Building From Ashes (31 page)

I can’t, God, because Carwyn saying that he loves me was the most illogical, ridiculous, gorgeous thing that’s ever happened in my entire life. And I’m a ragged mess. And I don’t deserve a bit of it. I don’t really know what to do about it at all, except avoid him like I’ve been doing for the past week. But…

If any of this is part of some strange plan for me or him or maybe even some future idea of us… please don’t let me mess it up.

Or send me to hell if I blow myself up.

Amen.

Brigid sighed and opened her eyes.

He loved her? Stupid man. Stupid, gorgeous, wonderful man. She wanted to cry just thinking about it. The crazy wrestling program. Brigid had never laughed so hard. The memory alone wanted to make her giggle. Then his face and the soft look in his eyes.

“I love you.”

And she ran away. Because Carwyn loving her was completely illogical. It had to have been a joke. A prank like the ones he was always pulling. But then, then he ran after her.

He ran after her!

And then he said it again. And again.

And then…

Brigid remembered the shiver of his lips as they stroked along her forehead. Testing. Tasting. Soft and hesitant. His hands had been almost reverent when they touched her the first time. Even a little awkward.

Then… not. Nope. Not awkward at all. Apparently, there were some things one really didn’t forget even after a thousand years. Brigid groaned in frustration and threw the knife into the opposite wall, where it stuck.

She was going to hell. And she wasn’t walking, she was running, because she felt her fangs descend at the thought of Carwyn’s mouth. The earthy spice of his scent when she ran her fangs along his neck. What would his blood taste like? She bit her lip. Carwyn had touched her before. Embraced her even. But the twisting, curling flood of his energy as it poured from his lips and ignited her senses had brought the fire to her skin.

“I want you. More than I have ever wanted any woman in a thousand years.”

She pressed her palms to her eyes and tried not to cry in frustration. Nothing about her was worth waiting a thousand years for! She was prickly and defensive. Damaged and carrying more scars inside than the ones she’d branded Carwyn with. She wasn’t even all that pretty. Her nose was pinched and her lips were too thin. Her elbows were bony and her eyes—which she had once thought were her best feature—were completely inhuman. Whisky brown that looked like they had charred along the edges. They were a perfect metaphor for everything she had become.

Strange. Unnatural. Frightening.

“You can argue with me, but it doesn’t change anything.”

Brigid shook her head and pulled the flowered scarf he had given her from beneath her pillow. She draped the bright silk over her eyes and looked up into the brilliant color before she closed them. The memories assaulted her. His lips pressing against hers. Soft, then harder. The power of his amnis when it touched her own in passion. Carefully banked desire held back on a razor-thin leash. His massive hands holding her so gently. The earth itself pushing her into his arms.

“Ridiculous man,” she whispered. “Don’t you know? It does change everything.” Unrequited desire was one thing. But this?

There was a knock at the door.

“Brigid?” It was Cathy. “Tavish and Max took him to town for the night, so you can come out of hiding.”

Brigid opened the door with narrowed eyes. “I’m not hiding.”

“Of course you are. Let’s go down to the lake.”

Cathy turned and walked down the hall. Brigid peeked out, but she couldn’t hear anyone around the house. There was a television playing in the study and a faint human heartbeat. It was probably Cathy’s driver and assistant who was back living on the grounds when they weren’t in Edinburgh. Brigid wouldn’t feed from him, but her fangs descended automatically at the smell.

“Cathy,” she called. “I’m going to grab some dinner before we start practice.”

“No, you’re not!” She heard a faint reply. “Hunger is part of what we’re doing tonight, so don’t eat.”

“Heinous cow…” Brigid muttered, stomping out the front door before she sped down to the lake, the dog racing after her. Cathy was already waiting, and Max was with her.

Brigid halted. “I thought you said they were gone!”

Max smiled. “I sent them a bit ahead. I’ll follow in just a minute, but we needed to give a demonstration first.”

“What?” Brigid asked. Max was a great friend, but he never helped with her lessons. He was an earth vampire.

An earth vampire who reached over, grabbed his wife, and started kissing her very enthusiastically. Right in front of Brigid.

“Well then…” She cleared her throat and said, “Do I really need to be here for this?”

Cathy finally broke away from Max’s mouth and grinned. “Yes, you do. And more importantly, Max had to be here for this.”

Max gave Cathy one last kiss, then strode over with a smile. He held up his hands and said, “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to look.” He stood in front of Brigid and turned his neck to the side. Brigid wanted to look away in embarrassment, but her curiosity overwhelmed the awkwardness when Max loosened his collar and spread it for her eyes. “Just look, Brigid.”

There was a slight reddening where Cathy’s fingers had been holding him, but no burns. As passionate as she knew their relationship was, Max bore no visible scars from his lover. Brigid didn’t say anything, just turned her face away and nodded. Max walked back to Cathy gave her a quick kiss before he sped over the hills and out of sight.

Cathy said, “Being a fire vampire is tough. We have to have mountains of self-control. We’re always seen as a threat, and we’re targeted because of it.”

“I know.”

“Some of us—” She stepped closer. “—spend our whole lives alone.”

Cathy didn’t talk about her past. Brigid knew she was far older than Max, but didn’t know by how much.

“Hundreds of years… an eternity.” Then she smiled. “But sometimes, we find the right person.”

The longing almost overwhelmed her. “I’m happy for you, Cathy. For you and Max, both.”

“Being a fire vampire doesn’t mean that you’re going to hurt anyone you get close to. Don’t use it as an excuse to run away.”

Brigid stiffened and turned away. “I appreciate the useful information. Please thank Max as well. Now, I’m going to go to the kitchen and get some—”

“You hurt him more by running than you did by burning him.”

Brigid spun around and hissed, “That’s none of your business.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it’s not.” She turned back toward the castle, but Cathy intercepted her and tugged on her arm. Brigid immediately sent out a quick burst of energy, which caused Cathy to stumble back.

“Will you stop?” she yelled. “You bet it’s my business! Carwyn is part of my family. He’s my husband’s sire, and he’s also a friend.”

She just kept walking.

“What are you afraid of?” Cathy yelled.

Brigid spun around. “Everything! Don’t you understand that?”

Cathy frowned. “But I just showed you—”

“I’m a mess, Cathy!” Brigid walked toward her slowly with her arms spread out. “A horrible, destructive, damaged mess. Before I was a vampire, I had to take drugs just to let a man touch me. My anxiety may be gone, but now…” Brigid stopped and drew in a ragged breath, determined not to cry. “I hurt everything I touch. Not just physically.

“It doesn’t have to be that way!”

“I’m a mess,” she continued. “And he’s a priest. I shouldn’t even allow myself to think about him that way because he’s so…
so
good
. And I’m not. I don’t know what he thinks he sees in me, but—”

“Shut up!” Cathy glared. “Just shut up. Don’t insult yourself and him by finishing that sentence.” The taller woman paused, then looked out over the lake until she turned back to Brigid. “I understand that you have problems, Brigid. Both of you. And I may not believe the same things that Carwyn does regarding God and the church, but I respect that he does. And it’s something he’s dedicated a thousand years to. Think about
that
before you dismiss his feelings, because it’s not a step he would have taken lightly.”

Brigid swallowed the lump in her throat. “I know.”

Cathy’s eyes softened. “Don’t lose something precious because the timing doesn’t seem right. I almost did and it would have killed me. You have time, Brigid. Time to mess up and make up. Time to figure things out. Together.” Suddenly, Cathy laughed. “Remember, when it comes to relationships, he’s probably just as clueless as you are!”

“That’s both comforting and offensive at the same time,” she muttered.

“Take your time, but don’t throw it away, Brigid. You’ll regret it forever.”

Time. Brigid took a deep breath and relaxed. She kept forgetting how much time she had. An eternity of it now, if she wanted.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And thank Max, too.”

“Oh, he doesn’t mind. He likes showing off his scars, too.”

Brigid’s eyes widened. “I thought you said—”

“You don’t
have
to hurt your lover.” Cathy gave a wicked grin. “Doesn’t mean they might not want you to.”

Brigid shook her head. “Speaking of things I didn’t need to know.”

Cathy laughed. “Also, a warning. Never underestimate the possessive streak we all carry. Fire vampires tend to be worse than others. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s just a reality, so don’t forget it.”

Brigid thought about her reaction to seeing the scars she’s put on Carwyn’s body. Horror. Guilt. Sorrow. Then… desire. Possession.

Mine
.

Her thoughts must have shown on her face because Cathy burst into laughter. “I knew it,” she said. “You can argue as much as you want, but you’re so done for. Totally nuts about him.”

“Shut up, Cathy.”

When the other vampire finally stopped laughing, she said, “And don’t forget, showers are your friends. And baths. When you really want to let loose, that’s probably your best option. Especially when you’re young.”

“I get the idea.”

“Once you get in the throes—”

“Please.” Brigid winced. “Please stop now.”

“I’ve heard Carwyn is very fond of the beach. Just thought I’d mention that.”

Brigid just groaned and covered her face.

“Hey, the guy hasn’t been laid in a thousand years. It’s about time.”

“I’m going to go curl up in my room and die now.”

“Whatever, Guilt-Girl. This is why you should be an atheist.”

Brigid just shook her head and kept walking.

“Hey, Brigid?” Cathy called behind her. “Tell me, did the earth move? Because, you know, it can! Having sex outside takes on a whole new dimension when you’re with an earth vampire. Just another thing I wanted to mention.”

“Shut up, Cathy!”

Carwyn stared into his beer. “Who knew that the most effective way of keeping modern women away was to tell them you were in love with them?”

He let the sounds of the pub wash over him, ignoring the football game in the background, ignoring the chattering of his two sons, and ignoring the persistent ache in his chest that pulled his thoughts back toward the castle and Brigid.

Brigid, who had avoided him for almost seven days.

Carwyn knew that, superficially, he was a handsome man. He’d always drawn female attention, whether he wanted it or not. And he loved women. He loved the layers of them. Loved the tangles and hidden corners of their minds and hearts. He’d loved the many female friends he’d had over the centuries. And he’d certainly never complained about the sight of a beautiful girl. Women were the crown of God’s creation. Ignoring their beauty was akin to sacrilege. And more than one had taken a fancy to him over the centuries; some he indulged more than others. Harmless flirtation had been a game to him. Though many had tried to take it further, he’d pushed them away with a gentle nudge.

Who knew that a declaration of love was the surest deterrent?

“Oh, Brigid,” he groaned quietly. A thousand years old and he felt clueless as a boy. The woman might be the death of him. He ached for her. Dreamed about her.

“You’re pathetic,” Tavish said.

He sighed. “I know.”

“Why are you down here at the pub?”

“Because you and Max insisted I give her some space.”

Tavish shrugged. “Well, we were wrong. Go get your woman, Father.”

Carwyn frowned. “Why are you suddenly so eager to see me leave?”

“Because you’re sighing into your beer and ruining the match. You’re pathetic. Go convince her she’s not going to hell for kissing you, then live happily ever after or something. But stop sighing into your beer.”

Max slid next to him and set down another pint. “And stop being pathetic.”

“Wonderful children, both of you. Such support and love. And why does Brigid think she’s going to hell for kissing me?”

Tavish rolled his eyes, clearly disgusted. “Very, very dumb bull.”

Max laughed at his brother, then turned to Carwyn and lowered his voice in the quiet corner of the pub where they were sitting. “Carwyn, are you forgetting who she is? You’re not dealing with an immortal of age and perspective. She’s young. And yes, Brigid knows when you were human priests often married and had families. Yes, she knows that you are a thousand-year-old earth vampire who doesn’t often abide by the orthodoxies of your faith. I’d even say she loves you, too. But she’s also an Irish Catholic who has seen you wearing a collar. Of course she has reservations.”

Carwyn sat, blinking in surprise. “You think she loves me, too?”

Tavish snarled. “Pathetic! Go away. Maybe you should take up writing sonnets in your spare time.”

Max shook his head, smiling. “Tavish was right about one thing. This is going to be more entertaining than wrestling.”

An hour before dawn, Carwyn was still mulling over what Max had said as he wandered back to the castle. He cut through the woods where he had kissed Brigid.

Oh, that kiss.

Too much and not enough. Kissing Brigid had been like pressing his lips to bottled fire. Her passion was a revelation. As he passed by the clearing, he caught her scent and approached quietly, resisting the urge to pounce.