Business as Usual (Off The Subject) (34 page)

My brother shakes Ben by his shirt, and I can’t believe it, but Ben isn’t fighting back. “Deny it, you fucking asshole. Deny that you were arrested for rape last November.”

“Reed!” I scream. “What are you talking about?”

He shakes Ben again. “
Deny it!
”

Ben searches my eyes. “Alexa, I didn’t—”

Reed slams him against a wall. “Don’t you
fucking
talk to her, you lying piece of
shit
. You’re lucky I haven’t killed you yet.” I’ve never seen my brother this angry before.

I start to sob with fear. “Reed! Stop!”

Reed’s eyes are wild. “He was arrested for rape, Lexi! He raped a woman last November!”

“No!” I shake my head, struggling to breathe. “No.”

Reed turns his attention back to Ben. “Have you hurt my sister?”

Ben’s mouth opens, but no sound comes out.

Reed shoves him into the wall again. “
Have you hurt her?
”

“No!” He shakes his head. “I would never hurt her. I’d rather die than hurt her.”

“You fucking liar!” Reed shoves him again. “Deny that you were arrested for rape!”

Ben stays silent.

Fear seeps through my body with an icy chill. “Ben?”

Tears fill his eyes. “Alexa, listen to me. I would never hurt you, I swear to God. I love you.”

Reed flips his shit and punches Ben in the face. Ben still doesn’t fight back.

“Reed! Stop!” I sob. “Ben, is it true?”

His lip is split open and blood drips down his chin. “Alexa.”

Oh God. This can’t be happening. “It’s a yes or no question, Ben.”

“Yes, but—”

Reed punches him two more times and I’m sobbing, trying to pull my brother away. He grabs Ben by the shirt and drags him to the open door. “You get the fuck out of my apartment
now
. If I find out that you’ve come within fifty feet of my sister, I will beat the shit out of you.”

“Alexa, I didn’t do it. I swear to you!” Ben pleads.

But Reed has already pushed him into the hall.

“Alexa!”

Reed slams the door and locks it, but Ben is pounding on the door and shouting my name. I stand by the door sobbing as he continues to call out to me. “I swear to God, Alexa! I didn’t do it!”

Reed grabs my arm and pulls me to his chest. “I’m so sorry, Lexi. I should have been here. I should have protected you instead of going off on my own mission. I failed you again.”

I cling to him, wondering how this happened. How has my world turned so completely upside down?

He pulls back from me and looks into my face, his eyes hard. “Did he hurt you?”

I shake my head. “No.” It doesn’t make any sense. The Ben I know is so respectful of me. Why would he have been so angry about Todd if he’s a rapist himself? “Are you sure, Reed? Are you really, really sure?”

He nods. “I’m so sorry, Lexi. My phone died on the plane, so I didn’t see the arrest report until I was almost back to Hillsdale. I tried to call you, but it went straight to voicemail. I was scared to death. I’m amazed I didn’t get pulled over for speeding.”

I shake my head. “He’s not like that, Reed. He’s so nice to me. He’s so sweet…”

“He was arrested, Lexi. I can show you the report.”

“Then why isn’t he in jail?”

“The charges were dropped.”

“Then he didn’t do it!”

“Lexi!” he shouts. “You and I both know that doesn’t mean a fucking thing!”

Oh, God. “No.” I wail, my knees collapsing.

Reed holds me up and pulls me over to the sofa.

“No. No! It can’t be true. I don’t believe it.” I remember how gentle he was with me. How protective. Ben can’t be a rapist.

“I’m so sorry, Lex.”

Ben has given up and is no longer outside my door. For some reason that upsets me even more.

“Let me get you something to help you sleep.” Reed disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of pills and a glass of water.

This scene is so familiar. How many nights has Reed calmed me after I had a nightmare about Todd? It fills me with gratitude. I can never, ever repay my brother for everything he’s done for me. But it fills me with anger too. Not at Reed. At Todd. At our parents. I’m angry that once again, I feel like a victim.

I’m done. I’m done being a victim.

“No,” I say, forcing myself to calm down. “I don’t want any pills.”

“Lexi, it’ll make you feel better.”

“For a few hours, sure. But not tomorrow morning.”

“We’ll figure out tomorrow morning later,” he says. “Let’s just get through tonight.”

“I don’t need anything,” I say and take a deep breath. “I’m better.”

“Lexi—”

I look at his hands. His right hand is covered in blood. “Reed, your hand.”

He looks down at his knuckles. “I’m fine.”

I stand up and drag him into the kitchen. “No, you’re not.” I wet some paper towels and start to dab at his knuckles. He flinches and I hold his hand still. “I thought you were going to kill him.”

“I wanted to kill him.”

“Where did you learn to hit like that? You were never a fighter.” His knuckles are split open. I don’t think he needs stitches, but his knuckles have already begun to swell.

“Tucker might have taught me a thing or two.”

I look up at him in surprise.

A grin tugs at his mouth. “On the receiving end.”

I open the freezer and grab a bag of frozen corn. I wrap it in a kitchen towel and put it on top of his hand. “Reed, if Ben is what you claim he is, why didn’t he fight you? Why didn’t he defend himself?”

He’s silent for a moment. “I don’t know… But who knows what he was playing. He was still denying the whole thing as I shoved him out the door.”

“Maybe it’s because he was telling me the truth.”

His eyes harden. “There’s no denying the fact that he was arrested. I have proof.”

“And he didn’t deny that part.”

Reed sighs. “Lexi, I know you don’t want it to be true, but he was charged with rape.”

“But what if he didn’t do it?”

“I’m sure people believe that about Todd Millhouse too.”

“That’s not fair!”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not. Because Todd Millhouse was a first-class ass long before he attacked me. Still is. Ben is anything but. Name one thing that he’s done in the math lab that makes him suspect.”

Reed is silent for several long moments. “He’s got a mouth. He was borderline rude when he applied for the job.”

“Anything else?”

He scowls. “No, but that doesn’t mean a thing.”

“He didn’t do it.” The sudden certainty almost staggers me. I feel like an ass. Oh god. Will he ever forgive me?

“Lexi, you don’t know that.”

I shake my head. “But I do! I know it in my heart. I’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake.” I step around Reed and grab my purse off the table.

“Where are you going?” Reed asks in disbelief.

“I’m going to find the one good thing that’s come into my life this past year, and I’m going to beg him to forgive me.” And before Reed can protest, I run out the door.

Lexi

How could I have been so stupid?

I understand why Reed would believe the worst of Ben, but I have no excuse. Ben has never given me any reason to doubt him. He could have taken advantage of me any number of times, yet he’s always treated me with the utmost respect.

And how did I treat him? I let my brother beat him up and kick him out of our apartment. Even worse, I believed—if only for a few minutes—that he was capable of a horrific crime.

There’s no way I can make up for this, but I’m going to try.

I run across the parking lot to my car, amazed that Reed hasn’t tackled me yet. But by the time he leaves the building, I’m already in my car. I pull out of the parking lot and turn in the opposite direction of Ben’s apartment. I want to make sure I don’t lead Reed there, so I make multiple wrong turns. When I’m sure my brother’s not behind me, I head downtown.

I blindly reach in my purse and pull out my phone. When I find it dead, I realize I forgot to charge it last night. No wonder I didn’t get Reed’s phone calls. If Reed had gotten a hold of me, this entire scene could have all been avoided. I could have talked to Ben without Reed influencing me. And I never would have believed the worst of him. Or so I’d like to think.

I plug in my phone as I go over what I’m going to say to him.
I’m sorry, I’m an idiot
, seems like a good place to start. I can say that Reed swayed me, but the bottom line is I betrayed Ben. He gave me everything and I threw it back in his face.

I’m close to Ben’s apartment when I notice a car following me. I chalk it up to paranoia. I’m on a city street and the car is going the same direction, but when I turn down the side street toward Ben’s complex, the car turns with me.

I grab my phone, my heart racing, but it’s still dead.

What if it’s Todd?

I hope to God that Ben’s home.

I pick up my speed, but the car that’s tailing me speeds up too. My heart racing, I turn into Ben’s parking lot. His car is parked in front of the building, thank God. I lay on the horn for several seconds before I jerk the car to a stop and throw my door open. The car that’s been following me pulls into the lot before screeching to a stop.

“Ben!” I shout as I sprint for the stairs.

The voice behind me nearly brings me to my knees. “Where are you going, Lexi?”

Todd
.

Refusing to give into my rising hysteria, I force myself to focus on getting to Ben’s door. I’ve just reached the top of the stairs when Todd lands on the bottom step.

“Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be, Lexi. I only want to talk.”

I skid to a halt at Ben’s doorstep. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

Todd hits the top of the stairs, laughing as though he’s heard a particularly funny joke. He probably thinks he has. In his mind,
no one
tells him no. What happened last April is proof enough of that.

I bang on Ben’s front door. “Ben! Ben!” I shout again.

Todd is twenty feet away now, sauntering toward me slowly, as though he has all the time in the world. He’s wearing a pair of dark, tight jeans with a black, form-fitting sweater. His dark blond hair is trimmed close and he’s just as good-looking as ever. He’s always used his money and his good looks along with his sporadic charm to get what he wants. He looks the same as when I knew him in school, except for one thing—the wild, out-of-control look in his eyes.

I’m in serious trouble.

Terror explodes in my head and I pound on Ben’s door with renewed force. “Ben! Ben!”

Todd takes slow purposeful steps. Why won’t Ben open his door? Does he hate me that much?

Todd laughs. “Give it up, Lexi. Your boyfriend isn’t going to help you. Did you lead him on too, telling him
yes
with your body but
no
with your mouth?”

“I never did that!” A sob rises up, but I force it down as I start banging on the door again. “Ben! Please! Help!”

Todd’s only six feet away. “He’s not going to help you, Lexi. Not all guys are as understanding as I am.” He reaches a hand toward me. “Come with me.”

“No!” I beat on the door again, fear threatening to overtake my senses. “Ben!
Please
!”

Todd starts to advance, slow easy steps, and I back away from the door, scrambling for another plan. I’ve hinged everything on Ben helping me.

Think Lexi, think
.

I keep backing away, but I know the end of the landing is behind me. What I am I going to do when I reach the end? I’ll be trapped. “Just go away and leave me alone, Todd. Please.”

“I can’t do that, Lexi.”

“Why?” My back hits the railing and I release a gasp of fear.

“Do you have any idea what your brother’s been up to?” He’s in front of me now, but he’s not touching me, just watching me with a soft smile.

Calm down. You’ll figure some way out
. I force myself to take a deep breath. “No.” I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

“He’s been digging into my past, finding some of my old girlfriends.”

Was that what he was doing while he was in New York? Were Caroline, Ben, and I wrong after all? “I didn’t know. I swear. I agreed never to talk about what happened and I haven’t. Reed said you were the one who was trying to find me.”

He reaches a hand toward me and I flinch, fighting the urge to close my eyes.

“Are you afraid of me?”

That’s what he wants. He wants me to be afraid. Though he told the cops we had consensual sex, this is what got him off—this power over me. The harder I fought, the more he enjoyed it. Well, he’s taken enough of my life. I’m not giving him anymore.

“No.”

He laughs and touches my cheek. “I don’t believe you.”

Reed enrolled me in a self-defense class after we left home. Now I struggle to remember any of what I learned. My biggest worry is that I’m pressed against a railing, twelve feet over the ground. Even if I hurt him, how will I get around him?

I know one thing: I have to try.

He’s looking down at me with a grin on his face. “We’re going to go down to my car and then find someplace to talk.”

“Okay.”

If I feign compliance, I can bolt as soon as we reach the parking lot.

He seems surprised by my agreement—disappointed, even. He grabs my upper arm and drags me to the staircase. I resist the urge to look at Ben’s door as we pass. It’s better that he didn’t come out. Todd is clearly out of his mind. How could I live with myself if he hurt Ben? Reed’s hurt Ben enough as it is.

Todd tugs me down the stairs, his fingers digging into my flesh with more force than necessary.

I need a plan… I search my memory for details from the self-defense class. What were we told about breaking free of this kind of hold? When we reach the bottom step, I squat, and his wrist bends at an awkward angle. He loses his grip when I thrust my arm straight up, and I take off running, shouting for help as I go. But there’s little hope of anyone hearing or helping. We’re downtown and it’s well after midnight. No one’s around to hear me.