By Way of the Wilderness (32 page)

Shani turned and nodded, her eyes fixed on him. “Yes. You must see I can't stay here.”

“Yes, you can.”

“We can't live together, Bezalel.”

“Of course not. I realize that. This is your tent, Shani. It belongs to you, along with all of Miriam's things. I've already been invited to stay with Caleb. He has plenty of room.”

Shani's eyes suddenly filled with tears. “That … that would be kind indeed.”

“There's no kindness to it,” Bezalel said with a shrug. He came forward and took her hand. “We've always been close, you and I, haven't we, little lamb?”

The use of the old nickname seemed to break through Shani's emotions, and she began to sob. She was trembling uncontrollably, and without thinking, Bezalel reached out and pulled her into his arms. She began to cry with great, heaving sobs, and he stroked her hair and murmured soft words of comfort. “I know you'll miss her, and so will I. It's like having a limb torn off, but we must go on.”

Slowly the sobbing ceased, and finally Shani stepped back. She wiped the tears from her eyes with a cloth she carried in her belt and said, “Thank you for your kindness.”

Bezalel struggled to say something, but he could not think how to put it. “You and I, we are all that's left of our family.”

“Yes.”

The word was short, but Bezalel could see that she was struggling not to weep anymore. “We'll talk later. It will be all right, Shani. You'll see.”

****

Later in the afternoon Hiram came to speak to Bezalel. Even before he opened his mouth, Bezalel knew what he would say, and he had to force himself to listen.

“I would like your permission to marry Shani,” Hiram said.

“I am not her father. We've been through that,” Bezalel replied tersely.

“I know. You're not even her blood kin, but she says she won't marry me unless you agree to it.”

An incredible temptation came to Bezalel at that moment.
All I have to do is say no and it'll be over
. He knew, however, that he should not do that, and he said, “I will talk to her, Hiram. Come back tomorrow.”

“Very well.” Hiram nodded and added, “I will be a good husband to her, Bezalel. I want you to know that.”

“I believe you, Hiram. Your reputation is good. Come back tomorrow.”

Bezalel immediately went looking for Shani and found her by a small creek, washing clothes. He sat down beside her but could not speak.

After a time of silence, Shani asked him, “What is it? Something's bothering you.”

“I've just had a visitor.”

“A visitor?”

“Yes. It was Hiram. He asked permission to marry you.”

Shani did not look at him, seeming preoccupied with washing one of the garments. She dipped it again and again in the water, and finally she turned to face him. He noted how widely spaced and beautifully shaped her eyes were, colored with a green that seemed to have no bottom. She had a woman's wide, clean-edged lips, and her hair had glints of gold in it from the sun. He also could not help noticing her figure as she bent over the stream. She had indeed become a woman. He thought about how homely she had been as a child, but now all that had changed. He saw in her eyes and in her lips the hint of her will and pride, and even as he watched, her lips changed slightly at the corners, becoming soft with interest.

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him I would talk to you.”

“And what do
you
say, Bezalel?”

“You're too young. Wait awhile.”

“I'm not much younger than Yona. Most girls my age are already married.”

“I know all that, but still I … I wish you'd wait.”

“Why, Bezalel? What is there to wait for?”

“I don't know.” He suddenly picked up a rock and heaved it as far as he could throw it. He watched it hit the ground and then turned to face her. “I'm confused. Miriam's death has been a blow. It's not the right time to make such a big decision. Will you wait for a while?”

Something passed behind those green eyes that Bezalel could not understand, but she said softly in a whisper that he barely heard, “I will wait, Bezalel … until you know what you want.”

“I want you to be happy,” Bezalel insisted. He took her hand and held it in both of his. “Just for a little while,” he promised.

“All right, if that's what you want.”

****

Shani did wait—for much too long a time in Hiram's opinion. The weeks rolled by and then the months, and still she put him off. He grew short with Bezalel, for he was confident that it was Bezalel who was holding up his marriage, but he loved Shani deeply and did not press the issue.

During months of travel, the people of Israel dragged themselves from one end of the desert to another. Finally they came once more to Kadesh-Barnea. Despite the hardships, the young men and women of the new generation were growing stronger. Their diet was healthy, even though it was spare, but water was hard to find. They began to cry out to Moses as they had cried out before when leaving Egypt. Some of them said, “If only we had died when our brothers fell dead before the Lord! Why did you bring the Lord's community into this desert, that we and our livestock should die here?”

Moses at once went before the Lord, and God said to him,
“Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink.”

Moses was weary almost to death. He gathered the people together, but then, for the first time in his life, he did not obey the words of the Lord. He cried out, “Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?” Then, instead of speaking to the rock as God had commanded, he lifted his staff and struck the rock twice. Water gushed out, and the people cried out in delight. They crowded together before the stream, filling their jugs, some falling on their faces to drink.

But suddenly Moses heard God's voice, and there was no gentleness in it, striking fear into him.
“Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”

Moses could not speak. He knew he had heard his doom pronounced. Aaron also was included, and the two of them stood before the Lord and bowed low. Moses could not speak a word. For once he could not think of anything to say to his God.

****

Moses led the people into the kingdom of Edom, but the Lord had forbidden him to do battle with the people of that land. Instead the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron at Mount Hor, near the border of Edom:
“Aaron will be gathered to his people. He will not enter the land I give the Israelites, because both of you rebelled against my command at the waters of Meribah. Get Aaron and his son Eleazar and take them up Mount Hor. Remove Aaron's garments and put them on his son Eleazar, for Aaron will be gathered to his people; he will die there.”

Moses did as the Lord commanded. He took the two men up to Mount Hor in the sight of all the congregation, and Moses stripped Aaron of his garments and put them on Eleazar, his son.

Aaron stood there shivering, and Moses' heart broke, but God had spoken. “Good-bye, my brother,” he said. He embraced Aaron, who clung to him. Finally Moses tore his arms away and fled. He could not bear to think of losing his brother on top of the barren mountain.

Eleazar stayed, and when he came down later saying that his father was dead, all of Israel mourned for thirty days for the high priest.

****

Moses wandered outside the camp during the period in which the people were mourning for Aaron. Once Bezalel brought him food and drink, and he ate a little of it, but his eyes were filled with sorrow. “I am all alone now. My brother and my sister are both gone, and I will never enter the Land of Promise.”

Bezalel's eyes glimmered with tears. “I am sorry, my lord Moses.”

“It is the will of the Lord.” Moses put his hand on the young man's shoulders. “Strong men like you will enter in. Follow the man that God raises up to take my place.”

Bezalel made his way back to the camp, where he met Caleb and told him what had happened.

Caleb bowed his head. “It is not what I would have done, but our ways are not God's ways. Moses will never complain.” He turned and walked away, leaving young Bezalel looking after him, wondering what would happen in the years to come.

Hiram tried to be as gentle as he could, but there was a stubbornness in his full lower lip as he stood before Shani. He had followed her outside the camp, where she had gone to search for herbs among the wild flowers. She knew what was on his mind, and as soon as he spoke, she saw that she was right.

“I've waited for a long time, Shani, as long as I can wait. You must give me an answer.”

“You've been very patient, Hiram, more patient than most men would have been.”

“You must know how much I care for you.”

“You've certainly been faithful,” Shani said, smiling. She was troubled in her mind, for she had known this was coming for some time and was prepared for it. “I think I've been very unfair to you.”

“You've made me wait a long time.” But Hiram suddenly smiled. “But now you're ready to marry me?”

“No. I was unfair because I should have released you a long time ago.”

Hiram could not believe what he was hearing. He knew well his own worth, and there were many young women who wanted his attention. Now he said incredulously, “You won't have me, Shani?”

“I'm not the woman who can make you happy. I'm really doing you a favor.”

Hiram threw his hands up and cried, “Well, I don't understand you in the least! And you're right, you should have told me this a long time ago.”

“I'm sorry. I hope you'll forgive me.”

Hiram stared at her, then shook his head. “All right. That's it, then. Do you think you'll ever marry?”

“Who knows about things like that, but I wish you well.”

Shani watched him go and felt instantly released from the pressure his courtship had put on her. Now she finished filling her basket with herbs and started back toward the camp.

She met Yona on the way, who said, “I must talk with you, Shani.”

“This must be my day for having talks. What is it?”

“It's about Bezalel.”

“What about him, Yona?”

“I want you to let him go.” Yona's face was flushed, and she was obviously upset.

“Let him go? Why, I haven't tied him down. He's free to do as he pleases.”

“You know that's not true.”

“Yona, you shouldn't be jealous.”

“I'm not jealous!” Yona exploded. “It's just wrong, that's what it is. He and I would have been married long ago if you hadn't kept after him.”

“I haven't kept after him at all. He's been very kind to me and a good friend.”

“He can't think of any other woman as long as you're around. I want you to go to him and tell him that you're not interested in him.”

“Why don't
you
tell him?” Shani said, smiling suddenly. “I think you know what to say.”

Yona flushed. “I have told him, but he needs to hear it from you.”

“You're mistaken. Bezalel is more interested in his work than he is in anything else. If you want my advice, find yourself another man.”

“So you can have him for yourself?”

“You're an ignorant girl, Yona,” Shani said calmly, then turned and swept her aside as she continued on her way back to camp. She heard Yona cursing after her and murmured to herself, “Bezalel, you'd be wise not to take her. If she acts like this toward me, she'll do the same toward you.” She suddenly felt lighter and happier than she had in a long time, as if she had finally stepped out of prison. She began to sing and stopped to do a little dance on her way back to her tent.

****

The fighting had begun abruptly when Arad, the Canaanite, struck out against Israel and took some of them prisoner. Moses had immediately commanded Caleb and Joshua, his two fighting generals, to strike back and recapture those taken into captivity by Arad. At the head of the army was Joshua. His black hair was streaked with gray now, but his shoulders were still broad and strong. Caleb was also gray but was as strong as any man among the Israelites. These two led the Hebrew warriors against Arad, the Canaanite, and soundly defeated him.

Almost immediately Sihon, king of the Amorites, bluntly refused to let the Hebrews pass through his land, although Moses had offered to buy water and promised that they would harm no one.

Once again Joshua and Caleb summoned the fighting men of Israel to battle.

Bezalel had not fought in the first of the battles, but he now armed himself and marched alongside Caleb. They met the armies of Sihon in a fierce battle. Israel moved forward inexorably, and Bezalel fought valiantly. It was in the midst of the battle that he was overwhelmed by a giant of a man who wounded him three times in spite of all he could do. Caleb came to his rescue, cleaving the head of the enemy soldier from his body in one stroke. He knelt down beside the wounded Bezalel and cried for help. “Bind up his wounds! Carry him back to the camp!” he shouted.

Helping hands arrived at once, and Bezalel, weak from loss of blood, knew no more.

****

Time had ceased to have any meaning for Bezalel. He seemed to be trapped in a box, black and hot. He felt his body burning, then came times of soothing coolness when wet cloths were pressed against his wounds. He heard many voices, and one he came to identify with a soft touch. The voice was softer and the touch was so gentle that it was almost like a feather.

At times he almost broke through the darkness, but then he would drop back into the blackness of the pit.