Authors: Nisa Santiago
With every word spoken, Cartier almost felt defeated, but she was trying
to program her mind to look at the glass as half-full, instead of half-empty.
The happiest day of her life was when Jason proposed to her and told her he
would shoulder her fifteen-year sentence as well. Why was she about to cause
a rift over geography? Certainly, she knew how to compromise. She decided
she could find them a nice place in Queens, which was close enough to his
friends, yet far away from Brooklyn. At least, far enough away for her. Yes,
they'd get less for their money, but she was sure that her husband would be
happier there.
Cartier surfed the library's internet looking for the right house in Queens.
She looked up zip codes and then surfed by streets. She was determined to
find something. She deduced they could buy a two-family home in a nice
neighborhood for $400,000. They could rent out one side as an incomeproducing unit, and remodel the basement so Trina, Prada, and the new baby
could live there as well. She also hoped they could get another $60,000 for
Donnie's jewelry, and Jason had already told her he had a $100,000. She knew
with such a large down payment, their mortgage had to be low, something
they could afford with regular jobs.
Cartier prayed every night that her hopes and dreams were not for
nothing. As much as Jason talked about opening up a business and quitting
the drug business, he hadn't done either. She worried about his safety. She
knew that world and she knew the mean streets of Brooklyn. He could easily
be murdered or catch a life sentence selling the type of weight he pushed. She
prayed for her man each night and hoped he would think of something to do
that was legal. Cartier felt that they were running out of time.
egardless of their disagreements about living locations, Cartier grew
more in love with Jason as each day passed. She prayed for him at
night, before lights out, and when she awakened every morning. She could
see the future and she hoped the future was soon.
When Barn came to see her and told her something that could be very
innocent, her gut twisted from disgust and her insecurities were exposed.
"Are you sure you saw them together?" Cartier asked.
"Cartier, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it just don't seem right
for the two of them to be together, especially after the way she cut you out
of her life.
Cartier refused to believe the news. "But are you sure you saw Monya
and Jason together?"
"Yes, I'm sure," Bam replied. "And they both saw me too, so it ain't like
I'm telling you something that should come as a shock to Jason. We all looked
at each other and I just shook my head and kept walking."
Bam and Monya fell out while Bam was in the hospital and going
through physical therapy. Monya stopped coming to see Barn as she had
stopped coming to see Cartier. After Barn made a full recovery, she heard all
the awful things Monya had said about her. Monya called Bam retarded and dead weight, and those words hurt Bam deeply. As far as Barn was concerned,
Monya was a backstabbing snake. She knew in her heart if she had seen Jason
with anyone else, she probably wouldn't have said anything.
"Well, maybe he was just giving her a ride home or something," Cartier
surmised.
"Look, you can make up all types of reasons of why she was sitting pretty
in the front seat of your husband's truck, but before I did all that speculating,
I would just ask him. Be straight up. You can tell him I told you that I saw
them together. I really don't care."
"Nah, Bam, I won't mention your name. That ain't right"
"He's gonna know where it came from anyway," Barn said. "Jason ain't
stupid"
"If from what you tell me, anybody could have seen them together."
"Yeah, anybody could have, but I'm not anybody," Barn stated. "He'll
know exactly where the information came from and I don't ever want a man
to think that I can't hold my head up high and stand by what I believe in. And
besides, you shouldn't start lying in your marriage. One he will lead to many.
Don't set that stage. Just be straight up."
Cartier hugged her friend and thanked her for the good advice. She was
going to call Jason and ask about the situation, but decided it would be best
to ask him face-to-face.
Monya, Cartier thought. What were you doing with my man?
artier tried to convince herself she trusted her husband wholeheartedly,
but when he missed his first visit in six years since she'd been
incarcerated, her mind went wild. Her hands were wet and clammy as she
waited in line for the telephone. She'd spoken to him last night and he assured
her that he would be driving up.
"Hello"
"Whaddup?" Jason asked as if he didn't have a clue why she was calling him.
Cartier was quickly annoyed. "What's up?" she shouted. "What the fuck
you mean what's up? Why didn't you come see me today?"
"Yo, who you talking to like that?" Jason retorted. "I ain't one of your
little bitches in your crew. You better respect me."
"I'm talking to you! You getting on the phone acting all dumb."
"What the fuck was I supposed to fucking say?"
"If you had come up here to see me you wouldn't have to say shit. Where
were you?"
"I had shit to do."
"Oh yeah? With who?"
"What do you mean with who?"
"Jay, don't play with me. You heard what I just asked you and you know
what I mean!"
Jason chuckled, "Oh, I know what this is about. This is about Monya. Let
me guess, Barn done ran up there and told you that she saw us together."
"You damn right she did! What the fuck are you doing with that bitch?"
"Wait, hold up," Jason said. "When Monya became a bitch?"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. All these years we weren't ever allowed to even mention
her, but if we did you acted as if you didn't hold any grudges. Now all of a
sudden she's a bitch? You girls kill me."
"You don't know shit about our situation!" Cartier had lost it. Her voice
elevated to a unrecognizable pitch as she yelled into the phone. Her heart
began to flutter from fear and she'd broken out into a sweat. "And why are
you defending-"
"Hold on,"Jason interrupted.
Jason put the phone down mid-sentence and began talking to his
homeboy. Cartier listened as he carried on a full-length conversation about
nothing in particular. He spoke about the weather, the new boots he wanted
to purchase, the food at the new spot up in Harlem. Meanwhile, Cartier hung on the phone seething.
Finally, after about four minutes of disrespect, Jason said, "Look, I gotta
go. I got shit to handle." And just like that he disconnected the line.
Anger swelled from the pit of her stomach and rose to form a lump in her
throat. Cartier couldn't believe the level of disrespect she'd just received from
the man she thought about day and night. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't
contain her tears. They began gushing out as large droplets stained the front
of her shirt and ran down her cheeks. His behavior hurt Cartier down to her
soul. This was the first time in their relationship that Jason was ever mean to
her and she hoped to God that it wasn't because of Monya. She tried to calm
herself down by telling herself that even if Jason did push up on Monya, as a
friend, Monya would never go for it. Just out of respect and for the respect of
their friendship.
After Cartier whipped her tears, she went back to the telephone to call
her mother. Trina would give her the wisdom she needed regarding the
situation.
"What's up, ma?"
"Girl, you gonna live a long time," Trina said. "I was just thinking about
"
you.
"Really?"
"Yup, sure was. What's wrong with you? You sound sad."
"I'm stressed out."
"Well, you don't have that much more time left in there."
"It's not that," Cartier replied. "Barn came to see me and told me that she
saw Monya and Jason chilling together the other day."
"Now, why would Bam come and tell you some shit like that?"
"Well, it's true. Jason didn't deny it."
"Whether it's true or not, she didn't have any right telling you that news
when you're in no position to do shit about it."
"Barn did what she was supposed to do. I hope that if you had news that you wouldn't keep it from me, because I'm a big girl and I can handle it."
"You think so, huh?" Trina responded. "Is that why I can tell you've been
crying? And don't lie to me and say you weren't."
The tears began flowing again. "I'm so stressed out ..." Cartier cried.
"That nigga just hung up the telephone on me."
"Don't cry, Cartier," Trina tried comforting her. "Ain't no bitch worth
your tears. Jason married you and not Monya, so you don't have anything to
worry about."
"What are you saying? Jason and Monya are fucking around?"
"Nah, I ain't saying that. I seen them together too and I asked around and
found out that she started getting work from Jason. That's all I know. But if
she was trying to get with him she'd be a fool-"
"You damn right she'd be a fool, because I would beat the brakes off that
bitch when I got out!"
"No you won't!" Trina shot back. "She want you to do that, so that you
could end back up in jail serving out the remainder of your sentence. Now
you listen and you listen good. You gonna do the opposite of what I do. You
see I know how to get a man, but my track record will show you that I don't
know how to keep him. If you want to lose Jason, then you keep getting on his
nerves and showing your insecurities. If he is fucking with Monya and you
going all crazy, then he's gonna feel that she has something over you and put
her on a higher pedestal than you. You sit back, gather information, and if he's
dirty, then you leave him. But only if that's what you really want.
"While you're incarcerated, I don't want you to ever mention her name
again. I'll keep my ear to the streets and see what I hear. Don't go crazy
over Monya. She lightweight. You my child. I birthed you. I know your
shortcomings and attributes, and believe me when I tell you that Monya
don't got shit over you. You were always the brains behind that crew and you
can surely outsmart her. She's just jealous of you-always has been. Always
will be.