Burning Ember (38 page)

For a moment, I let myself imagine what it would have been like to meet Mav before Dana. What would it have been like to walk into his office that first day and meet Maverick Gunn and not Luce? It still would have been lust at first sight, but would it have been love at first sight too?

Ugh . . . Ember . . . listen to yourself.

“I know he’s broody and mean and all, but the man knows how to . . .”

As if Lily’s drunk self suddenly realizes what she’s saying, her face turns ashen and her eyes dart away from mine. “Oh, God, I’m drunk. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinkin’.” She hurries to say, “It didn’t mean anything. And it was forever ago.”

Nausea builds in the pit of my stomach. Against my will, images of them together roll through my mind. A sharp pain pierces my chest, and I don’t know when it happened but my jaw has dropped and I’m not sure I have the ability to lift it.

Her sad eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. But sooner or later if you guys got together, I’d have to tell you. I was the new clubpiece and I didn’t really have a choice.”

I nod. It makes me sick. But at the same time, how can I hold it against her? She didn’t know me, and Mav didn’t either. “I get it. If you hadn’t told them I was virgin, I would have been doing the same thing.”

Bethany chokes on her drink, spits it out on the floor. When she recovers, her big eyes meet mine. “You’re a virgin?”

“No.” The ball of nausea in my gut eases and the corner of my mouth tilts up. I watch her wipe her face and then get paper towels to clean up the floor.

“I just told the guys that to buy her some time. I hoped by saving her for Edge, they’d leave her alone for a while,” Lily explains.

Bethany looks doubtful. “And they bought it?”

Lily grins. “Yeah. Hook. Line. And sink . . . her.” She starts smiling again.

Bethany looks at me with an expression that says, “Oh, my Lord, she’s wasted.” Then she rolls her eyes and continues to mop up the mess.

Something wiggles on the top of my thigh and startles me. Looking down, I remember the phone in my pocket.

After pulling it out, I see I have two messages.

Luce: 512 miles of road and I don’t remember a mile of it . . . I can’t stop thinking about you.

Luce: You there?

My insides do a series of flips. Goosebumps spread over my arms. Not only because he’s put himself in my phone as Luce, but also because he’s texting me. The messages are spaced thirty-eight minutes apart with the last one being sent a second ago.

“Is that a message from him?” Lily tries to peak over my shoulder. I pull the phone tight to my chest and she laughs. “It is. Look at you. You’re blushing.”

I fight to push down my excitement and embarrassment, as I stare at the phone for a good five minutes trying to think of what I should say back, if anything.

Bethany and Lily start making themselves Silver Sanctuaries. The drink Lily says is named after Goose.

I type and delete what I write five times before I decide to go with something simple. I don’t tell him how excited I am to hear from him, or how I can’t stop thinking about him either. Though both are true.

Me: I’m here . . . still here.

His reply comes within a few seconds.

Luce: You scared me. Didn’t think you were going to respond. Thought maybe you already left.

Me: I wouldn’t leave without telling you.

Luce: You don’t know what that means to me, Doll. You doing okay?

Me: Yeah.

I almost leave it at that. But I find myself typing and deleting again. Finally, after taking a breath, I just type my thoughts and hit send.

Me: Bethany’s mixing drinks. Lily’s toasted. We’re having a girl’s night.

Luce: And you are . . . ? Sober . . . drunk . . . ?

Me: Feeling relaxed.

Luce: Having a good time?

Me: Yes. And believe it or not, I’ve never done this.

Luce: What?

Me: Had a girl’s night out.

I’ve had a girls’ night out with Will, when we’ve gone out for ice cream, or rented a movie and stayed in. But never with friends.

Luce: No?

Me: No.

Luce: Then I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. I’ll let you get back to it.

I feel a pang of regret that he’s ending our exchange. But I’m not about to tell him that.

Me: Okay. Good night.

Luce: Night, Doll.

Later, as I lay in the bed in the guest bedroom, my mind wanders to Mav. Where he is? What’s he doing? Is he staying with another club? Or is he out at a bar with the guys? A million scenarios run through my mind and most of them are not good. They make the sick feeling in my stomach come back full force.

I know there’s no need to worry about him being tempted by drugs, but what about other things. Getting in trouble with the law. Women coming on to him. Without his chilly demeanor, I can see a lot more women flocking to him. And the idea of Mav having sex with someone else not only makes me want to rush to the toilet bowl to get rid of all the alcohol flooding my system, but it makes me want to hurl a breakable object at the wall.

If I stayed and let him get close to me, if we started something, would he cheat like Bodie? Would he expect me to share him? Could I ever really trust him even if we promised to be exclusive, especially when he’s away and partying with another club? Who knows how many clubpieces they have and no doubt they’re just as slutty or more so than the ones at the clubhouse.

It scares me to admit, but without a doubt, I could fall in love with the side of Mav I met today. If I did, it would Hetear me apart to give him my heart and then find out he was with someone else.

Obviously, this is something I shouldn’t worry about until I figure out things between us. Still, thoughts of him with someone else keep me up half the night.

There can be no lonelier place than to be at a party among strangers.

EMBER

Bethany groans as she looks around the parking lot. Her hands tighten on the steering wheel and she blows out a puff of air that makes her bangs lift away from her forehead.

“How upset do you think Lil’ will be if I don’t show up?” she asks.

“She threatened to sell your dirty underwear on eBay and never again come over for Margarita Monday’s,” I answer with a half-smile.

Hitting the steering wheel, she hisses under her breath, “Damn her.”

“Nice, Mom,” Axel mutters bitterly from the back seat. “I can’t swear, but you can?”

Turning slightly so she can look over her shoulder at him, she says, “Oh, Axel, give me a break.” Spinning back around she mumbles, “When you’re an adult, you can do whatever you like.”

“Whatever. Are we going to sit in the car all day and get heat stroke, or what?”

She blows out a long breath. “Axel, I swear if you don’t lose the attitude, I’ll let Doll and Medda out and take you home.”

He mumbles something I don’t catch.

For a minute, she does nothing but stare at the clubhouse. Then looking over at me, she says, “I’m not staying long. Remember you’re welcome to come home with me. If you don’t, stay by Lil’, Mav, or Griz. Someone you trust.”

It’s the fifth time I’ve been warned. “I will.”

“Okay. Then let’s do this before I lose my nerve.” She opens her door, and then pops the trunk.

Right away, I hear the old rock music I’ve come to associate with the clubhouse. I’m guessing it’s coming from the backyard because it’s loud.

I get out of the car too and pause to take in my reflection in the car window.

Lily somehow managed to tame my curls. She left my hair down and it lays over my shoulder in a style I never thought would work on me, but it does. My makeup’s soft and plays up my features, a shimmery taupe color on my eyelids, which makes the green fade and the blue stand out more. She also applied a mauve-colored lip-gloss to my lips making them appear shiny and more plump than usual.

After an hour fight with Lily about what I was going to wear, I finally settled on the red shorts I bought the other day on our shopping trip and compromised by wearing a sexy white top instead of sexy shoes.

The shirt is strapless and has a heart shaped neckline. It buttons up the back and has a stretchy strap above my boobs. It’s cute, and flirty, with little red cherries embroidered on it. At first, I thought it wasn’t really my style; but at the same time, I’ve never had enough money to shop for anything but second-hand stuff, so I’m not sure what my style is. Lily claimed it was the perfect shirt to taunt Mav. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I kind of blew the whole lie about me being a virgin.

My shoes are a little more basic. They’re brown strappy sandals. There was no way I was going to walk around in the red heels Lily found. They had four-inch heels! Not only would I end up on my ass, but I’d probably fall into some scary biker who would put those heels where the sun don’t shine.

Axel opens the back door, drawing me away from my thoughts. He gets out and leans nonchalantly against the back fender of the car, arms crossed, leg propped up on the car. He tries to appear relaxed, but his eyes are darting every which way, taking in the people arriving for the party, and his knee is bouncing slightly.

“Axel, come help me with these,” Bethany says as she starts to unload the bowls of salad Nick asked her to make. As he begrudgingly helps her, I move to the back door. There I find Medda who’s already holding her chubby arms out to me.

“Where am I supposed to put them?” I hear Axel ask.

Bethany replies through what sounds like gritted teeth. “Why don’t you find Nick or one of the other old ladies and ask.” I make my way toward the back of the car and catch them glaring at one another for a minute before he finally stomps off toward the back of the clubhouse.

“And stay where I can see you!” she hollers after him.

“I’m not five years old!” he yells back.

She makes a sound of annoyance in the back of her throat, and mumbles, “Then stop acting like it.”

The two have been going the rounds all morning. We’re an hour late because of it.

Over lunch the other day, she filled me in a little on what’s she’s been going through with him. I guess he was fine for months after his dad died, supportive and helpful as if he was trying to fill in as the man of the house. Then as if a switch had been flipped, something changed—he changed. He won’t talk to her about it and he gets angry every time she tries. The last few months he’s been staying out late, hanging with some new friends, ones Bethany doesn’t approve of, and he’s getting more disrespectful and aggressive toward her.

I’ve watched my fair share of their fights since I started living there, and it’s taking every ounce of my will power not to intervene and come to her defense. I’m actually worried he might put his hands on her. She needs help with him and I think maybe Mav or Dozer could set him straight.

“You’re lip is going to have teeth marks,” Bethany says, snapping me back to the here and now.

I stop biting my lip and adjust Medda more securely on my hip. Reaching forward with my free hand, I take one of the pies I made from her.

Bethany picks up the other two and shuts the trunk. After pulling in a deep breath, she asks, “Ready?”

“Not really, but I’m scared of Lily and her threats.”

She laughs lightly and together we follow Axel into the backyard of the clubhouse.

I scan the lot and see only two HOC motorcycles line the front of the clubhouse. Usually the entire front wall is lined with bikes. “Are the guys not here?” I ask. For a second, I feel disappointed. What if he isn’t back yet?

I haven’t seen Mav in three days, but he’s messaged me every day he was gone. Nothing as deep as his first text, which I’ve read and reread a thousand times. But his messages since have been simple and sweet. Each day he starts by asking, “You there?” To which I respond, “Yes. I’m still here.” Later on, I usually get another text checking to see if I’m doing okay or having a good time. And each night I get one more text that says simply, “Night, Doll.”

The tingling sensation that flows through me when I hear the cell phone vibrate and then see those words is indescribable.

That feeling is why I’ve stayed. I crave more of it.

I could fall head over heels for Mav. I could die at the hands of Luce. But the question is . . . who will he be? What if he’s a little of both? Could I love both sides of him, if it was safe to do so?

Or am I a fool for even trying?

This is why I’m here today. I need to know one way or the other if this is where I’m supposed to be or if I need to move on before Davis comes for me.

Bethany shrugs. “Doesn’t look like it. They’re probably out on a ride or stopped off somewhere to have a few drinks before the party starts. Maybe we can drop these off and sneak out before they arrive,” she jokes.

It’s not really a joke though. She’s been a nervous wreck all morning.

When we enter the backyard, my eyes sweep over the clusters of people throughout the backyard. They’re huddled in groups here and there, sitting in lawn chairs or at the picnic tables, others standing around. Most of the kids are playing on the large patch of grass away from the adults, while a few linger close to what I assume are their parents.