Bulletproof (23 page)

Another warning slapped against my brain, but the force field remained intact as I lost myself to the tingles firing down my legs, clinging to this man as if he was my full-time lover.

Derek pressed himself against me. I could feel him, ready to go, and flashed forward to where we might do this. Would he throw me to the floor? Sweep everything off his desk and lift me onto it?

My limbs were turning to putty as his fingers continued to work me over, slipping inside me and bringing me to that sweet edge, where I could tumble into oblivion. The world didn’t exist in that place. There was no right or wrong, just the movement of two bodies tangled around each other and rushing for that mindless liberty.

I was nearly there, nearly ready to let a guttural scream rip from my throat before scrambling for the zipper on his pants, but that’s when a shock of awareness slapped me.

His ring. I felt it skim against my back as he lifted my shirt free and pressed his cool hand into my skin.

My eyes popped open, my force field disintegrating. Every warning trying to break through hit me in a rush so strong, it actually hurt.

I pushed him away from me, dropping my foot to the floor.

“What’s the matter?” he puffed, trying to pull me back.

I stepped out of his reach, adjusting my panties and pushing my skirt back into place. “You’re married.” I spat the words. “What the hell am I doing?”

“It’s no big deal, Morgan. No one needs to know. It’s just one night, so we can forget.”

“I can’t.” I snatched my purse off the floor, pushing past him. I felt like a newborn giraffe, my limbs shaking and awkward as I stumbled to the door. “I won’t be that woman. Your wife deserves your loyalty.”

“And what do you deserve?”

I could think of a few things, and none of them were good. What the hell was wrong with me? I was turning into a marriage-breaking whore now?

I yanked the door open.

“Morgan, wait. I’m sorry. I was out of line.”

“I quit.”

Again.

What was that, two jobs in four months? Good going, Morgan.

Before he could say another word, I ran out the door, tripping over my heels as I raced for the car. I somehow managed to unlock it and climb in, slamming the door behind me.

Heaving breaths burst out of my mouth, like dry sobs. I clutched the wheel and rested my head against it. Hating myself.

I was seriously fucked-up.

The phone in my purse buzzed with a text alert. Worried it might be Jody, I snatched it out of my bag.

A relieved sigh left my lips. “Ella.”

Hey, how’s it going? We’re kind of quiet here tonight, so I’m heading over to yours to watch a movie with Jody. Are you gonna be there? What should I bring?

My fingers trembled as they hovered over the screen.

I didn’t want to see her. The second Ella caught sight of my face, she’d know. She’d ask me all the right questions, and the truth would spill out of me. I might not have slept with a married man, but I let him touch me. Bile surged up my throat. I swallowed it back down.

Can’t make it. Have to work really late. I’ll catch you on the weekend. Take care of Jo-Jo for me.

I knew she would. It was in her nature.

Throwing the phone back into my bag, I glanced at the office building. Derek’s light flicked off and my heart seized. Scrambling for the key, I turned the ignition and fired out of the parking lot. I had no idea where I was going; I just knew I couldn’t be there.

Tearing down the road, I drove aimlessly through the streets, sticking with green lights and not caring where they took me. Eventually I slowed to a stop at a big intersection, the red light forcing me to take a break. I was second in the queue, my fingers gripping the wheel as I waited. I felt jittery, antsy, wanting to hit a bar but loathing the idea of someone else touching me tonight.

So where the hell was I going to go then?

My eyes darted from street to street and then settled on the big sign above me. There was a cross of arrows all leading to different places, but only one caught my eye.

LAS VEGAS - 260 Miles

My knuckles turned white.

Las-fucking-Vegas.

She’d be there. Singing into some microphone, lapping up the applause while she forgot about the family she’d abandoned. The daughter she’d completely screwed over! The one who’d given up her first true love—dancing—in order to play mother to a scared little ten-year-old. The one who’d run from one guy to the next, trying to fix it, to fill that gaping wound just so the pain might stop for a second.

How many guys had I slept with?

I didn’t even want to count.

How many guys had used me for a good time and I’d let it slide, not caring because I was in control. I was the one taking charge, not them. They were fulfilling my needs. They were helping me forget.

How many guys had I fallen in love with? Let them take a piece of my heart with them and told myself I didn’t mind. I was bulletproof; their rejection couldn’t hurt me.

My chest restricted, making it hard to breathe.

I’d never felt so peppered with holes. Machine gun fire rattled through my head as I pictured my body jerking with each hit, yet I couldn’t fall. I kept standing, a mesh-like mess that couldn’t move forward or backward.

The light turned green and I pressed the gas, my fingers hovering over the indicator.

It was her fault. If she hadn’t left, I would have stayed young and innocent. I would have danced my high school years away and who knows where I would have ended up. Certainly not at some dead-end job with a boss who played nice but secretly wanted to cheat on his wife.

A horn blasted behind me. I jerked, flicking the indicator and heading toward the I-15 North and Sin City before thought could stop me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

SEAN

I wriggled in my seat. I hadn’t been still since my rehearsal with Isabella that afternoon. Our conversation haunted me, her final words eating at me until I couldn’t think clearly.

“So, you’re gonna need to take someone.” Rhonda tapped her long fingernail on the table. “This is a big event. It’ll be televised, and the paparazzi will be out in full force. Giovanni Saito is a big name in this town, and the fact he's invited you to the first festival he's created is... Sean, this is huge. There are gonna be a ton of A-listers there, not to mention all the big-wigs in the music industry. There'll be more Emmy, Oscar and Grammy winners there than fans will know what to do with. Saito is pulling out all the stops to get this thing off the ground and he'll succeed. The man's a genius when it comes to the entertainment industry.”

I nodded.

“So have a think about who you want to accompany you, and I’ll make all the arrangements.” She pressed her elbows onto her desktop and grinned at me. “You know, Ashlee might be a good choice. You’d look great together and the crowd will love it.”

She raised her eyebrows expectantly. I knew I had to answer with something, and because I couldn’t deal with the drama today,
no
wasn’t exactly an option.

“I’ll think about it.” I slumped back in my chair.

“You okay?”

My bottom lip stuck out for a second and I forced a nod. “Just tired.”

I didn’t want to get into it with her. Every time I mentioned Morgan’s name, she’d go into her speech about how it was for the best. I couldn’t stomach it tonight.

Morgan was the best, and I’d let her walk away.

Was it too late to get her back, or was Isabella right?

I pictured my tall girl, her long legs and killer-watt smile lighting up the room. I wondered what she was doing at this moment. All I could hope was that she was happy and safe.

But I didn’t want to just hope.

I wanted to see her, feel her, know for real that she was okay.

Rhonda moved on to the next item on the agenda while I tugged out my phone. Morgan had changed her number, but I could hunt her down if I wanted to. I had Cole’s number. The guy who owned Reynold’s. He’d given it to me the night of the dance party, back in November. He’d for sure know where Morgan was.

I pulled up my contact list, gazing at his name.

But what would I say? When I
did
reach Morgan, what would I tell her? After this long, it couldn’t be some lame-ass small talk. It needed to be something real.

I could tell her I loved her, that I missed her like crazy, and she’d probably just reply with a, “Prove it then.”

“And they want you to re-sign for Season Two.”

Rhonda’s words snatched me out of my reverie.

I sat forward in my chair, reaching for the contract.

“The show’s a huge hit, mostly because of you and Ashlee. Travis is going to move forward with a second season and he wants you in it.”

My eyes skimmed the small, black text, flicking over the page and gazing at the blank space near the bottom.

“It’s all standard stuff, Sean, so you just need to sign it. I figured it was a no-brainer for you.” She twisted her pen and passed it to me.

I looked at it, perched in her fingers, and couldn’t move.

“What’s the matter?”

“I gotta go.”

“What? We haven’t finished.”

I shook my head, ignoring her sharp tone.

“Sean.”

Snatching my keys off the table, I shoved my phone into my back pocket and walked to the door.

“Hey!”

I closed the door on Rhonda’s yelling and walked to my car in a daze. I’d left the contract on the table.

What the hell did I do now?

What did I do?

I slid into my car and glanced at my watch.

7:08 p.m.

I should have gone home for some much-needed sleep, but I didn’t want to. Flicking on the ignition, I headed out to the street and drove on autopilot until I found my car outside the small wooden house I’d been raised in.

With a sigh, I gazed through the dim light at the small structure. How the hell seven of us had lived there for so long still baffled me. I grimaced, remembering us squished together in those tiny rooms, living in each other’s pockets. I’d hated it as a kid, always envious of the rich kids at school. Until I’d won my first paid acting gig, I had never owned any new clothes. Everything was a hand-me-down. Every shirt, every toy...everything.

I’d wanted new, fresh, shiny and I’d gotten it.

With a sigh, I ran my fingers over the wheel and jumped out of the car.

I’d hated counting pennies, I’d loathed the hand-me-downs, but at the end of the day, I loved my parents. I loved my brothers and sisters, and that was what kept me coming home.

Walking up the steps, I knocked once on the door and let myself in.

“Mama? Pop. You home?”

“Sean, baby?” Mom came around the corner, her face crinkling, her white teeth bright inside her dark skin. “My boy.” She snatched me down into a tight hug. I squeezed her back and let her kiss my cheek.

Finally she let go and I straightened up.

“Let me look at you.” She held my arms out the way she always did, making me feel like I visited once a century rather than every week...or every month lately.

“Come on, Mama.” I claimed my arms back and followed her into the living room, flopping onto the couch like I always did.

She crossed her arms and looked down at me, her eyes narrowing at the corners. Every time I’d stopped by lately, her eyes had done the same thing. It was damn unnerving. Thankfully I’d been surrounded by family and taken off before she could corner me.

I looked over my shoulder, wondering why the house was so quiet.

Damn, I was a fool to have come here.

Squirming in my seat, I trained my eyes on the worn carpet.

“So, how’s Morgan doing? You don’t bring her around no more.”

I couldn’t hide my wince. That woman knew how to get straight to the point.

Last time she’d asked, I fudged some excuse about my girl working too hard. Tonight, I didn’t think I could fudge anything, so with a heavy sigh, I let the confession slip free.

“We broke up about three months ago, Mama.”

Her eyebrows shot north, making her forehead wrinkle. “You what? What the hell is wrong witchyou?” Her long fingers skimmed the air. I knew if I’d been standing there, she would have cuffed me.

I moved forward in my seat and rested my elbows on my knees. “She broke up with me.”

“Why, Sean?”

Glancing up, I noticed Mama now had her arms crossed, her mouth forming that
don’t you mess with me
expression. I ran a hand over my head, the urge to cry suddenly coming over me. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed the emotion away.

“Sean Phillip Morris Jackson, you better start talking to me.”

“She was asking me to put my entire career on the line, and I couldn’t do that.”

Mama’s head bobbed back, her chin doubling up for a moment before she stepped toward me and nudged my shoulder.

“Move your butt over, I am sittin’ down now. You tell me everything, boy.”

With yet another sigh, I let it all spill. Travis, Rhonda, the job...the ultimatum Morgan had given me before she walked out my door. The fiery anger that had kept me inactive for so long had dimmed a little, only sparking as I recaptured that moment in my dressing room.

I swallowed. “She said she’d spent her entire life looking after people, and for once she wanted someone to look after her. I watched her walk out that door, Mama, and I wanted to follow her so bad, but I couldn’t. I was mad at her for putting me in that position...and how can I possibly do what she wants me to?”

Mama didn’t even wait a beat before giving me her opinion. “Boy, you a damn fool.”

I rolled my eyes and dropped my head into my hands.

She gripped my arm, urging me to look at her. “You had a love worth fighting for.”

“It’s not just about love, Mama.” I dropped my hands and turned to her.

The stern gaze I’d faced before fell away, her brown eyes softening with a smile.

“Sean, life is all about love. Loving God, loving each other. It’s that simple, boy. We raised you that way; how can you forget so easily?”

“It’s not simple, Mama.” I gently flicked her hand off my arm. “I can’t just sacrifice everything I’ve worked for. I like where I am. I love my job. I love my life.”

Mama’s lips dipped into a frown. “Which is why you sittin’ here on my sofa looking like your dog just died. You know, ’cause you love your life.”

I threaded my fingers together and squeezed until it hurt.

“You don’t think I know what it’s like to sacrifice for love?” Mama’s voice was quiet. “Your daddy and I were a checkerboard couple in the 60s. Now, yes, it was the late sixties, but that don’t mean it wasn’t hard. Me in Alabama, your daddy in New Orleans. Prejudice was ripe, believe you me. Now, I know persecution. I lived it.”

“Mama, this isn’t about color.”

“It doesn’t matter what the fight is, baby. If it’s love, you fight for it. The day your daddy chose me over his inheritance was the day he became a man. He wanted me, Sean, and he fought to have me. I fought to have him. I am grateful for that every day.” Her fingers flicked in the air the way they always did when she got going like this. “I ain’t sayin’ life been easy every day of the week or nothin’. But we been happy. We had each other. Our life was built on a foundation of love, and we will never regret the choices we made.”

My leg bobbed as I swallowed back a quick reply. I pushed my tongue over my bottom teeth and drew in a breath.

“But I’ve worked so hard to be where I am today. Standing up for her could... There’s so many chances and opportunities coming my way right now. This has done wonders for me. They’re asking me to re-sign for Season Two.
Superstar
is a major hit; I mean, there might be an Emmy in my future!”

“You wouldn’t even be doing the show if you hadn’t met her!” Mama clicked her tongue, waving her hand at me. “Your mysterious karaoke girl. She put you on this path. Now, I ain’t sayin’ I’m not proud of you, because baby, I am.” She squeezed my arm again, but with a smile this time. “But who you gonna take to the Emmys, huh? You gonna walk your mama down the red carpet? Is that what you want? Or would you rather have some gorgeous blonde on your arm, legs the length of the Empire State Building, eyes brown like milk chocolate.” She shook her head with a grin. “You know, it was your daddy’s eyes that stole my heart. Eyes tell you everything, Sean. They fueled from the soul. All you need to know is in the eyes.”

She turned to me then, gently grasping my face. “I will be forever grateful that you got your daddy’s eyes. Bright blue and filled with all the possibilities in the world.”

I softly squeezed her forearms, my expression lighting with a smile.

“But they been looking sad lately, boy, and no Oscar or Emmy or Golden Globe is gonna make them shine. Those things ain’t important, and they certainly can’t give you babies.”

I twisted out of her grasp. “Come on, Mama. Don’t you have enough grandkids already?”

“You don’t think I’m serious? Sean, that girl was gold, and the way you talkin’ you don’t even deserve her. I can see you miss her, don’t you be lyin’ to me.” She tapped the side of her head. “The eyes. They tell me everythin’.”

Hers bulged wide as she stared at me, and I had to give in and admit it.

“Yeah, I miss her, Mama. I thought it’d get easier with time, but the feelings aren’t going away.”

Mama collected my hands with a soft sigh, rubbing her thumbs over my knuckles. “Baby, no matter what you choose to do, I will love you and I will be loyal, and proud of you forever. Winning an Emmy would certainly go over well with ladies at the bridge club, but I’ll be more proud to tell ’em my boy’s gettin’ married...and so will your daddy.”

I gave her a sidelong glance.