Cast a Road Before Me (29 page)

“I got your car back for you,” he changed the subject.

“You
did?”

“Yeah. Ed called yesterday afternoon. I walked over and got it.”

“Oh, bless you! Thank you!” My thoughts picked up speed. “You paid for it? I’ll pay you back.”

“Sure,” he shrugged.

Absently, I tapped my mug with a finger, surveying sudden possibilities. “Uncle Frank,” I said, straightening, “I think I’ll leave today. All I need to do is pack a few things in my car. I could be going by the time you leave for church.”

“Oh.” His gaze was a mixture of surprise and hurt. “But the moving truck’s not comin’ till Tuesday.”

“I’ll sleep on the floor till then; it doesn’t matter. I’ll take my bedding, some clothes. You think Aunt Eva can get Martha Plott or somebody to come over Tuesday to let the movers in?”

“I guess so.” He studied me. “You sure this is what you want?”

“I’m sure.”

“Ain’t you even gonna say good-bye to anybody?”

My eyes wouldn’t rise from the table. “I … can’t. Really. I just need to go.”

“Connie’s been askin’ for you.”

“Maybe I’ll stop and see her on my way through Albertsville.”

Carefully, he pushed aside his coffee. “Gonna be mighty lonely without you. I know you been away to college and all that, but your things were still here; we knew you’d be back for holidays.”

“I’ll still come back for holidays.”

“Sure. It’ll be different, though. It finally will be just the two of us.”

“Uncle Frank,” I said, reaching for his hand, “I’m not doing this to leave you two, you know that. I’m doing this to … begin my life.”

“I know. I know you believe that. But in truth, Jessie, I think you’re leavin’ your life behind. Because you’re about to set yourself on a course that purposely leaves Christ outta the picture.”

My hand slid away. “I’ve been on this same course for years now, Uncle Frank; you know how long I’ve had these plans.”

“Yes, I know. And for all those years, I’ve prayed that God would show you the truth. I think now he has shown you, just like he’s shown this town. The message is there in front of us all, if we’re just willing to see it.”

“And what would
that
be?” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm from my voice.

He looked at me sadly. “Come to church with us, Jessie. Just do that much. People are asking about you. They want to make sure you’re all right. Then go this afternoon, if you must.”

“I’ll
bet
they want to see me,” I retorted bitterly. “‘Look at the freak, ladies and gentlemen! The woman whose rage puts our men’s to shame!’”

“Oh, Jessie.” His eyes closed briefly. “You think anybody who was there is looking at
you
, judging
you?
You slept all day yesterday; you don’t understand the guilt this whole town’s feelin’. That’s why the two pastors have pulled services together for today. Lots a folks have some serious thinkin’ to do, and I don’t mean just the men who were there Friday night. A lot a their wives supported their fightin’, and others just gossiped and made things worse instead of turning to the Lord. Your aunt’s even feelin’ convicted because of her lack of faith that night. So don’t let shame keep you away. That’s one a Satan’s best tools. Come with us.”

Why did his words so cut to my heart? Probably because my uncle rarely asked me for anything, I told myself, and here I was, about to say no. “Well, I don’t know. I have to pack.”

He checked his watch. “You got two hours before the service. That’s plenty a time. Go with us, come back and have some lunch, and then we’ll see you off.”

I studied my cooling tea. “I just can’t, Uncle Frank. I’m really sorry. But I don’t want to see
anyone.”

“Forget about seeing anyone else, Jessie. You’d be goin’ to see God. It don’t matter what other people think. But I’ll tell you anyway, they think nothin’ but the best a you. They’re amazed at your courage and that you ran all the way out there to try and stop what was happening.”

My head jerked up. “Is
that
why they think I ran out there?”

He nodded.

For the first time that morning, I stopped to consider the details: Thomas, the piece of cut screen, the glass lamp. Blair Riddum’s face. The face I saw the night of the fire. Thomas, his hands urgent on my shoulders—
Jessie, forget what you saw and listen to me
. My self-conscious worries vanished as understanding hit me in the chest, like a block of machinery jolting into place.

“Do the men still—” I stopped abruptly, choosing my words carefully. “Does everybody believe what Thomas told them? About how the fire started?”

Uncle Frank’s eyes held mine. “Yes.”

“Lee? Even Al Bledger? They still….” The question died away.

“I’ll tell you, Jessie.” He lowered his voice. “And you understand this conversation is just between you and me. There’ll never be another soul you can talk to about this except Thomas. That includes your aunt, who now believes that whatever you thought you saw at the fire was merely a mistake. Understand?”

“Okay.” My muscles would not relax.

Uncle Frank leaned his forearms on the table. “All I can say is, in the heat of that outrage, God intervened. The men stopped long enough to hear Thomas’s explanation,
and they chose to believe it
. Now, with a raise and new management promised, there’s no reason not to continue believing it.”

“That’s right.” My countenance brightened momentarily as I remembered. “I’m looking at the new manager.”

“You are.”

Just as quickly, the expression waned. Frowning, I thought again of Thomas, considered his cunning. “But he lied.”

Uncle Frank inclined his head.

“Well, what does that mean? God
wanted
him to lie? Doesn’t sound to me like God intervened at all. Thomas Bradley did.”

“No, Jessie. What Thomas chose to do, I’ll leave between him and God. But I do know this. God can use anything for his
purpose, even a lie. And that’s what he did two nights ago. I knew without a doubt when Lee was at our door that I was to go with him and cover the gatherin’ a those men in prayer. By the time we got to Riddum’s, I cain’t tell ya how scared I was. Bein’ in the midst a that rage, I could
feel
the spirit of destruction all around me. But I kept prayin’ aloud in Jesus’ name. And I had a sense that I was not alone. That around town, others were prayin’ too.”

How
awful
for Uncle Frank. I could only imagine how frightening it must have been to pray in the middle of all that rage. I’d been scared enough, guarded by a policeman and watching from a safe distance. Yet my uncle had displayed such serenity, while I’d fallen apart. Inexplicably, then, the words of Pastor Frasier from years ago sprang into my head.
When the fryin’ pan meets the flame, these things alone won’t sustain you…
.

I toyed with the handle of my cup. The tea was now too cold to drink. “Well, that’s … good. Very good. I’m glad everything worked out.”

Uncle Frank sensed my distancing from the conversation and leaned back in his chair, a sigh escaping him. “Are you going to come to church?” He was almost pleading. A pang shot through me, seeing his concern.

“I’ll think about it, okay? There’s still plenty of time. I’ll go pack my things now.”

“Okay.” With a sad little smile, he pushed back his chair. “Your aunt should be gettin’ up soon. She’ll want to box up some dishes and pans she’s decided to give you.” He slid his chair back under the table with utmost care and turned away. I watched the sag of his shoulders as he scuffed out of the kitchen on slippered feet.

By 10:40 I was ready to go. My bedding, some clothes, and toiletries were in my car. I’d phoned the apartment manager and told him to expect me by late afternoon. The man must have thought me crazy, with all my changes of plans.

All languor long gone, I was intent upon leaving quickly, as if my life depended on it. And in a way, it did. So much awaited me—the fruition of my plans. And that barest whisper of doubt that had lingered after my conversation with Uncle Frank was unsettling. Church was at 11:00; my aunt and uncle would be leaving in five minutes. I’d told them I wouldn’t be going with them. Uncle Frank had reacted quietly—”I’m just gonna keep on prayin’ that your wheels’ll lead ya there.” Aunt Eva had dissolved into tears. She was now in the kitchen, packing a few last items and sniffing. “Lord help me, what a summer,” she muttered. “People carryin’ on and people leavin’. Can’t even go to church.” She banged a skillet into the box none too carefully. Any moment she could burst into fresh sobs.

Given my aunt’s mood, I decided it would be better to let them drive away instead of me. At quarter till 11:00, I walked them out to the driveway, Aunt Eva theatrically clutching a tissue.

“Take care a yourself, now, you hear?” Uncle Frank hugged me hard. “Call us when you get in tonight. And, Jessie,” he pulled away, holding me by the shoulders, “I know you’re gonna be mighty busy with all your work and volunteerin’. But when ya get some time, pull out that Bible I gave you and read some more. We can discuss it at Thanksgivin’. Okay?”

My throat tightening, I nodded. All of a sudden, Thanksgiving seemed a very long time away. “I will. I promise.”

Aunt Eva clung to me, tissue at her nose. Then they climbed into the Buick and started the slow backing out of the driveway, my aunt waving fiercely. Just before they hit the street, Uncle Frank leaned out his window. “Church starts in fifteen minutes!”

That brought a tiny smile to my face. They’d never give up.

I watched them drive down the street, Aunt Eva turned in her seat, still waving. Not until their car disappeared from sight did I heave a sigh of relief. I’d had enough good-byes.

I returned to the bedroom to fetch my keys and purse. The house was so quiet. I stood in the room that had been mine for eight years, gazing around the blank walls, trying to picture what it would look like after my furniture was gone. I wondered what
they’d do to fill it. It occurred to me that Aunt Eva would have to find at least a single bed for me to use when I visited. “See you in two days,” I whispered, running a finger across the headboard of my mother’s old bed. “In our new home.”

Home
.

I was really doing it. I was really going back to Cincinnati today. Images of Hope Center spilled into my mind, and I felt a deep thrust of pain for my mother. I wondered if I’d somehow feel closer to her there—seeing Brenda Todd, the gymnasium in which the funeral was held, the kitchen in which I’d so often cooked at her side. Unexpected tears sprang to my eyes, and I sank down on the bed.
Whew
. My emotions were certainly close to the surface. I sat for a few moments with eyes closed, imagining for the thousandth time my apartment, painted and full. My desk and work, files across it, meeting with families, helping them through crises. Reading to children at the Center. A quiet excitement fell over my shoulders as the pictures paraded before me. The promise of Cincinnati pulled at me while Bradleyville and all its problems began to fade.

I rose from the bed, smiling to myself, keys in hand. It was time to go.

As I reached for my purse, the doorbell rang. My hand stopped, midair.
Oh, good grief
, I thought,
now what?

“Jessie?” Lee’s voice filtered through the screen door. “I know you’re still there.”

I sucked in air. Slowly, I dropped my car keys on the bed. Steeling myself, I walked down the hall, rounded the corner, and saw him stepping inside the house, dressed for church in gray suit and tie, his coat off in the heat. I stopped and picked my heart up off the floor, lifting my hands in a question.

“Your aunt called.”

Of course she had.

He tried to smile. “You look so good.”

I glanced down my body. Jean shorts and a T-shirt. My eyes closed in remorse. “I’m sorry. I should have called you myself.”

He closed the distance between us, tipping my chin up with warm fingers. “Jessie, don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.”

I couldn’t take many more of these conversations. “Yes, I do.”

“What do you want? Me on my knees? I promised myself I wouldn’t beg, but I know I’m runnin’ outta time. So here goes. Stay here, Jessie. You love this town; this town loves you. Your family’s here. Most of all, I’m here.”

“My apartment is in Cincinnati, and my job, and the Center.”

My voice caught. “It’s where I’m supposed to be; it’s
my
plan for
my
life, remember?”

“Yes, I do. But that’s the problem. It’s
your
plan.”

I shook my head, uncomprehending.

“Jessie, listen to me,” he pleaded. “Give me five minutes. So much has happened since Friday night; so much has changed.”

Absently, he brushed a strand of hair off my cheek. “Saturday, I was holdin’ Connie’s little girl at the hospital, and Mama was there. And then everything really hit me. I coulda been in jail, never gettin’ to hold that baby. Here was
life
, innocent new life in my hands, the same hands that were ready to
kill
a man the night before. Somethin’ came over me, and I thought I was gonna crumble apart, right in that hospital room. Soon as we got to Mama’s room at Miss Elsa’s, I fell to my knees. Everything just flooded out of me, all the pain, the anger, all the
fear
a what I’d almost become. And what I could become again. Mama led me in a prayer, and I finally did what I’d been thinkin’ ‘bout for a long time. I turned my life over to Christ. Jessie, you can’t imagine the peace that gave me. I feel … different. I
am
different.”

Somehow, he was. There was a gentleness about him, a calm that I’d never sensed before. “That’s … good, Lee. I’m happy for you. Really, I am.” I swallowed. “But it doesn’t change anything for
me
. You have your life here, and maybe now it’ll be a little more peaceful. But my life is … somewhere else.”

“No, Jessie, it’s not. I don’t believe that because I know you’re sayin’ no to Christ. Instead, you’re barrelin’ down a road that some …
dream
put you on.”

My muscles tensed. “It was not just ‘some dream.’” Pushing his arms from me, I backed away. “And I’m really tired of people trying to tell me what to do. So just stop it. You and everyone else. The whole thing’s ridiculous! I’ve graduated from college. I’m going off to a job. It happens all the time, Lee. People grow up and move away.
Why
is this so hard for you to understand? Why are you so
stubborn?”