Cast & Fall (43 page)

A
warmth of confidence washed over me under his touch. I suddenly felt
brave. Then, he swung a black, shiny helmet and slowly squeezed it on
my head. It felt a little heavy, constricting and a little
ridiculous, but subjected myself to the torture.

“
How
about you…aren’t you going to wear a helmet?”

“
No…I’m
fine, he smiled and shook his head. I suddenly realized how silly the
question was. Tristan obviously being immortal, didn’t need
one. Because there was nothing in this universe that could hurt him.
Suddenly that thought darkened by the knowledge that there was
something in this world that could hurt him…me—his
continued association with me, a mortal, could make him susceptible
to weaknesses. I couldn’t bring myself to think of the dark
thought that suddenly popped in my head, I will have to think about
that later.

But
right now, all my thoughts are on him and this thing that I was about
to ride on. I brushed off the sudden anxiety I felt, sliding behind
Tristan, my arms stretched, holding and clasping my hands around his
waist. He gave it a gentle squeeze before turning the ignition on. I
sat stiff in the back of the motorcycle. After we glided off so
swiftly, I decided to press my cheek against his back to block myself
from a possible panic attack. I concentrated on the fact that I was
holding on to him.

I
shut my eyes as we accelerated much faster than I wanted to go. I
wasn’t sure how fast we were driving, I couldn’t find the
courage to peek yet. I continued to stiffen on the back, my fingers
clawing deep to hold on to him. His driving felt confident and I
focused on that. He didn’t seem to worry that an accident might
possibly be waiting for us at the end of the road.

“
Don’t
worry, nothing’s gonna happen. I fly faster than this.”
Tristan,
flying! I couldn’t imagine it. I shouldn’t imagine
it—
though
the memory of his previous driving might have given me an idea. My
hands tightened on his waist even more. The wind whipped through the
helmet.

I
felt a thrill of excitement and genuine fear at the same time. My
eyes peeked hesitantly. The narrow paths didn’t help ease my
anxiety. After a few suffocating breaths, I had managed to look
confidently at the moving scenery that looked like stretched
canvasses. We glided faster as we approached a stretch of the sparkly
blue ocean that had become a backdrop on the right side of the
motorcycle. If we were a picture, we would have been a beautiful
photograph.

I
felt my stomach heave at the sudden change of gravity as we continued
on path up the hill with no sign of slowing down, and glided even
faster going downhill. I felt another wave of panic as I unavoidably
recalled the accident I had previously at roller mountain. Despite
the fact that I didn’t think I hit the ground, I could still
imagine my body plunging…and Josh…poor Josh…who
was in a coma because of—I trailed off, not wanting to fuel the
fear that suddenly ignited in my head.

As
we approached a sharp corner, I heard the longest skidding sound that
made me hyperventilate. The thought of my body and possibly my brain
on the pavement—splattered, painted quite a very clear image in
my mind. When we finally came to a halting stop, It took me a whole
minute before I was able to find…my
heart
beat
.

“
Are
you okay?…I shouldn’t have agreed…I knew you were
trying to be brave…but you don’t need to.” I
couldn’t speak. My face felt pale as he held my hand and I
slowly got off the motorcycle. He leaned it on its side.

“
I’m
okay” I assured him as I planted my feet on the ground.

“
We’ll
leave the motorcycle here…I’ll have someone pick it up.”
I suddenly felt incapacitated—like a coward who couldn’t
follow through with her plan.

“
Please
don’t feel bad,” his voice was more than concerned. He
must have seen the disappointment in myself on my face.

“
No!…this
thing shouldn’t scare me,” I yelled at my own cowardice.

“
Would
you like to walk with me?” he offered. Tristan’s voice
was velvet smooth and seductive. I suddenly had forgotten my
irritation with myself. He held my hand and started leading us on
another path. By then, I had forgotten my bad mood. As we continued
walking, we passed a mini antique shop and a cigar store.

We
were standing on a cobblestone path next to a somber colored building
that sold flowers. As he came closer, I leaned back automatically
against the wall. And as our eyes met, I caught something different.
He stroked me with his eyes slowly—sending me the kind of
strange, electric shiver that unravels me. I love the way that I was
so interesting to him, like everything about me fascinates him. He
was staring at me like as if he was seeing me for the first time.

“
How
do you do that?” My thoughts slipped out of my lips—almost
a whisper. I meant to keep it to myself, unwilling to disrupt the
silence between us. “Do…what?” his face soft,
glowing in curiosity.

“
How
do you look at me like you’re seeing me for the first time?”

“
Amazing,”
he whispered. Delight and awe curled from his lips.

“
Very
observant…because I am,” he stated. My eye brows twisted
in confusion. “Everyday I am seeing you more and more the way a
man sees a…beautiful
woman…each
day is different, more beautiful than the day before…my angel
eyes merging with human eyes.”

“
Oh…”
I said, trapped in his magical words—as if it was out of a
fairy tale story book. My cheeks flushed warm. He then, proceeded to
place one finger on my cheek and traced across softly.

“
Hmm
…you
color my world,” his voice in awe—his eyes, beaming and
brilliant. And as our eyes met, he continued to lean toward me, his
majestic, perfect face breathed his heavenly scent. The scent filled
my nose—the cool, hard, dizzying, intoxicating, euphoric scent
that awakens all of my senses that draws all of me to him.

He
continued to hold my gaze without saying a word. He softly brushed
his fingertips across my cheek again, feeling the heat deepening
there, before placing his hands on both sides all the way to my chin
and slowly brought his face closer to mine.

My
skin prickled at his delicate touch, rippling in a magnetic sizzle. I
stared at him. His eyes were mesmerizing. I felt a little weaker from
the intensity of all my emotions. A beautiful vibration swells up
inside me, blossoming into something extraordinary. I noted the
feeling. I never wanted to forget it.

He
slowly and delicately placed his soft lips on mine. He kissed me slow
and gentle, like he was holding something so fragile. Suddenly my
heart danced to the rhythmic moving of my emotion, unable to contain
the fire that burned inside my chest. His kiss was gentle. Cautious.
Warm. But his tongue and breath was cool—cooler than spring
water, drenching and quenching my parched lips. I couldn‘t get
enough. My thirst. My need, overwhelmed me.

For
a blink of a moment, everything stopped and the kiss was the only
thing that existed. Our lips synchronizing so fluidly. Then suddenly,
his mouth became eager. He kissed me deeper. There was a sudden
hunger and desperation in the way he kissed me. My mind twisted in
the moment, could hardly catch my breath. I started to entangle my
grasp on his hair, pulling him closer—responding to the urgency
of his kiss.

Then
for the longest moment…I was lost in exhilaration. Nothing
else made sense except for the feelings I had at that moment.
Everything felt quiet, while my heart felt chaotic and wild.

Suddenly,
and before I could comprehend what was happening, and to my surprise,
he pulled his face away almost immediately. He closed his eyes rigid
and clenched his jaw like he was in pain. I stood still, while the
fragments of passion started disappearing, replaced by a string of
questions settling into confusion. I decided to let his response take
hold longer before trying to figure it all out—waiting for more
clues from his strange reaction.

For
a long moment, I was unable to decipher anything in front of me. He
gave me nothing, except the same expression of agony or pain or both.
I stood silently, still holding my breath for answers. It took a long
moment before he moved. But nothing could prepare me for what I saw.
His eyes flashed open. I could see heat and flame from his
translucent Iris, burning within the depths of his vision. I stared
in shock, unable to move my lips. It took him another second before
he could utter a word.

“
I’m…fine,
I apologize,” he said, barely audible. He shut his eyes again
before he held out his hand to take mine. I gave it and when I gazed
at his eyes again, the burning
blaze
had completely vanished. He gazed at me with a strange expression. I
felt fear spread through me—like something unknown from deep
within. With no explanations, he gently pulled me inside a flower
shop.

M
y
body jerked at the sound of the ringing doorbell. I opened the door.
My heart fluttered echoing the butterflies in my stomach. He smiled
at the excitement he heard from my heart and his eyes mimicked the
deep emotion I was feeling.

I
could never take anything about him for granted. I had come to the
conclusion that I could never get used to seeing him, or hearing his
voice, or feeling his touch or smelling the scent that always sent me
to unimaginable edge of euphoria. It was just simply impossible.

I
gazed at his eyes, even more vibrant than the last time I had seen
them. I was overwhelmed by the mixed emotions I felt—the
unknown—the changes in him that make him susceptible to the
many weaknesses that now had also become his strength.

Would
I have the same courage and strength to let him go? The question
terrified me. Is my will…my love strong enough to give him up
as he had done for me and is still willing to do for me? or will my
selfish human nature prevail? I didn’t really want to think of
the answer to that, although I knew—an absolute…no.
There was nothing in this universe that could make me want to be away
from him and it terrified me that my heart hangs in the balance of
his decision—the decision to love me more and love me enough to
save my life. But I knew too well that his choice to leave me this
time won’t save my life…it would end it.

A
fter
school, I drove to Tristan’s house. I decided to wait for him
there. Tristan had given me a key code to his house. His extra
curricular activities were hard to keep up. I didn’t really
want to know more than necessary. His association with the other
fallen angels always sent a healthy fear in me, and I realized, the
less I knew the better.

I
keyed in his code from my phone. The door clicked open. When I
entered, the cold and whitewashed walls welcomed me less surprisingly
this time. I looked at the bare walls.
Maybe
Tristan would allow me to do something with them,
I
muttered to myself.

I
shut the large wooden and steel frame behind me quietly. Sweeping my
eyes to the grand entrance, It looked exactly the same as the last
time I was here—empty…and very large…especially
now that Tristan was not with me. The path immediately led me to the
kitchen.

For
a brief moment, the memory of my last visit here sent a smile from
deep within and in that instant, I felt a sudden calm of relief. I
yanked the refrigerator open and I was surprised to see that it was
still, very well stocked. But this time, the items were mainly
non-perishable—bottled sodas, juices, condiments and boxed
items in the freezer.

I
closed the fridge and sat on the bar stool and felt the cool granite
counter against my palms. I fidgeted my fingers, trying in some way
to jump start something in my brain that would give me some idea of
what I needed to do next. After a few minutes of sighing, fidgeting
and sweeping my eyes endlessly on the same bare walls, I found myself
upstairs.

I’m
in Tristan’s room.

His
room was large, and as usual, cold and empty—white walls, white
ceiling, gray sheets—and I’m reminded of an eternity of
lonely existence. Somehow the monochromatic tones, loses its beauty
in my eyes. His unimaginable pain stings my insides and deepens in my
chest. I sat on his bed, feeling the cool, crisp fabric from under my
palms.

Suddenly,
the sound of faint footsteps made my heart accelerate.

Tristan
.

My
eyes focused at the door entrance. There was—no one. Then I saw
a quick shadow blaze faster than my eye could hold on to. It moved
too quickly. A strange fear descended upon me. The shadow emerged. It
was hazy at first, my vision dulled by sudden fear.