Cast & Fall (36 page)

I
was powerful.

I
was immortal.

So
how could this little girl see me without my permission?” His
voice hissed angrily like a serpent. The dark anger streaming off his
unrecognizable face, made me truly terrified.

“
My
powers were beyond hers, a human, a mortal,” he growled.

“…
how
was she, by her mere presence control my powers that were given to
me—an angel, who was once in heaven,” his voice arrogant.

“
I
was at war with myself…I hated her as much as I hated my
punishment.” He
clenched
his jaw again.
“
I
planned on deceiving and tempting her and take her…”
Just then, he paused. A deep agonizing sigh followed. I felt a stab
in my heart, ripping through me. My whole body tightened.

“
I
attempted to take her life once. I had no right but my hate consumed
me. I came near her, the fear in her eyes as she stared at the
animal’s eyes. I was transformed into what I was…

An
animal

A
monster

A
demon.

She
was on the swings one day…” His eyes were dim.

“
I
circled around her, about to take her life…I wanted her to see
me, to feel my power, so I came closer, inches from her face. Her
mortality so fragile in my hands…I could see it still, the
warm crimson against my palms. I could sense the life, leaving her
mortal body. I felt absolutely powerful, Invincible…we weren’t
allowed to take an innocent life, but I didn’t care. I would
have taken my punishment gladly and banish myself for all eternity.
There was nothing more I wanted than anything. I wanted to savor the
moment, waiting for the perfect timing,” he paused.

“
For
a shadow of a moment, I saw the reflection of myself in her eyes—of
what I had become. She shut her eyes in fear. Then, I sensed her
emotions…but they weren‘t clear. Curiosity rose within
me—something I have never felt in a very long time. It was a
strange feeling. I was suddenly confused by the battle in her
thoughts—in my thoughts,” he continued.

“
She
was definitely afraid. But I also felt something different, something
extraordinary—something I have never felt since I have fallen.
I felt…love, radiating from within her. I wanted to know more
and know what was on her mind. But I had no way of reading her actual
thoughts,” his expression was softer now.

“
Her
emotions in my head were low at first and I could hardly form
anything concrete to sense her reasons. I waited. Then, she spoke. As
I continued to listen, I heard her, louder, clearer. She was
speaking…she said my name. She said…‘Tristan…don’t…’”
His eyes were fixed, his thoughts consumed, as he continued.

“
You
couldn’t imagine the thoughts and emotions that stirred in me.
My name in her lips. I have never heard my name called out before…not
by a mortal. I stilled in silence, waiting for more…then, I
heard her praying—prayers didn’t matter to me—I
have heard meaningless prayers for centuries…but this was
different…because, she wasn’t praying for herself, she
was praying for—me. I was confused. She said my name out
loud…she knew me…how?…I didn’t know how
she knew who I was and how she knew I needed to be saved…from
myself,” his voice, low.

“
For
once, I was in rattled confusion, my thoughts, my actions…they
were against one another. I have never battled my own will before—not
once. But the reasons didn’t matter, it was enough to let her
go,” he continued. “I suddenly found myself
intrigued
by her rare gift. I had followed her numerous times and it didn’t
take long until I realized that she could see the future through her
dreams, and for the first time, I truly hated myself…because
as I planned and plotted, I realized the purity of her heart was
real…” My chest tightened as I continued to listen.

“
There
was a reason why she was different.
Colors
were an envy among
angels. Stories were told of how beautiful they were and that only
certain earthly living creatures had the ability to see them. Colors
represent a promise—a pact between
heaven,
earth and man. Angels can also see color but only black and white—the
same
way you see a black and white photograph. When a person is good,
patches of color appear in their skin. Children, they say possess
them, but I have never seen them until I met her—she was the
reason why I was no longer a dephil. She made me remember what it was
like to truly love—to remember who I was.”

Suddenly,
his eyes bored into me—into my soul, as deep pain flashed from
the depths of his vision. My heart constricted and felt heavy from
the eternity of the confirmation of his words.

“
You
were that girl!” His voice was agonized. His eyes, too deep and
tormented. I could hardly look at him. Suddenly, pieces of my memory
came rushing back and my heart began to pound violently. I was the
girl on the swings. My nightmare. Someone trying to take my
life—there were a lot of pieces of my memory missing. It was
real and not a nightmare—
the
animal.

“
It
was you!…you wanted to kill…” Moisture in my eyes
brimmed over. My fears rushed to subconscious. I didn’t know
which was harder, the attempt in my life or the confession of who he
really was.

“
Could
you ever forgive me?” The intensity of regret in his voice
washed over me as if I saw my own pain.

“
You
see…you knew me because you can see the future through your
dreams…you have a very rare gift…you can sense souls
and spirits…and sometimes you can see the future,” he
continued.

“
At
first, I didn’t understand any of it…”

“
How
is that possible?…I knew you?…I still don’t
understand—we’ve never met…I don‘t…?”

“
Remember!
We have met before…we have met when you were merely a child,”
his revelation sent shivers down my spine. My whole world was
shifting around me, about to crumble at any moment.

“
It
tore my heart out to block some of your memories…I had to.”
The next words were even harder to hear. “Why?…” I
gulped dryly as I slowly staggered to back away from him.

“
You
erased my memories?” Even with the words coming out of my lips,
I couldn’t comprehend the words I was saying.

“
When
I realized that you can see the future in your dreams, I knew that
you knew about the fallen angels and it wouldn’t take long
until the dephils found out and…they would have killed you.”
His eyes were too dark. I felt like the whole earth swallowed me
whole—like I would disappear.

Agony,
despair and anger crushed my insides. I briefly crawled myself out of
the chaos. I needed to know more.

“
Why…would
they kill...me?” The violent fear engulfed me. I found myself
holding on to a very thin thread of reality.

“
The
same reason why I wanted to kill you?” his voice was certain.

“
The
dephils feel superior to humans and that would only be the only
reason.”

Silence
suddenly surrounded us. I had so many questions swirling in my head,
trying to connect all the scattered piled pieces. His agony was
indescribable. I couldn’t say a word as he continued on.

“
From
the moment I have met you, something continued to change in me and
for the first time I felt something—something other than
emptiness and as much as I didn’t want to feel and feel for
humans, it was better than my lonely existence that I had solemnly
embraced for so long. When I had eternity staring me in the face, I
was unaware of the passing of time, but yet the pain of everyday is
as close to madness I could ever feel. I would have traded everything
for peace, and I had everything, at least everything, that this
meaningless life had to offer at my disposal.

For
years, I roamed the earth again. But several years ago, I decided to
come back to this place. I didn’t know why…they had
attacked me when they knew I began to love humans. I wasn’t
sure how they overpowered me. I was stronger than almost all
fallen…but that was when you found me in the woods...”

A
sudden jolt of memory surfaced in the edge of my vision. Fear and
warmth flooded my mind as the recollection of a wounded angel slowly
came back to me.

“
I
remember…you…were hurt!…I heard you call out to
me.” A vision appeared in front of me…a memory
resurfaced.

About
48 months ago

The
wounded angel struggled to move as the dagger penetrated his chest.
Locked in his eyes, I slowly went toward him with nothing but fear
and worry for the
winged
immortal.

“
You
approached me with so much compassion as if you understood
—
as
if you knew me again. The fear in your eyes vanished, as you touched
my hand. You were with me the entire time. I was afraid for you so I
demanded for you to leave...but you wouldn’t…my power of
persuasion were too weak,” he gasped.

“
I
couldn’t leave you, I couldn’t let you die,” My
words spilled out confidently, as the memory continued clearing in my
head.

“
I
would have survived, I was immortal. I only needed a few weeks to
heal from my wounds, but you helped me and saved me once again in the
only way that counts...for weeks you came to see me and helped me
heal. You had shared about your dreams, your nightmares and glances
of memories of the future—with me…but I knew there was a
future darkness that I needed to save you from. You have saved me and
I promised myself that I would do the same for you. I wanted you to
be safe, no matter what the cost. I took away your memory of saving
me—of everything about me and in the process changed your
life.” He looked down and paused briefly.

“
You
see, I had no right to interfere in your life…even from the
beginning…I had always been wrong…when I erased some of
your memories, I have also altered your gifts…that’s why
you can’t completely remember your dreams. I did not only erase
some of your memories but have also altered your abilities to see the
future. The dephils didn’t know anything about you and I wanted
to keep it that way. I have convinced myself that only your life
would be more important than what you want…or mine for that
matter—and right and wrong—
didn‘t
matter
.”
he continued.

“
I
could hear the echo of my name being called faintly in my head. The
longing for you to remember me, but I knew the price of that.”

“
I
remember now,” I said. “There’s more…”
a memory was resurfacing.

“
You
told me something before you left…something important.”
I stared in silence, waiting for a response, but he didn’t say
a word. As if he was hoping for me to recall it on my own. Pain and
hopefulness flashed from his expression. I looked at him in silence
as I began to hear his voice in my head. My mind was filling with new
visions and I started pulling things out—sorting, filing, and
piecing all at the same time. As if something blocking my memory had
been removed.

Suddenly,

A
clearer memory resurfaced.

A
Flash back.

My
room felt warmer, stuffier than usual. Baked air hung thickly under
my nose. I flexed my toes and tossed back and forth on top of the
covers as if the shift of wind would suddenly change. I decided,
letting the air in, was the only thing that could help ease the
rising heat I was feeling. As soon as I opened the windows, I heard
the chorus of crickets in a repetitive echo, filling my room.

The
soft gentle wind blew the drapes—the air felt good on my skin
and I breathed in relief, letting the cool air caress my skin. I
looked out into the darkness and felt the loneliness creeping in. I
didn’t shut the windows, instead, went to lying back down in
bed, blinking to the hopefulness of seeing the fallen angel again. I
smiled at the thought and cradled my emotion as if it was the most
important thing in the world to me.
Would
I see him again? Would he ever come back?

My
thoughts were immediately intercepted.

A
strong gust of wind, whipped inside, and I jolted up in panic. Then,
in a flicker of an almost invisible moment—
he
was there
.