Authors: Nisa Santiago
When Cartier received the news she had been paroled, she could hardly
believe it. When she received the letter the next day, it stated that she would be
going home in two weeks. She couldn't wait to be with her family and primarily,
back with Christian, who was almost two months old. She knew Trina was
doing a great job raising her, but she surmised a baby needs her mother.
The long walk to the telephone was more a glide or an eager strut on this
beautiful day. It could be storming or in the midst of the worst blizzard in the
history of New York, Cartier didn't care. This day was a beautiful day.
Her first call was to Trina. Her smile stretched from ear to ear as she dialed
the numbers. Of course, Trina was asleep at ten o'clock in the morning.
"Ma, wake up. I got good news," Cartier screamed in the phone.
"Well, go on and say it," Trina's voice dragged. "I'm tired as hell. These
kids done kept me up all night crying and then Crissy woke me up at six
o'clock this morning for her bottle and wouldn't go back to sleep. I just got her to get some sleep."
"You won't be going through that much longer,'cause guess who's coming
home?"
Trina sat straight up in bed. "See! What did I tell you? My baby is coming
home ... praise God:"
Tears of joy began to run down each woman's face. Cartier couldn't wait
to hold Christian again and rock her to sleep or lay in bed with her daughter
wrapped in her arms.
"You did tell me that they would cut me loose ... truthfully I had my
doubts. But it don't matter anymore. From here on out I'm going to start
thinking and being positive. Ma, I'm tired of living the street life. When I get
out I'm going to make something out of myself."
"I know you will," Trina agreed. "If I can't be the role model then you
will. These kids need someone to look up too. Here, wait, Prada wants to talk
to you."
"Hi Cartier. I miss you," her sister stated.
"I miss you too."
"I was playing with the baby and she was smiling. She's my niece. Did
you know that?"
"Of course I knew that. OK, be a good girl and I'll see you soon."
Cartier hung up and called Jason immediately. When it went to voicemail,
her stomach churned. Her stomach always did that if she called him early in
the morning and he didn't pick up. Her mind went wild thinking he was in
bed with a bitch. But Cartier told herself that Jason was a man and he had
needs, but when she came home all that shit was going to stop. Since she just
received her walking papers, she knew her future was going to be a bright
one. She wasn't going to settle for less.
n the morning of her release, Cartier didn't take any of the items she
had accumulated in prison, except her family photos. She didn't even
take the letters and cards, for fear it would be a reminder of her days being
locked away. She styled her hair, which was now nearly touching her butt, in
a tight ponytail and painted her fingernails and toes. Jason had purchased her
a nice designer dress and high-heel stilettos. She looked and felt great. Cartier
was ready to take on the world.
The gates of the prison opened and Jason, Christian, Trina, Prada, and
Fendi sat perched in Jason's Yukon Denali. He'd come a long way from driving
his used Nissan Pathfinder. Jason walked over, embraced Cartier warmly, and
kissed her on her neck.
Cartier then ran to the car and grabbed Christian. The little baby just
stared into her mother's eyes. Cartier hadn't seen her since her birth. She
didn't want anyone to bring her daughter to the prison. She didn't ever want
her daughter to step one foot inside a prison. Cartier inhaled Christian's
scent and fell in love all over again. This was one of the happiest moments
in her life.
"Get in, let's get out of here. Haven't you been here long enough?"Jason
asked after Cartier had embraced everyone.
"You got that right;' she replied. "Where are we going?"
"Where do you want to go?"Jason asked.
"I want to go and have a real dinner. Some place nice," Cartier suggested.
"OK, but we gotta do that later," Jason added. "I got some business I need
to take care of. I'm going to drop y'all off at your mom's house and come back
and pick you up later."
"Why are we going to my mom's? You can drop me and Christian off at
your apartment," Cartier snapped, annoyed with the bullshit.
"I ain't got no problem with you going to my crib-"
"Our crib," Cartier corrected.
"You right. What's mine is yours. You're my wife and that was always the plan. But I thought you wanted to spend time with your family. I said I was
going to come back and pick you up and take you home
Cartier thought for a moment. She did miss Trina and her sisters and
wanted to spend time with them.
"OK, that's cool. Drop us off at my mom's and come back later. But I'm
really stressed out"
"Stressed out about what?" Jason asked.
"You knew I was coming home. Today should have been family day. You
got a wife and a daughter to think about."
"Wait a minute. I've been thinking about you and only you when other
motherfuckers abandoned your ass for seven years. Don't come out here
lecturing me!"
"Other motherfuckers abandoned me? Who? Who are you talking
about? Because the only motherfucker that abandoned me was your fucking
baby momma:"
"Oh here we go.. "
"You brought it up. What? You ain't got shit to say now, do you?"
"Look, y'all need to stop all that fussing in front of these kids. It's too
early to be arguing like that," Trina stated.
Both Jason and Cartier adhered to Trina's demand. Cartier felt betrayed
and Jason was fuming. For Cartier, this wasn't what she imagined her first
day out of prison to be like. She chose to shut the fuck up and enjoy the ride
back to Brooklyn.
Jason had bigger problems than what Cartier was trying to conjure up. In
Jason's mind, he was going to handle something that would affect the both of
them. Two months ago, he messed around and slept with a stripper without
a condom. Now she was screaming she was pregnant and needed him to
provide money for an abortion. Jason didn't have any issues about paying for
the abortion. But he was going with her to the clinic to make sure she actually
went through with it. He couldn't afford another headache and he definitely couldn't think about what would happen if Cartier found out.
He decided to change the subject. "So where are we going to eat tonight?"
Jason asked. "Or do you want to cook?"
"Didn't I say I want to go out?" Cartier said with anger and angst in her
voice. "I just did a seven-year bid and you're already ready to throw me in a
house and lock me down."
Jason knew she was flipping because she was angry that they weren't
going to be together. But he was prepared to make love to her all night and
take away all her frustrations.
Jason truly loved Cartier and really wanted to make it work. He wanted a
cooperative marriage, whereas they both loved and encouraged each other to
be better people. He didn't like to see her sad or stressed out, but as much as
he tried, he couldn't stop doing dumb things in the heat of the moment. Jason
knew what it would take for Cartier to fully trust him again. He understood
women and their values, and women needed to understand men.
Cartier was unique in Jason's eyes, which made her special to him. He
knew he wasn't the first to be with Cartier sexually, but he didn't know
the other guys she had slept with. Unlike Monya. She'd slayed the whole
neighborhood and then spilled out into other boroughs. Monya would
always be a jump off, unfortunately for him; she would also always be his
baby momma. Jason knew women valued emotional support and adulation
from their men. He was prepared to do all of that for Cartier.
Cartier kissed Jason and bid him farewell. "Be safe," she called out to him
as he rolled up his window. Before she could even turn around, she heard an
unrecognizable voice call out her name. With Christian perched on her hip,
she stared at her former friend, Lil Momma.
"Is that really you?" Lil Momma asked.
Cartier didn't know how to respond. Lil Momma was standing
there grinning warmly, which was a far change from the ice-grill Cartier
remembered. One part of her wanted to keep the bullshit going and scream on Lil Momma for many reasons. But it was the past and she wanted to leave
the past where it belonged. She chose to be the bigger person.
Lil Momma detected Cartier's hesitation. "Just for the record, I told
Monya that that was fucked up what she did messing around with Jason
behind your back."
"Really?"
"Yup. You know I never had a problem speaking my mind. I don't hold
my tongue for nobody and right is right-wrong is wrong."
Cartier shifted Christian to her other hip. "This is my little girl,
Christian."
Lil Momma peered over and looked into the infant's face. "She's
gorgeous.
The proud mother beamed, "Thank you. Take care of yourself."
"You too"
Cartier had mixed emotions about Lil Momma and the Cartel. She had
just done seven years of her life in prison, because she thought she was the
leader and had to stand on the front line. But those years made her realize
she was young. Hell, they were all young-trying to play in a grown person's
world. She had made a vow to create a better life for herself and her child, and
hopefully, Jason. The past needed to stay in the past.
"Cartier?" Lil Momma called out.
"Yes?"
"Take my number. Call me sometimes. Maybe we could do lunch or
something. Talk about old times."
Cartier shook her head rapidly. "No, thank you."
Cartier walked toward the building where Trina and the kids were waiting
for her. Trina nodded. "You did good. I wouldn't take that bitch's number
either! I woulda told her to kiss my black ass!"
They both burst out into laughter.
"Yeah, I wanted to say all of that, but she ain't worth it," Cartier stated.
After walking five flights to the apartment, Cartier was amazed that
everything still looked the same, except her bedroom had become Prada and
Fendi's room. Her full-sized bed was now replaced with two twin beds and a
crib. Barney, Strawberry Shortcake, and Dora flooded the room. It was a little
girl's heaven. Cartier kicked off her heels and sat down on the sofa.
"You hungry?" Trina asked.
Cartier shrugged her shoulders. "A little bit." She paused. Though she
was home, she was still trying to get her bearings. "It feels so strange to be
back here after all this time."
"This is your home too, so I don't ever want you to think that you gotta
put up with bullshit. You will always have a roof over your head if things don't
work out with you and Jason."
"See, Ma, that's just it," Cartier began to explain. "I want to be fully
committed to my marriage. I want to raise our child in a two-parent home
and give her everything I didn't have. Jason has a good heart. That's evident
with him doing this bid with me. He just fucked up, as men do and we gotta
live with that. If every time we get into an argument, I come running home
to Mommy, then he'll start to get used to that and take my absence as a way
to fuck up even more."
"Chile, where you learn all that from? 'Cause I know you ain't get that
from me."
Cartier smiled slightly. "I read a few self-help books while in prison after
the Monya scandal. I needed to deal with it before I came home, because I
swear the old Cartier would have beat the brakes off that bitch!" As Cartier
spoke, her voice elevated to a high pitch.
"See now that's the child I know and love," Trina said proudly.
Trina walked into her room and retrieved Cartier's stash. Over the years,
Trina had dipped in it here and there, but she used discipline. She didn't
want her daughter coming home to nothing and having to go back out on
the streets to make a living. Trina reasoned that Cartier not having anything led to her life in the streets and that led to her losing seven years of freedom.
At least now, she came home to something and that would keep her from her
past lifestyle.
"Here," Trina said and shoved the box in Cartier's hands. "It's about five
large short and the jewelry's still there."
Cartier exhaled as she opened up the box and looked at the crisp money
folded tightly together in rubber bands. All at once, a flood of emotions came
rushing back. She was such a dictator back then. It was no wonder most of
her friends turned their backs on her when she needed them most. She was
so bossy and always talked about the code. The same code she didn't abide by
and made her less of a friend and more of a tyrant. She was ashamed of herself
and of what she'd done. Although she didn't push the knife into Donnie's
back, it was equally her fault that he was dead.
As she looked at the money and jewelry, she realized she could always
be angry for taking the weight for Monya, but one day she had to even leave
that be. Of course, Monya wasn't an innocent victim. Cartier knew if the
police knew the facts, she would have still gone to jail. But Monya would
have shared a cell and probably got more time. Cartier shook her head. The
madness of it all.