By the Creek (9 page)

“I don’t know…,” Benjamin gasped. “I….” Benjamin started again and then stood up. “I don’t hate you. I can never hate you.” Benjamin looked down the path. “I have to go.” Benjamin stood up and walked down the path. “Bye,” he said and then disappeared around the first bend. David couldn’t be sure, but he thought he heard the sound of running once Benjamin was out of sight.

David hung his head and didn’t move. He should have known telling anyone would be a mistake. He was a freak and he should have kept quiet and told no one. David stood up with a heavy sigh, then shuffled back along the path to the log across the creek. David stepped on it and carefully moved to the center, where he stopped and looked down at the flowing water. Benjamin should have just let him drown last year. David figured he’d be better off. He thought about diving headfirst into the shallow water. One crouch and a leap and it would all be over. He stared and watched the water flow for a long time before moving off the log and then hurrying down the path, breaking into a run as he reached the field, racing for home.

Chapter 8

D
AVID
got the job at the Dairy Barn, and for the next two weeks learned the craft of waiting tables. He seemed to do very well, and his tips reflected that. He spent the same time avoiding Carol without looking like he was avoiding her. When they shared shifts, he’d pick her up for work and take her home afterward, but he made sure he was too busy to do other things with her. That didn’t seem to cool her interest, though. Carol simply pursued him all the harder.

“Are you and Carol seeing each other?” Jeremy, one of the other waiters, who David sort of knew from school, asked as they stood together at the serving station, watching their tables.

“She’s a friend,” David said.

“She likes you,” Jeremy told him, and David nodded.

“I know, but we’re friends and I don’t think of her that way, ya know? It would feel weird to get serious with her. She’s more like a sister. But don’t tell her that,” David said in a rush.

“So you won’t mind if I ask her out?” Jeremy asked a bit nervously.

“As long as you’re good to her,” David said. “She was hurt by Will Ellema last year and she deserves someone who’ll treat her right.” David hadn’t known her then, but the explosive breakup between the two of them had become part of the school lore, especially after Carol gave the football player a black eye and nearly broke his nose.

“She really is like a sister to you,” Jeremy said, and David grabbed a pitcher of ice water and headed for his tables. She definitely was the closest thing to a sister he’d ever had, and David figured Jeremy would be good for Carol. He seemed like a nice guy. David had thought about pushing aside what he wanted and felt, giving in, and going out with Carol. But it wasn’t fair to her, and he knew he would just be covering up his own feelings. That wasn’t fair to him, either. He nearly spilled water on a customer before he pulled himself out of his thoughts and concentrated on the job at hand.

“You’re really distracted today,” Carol whispered to him as he passed her. David nodded and kept moving. He needed to keep busy and get his mind off what had preoccupied him for the past two weeks. So Benjamin hadn’t been able to understand. The loss of his friend hurt, but David was beginning to understand that he’d developed more than just feelings of friendship for Benjamin. He needed to get over those feelings and move on. “If you get any more dropsy, your head will fall off,” Carol whispered with a slight giggle as she picked up the order pad David had just dropped.

“Thanks,” he said as he took the pad and placed it in the pocket of his waiter vest. He followed her to the serving station to get drink refills.

“Jeremy just asked me out,” Carol told him, and David nodded. “You knew?”

“He said he liked you and asked if it would be okay. I told him we were friends and that he better be nice to you or I’ll come after him.” David winked at her and saw Carol look away. “I think he really likes you.” Carol suddenly looked hurt, and David realized she’d probably said yes to Jeremy to make him jealous.

“You think so?” she asked softly.

David nodded vigorously. “I think the two of you will make a great couple. He’s funny and smart, he likes you, and he’ll be good to you.”

“You sound like one of my brothers,” Carol said, and David nodded, knowing it was true.

“I don’t have a sister, so I’ll take that as a compliment. You’re like the sister I never had, and that makes you pretty special to me,” David told her as he lifted the tray of drink glasses. He moved away, carrying the tray through the busy restaurant, breathing a small sigh of relief.

David ran his legs off for the rest of the evening. He got a fifteen-minute break to wolf down some food around eight thirty, and then he was back serving customers. Thankfully, neither he nor Carol worked until closing, and he gave her a ride home.

“Jeremy wants to take me on a picnic Tuesday night,” Carol told him excitedly. “No one’s taken me on a picnic in a long time.” Carol practically bounced as David drove then home.

“I told you he liked you. Guys don’t do stuff like that unless they really like you.” David smiled, happy for Carol. She continued talking almost nonstop as he drove the rest of the way. By the time he dropped her off, David would have thought she’d have been hoarse, but she kept talking to him, or at him, until he backed down the drive.

At home a few minutes later, David got out of the car and shuffled tiredly into the house. He could barely move. His legs ached, and all he wanted to do was take a shower and climb into bed.

“How was work?” his mother called from the living room.

“Fine,” he answered, setting his keys on the counter before joining her. David leaned against the doorway to see what his mother was watching. She looked away from the program at the commercial.

“There was a note for you inside the front screen door.” His mother handed him a plain sheet of paper. “I didn’t read it.”

“Thanks,” David said and saw his name printed in bold, capital letters on the outside of the folded paper. “I’m going to clean up and go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Do you work tomorrow?” his mother asked without looking away from her program.

“No. I’m off.”
Thank God.
He’d been working a lot of hours because they’d been incredibly busy. But he needed some time to rest. Leaving his mother to relax, he went to his room and closed the door before opening the note.

David,

Please come to the creek tomorrow afternoon. I am sorry I have stayed away, but I need to ask you questions. Please come in the afternoon.

Benjamin

David looked at the back of the paper, like he thought there should be more. Then he set the note on his dresser and began stripping off his clothes, which smelled like fried everything. He walked across the hall to the bathroom, grabbed a towel, and started the shower. He wondered what Benjamin wanted. He’d made his feelings very clear when he’d left David alone and not come around anymore, even though David had gone to the creek whenever he could. He put it out of his mind as he quickly got cleaned up.

After stepping out of the shower, David toweled off and went to his room. Without thinking, he picked up the note from Benjamin and read it again. He refused to allow himself to hope Benjamin’s feelings might have changed. He was tempted to stay away, but even as the thought sprang in his mind he knew he wouldn’t. Not only was he curious about what Benjamin wanted, he felt a small twinge of hope spring to life. He did his best to tamp it down again. He was not going to allow himself to get hurt again. But it didn’t work. David set the towel aside, pulled on a pair of light shorts, and climbed into bed. He needed to get some sleep, but for most of the night, he ruminated about what Benjamin’s note meant. He finally fell into a deep sleep sometime long after he heard his mother go to bed.

D
AVID
slept in the following morning. His mother had already gone to work, and with the house quiet, David slept much later than normal. Sometime in the night, his mind had quieted and he’d managed to truly rest. By the time he crawled out of bed and made it to the kitchen, the clock on the stove read nearly noon. Groaning softly, David pulled open the refrigerator door and stood in front of it, half looking at the contents as he tried to figure out what he wanted to eat while at the same time trying to wake up. Absentmindedly, he scratched his butt through his shorts before pulling out a container of juice and some salami. Deciding on a sandwich, he got out the rest of the fixings. As his stomach rumbled loudly, he assembled his snack and then ate it standing by the counter before making another that he placed on a plate. After putting everything away, he carried the plate with him to his bedroom.

He alternated dressing and eating before going to the bathroom to brush his teeth and take care of business. By the time he was carrying the plate in one hand and Benjamin’s note in the other on his way to the kitchen, David was awake, full, and trying to figure out what he wanted to do. Knowing he might as well get this over with, David shoved the note in his pocket and left the house, walking across the field.

Grasshoppers and other insects leaped into the air around him, but David only paid attention to them when they landed on him. When he reached the shade of the trees, David followed the very familiar path to the clearing. Benjamin wasn’t there, and David knew he might not be able to come for a while, but he needed to think, and this place allowed him to do that.

Except today, he couldn’t. Every sound had him looking around for Benjamin. His body and senses thrummed. If his friend, maybe former friend—he’d probably know soon—was going to formally reject him, then he wanted to know quickly, like ripping a Band-Aid off his skin. It might hurt, but at least it would be over. After a while, David began to pace and had started thinking about going home when he heard someone approaching. Waiting, he saw Benjamin and his stomach did little flips. He wasn’t sure if it was nerves or excitement, but he waited and steadied himself for whatever was to come.

“You got my note,” Benjamin said, and David nodded, searching his friend’s face for some sort of indication of what was to come, but he got nothing.

“I was surprised. I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with me after you left,” David said as Benjamin approached.

“I had to think,” Benjamin explained as he slowed his steps, and David realized he wasn’t coming too close. That was definitely telling. “What you told me shocked me, and I didn’t know how I should react.” Benjamin took a step forward and swallowed hard, pale throat muscles working.

“How about honestly? Tell me what you feel. If you want to yell and call me names, do it. But I missed you and our friendship. If you can’t be my friend anymore, then say so, but be honest and at least talk to me, instead of just turning your back without saying anything.” The more David spoke, the more forceful he became.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to react or how I felt,” Benjamin said, and David took a deep breath. Yelling at Benjamin wasn’t going to do any good, and it wouldn’t change his mind about anything he’d decided. “I had to think, and what you said scared me.”

“Why?” David asked. “I can understand a lot of things, but I’m the same person you asked for help this past winter, and the same person you went swimming with all last summer. Nothing has changed, not really.” Even as David said that, he knew everything had changed between him and Benjamin and he couldn’t go back to the way things were. He needed to accept that he’d probably lost his friend forever.

“Yes, it has, but not for the reasons you think. What scared me was that I have the same feelings you do. Or at least I think I might have those feelings, and I’m not supposed to. They’re wrong, and I’ve prayed to make them go away. But they won’t, no matter what I do.” Benjamin sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “I can’t tell anyone in the community, because they’ll kick me out of the community and probably shun my entire family. Even my own relatives will say Mama and Papa did something wrong and blame them.” Benjamin lowered his gaze to the ground and his shoulders began to shake.

Before David could think, he was in front of Benjamin, pulling him into a hug that only tightened with time. “I don’t know what to tell you, except I don’t think what you feel—what we feel—is wrong, just different.”

“But Papa and Mama… the church… everyone….” Benjamin’s words came in gasps between open sobs he couldn’t seem to control.

“Shhh….” David stroked Benjamin’s soft hair, closing his eyes as his own fears came roaring to the surface. “It’ll be all right. I’m here for you and I’m not letting you go. We have to help each other.” On the one hand, David could barely contain his excitement, but on the other, he hated to see his friend this torn up.