Caged Sanctuary (16 page)

L
ATER
THAT
evening, after a light dinner, Deacon lay in bed with Kade again—this time in Deacon’s bedroom, not the playroom. Kade had been quiet, but the sadness and fear no longer tainted his every word or motion. Threading his fingers through Kade’s hair, he tugged Kade’s head up so he could look into the pale jade eyes of his lover. “I think we should talk about what was upsetting you so much when you got here, Kade. I know you said you ran into your ex, but I’m not certain how that is connected to the pain I saw in your eyes.”

Kade released a soft sigh, but snuggled against Deacon. “Gary is the ex I mentioned before, the one that took my chair from me.” He took a deep breath, his eyes darting to Deacon’s chest then back to his face. “Katie and I went to the wine store after work and ran into him and his new
partner
. It just, it reminded me of a lot of things I’d much rather not think about.”

Cautiously, Deacon worked to pull further details out of Kade as there was obviously more to it than running into an old lover, unless…. “And seeing him with someone else bothers you?”

The huff ruffled the light fuzz on his chest, amusing him more than anything. “Yes and no, but not for the reasons you probably think. I do not want to ever be with him again. It’s just—” he paused, grumbling to himself. “I don’t know how to explain it right. Seeing some very mobile, very bendy boy on his arm reminded me why I’ve spent so much time alone. Why I couldn’t be the man he wanted to keep. The fact that eventually you’ll get tired of carrying me, modifying things for me, dealing with everything that goes along with a chair-bound partner.” Kade clutched Deacon’s side as he spoke. “The ring didn’t help either,” he added in a mumble.

Bendy?
The fact Kade still fixated on what he could not do frustrated Deacon to no end. And while they hadn’t been together long, if they parted, it would not be because of Kade’s legs. That was something that not only did not bother him, but he rarely thought of it other than in context of how to best give Kade what he needed. “I happen to like carrying you, but if it bothers you to depend on me in that way, we can look into alternatives for you to get around the house.” Honestly, he knew if they were to be a permanent couple, then the way his current residence was set up would not do. Shortly before meeting Kade, he had begun designs on a new home, one that was again more than one story, but one he could modify to meet Kade’s needs. That wasn’t a conversation he thought either of them were ready for, though.

“If your ex said or did things to make you feel less of a man due to your legs, then it’s he who is not much of a man.”

Kade huffed again; this time the note of disgust was quite evident.

“We never go out together, so you don’t see how others act. You haven’t seen men you were with before, ones who chose you again and again at the club if you were free, look at you with pity, humor, or even worse, no recognition once I was in the chair. And while you say you don’t mind now, it gets old. Hell, it gets old to me, how slow getting ready to go anywhere is, how I can’t do or have things like everyone else. And before you say it, no, it’s not self-pity.”

“No, it’s anger and fear. I see that, but Kade, you need to learn not to paint everyone with the same brush. You didn’t let being in your chair stop you from being a dental surgeon—an excellent one from what I gather. Why would you allow it to stop you from dating? There are lots of people in chairs, on crutches, without limbs, even, who have strong relationships and loving partners, so why do you believe you cannot?”

Kade grunted, then pushed up on one arm to stare down at Deacon. “Are you being obtuse on purpose, or are you really this naive?”

“Kade,” Deacon ground out, trying hard not to snap and show his frustration and anger. He hated how Kade saw himself, but hated how Kade saw Deacon even more.

“Do not ‘Kade’ me. I know you’re my Dom, though you said in here we are Deacon and Kade, not Sir and boy, but you cannot simply rewrite reality to suit you. Things are not as easy as you seem to think. If I wanted a vanilla relationship, I would have a much better chance of finding someone; I know that. But I don’t! Even if Gary hadn’t been an abusive, manipulative ass, he still wouldn’t have been what I truly wanted or needed in a partner. However,
no
Dom wanted me after the attack. Not one acknowledged me as a sub anymore, as if my legs not working meant I no longer had the same desires, needs, or cravings!”

Taking in the fire in Kade’s eyes, he thought about what Kade had said, as well as how those chips of jade seemed to harden and darken. Deacon cleared his throat and ran one hand up Kade’s chest to pinch a nipple. “I saw you and wanted you,” he stated simply.

“I…. You…. Huh?” The confusion clear on Kade’s face made Deacon want to laugh, though he knew that was not a good idea right then.

“I am a Dom, am I not?”

“Yes, of course you are.”

“And I have made it quite clear I want a boyfriend
and
a sub in one person. You. Yes?”

“Well, yes, you’ve said that and sh-shown that over the last month.”

“Then how can you say ‘no’ Dom will? I have, do, and will see you and want you just as you are. Your disability only defines you if you allow it to, boy. And I am, for one, quite tired of having to fight your past Doms for your attention.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, Sir. I swear! You’re the best Dom I have ever been with. Definitely the most attentive. I just….”

“Are allowing your past to define your present and your future. Those thugs are still hurting you, still beating you, because you are still back there in many ways. I will not tolerate that kind of thinking anymore. If I have to put you in that sling every day for the next month to get you out of your head enough to focus on what is real and important, I will do it.”

Kade’s eyes widened as he stared, slack-jawed, at Deacon. After a few minutes, he finally blinked hard a few times and spoke. “You would, wouldn’t you? You really mean all that?”

It sounded more as if he was speaking to himself than to Deacon, but he replied anyway. “Yes, I would and will if that’s what it takes to make you see how things are now.” The look of sheer awe in Kade’s gaze when he finally looked up at him again made Deacon’s heart squeeze hard. He knew he was falling quickly for the sweet, scared man in his arms. Deacon just had to find a way to make sure he wasn’t alone when he hit bottom.

Decision made, Deacon worked to refocus Kade on them a different way, to show Kade his words weren’t hollow platitudes. Dipping his head, he took Kade’s lips in a soft kiss. He started slow and built their needs and their passions, knowing Kade needed this as much as he did. When Kade parted his lips, Deacon swept inside, tasting and touching every part he could reach. The needy whimper Kade released made Deacon more determined than ever to show his boy, his lover, what he meant.

Later, as they lay together again, Kade softly snoring as he slept on Deacon’s chest, Deacon thought about everything he knew and all the things Kade had said earlier that day and before, unhappy about how he had been treated. Worse than the poor treatment was that Kade obviously had taken it all to heart and truly thought he wasn’t worthy of love or passion.
Well
, he mused.
Tomorrow should help allay a few of those fears.
He then shifted his focus to thoughts of taking Kade out. What kinds of places he might like to go, things he might enjoy.

Deacon was a bit of a homebody when not at work or having to attend society functions.
Maybe the Children’s Gala at the hospital in a couple of weeks….

K
ADE
SAT
on the special cushion Deacon had bought for him as they chatted and ate brunch. Having slept later than either man usually did, they’d missed breakfast. He was only allowed to wear his silk lounge pants, though Deacon had his sleep pants and a matching robe on. His mind was still relatively clear. He had been calmer and more focused since the session in the sling, even when upset talking the night before. Kade hadn’t wanted to tell Deacon about Gary or bring up his fears again, but he’d been glad Deacon pushed. The memory of the sling, and the things Deacon had done to him while he was in it, sent a shiver through him as he chewed another bit of the cinnamon roll Deacon fed him.

“Is the roll that good, boy?” Deacon asked, humor lacing his words.

“Maybe. I was just thinking about yesterday, Sir.” He’d felt so safe there, so wanted and cared for.

The deep chuckle made Kade smile. “You like my toys, huh?”

Kade nodded and sighed happily.

“Thinking of the playroom, you know Sam and Jake are coming over this afternoon and staying for dinner.”

“Yes. I have all the ingredients Jake and I will need for the meal, as well as the wine and desert.” He had asked about dinner for them with their Doms, just as he’d promised Jake the first night they’d gone out together. He and Jake had talked a couple of times during the week, deciding what they needed and how they should do things for their masters. “Well, I have all the ones I was to provide. Jake already let me know he has everything else ready and packed.”

Deacon nodded as he teased Kade’s nape. “There is something else for tonight we need to discuss, boy. I had planned to speak to you yesterday, but we were… distracted.”

The tone shot straight to his caged cock, but the words made him curious. “What about tonight, Sir?”

“Sam has asked to play with you and Jake together. With me included, of course.” Deacon continued touching his neck but did not speak again. Kade thought through Deacon’s words.
Sam asked? Why would he ask for me?
“You look confused, love.”

“I…. Why would he ask to play with me?” Kade looked down at his useless legs, unable to make sense of the idea. Maybe it’s that Deacon wants to play with Jake? Jake could serve him better, but Jake and Sam are happy, so it’s not like Jake would leave Sam for Deacon…. “He has Jake and a whole club of subs who would love to serve him.”

“Sam only takes other subs at his club for training and demos, Kade. Never privately. Not since he and Jake became a couple.”

“Jake’s okay with this?”
You’re okay with this idea?
Kade wasn’t so sure he wanted another Dom touching him. He was happy with Deacon, but maybe Deacon needed more, needed what another sub could do for him? He kept insisting that wasn’t true…
but why else
…?

“Mmmhmm, he wants to play with you too, Kade.” Deacon slid his hand around Kade’s throat gently, using his thumb to force Kade’s head up. “I would love to see you two together.” Deacon’s voice deepened, and his eyes darkened from hazel to a more storm-like blue-gray. “Tie you both up while Sam and I play with you. Perhaps deny you sight as well as movement.”

Kade’s stomach flip-flopped at the thought. He used to love playing with Jake with a chosen Dom for the night, and pleasing Deacon made him happier, more fulfilled, than he could ever recall being. “I… if you would like that, I’ll be happy to do as you and Sam wish.” He took a deep breath, heart racing and palms sweaty as he worked to force out his question. “Will, um, will your friend be….”

“Will Sam what, boy?”

Gulping as he tried to calm enough to answer, Kade felt lightheaded but determined. Even if Deacon didn’t agree with his wish, he would obey if that’s what it took to keep his Dom and lover happy. “My body is yours to do with as you choose, and I’ll do as you command, of course, but I don’t want anyone but you, or maybe Jake, in, er, inside me?”

“Nor do I, boy.” Deacon leaned down, taking Kade’s lips in a soft but mind-numbing kiss. When he pulled back, it was only enough to break the kiss, his lips brushing Kade’s as he continued. “The same goes for Jake. I will not do certain things with him and Sam will not do certain things with you.” His voice dropped, taking on the deep growly tone it often did during sex. “I won’t allow another Dom to have you. Period.”

He rubbed his cheek against Deacon’s hand.

“Thank you, boy, for telling me what you desire. I want your pleasure, not simply your acquiescence.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Kade didn’t want another Dom to take him, but the fact Deacon wouldn’t do those things with Jake in a combined scene had his thoughts spinning in convoluted circles. It didn’t make sense. None of it did, honestly, but he decided to trust his Sir, his lover, to know what was right for him as Deacon’s boy.