Catchee Monkey: A Rex & Eddie Mystery (Rex & Eddie Mysteries Book 1) (14 page)

Panicked, Rex tapped the print button. Across the desk, the printer fed out a page.

“Printouts are twenty pence each,” she said.
 

She reached for the paper, but Rex snatched it. He was cornered by the librarian.

“Rex, throw it.”

“No throwing allowed.”

Rex chucked the paper, but it looped in the air and floated back to him. He made a paper plane with precision and focus while batting away the angry librarian with his kicking leg.

Eddie waved his arms. “Just throw it as a ball.”

Rex screwed it up and chucked it at Eddie. The librarian made a dive for the printout, but Eddie shoved one hand in her face and grabbed the paper ball. The pair ran and didn’t stop until the library was a pinprick in their view.

Eddie unwrapped the ball of paper. “What is it?”

“Tweets by Becky Cooper,” Rex said, still catching his breath.

Eddie read through the tweets.

@Becky82 Open mic at the Spout 'n' Bottle tonight. Come on by.

@Becky82 Don’t forget it’s Drum and Bass at The Spout tonight. I’ll be serving.

@Becky82 Booked my holiday to Jamaica, Well proud. #ActingJob.

@Becky82 Free sandwiches and doughnuts at noon every weekday @thespoutnbottle.

“I bet we’re the acting job,” Eddie said. “She was hired to set us up. But why?”

“To go to Jamaica?”

“No, why was she hired? It was either Palmer, or Brown working for Palmer, but why put out a ransom for your own murder?”

“Maybe Stacey, I mean Becky, knows.”

“Let’s go to The Spout 'n' Bottle and talk to her.”

“And eat doughnuts?”

“That’s not the primary purpose.”

“But if they’re there?”

“Then it would be rude not to eat at least one doughnut.”

FIFTEEN

“We’re gonna need beer money,” Rex said as Eddie drove.

“I spent our last ten pence. Want to call Jim Jams?”

“Mid-mornings are his extended nap times. What about a loan?”

“The bank doesn’t really do beer money loans.”

“Why not, it’s just a few quid?”

They both had the same idea. “Billy!”

Rex and Eddie sneaked into Billy’s hospital room. He was asleep and they wanted to keep it that way.

"Aren't we stealing by not asking?" Rex whispered.

"We don't have time."

"But what about our principles?"

"He borrows money all the time. He’d be fine with it. If he was awake I'd explain it to him."

Eddie grabbed the small bag of pound coins, the heaviness surprised him. As they tiptoed out Rex knocked over a metal table, which awoke Billy.

“What’s happening?”

“Shhh. Go to sleep,” Eddie said. The coins jiggled as they ran out.

“Me pounds!” Billy called out.

***

The Spout 'n' Bottle was a pub and club between East Cloisterham train station and the High Street. It used to be an old jeans factory and its industrial atmosphere was a hit with the emo crowd. Steel beams paired up with hanging chains and gothic murals that mixed skulls and drug culture with the odd image of historical places.

The building’s three floors featured band stages, pool rooms, beer gardens, DJ dance rooms, and several bars. During the day only the front bar was open, which made it easy to find Becky Cooper.

Rex and Eddie approached the bar. Becky, in the uniform black top and fluffed up hair, served another patron. She was in a much lighter mood when not playing the grieving daughter.

“This is it, Rex. Brace yourself … Rex?”
 

Rex helped himself to the doughnut tray.
 

“Rex come here. Here. Now.”

“What can I get you?” Becky asked, not recognising them in the poor light.

“Two beers please.”

She recognised the voice and went rigid. “What do you two want?”

“Thwoo bhears,” Rex said with a mouthful of doughnut.

“Everything all right?” the barman said.

“Yeah, fine.” She poured their drinks.

Eddie leaned closer. “Where are the documents?”

“I gave them to the man.”

“You best start from the beginning?”

“Yeah, we want every detail,” Rex said, between bites of doughnut. He built a tower out of the remaining ones, perfectly balanced on a single napkin. “Don’t leave any details out.”

“Why should I help you?”

“Because you’re gonna get us killed.”

“And?”

“And?” Eddie said. “And it’s not fair.”

“If I help you, you’ve got to protect me, yeah?”

“You want us to protect you?”

Eddie’s lack of confidence caused Becky to step back. She reassessed the pair. Eddie scratched his head while Rex gorged on doughnuts. “Well, no one else has offered, so yeah.”

“We’ll do our best. As long as the information is good. We want details.”

“One of the bouncers here, he said he knew someone that needed an actor. I’m an actor really, this is a day job. I’m between agents at the moments but
—
”

“Maybe not all the details,” Eddie said.

“Well, they needed someone to pretend for them. It was just meant to be over the phone. They gave me a mobile and said if it rang I was meant to say I’m Stacey Lawrence and offer five grand for information on the death of my father, Derek Lawrence. I took the phone, they paid me a hundred quid a week to keep it on me. It never rang. They told me to keep a hold of it.”

“Terry Palmer?” Eddie said.

Rex choked a little on his food.

Becky quietened to a whisper. “I never met Terry Palmer, but I’m sure they work for him.”

“Why?”

“Because they were upset when you linked the murder to him.”

“What happened after the phone?”

“No one called it. After two months they told me to give it back. I took the money, and it was over with. Then last week they came to my house and told me there was a message on the phone and I had to return the call.” She pointed at Rex. “The message was from him.”
 

“So they wanted to make sure they tied all their loose ends,” Eddie said. “Find out if anyone could link Palmer to Lawrence’s death.”

“I called you back and arranged the meeting like they asked. A tall man with a badge and gun listened in as you talked.”

Eddie nodded. “That’s probably our detective friend.”

“When I kicked you out—”

“The fruiting.”

“Sorry, it was a stressful day. I thought if I got rid of you fast, life would go back to normal.”

“But?”

“They came back with the phone. They thought, if you two idiots
—
”

“Hey,” Rex said.

“Their words, not mine. If you two found anything, then Palmer could still go down for murder.”

“So you called us and spent the money on a trip to Jamaica?”

“No one expected you to find anything.”

“Did you see what happened to the evidence?”

“The police detective. He listened in the other room. When you left he burned the papers in front of me.”

“So then they followed us?”

“Yes.”

“Did they follow us before that?”

“No. It was just the detective the first time.”

“Your nan’s safe, Rex.”

Rex smiled, revealing doughnut clumped between his teeth.

“Who’s the bouncer that got you the job?”

“Louie Burton, but he died a few months ago. He was found in the river. His belly was full of holes.”

“He was shot?” Rex said.

“He was stabbed with a sword.”

Becky covered her face. Her eyes welled up. “I think Louie killed your man, and he was a loose end. Now there are three loose ends left. You, him, and me.”

“They paid you off.”

“I don’t think that matters to them. They’re paranoid enough to put out a reward for their own killing. It’s all a bit much, isn’t it?”

“Would you be a witness to the documents? Corroborate our story in court?”

“I wouldn’t make it to the court date.”

“Then we can’t help you.”

“Witnesses can be killed, and we will be killed,” she said. “But we can mail your backup of the documents to every newspaper in the country. Then killing us does nothing, there’d be no point.”

Rex and Eddie stared at their feet.

“We don’t have our backup any more,” Eddie admitted.

“What? What kind of idiot loses … forget it. Well, that’s great. You’ve got nothing else in the office?”

“That detective set it on fire.”

“He blamed us,” Rex said. “What a cheek.”

“The man in the black SUV set it on fire. Did you ever see a black SUV? Do you know the driver?”

Her eyes widened. “The man with the Glasgow Smile?”

“Happy Scottish people?” Rex said.

“It’s when they cut both your cheeks.” She mimed her cheeks being cut. “To give you two scars up the sides of your face.”

“That’s disgusting,” Rex said. “That’s enough to put a man off his food.” He licked his sugar-coated fingers.

“Great, so we have a gangster, a bent policeman, and a scarred assassin after us.”

Rex grinned. “It’s like we’re James Bond.”

“Except we’re homeless, gadget-less, we’ve no experience, and instead of a martini, we got a flat beer with too much head.”

“Hey,” Becky said.

“No offence.”

“It is a bit flat.” Rex nodded. “But the doughnuts are good. Who made them?”

“It’s a Tesco’s value pack.”

“We should get these next time we stake out, aye Eddie? Good snack food.”

Eddie tapped his forehead. “We need to follow our footsteps. Somewhere, there’s a connection.”

“Laing,” Rex said and bit into a cheese roll. Eddie hated it when Rex jumped from dessert to a savoury meal, but that was an argument for a different time.

“John Laing has nothing to do with it.”

“He said Lawrence stole stories. Palmer killed his brother in the seventies so Lawrence sat on that story for decades. Maybe he pitched it to Laing for Taskforce?” He bit into the cheese roll. “There must be older documents.”

“Rex, that’s genius.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. People get too full for dessert, but not me. I eat the doughnuts first and then fill up on the meal
—
”

“I mean Laing. Not the cheese roll, although that is disgusting.”

Becky placed her hands on her hips. “I made those.”

“Not the cheese roll itself, eating it after a doughnut. We’re offtrack. Rex, we need to see Laing.”

“I’m coming with you,” Becky said.

“Why?”

“Because, I don’t want you to screw it up.”

Rex and Eddie assessed her answer and nodded in agreement.

***

Rex, Eddie, and Becky approached Laing’s front door. Each of them waited for the other to press the doorbell.

“You ring it,” Eddie said.

“No, you,” Rex said.

“He likes you.”

“It’s your turn.”

“How is it my turn?”

Becky rolled her eyes and pressed the doorbell. Laing opened the door.

“Didn’t expect to see you two again.”

Eddie smiled. “I know, we left in a hurry, but
—
”

“Come to pay your tab?”

“Uh, sure?” Eddie studied Laing’s face to see if that was the right answer. Laing didn’t respond. “How, uh, how much was it?”

“Fifty-two in total.”

“Oh, right, well, we have—” Eddie counted up the bag of pound coins they borrowed from Billy. “Twenty-eight pounds.”

“Forget it, you can’t put a price on knowing where you stand with people.”

“Sorry, we had an emergency. We didn’t mean to skip out on the tab,” Rex said. “Plus, you look like you can afford it.”

Laing crossed his arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, uh,” Rex’s freezing habit kicked in.

“What Rex means is you have a lovely nice house, you’ve got your own company. Fifty-two quid probably isn’t a big deal compared to your elaborate fountain in the backyard.”

“How do you know about my fountain?”

“Well, I uh?”

“You’ve been nosing around my property?”

“No.”

Laing’s dog scampered to the front door with Eddie’s old shoe in its mouth. The dog nudged it at Eddie’s hand.
 

Eddie took the shoe to calm the dog. “That’s weird, aye?”

“Goodbye gentleman.” Laing pushed the door closed.

“Please, we just have a question. One question.”

Eddie’s foot blocked the closing door.

“Ouch, why do I think that’s gonna work.”

“Please,” Rex said. “Did Lawrence ever talk to you about Terry Palmer? Or tell a story about a gangster throwing blood-soaked clothes in the river?” Laing opened the door a little. “Terry Palmer is trying to kill us. If Lawrence said anything about Palmer’s crime, you can save our lives.”

Laing stroked his beard in shock.

Eddie pointed at Becky. “And hers.”

Becky raised a hand. “Hi.”

“No, but I hope it works out. I hope you do clear your name and lock up the bad men after you. I hope you survive this whole ordeal.”

“Really?” Eddie said, touched by the gesture.

Rex smiled. “That’s nice.”

“Yeah, I hope you survive it all and then get cancer.” Rex and Eddie’s warm and fuzzy feelings vacated fast. “And then I hope your cancer gets cancer. I don’t want to see you on my doorstep ever again.” Laing slammed the door shut.

The three took in what just happened.

Rex raised a hand. “Is that because he wants the cancer to kill the cancer, and we become healthy? Or, did he wish us a double dose of cancer?”

“He meant double cancer,” Eddie said.

Becky headed to the car. She turned to face the pair. “So does this whole Columbo act normally work for you?”

Rex and Eddie pulled confused faces.

“You know, you act stupid so they drop their defences, and then you strike.”

Eddie shook his head, “It’s not an act.”

The three walked up the path to the battered Morris Minor.

“Now, what?” Becky said.

Rex and Eddie got in the car. Becky stomped behind them. Eddie sat at the steering wheel.
 

Becky knocked Eddie’s headrest. “Hello? Now what?”

“Nothing, Laing was a last option. Even if he did remember Lawrence’s story, he left all the TV stuff behind when Taskforce ended.”

Rex hit the dashboard. “He left it all at the old TV studio.”