Cast & Fall (35 page)

Muffled
whispers filled the thick air. Wings extending to great heights now
unfurled as the deepest and loudest of roars erupted and the shadows
shuddered. They were all hushed to silence as lightning blazed like
Daggers at Midnight. It was an assembly of judgment, and anyone that
didn’t belong in the light was cast down from above.

The
moon was enormous like I was seeing another planet up close. A
flicker of light illuminated the majestic
Amaranthine
.
The ocean blinking like a million stars. I remembered the feeling I
had when I came here for the first time—the clash of many
different emotions that I is now, again, dominating my thoughts.

I
swiftly scanned the vessel. It was magnificent as always. I admired
it briefly, but I couldn‘t concentrate on it for long. I
focused my eyes on the white railing in front of me and hooked my
fingers on the metal bar and quickly jumped in, and balanced myself
steady—scanning for the reason I came, my heart, feeling heavy,
constricting from the stern warning that filled my head—the
kind that warned me to brace myself for something bigger than
anything I had ever known.

I
knew Tristan had held the complete truth from me because of his
negotiations with the fallen angels. So why did he decide to tell me
everything tonight. I continued searching my head for answers, but I
came up empty handed, except for the same conclusion I could draw
out.

For
a moment, my reality seemed fragile, like another truth could replace
it. My lips quivered and my hands felt numb as I slowly walked
closer.

Then.

I
saw him.

Even
from a far, I knew him.

He
stood facing me, motionless, like a huge decision was weighing on his
shoulders. The sound of the waves did not distract his attention. I
quickly walked toward him as my heart pounded louder, stronger,
feeling heavy in my chest. I braced it carefully as I continued to
meet him.

His
expression was dark, even as the moon, cast a soft light on his face,
creasing
into
many different emotions. But even with the darkness that surrounded
him…he looked absolutely—
breathtaking.
He
was still; deep in thought. I couldn’t bare to look at the
anguish resonating from him. But that didn’t stop me, from
locking him in an embrace. I clasped my hands around his neck and
felt his strong gentle hands wrapped me in a passionate way that I
never thought possible. I sunk myself into him. But he pulled back,
and held my shoulders so I could look into his eyes. My eyes focused
on his and a strange wave of coldness washed over me. His stare was
uncertain, though his actions proved otherwise. I gulped dryly as I
waited for his words.

“
What
I am about to tell you…well, I don’t know if I have the
right to hide this from you any longer.” The rising fear in his
eyes left me gasping, intensifying as it mirrored itself in my heart.
“
Please,
just tell me,” I pleaded. I knew I wasn’t entirely
prepared to hear the truth, but I knew that I couldn’t live in
the dark any longer…not when it meant, living in constant fear
and being a helpless prey for the immortals.

He
dropped his arms to his sides, his eyes without any longer any hint
of hesitation. I tried bracing myself as I prepared to hear the
secret that he’d been wanting to desperately hide. “Once,
I tell you this, there will be no going back…and you might
never…forgive me,” his voice was so low, I hardly heard
the last words as it passed his lips.

The
thought of not being able to forgive Tristan…how could I not?
He walked further out unto the ledge. I followed him at a close
distance. I stood at his side. He didn’t look at me. He held on
the railing as the boat began to move smoothly by itself. I paid no
attention to the uncertainty of our destination nor on the fact that
I knew, no one was there, steering the vessel.

He
sighed deep and gazed out into the horizon, and far away into the
deepest, distant memory of his past.

“
I
n
the beginning…before there were any fallen angels, there was
envy among angels and against humanity. Some lower ranking angels
wanted to be archangels and some, wanted to be human. The lower
ranking angels did not possess certain gifts that were given only to
archangels.

Humans
on the other hand were envied because they were free to choose as
they pleased—a freedom that none of the angels had. Humans were
able to feel physically and emotionally in many different levels.
They were free to choose their destiny, feel humanly love, choose
someone, have a family and most importantly they were given
grace.

While
angels were created for their specific purposes and were given no
choices…we also possess the ability to love and feel but it
was limited only to our purpose. There were also angels that hated
humans, because humans were weak and were loathed by selfish desires,
immorality and physical weaknesses. They also hated the fact that
humans can be forgiven for whatever grievances they had committed.
Grace
was not something
offered to angels.

A
war broke and all who rebelled were cast down from heaven—archangels
and
lower
ranking angels alike. Though, they all fell from the rank, where they
once were, they kept their powers. Fallen angels roam the earth.
Those who hated humans constantly tempt them to give in to their
humanly desires so that they can fall from grace—they were the
“
dephils”
or demons
.
While those who wanted to be human, associated themselves with humans
and eventually married mortals and
their
bloodline descendants became, the
Nephilim
race
.
But there were those who
want
nothing to do with both. They wanted to end the war, protect the
angels and
humans
alike and they’re simply, the
fallen
.”

“
Which…one..
are.. you?” The voice in my head wanted me to stay quiet but
the question immediately saturated my thoughts. I was terrified of
the question but even more terrified of the answer. But If I wanted
to know him—If I was to trust him—I must know—everything.

He
was silent, as he weighed his options on how to tell me the truth.
His lips were still as stone for what seemed like eternity. Finally
he said, “A
dephil
,”
his face darkened, and his eyes dimmed. And for a shadow of a second,
I saw a glimpse of the dark immortal and a terrifying chill, engulfed
me. I shivered. I could see the deep regret in his eyes behind the
confession. It didn’t seem to sink in at first as I continued
to listen to his
all-too-shocking
confession.

A
demon! A strange wave of terror crashed over me
.
How can that be?
I
tried to grasp at what I could hold on to. A part of me wanted to
comfort him…to say the right words, but I could hardly wrap my
mind on the revelations right in front of me. I should be fearful,
angry and running.

My
mind felt heavy. I stood still, silent and frozen. He paused for a
moment, like he was giving me time to process it all in. But the look
on my face had probably given him the impression that I was too far
from absorbing everything to have a clear reaction.

He
continued with uncertainty. He fixed his gaze, straight, bleak and
hollow.

“
When
I fell, I was a dephil—a demon. I hated humans for their
selfishness and self righteousness. I hated their weaknesses of lust
and greed and all their physical limitations…” he paused
briefly.

“
Why
would an angel want to be like them?” as he said the words, I
felt the hate that consumed him that ravaged in his heart.

“
For
centuries, I roamed the earth, deceiving and tempting humans for that
was what my purpose had become. I was there when someone was on the
brink of committing murder. I was there to plant a seed of sin and
deceive…” his expression was dark.

“
For
awhile it made me feel invincible. I was fearless. The spectacle of
eliminating humans from the earth where I was bound to spend until
the end of time is what I craved—what I existed for.” He
tilted his head high and closed his lids, clawing his fingers into a
fist.

For
another brief moment, a flash of darkness surrounded the creature in
front of me. I took a step back, my hands covered my lips, though I
knew, there were no screams that could echo out. I was simply numb.
It took him a moment to open his eyes, before the violent rage in
them turned to agony.

“
Every
human suffering stood out in my memory with painful, agonizing
clarity. Their anguish and despair right before they take their own
lives or someone else‘s. Eventually my powers became a burden,
the constant desire to see the suffering of
men
and their downfall…” he gazed down briefly.

“
Although,
fallen angels couldn’t truly feel, I felt the emptiness of it
all. My craving for human suffering is as strong as the hollow I felt
inside. It was my destiny—an unbearable punishment.” He
gripped the railing stronger, tightening the muscles in his arms. I
thought the metals would break. I held my breath. My heart stopped.

“
I
have been existing for a hundred years…a thousand years…I
didn’t know…I didn’t
care.
They were merely human years.” His voice was deep and desolate.
I shuddered
at
the revelation but rejected the emotion. I wanted to hear more. I
needed to know more
.
He
suddenly stopped. His gaze, even further away now, recalling a past
that somehow seemed, he wished he could erase. I gulped dryly at the
pain in his expression.

“
One
day I saw her.
A
girl
.
Bored with myself, I took a break from my meaningless purpose. She
was playing in the playground…she wore a dress, her hair in
pigtails with ribbons. Nothing about her was interesting…I was
merely passing by…” his voice was low. I bit my lip and
listened intently as he continued on.

“
For
whatever reason, she sensed my presence. I stared at her briefly with
the curiosity that I never had for any other creature before. Nothing
in this world ever truly appealed to me. Nothing was ever truly
magnificent in my eyes then…I have seen everything…there
was nothing new under the sun…but she was…she was
different.

She
saw me while I was invisible to the human eye. No man can see me
unless I allow them to. Angels possess the power to choose whether we
wanted any living creature to see us or not—a trait all angels
possessed, fallen or not…” There was a heavy burden in
his eyes.

“
But
she could…she did. She possessed a rare unique gift that I
didn’t understand, something I have never seen before. She
provoked my interest that I never thought possible…” His
tone shifted.

“
She
looked up at me intently and to my amazement, I saw another strange
phenomenon. I saw
colors.
They
were blushed pink with a shade of rosy red. The colors radiated from
her cheeks—the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. You see…I
have never seen colors before. No angel has. It was only a tale…a
myth that you hear in the air to break the monotony and boredom of
being an immortal and provoke the fallen to jealousy—the beauty
of color that only humans and certain living creatures had the
ability to see. Angels cannot see
color
nor feel the same
way, humans do for we do not possess the same bodies. Nothing in our
being was earthly…we simply did not belong here,” his
face was downcast.

“
Just
then, the little girl looked into my eyes. At first, I didn’t
realize that she could actually see me, but then she looked at me
with her eyes wide…her emotions, puzzled. She greeted me in a
very low meek voice…her cheeks radiating in the most beautiful
glow…” All of a sudden, I pictured a little girl in my
mind. She must have been scared, small and so fragile.

“
I
was astonished and wanted to confirm her gifts. I asked her if she
could really see me. She answered me back in her timid voice. Then,
she asked me a question…a truly wrong question—she asked
if she wasn’t supposed to. I didn’t answer her but I knew
the hate in my eyes gave me away. Her face turned pale. She was
terrified. She sensed the danger. She had reason to fear me…