Caden's Vow (12 page)

“The hell it does. I can spout more nonsense mad than a drunk
on a Saturday night.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Because when I’m mad I just want to hurt
somebody.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I wanted to hurt you.”

“I know. I deserve it. I should’ve—”

Dammit, he didn’t want to go here. Why did they have to keep
rehashing this?

“You shouldn’t have done anything other than what you did,
Maddie. I came here to rescue you, and you pretty much rescued yourself.”

“I didn’t—”

“I don’t want to hear it, Maddie. I’m just telling you and I
want to get this out. I don’t want to go over it. I don’t want to get mad over
it again. I don’t know what happened between you and Culbart. I don’t want to
know how you wrapped him around your finger. Just let it be.”

He didn’t. He didn’t want to hear how she’d slept with Culbart,
how she’d fucked him into giving her what she’d wanted. He didn’t want to think
of that big bear of a man sweating over her. He shook his head, shedding the
image.

“How are your feet feeling?”

“Better.”

“Good.”

He picked her up off the rocks, carried her to a deep part of
the water. She grabbed his neck, holding on tightly.

“Maddie, I won’t let you drop.”

She shook her head. “It’s not that.”

“What, then?”

“I don’t want to be here. It’s too hard.”

“What’s hard about this?” He bent his legs, dipping her in the
water, letting the coolness run over her flushed body. Her legs came around his
waist and his cock hardened despite the cool water and tension within. There was
something about Maddie that was soft and smooth and inviting like the first kiss
of summer that brought him alive inside. He sat down in the water. It came up to
Maddie’s shoulders, floated in her hair. He took a scoop of water and dripped it
over her head. Her eyes closed and she sighed.

“Feels good, huh?”

She nodded. He pulled her hair over her shoulder, leaving her
sitting in his lap.

“You’re working too hard.”

“No harder than you.”

“Honey, I’ve got a hundred pounds on you, and all of that is
muscle. It’s not as hard work for me. On top of that, you cook supper.”

“That’s not much of a contribution.”

He smiled. “You care for the campsite.”

“You take care of the animals.”

He just looked at her. “Maddie, I’m trying to tell you this
isn’t what I want for you.”

Her lips thinned. “I don’t want a divorce.”

Ah, hell, she was pushing him faster than he wanted to where he
wanted to go.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, but right now—” He
fluffed her hair around her shoulders, leaning her back. She grabbed his
shoulders with desperate hands, her eyes flying wide.

“Don’t.”

“Why not?”

Her mouth worked. He pulled her back up, studied her face.

“What is it, Maddie?”

She shook her head. “Ponds are dangerous.”

“Maybe down Louisiana way, but besides the odd snake or two,
we’re good here. I’ll protect you.”

She shook her head again. Her mouth worked. She couldn’t get
any words out, but he could see she was trying. Whatever had her upset was
deep-seated.

“It’s all right, then. I’ll just scoop the water over you.” And
he did, cupping his hand and pouring water over her head, gently wiping at her
cheeks and face.

“I should have brought soap.”

She shook her head. “This feels good.”

Yeah, it did. He rubbed his hands up and down her back. It felt
very good to have her sitting so trustingly in his arms, to have her not looking
through him.

“I was wrong, Maddie. Wrong in what I said, wrong in how I
treated you, and I’ve got no excuse except I had a mad on. I thought you’d
betrayed me.”

“I don’t understand you.”

“It’s okay. I don’t understand myself.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Right now I just want you to sit here and let me take care of
you the way I haven’t, so just close your eyes, put your head against my chest
and let’s just relax a minute, all right?”

She didn’t put her head against his chest, but she did sit
there without another word. He scooped handful after handful of water over her
head until her hair was plastered to her skull, revealing the purity of her
features and the bruise on her cheek from where Alan had struck her. Many people
would say that Maddie was ordinary looking, but if they thought that, they
weren’t looking deep enough. She had a beautiful soul, a big heart and a hell of
a life.

Giving in to impulse, he kissed the slight frown between her
brows. She jumped.

“You want sex.” She said that as if she’d found the explanation
to everything. She couldn’t be more wrong. Yes, he was hard, but sex wasn’t what
he wanted. What he wanted was what he’d had a couple seconds before: her
trusting him.

“If you’re talking about the fact that I’m as hard as a rock,
I’m not going to deny it, but this isn’t about sex.”

“Then what’s it about?”

“I want you back, Maddie.”

“You’ve got me.”

“You’re here physically but you took your heart away.”

She winced and blushed. “That was just girlish
foolishness.”

He traced her eyebrows. “Maybe, but I want it back.”

“Why? So you can use it against me some more? So when you get a
mad on you can hurt me with whatever I’ve revealed to you?” She shook her head.
“I don’t want that.”

He shook his head, sliding his fingers through her hair.
“Nobody wants that. You’d be a fool if you did.”

He kissed her eyes closed, not wanting to see the fear as he
confessed this. “I want to be gentle with you always, Maddie.”

She asked again, but differently, “Why do you want me?”

He stroked his finger across her cheekbone, the sprinkling of
freckles that just invited his kiss. He gave in to the impulse and kissed the
tip of her nose, holding her head there while he moved his lips down to hers.
I don’t kiss,
she’d told Gordon, and from the
way her lips were still under his, he guessed she really didn’t.

“Because you’re the one who makes me smile.”

He kissed the left corner of her mouth and then the right,
keeping it gentle and easy, tapping into that part of him that went tender when
she was around. She didn’t move, didn’t breathe, and that gave him hope, because
she wasn’t sucking in a breath to tell him to go to hell. He fitted his mouth to
hers, tilting her head sideways, kissing her with all the gentleness he felt
inside, with all the softness of the day around them.

When he pulled back, her eyes were closed and that frown was
back between her eyes. A good or bad sign? He had no idea, but she didn’t double
up a fist and hit him.

He waited until she opened her eyes.

“Maddie?”

She licked her lips and her eyes darkened to a deeper
green.

“Why don’t you kiss?”

She frowned and took a shuddering breath. “I don’t know. Before
I went in with my first customer, one of the other whores told me to never kiss
a man.”

“And you never have?”

She shook her head. “No, she said it’s giving away your soul to
kiss somebody.”

He touched his thumb to her lips. Such pretty lips. “That’s all
you got, huh?”

She nodded.

“How old were you?”

“Eight or nine, I’m not sure. My mom wasn’t real specific on my
birthday. We kind of knew the year and made up the month.”

“Did your mom raise you?”

She shook her head. “No. She had other interests. There was a
rancher who was in love with her, and she planned on leaving with him.”

“Did she?”

“I don’t know.”

That was sad. He remembered his mother with a smile and sadness
but always love. He didn’t have to ask whether the madam was good to her.
Anybody that put a little girl to work... Hell.

“I hope she’s miserable,” he said.

“She’s dead.”

“Not miserable enough. Do you hate her?”

“Why would I hate her? Everybody has to earn their keep.”

“Is that why you’re hauling those rocks, because you’re earning
your keep?”

She nodded. “I don’t want to be indebted.”

“You’re my wife. How can you be indebted? What’s mine is
yours.”

“Only inasmuch as you want to give it to me. Men discard women
all the time. Just drop them wherever and leave them to fend for
themselves.”

He supposed that was true.

“That’s why you were learning to bake, right?”

She nodded. “Yes. I like it, it’s fun and baked goods are
always popular.”

“Good.”

It was peaceful sitting there, the water cooling their bodies
and the sun warming their shoulders. Around them birds sang and bees buzzed. A
perfect summer day.

Out of the blue she announced, “I think I’m going to open a
bakery.”

He didn’t ask with what. Everyone needed their dreams.
“Where?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

Leaning back against the bank, he worked on containing the
flare of anger that she was making plans without him.

“Any plans for me in this baking future?”

Her silence gave him his answer. He sighed.

“Tell me something, are you not including me because you don’t
think I’ll want to be there or you don’t want me there?”

He was going to have a hell of a lot of mud in his hair, but it
didn’t matter. He pulled her down until her cheek rested against his shoulder.
The water was cool, her skin was warm, and any other time he’d lift her up, free
his cock and slide it into the slit of her pantaloons up into that warm, moist
pussy. But he had a feeling that Maddie’s pussy wouldn’t be moist, that such an
act would irrevocably damage her. He needed her trust back, and after he had
that, he could go looking for her passion.

She laid against him stiffly, letting him do what he wanted,
but not participating, and her fingers didn’t slide down his arm and circle his
wrist the way he wanted. He’d thought his wife was crazy, but the truth was she
was just very, very damaged. Crazy would have been easier.

Resting his cheek against the top of her head, he wrapped his
arms around her back and hugged her, holding her tightly, rocking her in his
arms, just holding her.

“You don’t have to worry anymore, Maddie. No one’s going to
hurt you.”

And before he could say it, she said it for him, but she said
it with a question mark he would have left off.

“Not even you?”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

M
ADDIE
WAITED
FOR
the answer that didn’t come. On one level she had to respect a man who
wouldn’t make a promise he couldn’t keep. On the other, she wanted to hate him
for bringing alive that hope she’d tried so hard to kill. One day she was truly
going to learn to stop loving Caden Miller.

“That’s what I thought.”

Maddie scrambled out of Caden’s arms, pushed to her feet,
stumbling as the soft bottom sucked at her feet. He reached out but she shook
off his hand and slogged to the bank, ignoring his call of her name. Who did he
think he was? Blowing hot and cold, promising not to hurt her when he’d already
hurt her so much. She’d never forget the way he said
whore
that time, the same way that other men did with such contempt.
And now he wanted her to forget, because he felt guilty. But that would only
last until he got mad again. She might not know husbands, but she did know men.
They always got mad. She heard him behind her. She walked faster.

Yes, she’d been a whore. She’d never had a chance to be
anything else, but she did now and she was going to be better than what they all
thought she could be. She was going to be who she wanted to be.

Caden caught up to her as soon as she got up on the bank. She
stood there dripping and reached for her petticoats. He took them away from her.
She grabbed them back.

“I’ll wear what I want.”

“It’s too damn hot, Maddie.”

She held out her hand. “It’s not proper.”

If he made one smart comment about that, she was going to slap
him. She couldn’t ever remember feeling this angry. Who did he think he was,
trying to make her vulnerable by acting so nice? In the end, she let him have
his way, not because she was giving in but because she wasn’t up to struggling
into layers and layers of wet cotton.

When she reached for her dress, his hand was there first. When
she grabbed it, his finger went under her chin.

“What the hell are you so mad at?”

She turned away. “You.”

She could feel the call of the pond, not this pond but her
pond, her sanctuary, and she pushed that away, too. It used to be easy to slip
away, but now it was easier to stay because goddamn it, as completely messed up
as it was, she was going to have a life. Turning away, she struggled to stay
calm.

He grabbed her arm and swung her back.

“Why?”

How dare he ask her that? After all he’d done. “Because this is
just a game to you, but it’s my life.”

“I’m your husband.”

The truth lay flat between them.

“Not for much longer if you’re to be believed.”

Just another thing to hold against him. Caden let go of her arm
and ran his hand through his hair. She stepped into her dress and turned her
back, yanking it on. His arms came around her from behind, sliding over her wet
camisole, pulling her back against the lure of his body. Who the hell did he
think he was, making her care, making her feel? She didn’t have her pond, but
she had that wall of hate and she didn’t want that coming down.

“Maddie.”

She didn’t answer.

“Maddie mine.”

She stomped on his toe. “Don’t call me that!”

She didn’t ever want him to call her that again.

He didn’t even grunt. He pushed her hair back from her face
with his fingertips in that way that used to make her knees weak.

“Maddie?”

“What?”

“I’ve been an ass.”

“Yes.”

“A fool.”

She wasn’t going to argue with him.

“But I’m still your husband.”

“For what, a day? A week? A month?”

He jerked her around. “Till death do us part.”

She didn’t want him holding out her dream. Not anymore.

She lifted her chin. “Until the next time you decide that I’m a
whore, you mean, and that I’m in your way, and then you’ll be telling me you’re
going to end it again or you’ll get on your horse and you’ll ride off and you’ll
leave me just like everyone else and I’ll be alone because I stupidly believed
you.”

He jerked back as if she’d struck him. “The hell I will.”

“The hell you won’t. You do it all the time.”

He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Every time you start to feel comfortable, every time you start
to feel like you belong, you pack up and you leave. Well, fine, just go, but
don’t make me care about you. Don’t make me want to be with you so much that it
rips my heart out when you do. I don’t want that. I see who you are now.”

“And who am I?”

“A selfish man who cares only about himself.”

“That’s not true.”

“Well, you can’t prove it by me. And my infatuation with you,
it’s just—” she made a slash with her hand “—gone.” She put her hands on her
hips and stomped her foot. “And now I want you gone.”

“Tough.”

That one syllable contained more emotion than all her yelling.
Despite her resolve, she looked at him. He wasn’t looking at her face anymore.
She looked down and knew why. Her camisole was plastered to her breasts, hugging
the round curves. Her nipples, drawn tight with cold, pressed against the fabric
in small, inviting peaks. She crossed her arms over her chest, hiding the
sight.

“I’m a whore, remember?”

He didn’t blink. “I remember a lot of things, Maddie mine.”

He took a step forward; she took a step back. She took another
back; he took another forward. When she would have taken the next, he shook his
head.

“Another step and you’re going to be flat on your back in that
pond.”

She looked over her shoulder. Sure enough, she was on the
edge.

“Then you stop coming.”

“No.” And he kept walking. “You were right about some things,
Maddie, wrong about others. I can be stubborn and pigheaded, but I can also be
loving and loyal.”

“Not to me.”

“That’s a lie and you know it.”

She bit her lip. “Not anymore.”

He sighed. “I want you, Maddie.”

“You had me.”

“Yeah, I did. And I took it for granted.” His eyes were still
on her breasts; the pond was still behind her. Maddie gathered up her skirts.
Caden shook his head.

“Don’t.”

She lifted her chin. “I don’t have to listen to you.” It was
pure bravado.

He smiled that smile that made her heart skip a beat. “Yeah,
you do.”

The next step he was right there in front of her, so close she
swore she could feel the heat of his body over the heat of the day. The sun
glinted off his eyes, those beautiful eyes. She didn’t let herself stare into
them. She didn’t let herself care. But it was hard.

She thought of her pond, the coolness of it, the smooth surface
that rippled when she tossed a rock, the peace and quiet. His hand touched her
cheek and the illusion shattered and she was right there where she didn’t want
to be, standing in front of Caden, the focus of his attention.

“You’re my wife, Maddie.”

“
Now
you remember.”

“I never forgot.”

“Tomorrow you will, when it’s convenient, when you’re in town,
when you see some nice, respectable lady. You’ll remember who and what I am, and
you’ll
want
to forget.”

His fingers slid across her cheek to anchor in her hair.

“You’re wrong about that.” He pulled her closer until she had
no choice but to lean up against his chest, and then, with an ease that made her
want to slap him, he pulled her up into his kiss.

“No.”

His breath caressed her lips. “Yes.”

“I don’t kiss.”

She felt his smile as his lips touched hers. “You do with
me.”

She had no choice but to put her hands against his chest. No
choice but to wrap her fingers in the cloth of his wet shirt as he leaned her
back, taking her off balance, no choice but to accept what was happening. She
tried to build her wall, but with a soft bussing of lips over hers, he destroyed
that effort at the first imaginary stone.

His kiss was tender, sweet, like nothing she’d imagined. His
mouth moved over hers, and she waited for him to pry her lips apart as most men
always did when she refused to give them what they wanted, but he didn’t. He
kissed her softly and gently as if she mattered.

“This is cruel,” she whispered. The words flowed into his
mouth, riding his breath. So intimate. She shivered.

“No, this is how I see you, Maddie.”

She gasped. Outrage, hope. She didn’t know what she was
feeling. Everything was a jumble. But good. So good. Everything she’d dreamed of
when she’d dared to dream. Closing her eyes against the glare of the sun, she
moaned as it all became more intense. The power in his grip, the tenderness of
his kiss, the heat of his body seeping through the dampness of his clothes. Her
lips started tingling the way they had before.

She opened her palms against his chest and braced herself
against the illusion. This was no more real than her pond. This was Caden
getting what he wanted. He was making a fool of her the way men always made a
fool of whores. Because they could. Because no matter how worthless a woman
thought herself, there always was a part of her that wanted to matter to someone
somewhere. That need made her vulnerable and weak. And Caden was too good at
understanding people not to see that in her. And she was too weak to push him
way. Real or not, she wanted this memory.

He continued to kiss her sweetly and gently, and she continued
to let him, moaning as he grazed his lips over hers, touched the tip of his
tongue to the corner of her mouth, absorbed the burst of sensation as it shot
through her with a sense of wonder. She felt his smile against her lips when she
jumped and gasped.

“I like that little sound.”

She’d bet he did. She liked it, too. And when he did it again,
she couldn’t help making that sound he so enjoyed. It felt so good to have his
mouth on hers. So right. So intimate. No wonder whores didn’t kiss. Kisses truly
could steal a person’s soul. As if he knew what she was feeling, he pushed the
skirt back down over her hips. It tumbled to her feet. His arms slipped behind
her knees and lifted her up. She squealed and grabbed his neck. He laughed and
gave her a little toss. She gripped tighter. He smiled wider.

“What are you doing?”

“Smooching on my wife.”

Smooching! It was simply not a word she’d ever connected with
Caden. Caden was just...Caden. Hard. Hardheaded. Determined. Protective. Virile.
Her dream. But she didn’t trust him now that he was being her dream with
her.

She clung to his neck as he carried her across the clearing,
expecting to be jarred, but even carrying her he moved with his usual grace. He
sat down under the shade of a tree, taking her with him as if she weighed
nothing. She went to stand up, feeling awkward as she struggled out of his lap.
When she was standing, she breathed a sigh of relief. One second too soon,
because in the next, he tugged her back down. She fell forward into his chest.
He laughed as he caught her and lowered her slowly, so slowly until she was
straddling his lap. She could feel his cock hard beneath the heavy cotton of his
trousers. Her wet pantaloons were no barrier as he pushed up, wedging the thick
length against her pussy.

“You want to fuck me.” She threw the words out like knives. He
took them like a kiss.

“Of course.”

One of his big hands held hers, keeping her put through the
tension. The other slid back behind her head, cupping her skull in an oddly
tender gesture even as he pulled her forward.

“But not today, Maddie mine. Today I want to kiss you.”

“You already have.”

He shook his head. “No.” He ran his thumb across her lips,
bringing up tingles of excitement. He had such big hands. She used to be excited
by that. Big hands that could protect her and keep her safe. Now they were
keeping her prisoner. But they were still exciting. The ache between her thighs,
in her breasts, intensified as he pressed on her lower lip, separating it just a
little from the top. The tingle became unbearable. When he released her lip, she
couldn’t help but touch the spot with her tongue.

His chuckle wafted around her like the gentlest of breezes. He
leaned in until his breath was hers and hers his, but he didn’t kiss her the way
she expected. He just stroked his fingers down her nape and smiled, while
she...she couldn’t seem to catch her breath, couldn’t seem to find her will. Her
gaze dropped to his mouth, and she stopped breathing altogether. He had a
beautiful mouth. Not so full but just perfectly shaped the way she liked it. A
man’s mouth. A seducer’s mouth.

“Your husband’s mouth,” he finished for her.

Dear heavens, she’d said that out loud.

“Put your arms around my neck.”

It was an order any prudent woman would have ignored. Maddie
slid her fingers up his chest, riding the thick pad of muscle, everything
feminine in her responding to everything male in him. When her fingers linked
behind his neck, he smiled, and somewhere in her the urge to smile back
grew.

“Now, come here, Maddie mine.”

A tug on her head and he had what he wanted, her tumbling
forward into his embrace, arms sliding farther around his neck, her head tilting
to the side at the press of his fingers. The tingle in her lips met with the
ache in her pussy right at the point of her nipples. Such a delicious sensation.
She squirmed. He pressed. He kissed the corner of her mouth when she was
expecting full contact, throwing her off balance. Threading her fingers through
the wet strands of his hair, she clung.

“I’ve been an ass, Maddie.”

“You keep saying that.”

He kissed the other corner. “A full-out fool.”

She wasn’t going to argue the point. He smiled and cocked an
eyebrow at her. This close he was even more appealing.

“Not arguing?”

“No.”

“Good. I like an obedient woman.”