Business as Usual (Off The Subject) (28 page)

“Why did you tell me your name was Alexa?”

I shrug. “Honestly? It’s my real name for one, but I’ve never felt like an Alexa until you started calling me that. Lexi’s my nickname and what everyone except for my grandmother calls me. But the wig made me feel like someone else, more confident. Sexy.”

He groans. “God, Alexa. Do you really not feel sexy as you are?”

I shrug again. “I was in a dark place when I first wore it. It gave me the confidence to be brave and reach out of my comfort zone.”

“And the guy you were with the second night?”

There’s no accusation in his voice, but I’m still a bit uncomfortable. “He was a one-night fling. He was exactly what I needed to regain my confidence after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up before the start of winter break.”

“What guy would be stupid enough to break up with you?” He kisses me.

“I broke up with him.” I’m surprised that I actually want to tell him why we broke up, even if it opens a topic that he might not be able to handle. But when I look into his adoring eyes, I think he can. The real issue will be keeping him from boarding a plane and flying to New York to kick the shit out of Todd. But tonight is not the night. We need to share more intimacy, more passion and fun before I bring something so serious into the mix. But what’s amazing is that I actually
want
to tell him.

He releases an exaggerated sigh. “You broke up with him? That makes sense, but now I wish I hadn’t abandoned my sexy dishwashing act.”

I laugh, feeling happier than I have in longer than I can remember. “Well, there’s plenty of time for
that
.”

“Does that mean you’re going to keep me around for a while longer?”

“Are you kidding? At least until I see the show.”

He cocks an eyebrow and smirks. “All the more reason to keep putting it off. I’m already becoming quite attached to you, Alexa Pendergraft.”

My grin softens. “I think we need dessert.”

His grin turns wicked. “I thought we just
had
dessert.”

“Real dessert. I bought a cheesecake.”

“Oh, Alexa. If I were forced to pick between you and cheesecake, I would pick you every time.”

I sit up and look over my shoulder. “As virile as you are, I’m sure you need a few minutes to recover. I’m going to eat some cheesecake while you do.”

He sits up laughing and wraps his arms around my waist, pressing his chest to my back. His mouth finds my neck. “Is that a challenge? Did I mention that I like a challenge?”

I look over my shoulder at him, giggling. “Take it as a challenge if you must, but I still want cheesecake.”

His grin softens. “Then I’ll go get it. Stay where you are.”

I lean back on my elbows as he climbs out of bed. He stops and looks at me, his gaze darkening as he takes in my naked body. I can see from his growing erection that he’s already recovering.

“Are you sure you want cheesecake?”

I lower my eyelids. “If you get some for me, I’ll give you a dessert of your own.”

He grins. “I’ll be right back.” He heads out the door, completely naked.

“You’re not going to put on any clothes?” I call after him.

“Why bother when I’m going to take them off in a matter of minutes?”

True enough, he’s back within a couple of minutes with the entire cheesecake and a fork, along with a glass of water.

“The entire thing?” I ask with a laugh as he sits beside me.

“I want to make sure you’re satisfied.”

“Then I’ll definitely keep you around.”

He smiles and uses the fork to get the first bite.

“Where’s
my
fork?”

He shakes his head and lifts the fork to my mouth. I grin as I take a bite.

He scoops off his own piece. “I have to say, this was a good call.”

“Never doubt me.”

“I’m learning that.” He takes a bite, then scoops another for me. “What’s your favorite dessert?”

“Chocolate cake. You?”

“Boston Crème Pie.”

I laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“
I’m
from Boston.”

He leans over and kisses me, long and slow. “Go Boston.”

“Favorite food?” I ask.

“Fried chicken. You?”

“Lasagna.”

“Favorite drink?” he asks.

“Diet Coke.”

“Diet Coke?” he snorts. “That’s not a real drink.”

“It most certainly is. What’s yours?”

He curls his lip as if I’ve insulted him. “Lemonade.” He lifts an eyebrow. “Homemade.”

“Favorite vegetable?”

He takes a bite. “French fries.”

“French fries are not a vegetable.”

He drops his fork, his eyes widening in disbelief. “Um, hello. It’s a potato, aka a vegetable.”

“There is little to no nutritional value in French fries.”

He pierces another piece and holds it to my lips. “You never said it had to have nutritional value. Only that it had to be a vegetable.”

A grin spreads across my face as I take a bite. I know it’s a goofy grin by the way it stretches my face, but I don’t care.

He smiles back. “Why are you smiling like that?”

At the risk of looking like an idiot, I decide to tell him the truth. “I’m just so happy. I can’t think of the last time I felt like this.”

Ben puts the cheesecake on the nightstand, then rolls over to me and pushes me down on the bed, kissing me until I’m desperate for more. We take our time, exploring each other and what we like, and when we finish—me on top again—I lie on my pillow, exhausted.

“You wear me out, Ben Masterson.”

He leans over me, propped on his elbow. “Consider me your personal trainer.”

I close my eyes and grin. “So we have to wait until next Monday night to do this again?”

He tucks several strands of hair behind my ear. “Unless you come see me or I come see you after I get off work at two a.m.”

My eyes fly open. “How do you keep going? You should be catching up on your sleep right now. And you should definitely get sleep after work instead of fooling around with me.”

“What if I’d rather fool around with you?”

I shake my head. “Priorities.”

He grins. “
Exactly
.”

“You only have to work three jobs until you graduate right?”

He sighs. “Yeah. It sucks.”

“I’m working with the chancellor on the charity’s summer program. He actually likes me. I can put a good word in for you, see if he’ll reinstate your scholarship retroactively.”

His eyes fly open wide. “No. Don’t do that.”

Why is he acting so weird? “It’s really not a problem, Ben.”

He kissed me. “I appreciate the thought Alexa, really I do. But I don’t want you talking to him on my behalf. It’s emasculating.”

I’m not sure how I know, but he’s not telling me the full truth. I can’t get angry, though…that makes two of us. “Okay. I won’t say anything.”

“Thanks.”

“I know you’re upset about losing your scholarship, but at least you got seven paid semesters you wouldn’t have had otherwise, right? I know several students who are thousands of dollars in debt from student loans. Caroline’s one of them. You only have this semester to worry about.”

A slow grin of wonder spreads across his face. “I need you around Alexa Pendergraft.”

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. This is the second time he’s said that.

“You make me look at things differently. I’ve been so pissed about having my scholarship pulled that I haven’t let myself feel grateful for everything that I do have. You put things in perspective.”

I watch him to see if he’s mocking me.

“I mean it.” He strokes my cheek. “At the risk of scaring you off, I feel the need to tell you something.”

I take a breath and release it, suddenly nervous. “Okay.”

He turns my hand and traces a lazy pattern on my palm with his fingertip. “I’ve been in a dark place for a couple of months, but since you burst into my life, all that darkness has been fading away.”

“You mean like a depression?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” He shrugs. “More like feeling sorry for myself, since I lost my scholarship for reasons beyond my control. I’m more like Reed than I care to admit.” He holds up his hands when I stiffen. “Hear me out.”

I press my lips together.

“I’ve been holding a grudge, a bad attitude, whatever you want to call it for months. And truth be told, the people close to me have paid the price.” He pauses. “But you’ve made me realize how selfish that attitude is.”

My shoulders stiffen. “I come across as preachy, don’t I?”

“No!” He shakes his head. “For the first time in a long time, I don’t want to be the type of person who holds grudges. I want to be free of all that baggage. I want to be happy. And it’s because of you.”

“But you hardly know me.”

“God, Alexa, I know you better than you think.” He places his hand on the side of my face, tipping it up to look into my eyes. “You have this fire for living that so few people have. You throw your entire self into the things you care about, whether it’s the charity’s summer program or the relationship between your brother and his fiancée. There’s a sweetness about you that’s one hundred percent genuine. You deserve a man who is worthy of being with you. And as much as I hate to admit it, I’m so not that man. I know it deep in my gut, but I can’t help myself. I want you. So I’m trying my best to be the kind of guy who deserves you.”

I shake my head. “Ben, I don’t want you to be anyone other than who you are. You can’t change for me. I’m not asking for that and even if I was, it wouldn’t work.”

“Don’t you see?” His eyes burn with intensity as he tries to convey his meaning. “I used to
be
that person until all this hate and resentment pulled me under. You’re helping the real me come alive again.”

I’m still not sure what to make of what he’s said.

“I’m sorry. That was probably TMI,” he says.

I look into his eyes. “No. Thank you for your honesty.” I offer him a grim smile. “And I’ve wrestled with demons of my own, so who am I to judge?”

He lies down and wraps his arm around my back. I burrow into his side, resting my head on his chest.

“Is it okay if I spend the night?” he asks.

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.” But I don’t know how we’ll make this work this with his schedule and our current living arrangements.

He kisses my temple and I slip my feet between this calves. He jolts. “Holy shit, woman. Have you had those feet set on ice?”

“Don’t be such a baby,” I murmur, already drifting off to sleep. “Just warm up my feet.”

“Don’t you know?” he asks. “I’d give you just about anything you could ask for.”

Before I can think about what he’s said, I succumb to sleep.

Ben

I’m dreaming that I’m with Alexa in her bed, her sexy backside pressed against a now growing part of me. I blink my eyes to see I’m in a dark room and she’s really here next to me. My arm is draped over her side, my fingers sprawled across her abdomen. My hand starts to explore, gently skimming across her skin and cupping her breast. She stirs as my thumb brushes over her in sweeping half-circles, moving closer and closer to her nipple. I lower my mouth to her neck, placing soft kisses on her throat and along her clavicle. I gently pull the covers down to expose her from the belly button up. A soft light filters through the blinds and casts a pale glow on her skin. I watch her nipple harden.

God, I want her.

The intense need I feel for her scares me. We’ve hardly spent any time together, yet I know deep in my gut that I could search the world and never find a more perfect fit for me. She’s fun and funny, light-hearted and cheery. She brings out a fun-loving side of me that’s been hidden for over a year, since before I started seeing Sabrina. I never realized how much Sabrina changed me until I stepped into Alexa Pendergraft’s life. Her devotion to her family and friends, and even children she’s never met, astounds me. To be included in that inner circle has become a driving force since I saw her this morning.

I study the outline of her breasts as my fingers continue their exploration. My erection presses against the soft flesh of her ass and primal need sends my hand searching lower, under the blanket. My fingers slip between her legs and my erection jolts when I feel that she’s already wet.

I want to wake her up and fuck her right now.

But part of me likes that I can still turn her on when she’s asleep. I want to take my time and watch her body react. She moans and rolls toward me as my hand continues to make gentle strokes over her body

I lower my mouth to her nipple and when she spreads her thighs apart, I can tell she’s rousing. She grabs my head and pulls it up to her mouth. She kisses me as she reaches for me, taking me in her hand and beginning to rub. I’m not going to last long—and part of me is annoyed as shit over that, like I’m a fucking teenager—but she makes me more excited than any other woman ever has. I can only hope that my dick will settle down the more time we spend together.

I lean away and grab a condom off the nightstand. Alexa had laughed at me when I’d put several there during our second round last night, but look who knew what he was doing at the time. I quickly get it on with her help and she’s climbing on top of me, plunging down without any warning.

I grit my teeth at the overwhelming urge to grab her hips and pound into her. She likes to set the pace and I let her.

She’s straddling me, her gorgeous naked body upright in the moonlight. She closes her eyes and leans her head back, exposing her throat as she rides me. She starts off slow, but she’s quickly picking up the tempo as she grinds herself into my pelvis. I reach up to fondle her breast, watching her in utter amazement. This has to be a dream, but if it is, I never want to wake up.

“God, you are so fucking beautiful.” I say the words out loud without intending to.

But the words seem to encourage her and she comes within seconds, crying out, her spasms putting delicious pressure on my erection. I clench my teeth to keep from coming. As soon as she’s somewhat recovered, I grab her hips and flip her on her back, my mouth finding hers as I begin to thrust deep inside her.