Casting Down Imaginations (37 page)

fifty five

K
aren

I was standing at the sink washing dishes when I heard the
front door open. I assumed it was Terrance. He was due home from his workout a
half hour ago, and I hadn’t heard from him. But when I heard the click clack of
stiletto heels against the hardwood flooring of the apartment, my heart began
to sink.

With shaking hands I returned the glass plate I was holding
back to its sudsy bath and slowly crept around the corner into the living room.
Christy stopped suddenly when she saw me. Her eyes widened, then pierced with
confusion.

“What
are you doing here?” she had the nerve to ask me.

My mouth dropped in angry amazement at this skank who was too
dumb to realize that she had crossed the line.

“What
the hell are you doing here?” I asked her.

She dangled a key in my direction. “Terrance gave me a key. I
been had it. And, he told me to meet him over here today.”

I stared with my mouth open as she walked over to the couch
and sat down, then crossed her legs and her arms defiantly, testing me.

“Are you crazy?” I asked her. “You better get up outta here
before you get something started.”

“I
ain’t scared of you.”

I swallowed the profanity that found its way to the tip of my
tongue.

“You
actin’ like you know me. Don’t make me show you that you don’t,” I warned her
as coolly as I could, ready to snatch her weave out.

She
only smiled at me.

I was outraged. “You think I’m playing!” I yelled at her.
“Don’t make me go in the kitchen.”

She remained still, everything except her smile, which grew
wider, not heeding to my warning. I was about to show her that I wasn’t the
weakling she thought I was. I marched into the kitchen and got a butcher knife,
then marched back into the living room and pointed it at her.

“Get
the hell out!” I screamed.

The smile on her face was now gone. “What you gon’ do with
that?”

“Don’t make me let you find out,” I said coldly. “Get the
hell out of my house. Now.”

She hissed under her breath and rolled her eyes. “I don’t
need this,” she said, and stood to her feet. “I ain’t ‘bout to catch no case
over you.” She
s
moothed
down her mini-skirt as she sashayed over to the door. “Tell my man to call me
when he gets home,” she said, and switched out of the apartment.

“You
ho!” I screamed after her.

“I’ll be that,” she laughed at me. “It’s what
your man
likes.
And don’t think you it ‘cause he taking care of you, either. Because, please
believe it baby, he’s taking care of me, too.”

She got in her car and pulled out into the parking lot, then
waved as she burnt off.

I went back inside and screamed as loud as I could. I was mad
enough to tear up everything in the place, but I forced myself to drop the
knife onto the floor before I used it to cut up the couch.

I couldn’t believe that heifer! She had the audacity to come
to my house and ask me what I was doing here!
No! What are you doing here!
This is my house!

And Terrance! Oh my goodness, he was gonna get it when he got
home! He gave that wench a key! Knowing I live here, he gave her a key! What
kind of… Ooohh, I could just…

I picked up a pillow from the couch and stuffed it in my
mouth and bit down on it as hard as I could. I had to. Otherwise I was going to
break my hand by punching a hole in the wall.

After a few minutes I calmed down, then got the phone book
and looked up a number for a locksmith.

fifty six

K
aren

I stared at myself in the mirror, dressed in the wedding gown
that I would soon be wearing as I walked down the isle toward Terrance. It was
the most beautiful thing that I’d ever been fortunate enough to wear. It was
made of white satin and embroidered in a fine lace. The spaghetti straps
supported the dress with just the right amount of strength, and the empire
waistline complemented the long train that was gathered at my feet. I imagined
myself in a church with a big bouquet of flowers in my arms, walking toward
Terrance as music played in the background. In my dream, I was the happiest
woman in the world.

My vision was interrupted, though, when I heard Terrance come
through the front door.

“Karen,” he called out.

I remained quiet, wanting to catch him by surprise.

“Where you at, babe?”

He peeked into the bedroom and looked at the bed, wondering
if I was taking a nap. He lit up when he saw me standing in front of the mirror.

“Wow,” he managed to get out. “You look… oh my…”

“Do you like it?” I asked him.

His mouth hung open, unable to speak.

“What is it?”

“When did you…”

“I haven’t bought it yet,” I told him. “I don’t even know if
I’m really gonna get it. The bridal store sent it over with a note saying I
could spend as much time with it as I wanted. Just one of the perks of marrying
you, I guess.”

Terrance walked over and stood behind me. “You look so
beautiful.”

“Beautiful enough to be your wife?” I asked him, hinting at
the week long argument we’d been having about Christy.

“Hell, yeah,” he said with a laugh, then kissed my neck. “You
smell good, too.”

I knew what he wanted, but I wasn’t exactly in the mood. I
pulled away from him. “Not now, Terrance.”

He pulled me close, making me stumble on the train of the
dress. “Come on. Let me take this off of you.”

“Stop! Look what you’re making me do. I could rip this. I
told you it’s not paid for yet!”

“Calm down,” he said, a bit irritated suddenly. “You know I
got the money for it.”

“That’s not the point, Terrance,” I hissed at him, and
gathered the train of the dress to make sure it was still in tact.

“What’s your problem?” he asked, annoyed.

“My problem is you, you horn-bag.”

“Horn-bag? What the hell?”

“You know what I mean.”

He folded his arms and backed away from me. I was too
irritated to deal with him. When I looked at myself in the dress, I dreamed of
my wedding day. When Terrance looked at me in it, all he wanted to do was take
it off of me and have sex. I was starting to feel like nothing but his sex toy,
and I was getting tired of it.

“What’s with the attitude?”

“Just leave,” I told him as I turned away, and unzipped my
dress. Suddenly it wasn’t as beautiful as it was before, and I couldn’t wait to
get out of it.

“Why?”

“Just go, alright!”

“What’s your issue, girl?”

“You!”

“What did I do?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem.”

“What didn’t I do?”

I placed my hand on my hip. “When are we getting married,
Terrance?”

His eyebrows went up, stunned. “One day soon,” he told me.

I rolled my eyes and turned away. “Just get out.”

“This is my room, too. Why I gotta leave?”

“Because I need to take this dress off.”

“Well take it off. I don’ already seen everything you got. What
are you being shy for?”

That stung. I gasped at the hurt of truth. I gasped again, my
lungs feeling tight. It was hard to breathe as I suddenly understood. He had
already seen everything I had. Received everything I had. Why would I act shy?
And most importantly, why would he marry me? There was no need to.

“Get out!” I screamed at him, tears already flowing down my
face.

“Get out! Get out!”

He tried to console me, but I pushed him as hard as I could.
He hardly moved. His firm body was much too strong for my smaller build. So I
slapped him.

“Get out!” I screamed again.

“What’s wrong with you girl? Why you going crazy on me?”

“GET OUT!!!”

He backed out of the room. I hit him repeatedly, crying the
entire time, until he was out in the hallway. I slammed the door in his face,
then took the dress off and put it back in its bag from the bridal gallery. I
felt so horrible, so used, so unwanted. I put some pajamas on and cried myself
to sleep, even though it was only a little after five o’clock.

fifty seven

Anaya

“Why don’t you come in?” I asked Derrick as we walked hand in
hand to my apartment. “We can watch a movie or something.”

He looked uneasy. “You sure?”

I nodded. There was something about Derrick that made me
trust him. We went rollerblading in the mall and then out to dinner, and he
didn’t so much as touch my behind, even though I knew he wanted to. The two
mango margaritas I had with my meal had me in the mood for some TLC, and the
more Derrick remained a gentleman, the more I wanted to give it to him.

“I don’t know,” he hesitated.

I unlocked the door and motioned for him to come inside with
me.

“Okay. Just for a few minutes.”

“Why? You gotta hurry home to your woman or something?”

“You know there is no woman,” he said as he came inside and
took a seat on my brand new sofa. “The only woman I am even trying to get next
to is you.”

I locked the door behind us and sat beside him, then took my
shoes off.

“This place is nice,” he said as he looked around. “Furniture
and all. Must cost a grip.”

“That’s for me to worry about,” I politely corrected him.

“Didn’t mean nothing by it. I apologize.”

“It’s okay.”

“No love lost. I shouldn’t have been trying to figure you
out, anyway.”

I scooted closer to him and rested my head against his chest.
“What are you trying to figure out?”

“You.”

“What about me?” I asked, and began to unbutton his shirt.

He was tempted. “What you doing?”

“Trying to get to know you,” I flirted.

He chuckled. “Get outta here with that,” he laughed.

I smiled and continued. “Why are you interested in me?” I
asked him.

“I don’t know,” he confessed. “You sexy. Smart. Kinda
mysterious.”

I leaned over and kissed his neck. “Mysterious?”

“Yeah. I mean, I been working in clubs for a long time, and I
seen a lot of girls. But you different.”

“How so?”

“You seem so put together on the surface. All the other girls
at Prestige got some kind of issue. They either had kids way too young, they
don’t know their daddies, they were abused some kinda way, they’re stupid,
running from the law… But you. I seen you with your dad. You got a heart. I’m
just trying to figure out how a girl like you got in a lifestyle like this.”

I sat up, seeing clearly that he wasn’t half as anxious as I
was to have sex.

“Is it that important to you?”

“You don’t want to talk about this?”

I shook my head adamantly.

“Okay. Let’s just change the subject.

“Thank you,” I said, and began to kiss his neck again. “I
want you.”

“What you doing, girl?” he asked through a moan. “You better
stop.”

“Why?”

“You gon’ get something started.”

“I know,” I said, and took off his shirt. I was about to
remove his undershirt as well when he stopped me.

“We better stop,” he said. “Seriously.”

I pulled away and gave him a review. He appeared to be in his
right mind, but I couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t jumping on this chance to
be with me.

“What’s the matter?” I asked him.

“I like you.”

“Again. I ask, what’s the matter?”

He smiled and shook his head at me. “I realize I may be the
only man in the world who doesn’t want you only for sex.”

I was confused. “What?”

 “I don’t wanna have sex. I mean… I do. I really… really do…
But I’m not going to. I want us to wait a while.”

“Wait awhile?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“’Cause. I happen to be a man who still believes in romance.
And I don’t want to take advantage.”

“Take advantage? No, I want to.”

“I know you do. But it wouldn’t be right.”

“But you’ve already seen all of me,” I told him.

“I know. And I don’t want to cross the last line that is
between us.”

“Oh,” I said, disappointed, and stood to my feet.

“You mad?”

I was, but I wasn’t going to be rude enough to say it. “No,”
I said, and kissed his forehead. “You’re sweet.”

“You are, too.”

“Yeah right.”

“I know you are.”

“Whatever. If you don’t want to have sex, then what do you
want to do?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I’m really tired. I live all the way
on the other side of town, and I’m a lil’ tipsy. I didn’t wanna say nothing,
but I don’t think I’ll make it home. Can we just go to bed?”

“What? I thought you didn’t wanna have sex?”

“I don’t. I’m just tired and I really don’t think I’ll make
it home. And… I think it would be pretty cool to wake up next to you in the
morning.”

“You just trying to be slick,” I laughed at him. “I ain’t
falling for it. You missed your chance. But you can stay here overnight if you
need to. You sleepin’ on the couch, though.”

“Awh,” he whined, and put his face in his hands.

I went into the closet and gave him an extra blanket and
pillow, then went into the bathroom and took a shower. When I was finished, I
went back into the living room to check on him. He had taken off his shoes and
was struggling to get comfortable.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” he lied.

“Come on,” I said. “You can sleep in the bed with me. But you
better not try anything.”

“I won’t. I promise,” he assured me, and followed me into the
bedroom. On the way he cracked his back.

“Damn,” I said, and laughed. “That couch was killing you,
huh?”

“Gettin’ old.”

“Keep your hands to yourself now,” I said as we got beneath
the sheets.

“I will.”

I didn’t believe him, but to my surprise, he was a perfect
gentleman. The only time he touched me was when he gave me a kiss goodbye when
he left in the morning.