Cast & Fall (22 page)

“
Dad…he’s
the one who broke up with me…remember? I’m sure he knows
what broken up means,” I reminded, unwillingly.

“
Hmmp,”
he grunted before changing his tone.

“
Okay…I’m
not going to push the subject. I just feel a little worried about
you. It’s a Dad thing,” his tone lighter at the end.
Steve changed the subject then. He knew that he’d broken up
with me and he probably assumed that the mere mention of his name
could possibly dig painful memories. He knew that Cash pursued me
relentlessly and was Initially surprised, like everyone else, that he
was the one who broke up with me.

“
It’s
good to know that Josh is back at the dorm, I guess he’s ready
to go back to school,” he stated. He also kept tabs on Josh’s
progress and called his parents every couple of weeks.

“
I’m
going to see him tomorrow after school,” my tone happy. “He
actually called me in California, I felt bad that I wasn’t here
to help him get settled back in the dorm,” I added.

“
Well,
I think he understood that you needed to take care of yourself too,”
he said
reassuringly.
“Well…now that you’re back…I’m glad
you went. You needed a little distraction and rest. Do you feel
better?”

“
I
do…It was really nice seeing everyone.”

“
Okay…I’m
heading out to see Doug, I’m helping him build a gazebo. I
won’t be gone
for
long…two hours, tops. You need anything?…I’ll
pass by the store on the way
back.”

“
I
don’t need anything just a bath…have fun, Dad,” I
mumbled.
“
Oh,
and no need to hurry…I’ll be soaking for a while and
maybe taking a nap.” I sprinted to the narrow steps that led to
my bedroom.

Clutching
my small black suitcase, I placed it on top of my bed and began
unpacking. I always packed light. Unpacking was one of those things I
hated so much that I always made a point of bringing only the bare
necessities. After I put the luggage away, I slipped into my robe and
turned on the tub water, pouring my favorite lavender bubble bath.

I
placed my hand on the filled tub. The water felt warm under the
layers of soft bubbles. I slipped out of my robe and slowly sunk my
body, until my neck and head were the only ones untouched by the warm
fragrant foam.

Lying
down, I slowly closed my lids and let the soak of lavender relax my
body, swaying my thoughts into the dream I had the night before—the
shadow and Tristan—feeling grateful that I still remembered
everything in great detail. It was strange how the dream felt real.
It was vivid, the details popping out so clearly.

For
some unfathomable reason, dreaming of him seemed to have masked the
fears within me. I picked up my soft sponge as I delicately scrubbed
every inch of myself, trying to clear my head, but thoughts of the
shadow kept swirling back. After about half an hour of sitting, I
finally drained the water, got up, showered to wash my hair and
changed to my typical house clothes attire, which was usually my
favorite oversized top and pants.

Combing
my hair halfway, I heard the buzzing sound of the doorbell. I quickly
sprinted downstairs and when I yanked the door open, it was—Tristan.

Shock
doesn’t even begin to cover my reaction. His eyes assessed me,
as if he was expecting to find something wrong. My pulse jumped. My
heart went frantic—It beat so fast, I almost stuttered.

“
What.
Are. You. Doing. here?” Heat continually flooded my cheeks. My
mind was fogged with chaos.

“
I
wanted to see if you were okay! I heard about California.”
There was urgency in his voice. His tone was wrecked.

“
What?…how
did you find out about…?” My mind wandered—trying
to wrap around the fact that he was standing in front of me—him
being at my house—the sudden gush of nervousness I felt—and
the unexplained knowledge of my demise. I left the look of shock in
my face longer than I probably should have. He seemed to sense my
confusion.

“
I’m
sorry, I overheard Becca talking to you on the phone,” his
voice sounded apologetic but unrepentant. I suddenly remembered that
I called Becca right before I left California.

“
I’m
fine,” I said, though still very much puzzled. “But how
did you know where I live?” I sounded like a detective
interrogating a suspect or rather a schizophrenic having an episode
of paranoia.

“
I
had asked Becca awhile back for your address when I asked you to go
to the
concert,”
he stated.

“
Oh…right,
the concert…”
Oh…NO,
the concert!
I
was flustered.

“
I’m
sorry, I was giving you the third degree.” Embarrassment
suddenly hovered over me.

“
Come
on in.” I swung my arm to let him pass, before shutting the
door behind us.

“
No…that’s
good you shouldn’t trust just anybody, not even me.” He
brushed me a look that held a trace of warning. It gave me an
unexplained chill. I couldn’t really shove it off as quickly as
I wanted to, but decided to ignore the comment, not knowing exactly
how to take it.

“
Have
a seat I’ll be right back.” I was still nervous. My voice
was too fast—too high pitched.

Going
upstairs to my bedroom, I passed by the mirror in the hallway.
And—that was when I realized, “Oh my gosh, I’m
hideous,” I grunted with horror at my reflection—my hair
was still wet and was in a tangled, noodle-like mess. My clothes, two
sizes bigger. My face, pale—really pale, probably from shock
and the amount of time I had spent in the tub, pruning…He
couldn’t have come in perfect timing. I coherently tried to
adjust my thoughts, trying to jump start my brain which had
momentarily frozen yet again.

I
immediately went to the bathroom to brush my hair, blow drying the
ends. I headed to the bedroom. Sliding my closet door, I did a quick
inventory of my wardrobe—scanning the hanging clothes in rows.
I stood briefly, looking but not seeing anything appealing. I
wondered briefly who bought all these stuff? I sighed in frustration
and just stood there—as if somehow, something decent or
beautiful would magically appear that wasn’t there a second
ago.

Not
knowing exactly what to wear in a situation like this, I decided to
go with a black t-shirt and denim jeans—which should have been
my initial obvious choice, since that was what I typically wore.

I
patted my face with powder and brushed a trace of color on my lips. I
grabbed a black sweater as I rushed downstairs, making sure that I
did everything in less than five minutes. I didn’t want to seem
too obvious, having him think that I was fixing myself for him. A
part of me didn’t know why I cared too much. I had never been
this self conscious about anybody else before.

Sprinting
back downstairs, I found him sitting where I had left him—looking
ridiculously
radiant
…
and
too
real
,
to be here to see me. The concerned look on his face didn‘t
seem to ease from my absence. He still looked unnecessarily worried.
“Would you like a drink?” I offered.

My
voice was still unsteady, I wasn’t sure if I should just give
up trying to compose myself. I Suddenly felt like I was disabled,
tripping over my words.

“
Well,
what I was thinking is, if you’re feeling well, If you would
like to go out for a little while?” his voice was alluring. My
heart accelerated once again. Being around Tristan made me feel
extremely nervous. I never quite knew how to act around him.

“
Well,
where did you want to go?”

“
A
hike!” he blurted with so much excitement, it sounded fun.

“
I
promise I won’t tire you,” he added. I wasn’t sure
if it was a good idea for me to go, but I was sure, I wasn’t
going to say no.

“
Okay,
I’ll need to change then.” Sprinting once again to the
top of the stairs, I yanked a gray t-shirt from my dresser and paired
it with sweatpants and put on my tennis shoes. I grabbed a thicker
sweater as I left the room. Passing by the full
bodied
mirror from the hall, I scanned myself briefly, staring at the
hyperactive look on my face. I saw a subtle familiarity in my
expression. I breathed deep a couple of times before deciding, I was
being an idiot for making a big deal out of the situation.

Outside,
we stopped at a black Ford truck and I was more than glad not to see
the
shiny
black motorcycle parked. He opened the passenger door, letting me in
slowly
and
slammed it shut. He got in the driver’s side. He stared at me
briefly while he buckled his seat belt. His eyes could have melted me
from where I sat. And for a brief second, I saw a trace of
familiarity and warmth radiating from his eyes.

“
I
always wanted to take you out,” he said.
‘
That
was unexpected…take me out?…since when?’

His
words were clear and confident. Heat flooded my chest. His words made
me happy more than it should have. I couldn’t seem to settle
the butterflies in my stomach. My cheeks blushed warm automatically.
He looked at me briefly and I thought I caught a hint of smug smile
pass his lips. He turned the ignition and it roared. The windows were
open and our hair swayed in the air as we slowly accelerated.

“
Do
you want to listen to music?”

“
Sure,”
I said—feeling suddenly grateful that it could at least muffle
the loud thumping of my chest. He turned his i-pod on.

“
Go
ahead,” he gestured for me to choose from a massive collection.
I finagled with it for a few seconds before I played—
Harder
to breathe
.
Perfect…How
fitting. I wondered if he’d know what I was feeling right now?

I
suddenly felt a feeling of calm spread over me. Although, there was
another fear that I feel when I’m around him—creeping
through me. I cannot help but think that there was some deep dark
secret that he‘d been hiding.

It
was a ten minute drive, but it felt much shorter. After we geared in
park, he quickly unbuckled his seat belt and went around to open my
door. I realized we were at
Eagle’s
Rock.
Feeling
too hyper, I jumped out before I noticed his stretched arm, offering
to help me out of the vehicle.

He
walked slowly and led us unto a wide path. A cotton of clouds swayed
past above us. My eyes darted slowly at the moving scenery. The climb
wasn’t too steep, but we were barely walking to even consider
it a hike. Several serious hikers passed us. He stopped and broke the
silence between us.

“
I
know it’s none of my business, but I would really like to know
how you’re doing?” his gray eyes intense. I sensed an
extreme anxiety in his voice—like for some deeper reason he
really cared about what happened to me.

“
I
guess I’m doing okay, considering…It’s really hard
for me to talk about it…all I know is that…I’m
very lucky that I’m still breathing and talking to you right
now.” I didn’t force too much emotion into my voice but
still, saying how I felt at that exact moment, I realized that, I
shouldn’t be this open about my life…that what ever
happened to me isn’t his problem.

But
for some reason, it felt comforting to tell him a little of what I
was going through. Even though, up to this point, I still wasn’t
sure about everything that has happened—whether I should feel
glad or extremely afraid or both. Suddenly, he closed his eyes as if
to shut me out from reading an intense emotion. He opened them slowly
after he seemed to have composed himself.

“
I’m
glad you’re okay,” he began to say. His face with such an
indescribable expression, baffled me. He barely knew me.

“
Well,
I’m glad too…I really didn’t know what happened
there. But I was lucky my friend Cash was there. He pulled me to
safety.” I decided that I was going to tell the story a little
more positively this time. He looked at me again with the unusual
expression in his eyes.
“
Cash?”
his question seemed like he was weighing something
on
his mind. Then, a barely subdued anger flashed his face.

“
Cash
is a good friend…actually, he’s my ex boyfriend…but
we still keep in touch,” I casually said. His reaction was such
a mystery that I couldn’t fathom the idea that he could have
such a strong response about someone he didn’t even know.