Burning Ember (37 page)

“Mav wants us to take her shopping,” Bethany says. “Maybe Taffy would like to come too.”

“Oh, my God, yes!” Lily claps. “We can find you a dress for the party,” she says excitedly to me.

“Uhmmm. . . .” Bethany interjects. “Mav said not to let you pick out her new clothes.”

A frown transforms Lily’s face, “What? Why?”

Bethany shrugs. “I don’t know. Didn’t ask.”

Shaking my head, I say, “I don’t wear dresses anyway.” Dresses remind me of Warner and the thought of wearing one makes me feel itchy all over. Plus, Mav called me fake. Nothing would be more fake than putting on a sexy dress and trying to act comfortable and confident in it. It might sound odd, but I’d be more comfortable in a bikini than a dress. Growing up in the sand and the sun, I’m used to showing skin. Just for a different reason. Also, I don’t want to spend what money I have on something I won’t wear again in the future.

Still frowning, Lily says, “Well whatever, but something sexy. I wanna watch that man suffer. He’s been nothing but a dick to you since you got here, so we’re gonna make you look so good he’s gonna eat his heart out.”

I sigh.

“Sorry . . . sorry. I forgot. No talking about the guys.” She pulls her fingers over her lips and throws away the make-believe key.

We end up watching one movie. At ten, Lily goes to pick up Axel who finally called for a ride, and Bethany puts Medda to bed. I clean up dinner and the toys in the front room.

When Axel gets home, he reeks of pot. His light blue eyes aren’t red though and he swears up and down, he wasn’t the one smoking it, but Bethany’s livid. They face off against one another until finally Bethany ends it and sends him to bed with a warning that they’ll talk in the morning. As Axel passes by the kitchen, scowling and trailing the pungent scent that reminds me of home through the house, I take in his strong features. He has olive skin, a cleft chin, and prominent cheekbones. His hair is the same golden-blond as his mothers, and he has a lanky build, but broad shoulders he hasn’t yet grown into.

A few seconds later, the entire house rattles with the force he uses to slam his door.

I can’t help but think it’s sad that he has a mom who cares and he’s taking it for granted.

Lily’s pops the cork on the wine. She fills three wine glasses. Before she can finish pouring, Bethany marches in and snatches one from the table. She chugs it, and then holds it out for Lily to refill. Thrusting it toward us, she says, “To grandchildren. If it wasn’t for the promise of grandchildren, it’s quite possible we’d kill our teenagers.”

Lily laughs and raises her glass. “To friends and shopping trips to the mall.”

I raise my glass. “I just hope like hell tomorrow is a better day than today.”

We clink our glasses together and I take my first sip of wine I’ve had since leaving Warner. The tart liquid swirls over my tongue and slides down my throat. It’s bitter and probably not my drink of choice, but for my first girls’ night out since I turned twenty-one a year and fifteen days ago . . . it’s memorable.

Time heals some wounds, while giving others the chance to fester and bleed until we’re never the same as we once were.

EMBER

For a long time we talk about everything besides Mav, Goose, and Dozer. They ask me about myself and I tell them about home and my mom and Sunny. They raptly listen as I recount all of the many jobs I’ve had over the years. I say nothing of Will, knowing that if I do I’ll spend the rest of the night crying.

Lily’s story follows mine, and I discover how much worse my childhood could have been. Learning about all she went through at such a young age has a vice gripping my heart and tightening around it until she gets to the part about how she finally turned her life around.

I also learn Bethany was raised by loving parents. Her mother’s a nurse and lives in Rio Rancho, but is always far too busy to help her with her kids, and her father died a couple of months after she finished high school. Killed in a training accident while on duty with the military. Shortly afterward, Dozer signed up to go into the Navy, and she broke it off with him because she just couldn’t deal with the possibility of losing him too.

Knowing Dozer was in the Navy helps me make sense of the one tattoo I’ve seen he has high up on his arm. It has an eagle standing on an anchor. There’s also a trident and an old revolver in the image and the words, “THY WILL BE DONE” written above it. His shirt covers it most of the time, but when he wears his sleeveless shirts to the gym, it’s completely visible.

Getting to know a little of their story makes me feel all the more guilty for not telling Dozer how I really feel. The next time I see him, I need to clear the air.

The next time I see him . . .

Does that mean I’m staying?

Over the course of the last few hours, my situation has changed entirely. I have a safe place to stay. Money. A job. Friends who seem more than willing to help me. I have a way to check on Sundown and Will if only my sister would answer or call me back. I also have a man who turns my body to liquid every time I see him, begging me to stay so we can give the attraction between us a chance to become something more.

But I won’t stick around if it means jail time or being sent back to Warner, and I sure as hell won’t put up with Mav’s mistreatment a second time. But the fact remains, ratting out the club isn’t an option, and I don’t know which Mav I’ll see when he returns, or when Davis will come looking for me.

It’s a waiting game I’m playing, and it’s dangerous. My freedom hangs by a thread. I know that. But in the back of my mind, I’m holding on to this small ray of hope that the man I saw in Mav today is the one who’ll come back in three days. And maybe, if he truly wants me, he’ll understand and protect me from my past when it comes calling.

Mav and the club just might be the only things that can.

Lily gestures to the green drink Bethany’s mixing. “What do you call that again?”

“Lethal Kryptonite. Named after you know who.” Bethany opens the refrigerator, pulls out the pineapple juice, and pours some into the glass until the liquid touches the brim.

Lily stands from her stool at the bar. “Tell me again how to make that drink with Jäger. The one you made for me last time. I’m gonna name it after Goose.” She wobbles a bit as she circles around the kitchen island.

We’ve all had too much to drink and that was before Bethany unlocked the liquor cabinet and started serving the hard stuff.

“Teach Doll,” Lily snickers, “ . . . teach Doll how to make cock . . . tails.” She throws her head back to laugh but nearly falls over. Thankfully, she catches herself by gripping the edge of the table.

Bethany shushes her.

Placing her hand over her mouth, Lily smothers her cackling. When she recovers, she whispers loudly, “She needs to make a drink she can name after Mr. Hot and Broody.”

“Mr. Fire and Ice,” I mutter before taking another sip of my Mai Tai.

“Ew! That’s perfect!” Lily screeches earning her a hissed, “Lil’,” from Bethany.

“Sorry.”

Bethany takes a big swig of her drink and groans. Licking her lips she says, “Almost as good as the real thing.”

Lily and I giggle.

“You’re drunk enough to talk about Dozer?”

Bethany shrugs. “I’d rather talk about Hodge.”

Lily shakes her head and gives Bethany a disappointed look.

“What? It’s what’s I do, right? Pick Hodge because he’s safe and easy, and loving him doesn’t terrify me or make me crazy. Only, because some senior citizen couldn’t see him on his bike and the son of a bitch was too stubborn to wear his helmet, I’m alone now and thinking about somebody else. Someone I shouldn’t be thinking about.

She sighs dramatically and leans back against the counter. “Letting Dozer into my heart again would be the worst mistake I could make. So have at ’em, Doll.” She waves her hand toward me.

“There is nothing going on between me and Dozer,” I tell her honestly.

After studying me for a minute she says, “I believe you. I’m sorry. That was rude of me. It’s obvious you have something going on with Mav.”

“Bethany,” Lily groans. “You’re being stubborn.”

“No, I’m being reasonable. I’ll admit that I can’t look at the giant without wanting to climb him like he’s a goddamn tree and I dream about having sex with him at least once a week.” At Lily’s glare she admits, “Okay, twice a week. But God, the fucking man gets better looking every year. I mean, seriously. What the hell is up with that?”

“So just have sex with him then,” Lily whisper yells.

“No. He’d want more. I know him. Plus, we’re oil and water. We don’t mix. I need safe and simple, and he’s complicated and messy.”

“Bethany.”

“Can we please talk about something else?”

Lily groans. She and Bethany have a little bit of a staring contest until Bethany says, “Doll’s turn.”

“There’s not much to tell.” I shrug. “He hated me. Now he likes me. He’ll probably hate me tomorrow.”

“But he kissed you,” Lily states.

“Yes.” I hold up my fingers. “Two times.”

“Holy shit. How was it?” she asks.

I take another sip of my drink. “Hmmm. Good.”

“Good. Or oh-my-God-good?” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“Oh-dear-God-I’m-on fire-good,” I answer and Lily squeals.

“Lily! For the love of all that’s holy,” Bethany hisses.

“Sorry. Sorry.”

Bethany leans in front of me on the island counter. “Mav’s a catch. You should totally lock that down. He’s sexy as hell, too.”

Shocked, I gape at Bethany. “What? I don’t like him like him. But no one can deny he’s male model hot. And he’s a good guy. You know, he’s the only one who comes around to check on me. Cap used to help me out sometimes, but I could tell he hated doing it. Ever since I dear johned Dozer, he hasn’t liked me. He gave Hodge a lot of shit when he wanted to claim me as his old lady.

“The HOCs like to say we’re family and all, but Mav and Lily are the only ones who treat me like I’m still family.

Mav comes around and gives me money, even though I’m always a bitch about it. I know he can be a dick, but I think that’s just because he’s still hurtin’, you know? He used to be the best guy I knew, besides Hodge.”

My curiosity wins out and I find myself asking, “You knew him before Dana?” She nods as she sips her drink. “What was he like?”

Putting her drink down, she taps her finger over her mouth and looks up at the ceiling for a minute. “I don’t know. I guess he was a lot like Bodie. Happy. Carefree. Kind of a jokester and everybody’s best friend. He liked the ladies, and they liked him, but he wasn’t as promiscuous as some of the guys are. And he was funny about club stuff too. Hodge told me once that he had a big problem with some of the illegal jobs the guys used to do and they’d give him a lot of shit about it. They even tried to give him the road name Saint. He hated it though and beat the shit out of anyone who used it. After that, everyone just called him Mav. Or after Dana, Rick the Dick behind his back because he’d snap at everything and everyone.”

Lily interjects, “That girl must have done a real number on him.”

“All I know is that he was pretty devoted. I’m not sure why though. She was nice looking and all, but had that gothic rocker vibe. Dark, quiet, sad. Troubled. When she left him, he went a little crazy. It took him a month to find her. When he did, she was in bed with another man and blissed out on drugs.”

My heart cracks open for Mav. I know what it feels like to have someone disappear on you. You hope every day that it’s an oversight, a mistake, just them being forgetful. Every day you think,
surely they’ll call or come home today
. You worry that something happened. Maybe they were in an accident. Maybe someone hurt them. After a while though, your worry turns to anger and then bitterness. I know what Mav felt up to the point when he found her, but not after he did. I never found my mother. I have no idea what happened to her. But I have a feeling she’s out there somewhere living the life she wanted to live. The one without kids, bills, and responsibilities.

Finding Dana with another man must have torn Mav’s heart in two. It explains why he’s broken. Why he couldn’t stand the sight of another girl who looked like her coming into his home.