces to the puzzle fell into place without me even trying.  We dated for a whole year before he proposed. I was ready yet he wanted to make sure.  “I don’t want you to feel rushed,” he would say.   New Year’s eve as we were getting ready to go to Shelly’s party, David asked me to check his coat pocket to make sure the car keys were in there.  They were not.  Instead, buried deep inside, was a velvety red square box.  I looked at it for a few seconds then turned around to find David on one knee.

“I couldn’t find the keys,” I whisper, still holding the box between my fingers. 

“Jenny, you already know how I feel.  I’ve spent countless hours trying to come up with the most romantic way to propose to you.”  I can tell from the tone of his voice that he’s nervous.  That alone makes me love him even more.  He reaches out, takes the box from me, and opens it.  Nestled inside is a beautiful solitaire set in platinum.  It takes my breath away.  Then again, he could propose to me with a Cracker Jack trinket and I would still say yes.  “I can’t imagine my life without you.  I wouldn’t want to.  You make me a better person.  I want to spend the rest of my life waking next to you.  Your lips are the ones I want to kiss before I go to sleep. I want to grow old with you baby.  If you say yes, I promise to love you and take care of you. I-” 

“Yes.  Yes, yes, yes, yes.  I million times yes.” 

And the rest is history….

That rainy day was the last time I tried to make sense of what I thought life should’ve been.  I stopped punishing myself for things that happened in the past, for things I did or didn’t do.  That rainy day I decided to be happy, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. 

Even after all this time, I still have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. That nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I’m way too happy and eventually something bad will happen again. It’s still there.  But I now know not to let it control me.  I simply take it one day at a time and make sure to smile every day.

“Babe
are you listening to me?” His soft voice still has the power to send shivers down my spine and make me yearn for his touch.

“What were you saying, love?” 

“I was saying that maybe after we put the kids to sleep, you can help me straighten the angel up.”  His raised brow tells me that it’s going to be a long night.  The kind of night that you remember the next day and smile.

“I would love to.” 

The End
 

Thank you for reading Broken.  

I hope you enjoy it.  Here’s a sample of
Finding My Way Home
, now available on Amazon.