Catalyst (11 page)

He nods in appreciation.

“You look amazing. If he doesn’t want to jump you after seeing you in that, something isn’t quite right then. Is there more?” He peers into the dressing room, and I can’t help but laugh.

“Gah, you’re such a man. You’re supposed to be here to help me out, not eye fuck,” I say but really, I’m enjoying every minute of this.

“You’re stunning, Tins.” He keeps his words short, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. I look him in the eyes, and without a word, he speaks a dozen different things to me. Noah’s eyes are dark now, and I’m left flattered and confused.

Right now, I can feel everything shifting. My world’s tilted, and I’m not sure which way to sway.

Maguire had mentioned randomly one day how he thought Noah wanted to be more than my friend, but I had dismissed his thought, feeling very clear about Noah’s and my relationship.

Now, though, I can’t help but feel as if maybe Maguire was right; that Noah does have a certain amount of feelings for me. I think back to why we never tried it, and in the end, I realize it’s always been bad timing. We’ve been close yet so far away from something serious, and I feel like I’m seeing things differently now.

How blinded have I been for the past few months? All the times Noah’s been there for me to pull me back from the brink of breaking. He’s been my rock, and I never thought about his feelings in the situation.

“Noah?” I ask as I pull on a silk nightie, concealing myself a tad more but still showing way too much cleavage for just a friend.
Is he just a friend?
I look in the mirror and fix a few stray hairs, trying to calm my breathing.

“Yeah?” He sounds further away now as if he’s taken a few steps away from my dressing room door. Butterflies fill my stomach with uncertainty and anticipation.

My thoughts keep jumping from Noah to Maguire and back again.

One has been there for me forever, knows me better than I know myself, has proven himself loyal, and I’m pretty sure is in love with me.

The other is new, yet comforting; a risk that allowed me to live again.

My heart is seriously confused. I need to get out of this store and back on neutral ground. Knowing Noah’s out there, in the state we’re both in, is only cause for trouble.

“Can you come here a minute?” I say and hope I’m not fucking up two relationships right now.

I hear him sigh and his light footsteps walk my way. My heart pounds in sync with each footstep. The dressing room is private and only one other woman is trying clothes on right now, luckily.

After a few seconds, I hear soft knocking on my door and quickly turn to open it up an inch.

When I gaze into his eyes, I’m comforted by the love I see in them, the hope.

Opening the door wider, I silently take a step back, allowing him space to join me. The air is thick with desire and passion. It’s intense, and it’s starting to take over my thoughts.

He closes the door quietly, and we close the space between us, his hands coming to rest on my elbows. His touch is like electricity shooting down to my core. He towers over my barefoot five-foot-five frame. Our breaths mingle together—we’re that close.

This is wrong.

I’m with Maguire.

This feels right, though.

Thoughts continue to come at me in every direction, warning me to stop. I’m not thinking clearly, and people are going to get hurt.

“What are you doing, Tinsley?” His voice is thick. Noah’s thumbs are gently rubbing against my arms, and I want more.

God, I want more.

“How come you never told me?” Looking up, I search for answers I already know. Noah would rather have a friendship than risk losing ‘us’ in the process. He’s been doing the exact opposite of what I’m doing right now.

I’m reckless.

“I have you in my life. It was selfish of me to want more when you were happily in love with Liam, and I respected that. After—you know—I just didn’t want you to fall for me for the wrong reasons. You were fragile, and you needed a friend more than you needed a lover. I was going to make a move when the time was right, but by then, you were enveloped by Maguire.” He sighs heavily.

I need to be closer to him. I need to, but I don’t make the move. I stay firmly planted, inches away from him.

“All those times you spent the night on my couch, you never once crossed the line.” I think back to all the times Noah could have at least hinted he had deeper feelings for me.

“It wasn’t like that. I think because we’ve been such good friends for so long, the physical attraction was there but more so, I loved being near you and a part of your life. You have no idea how many cold showers and thoughts about grannies I’ve had over the years. You’re beautiful inside and out, Tins. I couldn’t risk you not feeling the same way. I couldn’t risk losing you.”

I pull him into an embrace. His wonderful, manly scent fills my nostrils, and I’m at home. Noah is my home.

How in the hell I didn’t realize this sooner is beyond me. Noah and Liam were really a lot alike. Both too good for me, both looking out for what’s best for me out of love and affection.

“How long? How long have you thought about an … us?” I motion between us, and he smiles slyly.

“Too long for my own good. My poor girlfriends in the past had no chance. I tried to get you out of my head, I swear. But I always came back to you.” He leans in and kisses my forehead. A sweet gesture but not nearly enough for satisfy the craving.

Thoughts of him with other women make my blood curdle, but I know I have no bearing to be upset. Granted, I never wanted to imagine him balls deep in another chick.

“So you like what you see?” I put my hands on his chest as he devours me with his eyes. He nods and pulls me into a deep kiss that has me begging for more. I let out a quiet moan and he brings his finger up to my lips, breaking away from me.

Smiling wide, he shakes his head. “We’re not rushing this.” He gives me one more kiss and puts his hand on the door handle. “I’m going to hate myself later for being a gentleman, but I’ve promised myself that if I ever got this chance, I wouldn’t let myself think with my cock. Get dressed and we’ll go grab dinner.” He looks me over once more, bites his lip, and walks away.

I stare at the door, thoroughly confused at what just happened over the past five minutes and what a game changer this could be.

After getting dressed and checking out, we head out of the store with nothing for Maguire but a few more than intended pieces of lingerie.

The rest of the day goes smoothly. We grab dinner in a low-key restaurant. He holds my hand every chance he can, and I let him. I feel ecstatic, but there’s a cloud of doom trying to nudge its way over my head. I know I have to end things with Maguire before Noah and I can feel right.

Ugh.

I need to talk with Maguire, and I’m not looking forward to it. I’ve never been the one to dump the other. I’ve always been lucky, or not so lucky, to be the one who got the bad news. I care about him deeply, but not in the same way as I do Noah. Thinking about how Maguire’s going to take it, I can’t decide if he’ll be nonchalant or over-the-top pissed.

When did Christmas shopping turn into a life changing, behind closed doors conversation that is leading me to break up with a man who really could be good for me?

Noah kisses me good night after walking me to my door, and I can’t stop smiling. I feel blind and ridiculous that this didn’t happen sooner. His touches, though, light me on fire, and I can’t wait for more of Noah. He’s my new addiction.

I start with my normal routine of brushing my teeth and taking my makeup off. I slip into some jammies and just before I go to bed, I get a text. Staring at the phone, I debate whether to look at it.

Somehow, I know who it’s from, and I can’t help but feel guilty for my actions today.

Liam: Tinsley, there will be consequences.

I know that tomorrow, everything will change.

Maguire

SHE’S RECKLESS.

I tried. I tried to show her how perfect we were for each other.

She doesn’t seem to get it.

It isn’t an option. I’m not a back-up plan.

Because of her and
him
, we’ll have to do things the hard way.

I don’t mind really; it will still end with the same result.

I let her continue to have Noah in her life. She took my gift for granted.

Tsk tsk, Tinsley.

For every action, there is a reaction.

Tinsley

MY BODY FEELS
like it weighs seven-hundred pounds. Attempting to lift my arm, I fail and realize it’s because something is wrapped around it.

My eyes blink slowly, but it’s dark, so dark. My mouth is dry, and my head is throbbing.

Where am I?

Scooting my body just a bit, I try to sit up, but I hear the distinct sound of metal, clanking against my limbs.

Chains.

I’m chained down. Below me, though, it’s soft. Like a bed. My breathing is becoming more erratic as I freak out. My heart is beating out of my chest. I listen to try to hear if someone’s in the room with me, but I see nothing but darkness. I’m frantic, my limbs are moving to try to break free, but all I succeed in doing is making a shit ton of noise.

Lying there waiting for my eyes to adjust, I’m slowly able to make out faint shapes. My eyes scan the room. First, I see a nightstand beside me. Next is a television mounted on the wall. Blinking, I squint my eyes to see if I can notice anything familiar.

I’d gone to bed last night in my bed. It is clearly evident, that this isn’t my room.

I can’t hear anything except for the ticking of a clock on the wall.

I’m starting to panic. My heart’s thumping so loud now; I’m just waiting for a heart attack.

I know this room.

It’s Maguire’s.

My breathing is coming out in concentrated, heavy breaths. I’m trying not to freak out, but it’s not working. Unsure if it's better I’m alone, I try desperately to slip my wrist out of one of the chains, but it’s no use. The metal scrapes against my skin, and I cry out.

Lifting my neck, I glance down. I’m naked.

Not in the good way, either.

I’m fucked. Again, not in the good way.

I listen carefully and can hear him talking to someone, another man. After a few moments, I hear them pad into the room and I feign sleep. They hover around me, talking to each other, about me.

A hand touches my hipbone, caressing it before the other agrees.

Agrees to what? He pats the stranger on the back and moves to the other side of me, sitting close enough that I can smell his cologne.

A chair is brought over next to the bed on the stranger’s side. More hushed voices as I hear them rustling around and laying things next to me on the bed.

When the distinct sound of a tattoo needle starts up, I have to bite down on my cheek to stop myself from crying out.

Maguire’s hand slides into mine, and I latch on for dear life. I can’t pretend anymore. It’s too much.

Looking up, I see his eyes and find it odd that he has a look of endearment and compassion. I want to rip his damn head off for putting me back in this room and chaining me to the bed.

The man has one arm over my tummy and the other between my thighs. He keeps moving up and down in a grinding motion and I want to vomit. Meanwhile, Maguire watches without interfering once.

This situation is bad. He’s off his rocker, and I’m his plaything.

“Fuck!” I scream as the needle touches my pale, sensitive skin. Instinctively, I attempt to bring my legs up to protect myself but fail. Maguire’s in the background, petting my hair.

“Shh, sweet Tinsley. It’ll be over soon.” His words ring through my head.

What will be over soon? This torture? Or?

Tears stream down my face now. It feels like a thousand cats are scratching me to death. I scream at the top of my lungs, thrashing as hard as I can. The needle pokes me over and over as he tries to hold me down, but I continue, hoping that someone hears me. Maguire puts his weight on top of me and holds me as the guy continues with the needle. My screams rub my throat raw. Tears and sweat mix with my tangled hair.

I’m numbed to the pain by the time the guy finishes and rubs cream on it before covering it up. I watch as Maguire hands him some money and walks him down the hall and to the front door.

Searing pain continues to throb, even after it’s over. So many questions but hatred is getting in the way of rational thinking.

Why is he doing this? What’s he going to do to me? How was I completely blindsided by him? Has he done this to other women? What kind of monster is he? I’m going to die here, in the home Liam and I once shared. I can’t believe I was so stupid to fall for him. I fell into his hand perfectly.

When Maguire comes back into the room, he moves to lie next to me, laying his arm over my chest as if we were spooning. Except I’m spread wide on my back and can’t move.

“Did you sleep well, love?” he asks, way too calm for my liking.

“Fuck you.” I turn my face and spit on him. “Let me go, Maguire!” I twist in the restraints and can feel the metal breaking my skin. I don’t care, though. I keep screaming and moving until he puts his finger on my open mouth, thinking it’ll shut me up.