Catchee Monkey: A Rex & Eddie Mystery (Rex & Eddie Mysteries Book 1) (13 page)

“The property sales website,” Rex said. “I checked to see if she was the owner of the house. I saw her name on the free access page, but I didn’t pay to get sales dates.”

Eddies raised his eyebrows. “You researched the property?”

“To see if the house was in Derek’s name. She might have killed him for the inheritance and put up a reward to look innocent. In case she was our first femme fatale.”

“They picked Stacey Lawrence’s house so it would be traced back to her. Because they thought a real detective would check the property deeds.”

“I did real detective work?”

“Yeah, you’re a real detective, Rex. You used careful data recollection which led us to
—
”

“Nothing,” Jim Jams said. “The only reason you’ve come this far, is because of Rex. Inside that twisted noggin of his, is the ability to smile in the face of death, until he sees something smile back at him. Even if what smiled back was a useless scratch card.”

Eddie sighed. “He’s right. We made it this far because you worked out Stacey was a fake.”

“Now, I couldn’t have done that if you didn’t sort out all the other stuff. You’re good at worrying for me. Papers and receipts and backups. We found the evidence because you did the data collecting.”

“Where does that leave you two now?”

Eddie drew a blank. “We’re at a dead end.”

“Well, that’s pucker. You fellas wanna go to The Monte Carlo?”

“We need to do research,” Eddie said. “We can drop you off.”

“Where are we gonna research? We’re homeless.”

Eddie thought about it for a second. He looked to Jim Jams. “Sorry fellas, I still don’t know where I shall hang my hat tonight.”

“What do you do to go on the Internet?” Eddie said.

“Nothing, if I want to see a cat do cute things. I just go visit a friend with a cat.”

Eddie snapped his fingers. “The library.”
 

Rex turned to the old lady as they headed to the door. “Oh, just one more thing.”

“What’s that dear?”

Eddie opened the door. “If you ask her where she was on the night of October twenty-eighth, so help me.”

“I just wanted to ask if I could use the bathroom.”

***

Eddie drove the Morris Minor into town while Rex helped Jim Jams create a cocktail out of vodka, orange juice, wine and five-hour-energy. He didn’t have a glass, so he swirled the ingredients in his mouth and swallowed.

“Are you sure you boys don’t want some?”

Rex and Eddie shook their heads.

“It’ll keep you going until at least five a.m.”

“Thanks all the same.”

They dropped him off outside The Monte Carlo and continued into town. Rex’s seat buzzed and beeped.

“Um, Eddie. My seat is being weird.”

“What do you mean weird?”

“Well, it’s buzzing and beeping. Do car bombs buzz and beep?”

“Why would you say that?”

“Well, we left the car at the police station, Brown might have messed with it.”

“I’ll pullover.”

“What if that’s what triggers it?”

“Oh crap, I don’t know. Can you look under?”

“What if it’s weight sensitive? What if I move and set it off?”

“OK, let’s think about this. We don’t know what triggers it. So how about we look it up on my phone.”

“Where’s your phone?”

Eddie’s brain struggled to recall in the panic. “Uh, it’s under your seat.”

“Now what do we do?”

“Rex, my phone is the bomb.”

“How did they do that?”

“No, it’s not a bomb. The buzzing and beeping is my phone.”

“Oh.” Rex shoved his hand under the seat and reached for the phone.

“It says you have a missed call from Melinda.”

“Ah crap, I’m meant to take her out tonight.”

Eddie sped up and drove to her flat. Outside her door he pushed the buzzer.

Rex sulked. “I wanted to push the button.”

Eddie lowered to a whisper. “Don’t say a word, Rex. You are not here.”

The intercom crackled. “Hello?”

“Hi Melinda, it’s Eddie.”

“I’ll be right down.”

“Actually, can we come up for a minute?”

“We?”

“Me, the uh, the royal we, needs a wee.”

“OK.”

The door buzzed, and the lock released. Rex and Eddie jogged up the stairs to Melinda’s door and knocked.

“You wait here until I’ve explained the situation.”

Melinda opened the door in a sparkly dress and wavy hair.

“Come on in.”

“Thanks, you look nice.”

“Yeah, these are my special going out clothes.”

“Yeah, about that. Maybe we could stay in.”

“Why? I thought we were going to celebrate your big case.”

“Um, yeah. I’m a bit tired. Maybe we could snuggle up and watch a movie. Go out another night.”

Melinda’s shoulders slumped. “You haven’t changed at all. You’re still the boring boy who’s not going anywhere.”

“It’s not like that.”

“I’m not interested Eddie. I want you to leave.”

“We’ll still do a surprise night out, just not tonight.”

“You always want to stay in or do the same things. I want excitement and adventure. I want to be surprised.”

“Rex is outside.”

“Why are you telling me that?”

“Surprise?”

Melinda crossed her arms. “No.”

“So I’m getting kicked out because I’m boring and have no adventures?”

“Yes.”

“Well, then. It may please you to know, I am actually a fugitive from the law after being framed for arson. The case I solved was murder, and the murderer is a big time gangster who sent an assassin to kill me and Rex.”

“Really?” she said with sarcasm.

“Really.”

“Really?” Sincere this time.

“Yeah, so don’t think of it as a boring night in. But a dangerous safe house hiding two heroes while they fend off gangsters, police, and snipers.”

“Snipers?”

“Yeah.”

“You should leave.”

“But I thought this is what you wanted?” Eddie said with genuine confusion.

“I want you out.” Melinda pushed Eddie towards the door and shoved him out. Rex hid at the side of Melinda’s door.

“But I did it all for you.”

She slammed the door. Eddie slumped.

Rex smiled. “So, how’d it go?”

***

“Hello, we're here to visit Billy,” Eddie told the nurse.

“Billy who?”

“Uh, Billy Quid?”

“I’ve got a William Bishop?”

“No other Billys?”

“No.”

“William Bishop it is then.”

“Room eighty-two. Visitor hours close in ten minutes.”

Rex and Eddie headed down the corridor while keeping an eye open for potential assassins.

“Hey Eddie, if we do get shot, at least we’re close to the Accident & Emergency room. Right?

“Please, Rex. Not now.”

The pair entered room eighty-two, a square room with six beds partitioned by blue curtains. Rex and Eddie popped their heads in a few curtains until they found Billy asleep with his arm in a sling.

“Sorry, Billy,” Eddie said.

In the distance they could hear a nurse order visitors to leave. Next to Billy they saw a spare bed. They drew the dividing curtain and laid down.

“Hey Eddie, do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon.”

“I want to be two equal spoons laying next to each other.”

The nurse switched off the lights, and they lay in the dark.

“Hey, Eddie. Good work today.”

“You too. Good night.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Me too, we’ll see if we can share Billy’s breakfast in the morning. He’ll probably still be sleeping.”

“What do you want to do tomorrow?”

“We’re gonna go to the library as soon as it opens and search for Stacey.”

“Real detective work?”

“Real detective work,” Eddie said with a yawn. “But you were right. She is our first femme fatale.”

“Hey, Eddie.”

“Please, Rex. I’m very tired.”

“Sorry, it’s just. I don’t remember the last time we had a sleepover.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while. If you’re quiet, I promise we can have another one soon. Maybe go camping.”

“Deal. Good night, Eddie.”

“Good night, Rex.”

FOURTEEN

Outside the library, Rex and Eddie shivered. Rex’s blazer gave him an extra layer, but Eddie struggled in just a shirt. He made a vow to himself, from this day forward he would keep a jacket on hand in case of future assassination attempts.

When the doors opened, Rex rushed to the nearest computer. The sign said
fifteen minutes per person
. They found the Snodling house on property websites. Using a free fourteen day trial they searched previous house owners to confirm Stacey Lawrence sold it ten years ago.

They proved she’d moved to Australia using a careers site to find her CV. She had a university administration job in Perth.

“How do we find the girl we met? All I remember was that she was late twenties, blonde shoulder length hair, and she made a terrible cup of tea.”

“Was it shoulder length?” Rex said. “I thought it was just below her ears. I remember she had blue eyes, no wait, green. Maybe they were blue.”

“This is useless. How are we detectives if we can’t even remember what she looked like?”

“I think they were blue.”

“There’s no way of finding her with so little information.”

“The Equity website. It’s all the union actors. If we do a casting search we can find her.”

“If she’s an actress.”

“She’s an actress.”

Rex typed in her physical description and age range on the Equity site. The site brought up over two thousand searches. Rex scrolled through each headshot one by one looking for Stacey. When Rex’s fifteen minute allotment was over they were only seven hundred deep. The computer screen counted down and flashed red. Rex attempted to bash the keys but it did not respond.

“You’ll have to stop now,” said the spindly librarian. Her bun of dark and grey hair created a purple orb above her head. She walked over in a deliberate manner, as if she balanced the purple ball on top of her skull.

“We just need a few more minutes.”

“It’s fifteen minutes per library member.”

“I’m a member,” Eddie said. He typed his library card number and pressed enter. A pop up read,
there is an issue with your account please see the librarian.

Eddie dashed to the counter but the old librarian took her time joining him. He tapped his hand on the table top.

She looked at him over her glasses. “You have an outstanding fine. Five pounds.”

Eddie frowned. “I don’t have five pounds.”

“Well, I’m sorry, once fines reach five pounds the account is locked.”

“So anything below five pounds is fine?”

“Yes.”

“Rex, do you still have the ten pence?”

Rex pulled the tiny silver coin from his pocket and bolted to the counter.

“No running,” the librarian said.

“Sorry.”

Rex handed over the ten pence coin. She typed the information.

“Your account is now active.”
 

The pair ran towards the computer station.
 

“No running.”

They speed-walked the rest of the way.

The extra fifteen minutes did not prove fruitful. With five minutes to go they had another four hundred actresses to view.

“She’s not here, Rex.”

“We can narrow it down. Did you see the ballet shoes, the ones I tripped on? Maybe they were hers.”

Eddie added ballet into the search form. Two hundred results.

“She was good at throwing fruit. Good aim.”

“There isn’t a fruit throwing option.”

“Give sporty a try.”

The new search brought up sixty results. They raced through each one and finished with two minutes to spare. She wasn’t there.

“It’s over, Rex.”

“Oh well, it was worth a try.”

“How can you be this relaxed? You really do smile death in the face. You have to do something. Some weird leap in logic. We have to find the lying cow or we’re dead.” Eddie paused. “Lying cow,” he repeated.

“OK Eddie, calm down.”

“Don’t you get it. Lying cow!”

“Shh,” said the librarian at her desk.

“Sorry,” Eddie lowered to a whisper. “She lies.” He changed the age category to young twenties. Thirty searches. The fifteenth profile was her.

Eddie hissed. “Becky Cooper.”

“That headshot doesn’t do her justice. I mean she was much prettier in person, and it doesn’t give off the smoky lying femme-fatale casting.”

“Yes, thank you, Rex. Can we focus?”

They searched her name on Facebook but the account was private. Twitter showed a bunch of Becky Coopers until the computer screen lit up with a red flash.

The librarian stood over them. “Time’s up.”

“Just a few more minutes please.”

“I’m sorry but it’s fifteen minutes per person.”

“In a few more minutes we’ll be done.”

“Yes, well, everyone thinks they’re a special case.”

Rex stood up. “It’s an emergency, lady.”

“An emergency on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

“Please, will you give us more time?” Eddie said.

“Absolutely not. I must make everything available to all customers. I can’t have you hold up other people.”

“Who are we holding up? There is no one else on the computers.”

“It’s policy.”

Rex, snuck away to the librarian’s counter as Eddie argued with the librarian.

“Fine, the library is stupid anyway.”

“Very well,” the librarian said. “Be on your way.”

Rex searched for Becky Cooper on Twitter.

“This library card is useless. I’m gonna tear it up.” Eddie attempted to rip the laminated card but merely bent it at best. “I’m gonna rip it to pieces.” He tried again but didn’t leave a mark. The Librarian folded her arms, tired of Eddie’s little fit.

Rex gave Eddie a thumbs up. He was impressed Eddie managed to drag the performance out, unaware Eddie genuinely tried to rip it.

“When I get home, I’m gonna cut it up with scissors. So there.”

Rex read a tweet from @Becky82 about a ballet audition.

“Yes!” Rex threw his hands up in celebration. The Librarian turned to her desk.

“You can’t be back there,” she said.