Broken (Motorcycle Club Romance): Ryder and Sawyer 1 (Fallen Idols Motorcycle Club Book 3) (2 page)

THREE

SAWYER

Mom was asleep, so I decided to sit on the front steps, which had become my new favorite place, and absorb some of the California sun I’d been missing. The manicured lawns and kids running across them was a far cry from New York City, but it was a nice reprieve. I didn’t miss the loud traffic and busy streets.

I sighed with pleasure as the warm sun caressed my bare skin, peeking out around my light summer dress. I kicked my legs out, realizing cowboy boots weren’t the best thing to be wearing if I wanted a tan. I pulled my legs back, and peeked down at my boot to the tattoo I wished I could remove. Instead, I was stuck wearing boots in the beautiful California weather to cover up the stupidity of my past.

After a few minutes, I went back inside to finish putting the laundry away. Mom’s clothes were already put away, and all I had left were Cruz’s.

His door was ajar, and I eased it open. Cruz turned, but it was too late. I already saw the Fallen Idols markings on the cut he pulled on.

“Why are you wearing the Idols cut?”

“What the fuck are you doing in here?”

“Don’t change the subject,” I said, holding my finger up. “They’re the reason Dad’s in jail.”

“They tried to protect him,” Cruz retorted.

You’re really going to defend them?” I shook my head in disgust. “First, Las Almas, and now the Idols. Have you lost your goddamned mind? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Cruz turned from me, swiping up his backpack, and giving me a clearer view of his leather vest. Anger reached its boiling point, and the only thing keeping me from screaming was my sick mother down the hall.

“You’re a prospect?” I ran my hand through my blonde hair, trying to get a grip and calm myself, before I totally lost it.

“Ryder warned me you’d flip,” Cruz said, and my heart stopped at the name.

I’d been home for almost a week, and managed to avoid hearing that name. As long as I didn’t hear it, I could pretend it never existed. Now, my own brother was the one to throw it at me, cutting open an old wound that never quite healed.

I swallowed down the rage clawing its way up my throat. “Ryder knows about this?”

“He’s the one who sponsored me.”

The last thing I wanted to do was pay a visit to Ryder. Lord knew what it was going to do to my head and my libido. I had never been able to resist him, and I sure as hell hoped that I could face him and do what I needed to do – rip him a new one for recruiting Cruz, before he could fuck with my head or body.

I dropped the laundry basket, and headed to the living room to grab my keys.

“Where are you going?” Cruz asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Lower your voice before you wake Mom.”

I spun toward the door, and Cruz blocked my path. “Then tell me where you’re going.”

“It’s time I gave someone from my past a visit.”

Cruz ran his hands through his dark hair. “He’s going to flip. At least let me give him a heads up.”

“Don’t even think about it,” I said through clenched teeth.

I hopped in Mom’s Nissan, and headed to the one place where I knew I’d find my ex-fiancé.

***

Raven’s Nest hadn’t changed much since the last time I’d been there. A free standing building that looked innocent enough from the outside, but there were more criminals behind those walls than in the county jail. To most, it was the local biker bar, but to those in the know, it was the clubhouse for outlaws. A safe house where the brothers banded together, and discussed club business—aka all their illegal activities.

It might’ve felt like a lifetime since I’d been here, but I knew the building wasn’t the only thing that hadn’t changed. I pushed the doors open, and the three MC members at the bar turned at the sound. Ace and Rev were two faces I’d never forget. I had no idea who the third was; must have been some new blood. Two sluts in the corner didn’t even take their lips off of whoever’s bald head that was.

“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in,” Ace jeered in his British accent that, as a kid, I found intriguing, but now knew it was the only thing fascinating about him. He was a drunk with a gambling problem, and by the snifter of brown liquid in his hand, I’d wager to say the club was still cleaning up his messes.

“Where’s Ryder?” I demanded, not in the mood to shoot the breeze with a bunch of middle-aged men that couldn’t protect my father from life in prison.

“Nice to see you too, sweetheart,” Rev retorted before he took a drag off his cigarette. His dark hair had greyed at the edges, but was still a frizzy mess.

“I’m not here for a reunion. I’m here to talk to Ryder.”

Rev called for Ryder down the hall then came back, grabbed a bottle of tequila, and plopped his ass on the bar. “This is about to get good,” he stammered.

“Who’s she?” the guy who I’d never seen before, asked. He was young with a dark blonde faux hawk and menacing eyes.

“She’s the infamous Sawyer.” I knew that voice anywhere. It was liquid ecstasy, flowing through my ears, and sending heat to my core.

I stormed in here, ready for a fight. Now, with him so close, I couldn’t find the strength to turn and face him. Damn it. A million memories popped into my head, and it took all that I had to push them back to where they belonged. Out of sight and out of mind.

“Cruz’s sister?” the young guy asked.

“The one and only,” Ryder said.

Hearing Cruz’s name reminded me why I was there. I was doing this for my brother. I pushed the hesitation holding me back away, and turned to face my past.

“Ryder,” I started, hating that my voice hitched when my eyes landed on him. His brown hair was shorter, buzzed down on the sides, and long on top, but not nearly as long as it used to be. It was pushed back out of his face, giving me the perfect view of his beautiful grey eyes. One look at them, and I’d be a goner, so I kept my gaze away. Instead, I found myself scanning the familiar tattoos on his arm, and discovering the newer ones.

“What do you want?” Ryder asked with a roughness to his tone. It was apparent he was still pissed at me for walking out on him all those years ago.

I tore my eyes away from the bulge of his muscles against his white t-shirt and beneath his cut. He wanted to go about this without the pleasantries then so be it. “You sponsored my brother? How dare you?”

Rev clapped, and bounced a little on the bar. “Here we go.” His excitement only fueled my anger.

“Someone had to take care of the fucking kid,” Ryder spat.

“Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?”

He smirked, and I wanted to slap it off his face. “Oh come on, Sawyer. You’re a smart girl. Went to college. I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you.”

His words were like a dagger to my heart, and they had nothing to do with why I was here. I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Why? Because you’re going to walk out on me? I’m used to it. So have at it.”

I stumbled back, wishing I never came here. This conversation. I wasn’t ready for it. But, if it would make him feel better. Help him get past the bullshit so we could focus on the real issue then so be it. “Come on, let it all out. Tell me everything you’ve been holding in for the past five years.”

Ryder stepped closer to me, engulfing me in his intoxicating scent. “Hate to break it you, babe, but I’ve got nothing. I got over that shit years ago.”

I didn’t know if what he was saying was because there were other members there. He’d never reveal too much in front of them, opening up and showing his vulnerability. Or if he really hadn’t had a single thought about me since that night I took off without a goodbye.

“Good,” I forced past the hot lump in my throat. “Now, let me make it clear. My brother is not your problem. You stay the fuck away from him.”

“Oooh! She told you,” Rev said, taking a swig from the bottle of tequila.

“Shut the fuck up, Rev.”

The door opened, and Cruz walked in. “Out!” I yelled, pointing toward the door. “We’re leaving.”

“I’m not going anywhere. My shift starts now,” Cruz said, pushing past me and greeting the guys with handshakes and back pats. The word Prospect on his cut was mocking me.

I was too late. He was already becoming one of them.

Anger rose inside of me. I went to lunge at Cruz, and drag him out by his shit-eating grin when a large, warm hand wrapped around my forearm, and yanked me down the hall. A familiar spark shot through me, and I tried to ignore how turned on I was from a single touch.

“Oh come on. It was just getting good,” Rev called after us.

Ryder opened a door, and tugged me behind him, slamming it.

He let go of my arm, and the fog in my head cleared. “So, not only do you have my seventeen-year-old brother working in a bar, but you’re sponsoring him? Bringing him into the one thing that broke my family apart. How could you?”

“Like I said, someone had to take care of the kid. You took off. Never giving it a second thought. I couldn’t stand back, and watch him destroy himself.”

“Destroy himself?” I might have been gone, but it’s not like I hadn’t kept in touch. I had weekly calls with Mom, and every now and again she would get Cruz on the phone. The angry guy I’d come back to wasn’t the sweet kid I talked to every Sunday.

“Las Almas was scoping him out. An insider tipped me off. Idols might not be rainbows and fucking sunshine, but we’re not drug-dealing dirt bags either. Hate us or not, we’re still better than those fucking bastards any day.”

My nerves calmed as curiosity took over. “What do they want with him?”

“They’re looking to expand their business.”

I tilted my head in thought. I only knew one business Las Almas was a part of. “Drugs?”

Ryder crossed his arms, and leaned against a table. “Coke, meth, heroine… you name it, they sell it, and they want to start selling in the schools.”

“I still don’t get why they want Cruz?”

Ryder pushed off the table, and paced a little. He looked as if he had the whole world sitting on his shoulders, weighing him down. “He’s a senior at the high school, and they’re desperate for new business. They need someone on the inside to work the high school crowd. I couldn’t stand by, and let that happen. So, I figured that, if I sponsored him, he would pledge his loyalty to the club, and ignore them. As part of his duties, he has to work at the bar. It keeps him off the streets and off of Las Almas radar. ”

He wasn’t doing it to spite me. He was doing it to protect my brother. There was still one thing I was unclear on. “I don’t get it. Cruz isn’t one of them.”

“That’s the other problem.”

I looked up, catching Ryder’s beautiful grey eyes.

He held my gaze. It was intense, and full of concern.  “They think he is.”

FOUR

SAWYER

The look in his eyes scared me. Chilled me down right to the bones. “What do you mean, they think he is?”

“You’re both half Mexican. Las Almas is trying to claim that half as theirs.” 

I shook my head in disbelief. My mother was a hundred percent Mexican, and my father was a blond haired, blue eyed white boy. They were total opposite ends of the spectrum, but the love that they had for each other showed no boundaries. And their blood ran navy blue, the color of the Idols.

Cruz and I might be part Mexican, but Las Almas and everything they stood for would never be a part of us, or anyone I loved. “He’s not one of them,” I finally said.

Ryder smiled, and my heart melted. “I know, and that’s why I did what I did.” I understood it. Sometimes, to save the ones you loved, you had to go to extremes. Still, I didn’t have to like it, and I sure as hell didn’t have to agree with it.

Ryder rested his hands on the back of his head, and spun around. The silver linked bracelet I got him when were sixteen slid up his forearm. My heart clenched at the sight. He still wore it.

“Five years,” he finally said. “For five years, I’ve thought about what I would say to you, if I ever saw you again.”

“I thought you had nothing,” I spat.

“You and I both know I always have something to say.”

“So say it.” I gulped down the fear. There were so many things he could say to me. Most of them would be downright hurtful and cruel and…I deserved every single one of them.

“That’s the thing. For once, I don’t know what to say. When I found out a few days ago that you were back, it took all I had not to come pounding on your door, demanding an explanation. And now…I don’t want one.”

Tears pricked my eyes, and my throat burned. “Why not?”

“Because you’ve been back for a few days, and the only reason you’re standing here right now is because of Cruz. You don’t give a shit about me.”

His words stabbed deep, and pulled up, gutting me from the inside out. I tried to convince myself that was the truth, but I couldn’t erase our lives together. You don’t exactly forget your first love. There was too much history. He knew me better than anyone. Better than my friends. My family. Myself.

“That’s not true,” I finally said and stepped toward him, refusing to let him think that I didn’t care. Time was nonexistent with us. Five years or twenty years, it didn’t matter, because the truth was, I would never stop caring about him. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I forced them back as I glanced up at him.

His eyes locked with mine, and he ran a finger down the curve of my jaw. Chills shot through my neck and down my spine. “I want to believe you,” he said, resting his forehead against mine, his lips mere inches from my own.

I wanted so desperately to close the gap, and press my mouth to his. Remembering how just a kiss from him would soak my panties, and wanting to feel that connection we always had. I looked up and touched my lips to his.

He stood there, hard as a rock, and I realized how colossal of a mistake that was. I pulled away, embarrassment shooting through my cheeks. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, and turned to run out of the room, when his hand clamped down on my wrist, and yanked me back to him. His mouth came down on mine, rough and desperate. I thrust my fingers into his hair, tugging on the soft strands. A slight moan escaped my lips, igniting Ryder’s raging desire. He grabbed my face, and devoured my mouth,as he backed me up against the door
.

It had been so long since I felt unbridled passion like this. I relished in every touch. Ryder broke our kiss, and trailed his tongue down my neck, stopping at the crook, sucking at the sensitive skin.

“God, you feel so fucking good,” he growled, moving his mouth back up against my ear, swiping his tongue across my lobe.

His fingers slipped under the strap of my dress, and he traced a line with his lips down to the swell of my breasts. My nipples hardened into tight peaks, and Ryder captured it between his thumb and forefinger, rolling the swollen bud.

My hands ran across his hard chest, and up over his shoulders. The feel of the leather beneath my fingers shook me out of my hormone-induced haze. I pushed him off of me. “Stop. I can’t. This was a mistake.”

Ryder reached down, adjusting his straining erection. As I watched him, a slight feeling of regret passed through me. But I had to. I left for a reason. This life, the one he chose, wasn’t the life I wanted, and he would never leave it behind.

I pulled my strap back into place, and smoothed down my dress before making the same decision I did five years ago.

I left.