Chasing Circumstance (6 page)

“Please, I promise, it’s for a good reason.”  His smile was so soft and real that I couldn’t help myself. 

“Alright, but don’t make me regret this decision.”  I smiled back at him, tied the bandana over my eyes, and sat in silent anticipation.

Ten minutes had never passed so slowly.  I bounced my legs in eager apprehension as we drove to our next stop.  This was an unexpected turn of events that I had not prepared for in my script.  My mind raced with the possibilities of what was about to happen and how to prepare for it, but how do you prepare for the unexpected?  Inhaling deeply, I placed my hands on my knees in an attempt to stop my legs from jumping like a cricket during mating season.  Just as I got settled, the car stopped.

“We’re here.  Just sit there for a minute, I want to prepare everything, and then I’ll come get you.  No peeking!”  Stuart kissed my cheek and I heard his car door open and then close again.  I sat there listening to him open the trunk of the car and the sound of his footsteps as he walked away.

A few minutes later, Stuart opened the car door and took me by the hand.  “Watch your step.”

“How am I supposed to watch my step when I can’t see anything?”  I laughed as I answered him.

“I know it’s hard for you to trust me, but right now, you don’t have a choice.”  Stuart took me by the hand and led me away from the car.

“There is always a choice, even if it is only how we choose to deal with the situation at hand.”  Pulling from my script, I came up with the perfect answer.

“True and I am happy that you chose to trust me.”  We stopped walking.  “Okay, you can take off your blindfold.”  Stuart released his grip on my hand.

I reached to untie the scarf and as I lowered it from my eyes, my breath caught in my throat.  “Is this… Is this…”  My thoughts were lost in the majestic view that stood before me.

“Yes, this is Bothwell Castle, the place we intended to be married.”  Stuart stepped in front of me and swept me into his warm, strong embrace.  Tears rolled down my cheeks as our lips met in a gentle kiss.  “Why are you crying?”  He kissed the tears from my face.

“Because this is too perfect, Stuart.  This is what it was supposed to be and then you… then you broke my heart!”  I cried harder.  This time it was not happy tears though.

“Amia, I know I don’t deserve it, but I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for the pain I caused you.  I was in a dark, lonely place, and I honestly never thought I would ever meet you face to face, but here you are.  You proved me wrong, and I couldn’t be happier about it.”  He once again hugged me close to him in an attempt to calm me.

I cried on his chest for just a moment before gathering myself and wiping my tears.  “Why now?  Because I’m here?  If you had just been patient, if you hadn’t lied, if you had just stuck to our plans, things would have been so different.”  I felt myself starting to get angry.  I took a deep breath to calm myself again.  “You know what?  There is no sense in talking about it now.  Let’s just enjoy ourselves, okay?”  I stepped back from him, turned, and looked down.  That’s when I saw it.

He had laid out the perfect picnic on a red and white checkered blanket.  There were lit candles surrounding the spot, with an open basket full of food and a bottle of wine chilling in a bucket of ice next to two glasses.  A bouquet of lilies sat in the center of it all.  He had remembered what I had told him about my idea of the perfect first date.  “Oh my goodness!”  I felt a bit light headed from the rush of emotion and Stuart caught me in his arms as I began to lose my footing.

“Are you alright?  Here, sit down.”  He held me as I sat on the blanket.

“Yes, I’m fine.  I forgot to eat today with the meeting and all that.  I’ll be fine in a few minutes.”  I couldn’t admit to him what was really happening.  I didn’t want him to know how all of this was affecting me.

“Here, start with this while I fix our plates.”  Stuart handed me a bunch of grapes wrapped in a napkin.

“Thank you.  They look delicious.”  I plucked one from its vine and tasted it.  The sweetness of the fruit sat delicately on my palate.  I closed my eyes and enjoyed the flavor while listening to the acoustics of our surroundings.  The slight breeze echoed softly through the castle ruins and moved my hair across my face.  When I opened my eyes, I saw the flame of the candles dance in the wind’s peacefulness. 

Tucking my hair behind my ear, I watched Stuart as he prepared our meal.  “You know, I haven’t thanked you for your hard work in setting all this up, so, thank you.”  I grinned a comfortable smile as I spoke to him.  I was surprised by how natural all this felt.  My script flew right out the window as I told myself it was okay to just enjoy the moment as long as I found my way back to reality when it was over.  I mentally left a trail of breadcrumbs to make sure I could find the path back to the truth of the real situation.

The two of us spent the remainder of the evening enjoying our picnic and each other’s company.  When we finished eating, we packed up, and drove back to Stuart’s apartment.  He carried my bag upstairs while I carried the picnic basket and blanket.  He seemed to be the gentleman he had once promised me he was.

Once we put everything away, we curled up together on the couch and talked about art, music, and the differences between life in the States and Scotland.  It was exactly like the time we had spent getting to know each other over the internet, except now, we relaxed in one another’s arms, and I felt his heartbeat against my back as his lips whispered over my ear. 

Succumbing to the long day and the three bottles of wine we shared, Stuart fell into a deep slumber on the couch while we laid there listening to music.  The velvety smoothness of his breathing began to lull me into sleep as well.  Fighting the urge, I slowly stood up and reached for my laptop.  I had to write in my blog while the emotions of today were fresh in my mind.

“Dear You,

Where are the scissors?  Someone needs to cut the rope that my head and heart are using in this game of Tug of War.  It’s not funny and it’s too hard of a decision for me to make in this emotional space.  Help!!!

Do we ever receive the answers to our questions of, “Why?”  Can we trust a path that has been forged through a darkened forest and is haunted by the painful ghosts of our pasts?  Is the sunshine of today capable of breaking through the protective canopy of trees that surround us? 

Yesterday’s miseries are slowly being washed away with the sentiments of today, but what does that leave for tomorrow?  Is there anything to discover at the end of this rainbow, or will it simply fade into the Earth’s atmosphere?

So tonight, dear readers, I leave you with these questions…

Is there always light at the end of the tunnel, and if so, should you always walk toward it?

~ Amia”

CHAPTER SIX

“Good morning, Guapa.” I opened my eyes to see Stuart sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch.  He had two cups of coffee in his hands and handed me one of them as I sat up.

“Good morning and thank you.  What time is it?”  I accepted the coffee from him.  It smelled like chicory.  He was showing off his chef skills, and it made me smile to think of the trouble he went through to make coffee special, just for me.  I slowly sipped at the hot fluid so I wouldn’t burn my tongue.

“It’s just past seven.  As soon as you’re ready, I’d like to take you somewhere.”  Stuart stood up and sat down next to me on the couch.  “How did you sleep?”  He put his hand on my knee and looked into my eyes as he spoke.

“Well, that means it’s only two in the morning in my time zone, so definitely not long enough.  Honestly, I don’t remember falling asleep.  Last thing I remember is writing in my blog.”  I looked around for my computer.  “Where’s my laptop?”  I was still waking up and feeling pretty groggy.

“I shut it down and put it back in your luggage.  Don’t worry, I didn’t read anything, though I must admit, I was tempted.”  Stuart was definitely a morning person and had way too much energy for my taste.  I had never been a morning person.  I always had been forced to set my alarm for an hour earlier than I actually needed to be awake because I hit the snooze button so many times I would never be on time if I didn’t.

“Oh, okay, thank you.  Um, where are we going?  I only brought casual clothes with me and need to get dressed.”  I finished my coffee and sat the cup on the table.

“It’s a surprise.  Speaking of surprises, I ran you a bath.  There are fresh towels waiting for you next to the tub.  I’m afraid it’s not as snazzy as the Blythswood, but it’s clean and hot.”  He stood up to take our cups into the kitchen.  “Breakfast will be ready by the time you’re finished.  We’re having strawberry stuffed crepes.  I hope that’s okay.”  He busied himself in the kitchen while I went to bathe and dress.

I grabbed a change of clothes from my bag and headed down the hall to the bathroom.  There were lit candles sitting around the bathtub and all over the counter.  He had also put rose petals in the water.  It smelled like a flower garden after a heavy rain and was absolutely beautiful.  Stuart was making it really hard to not fall in love with him all over again.

I took off my clothes, folded them, and sat them on the floor next to the door before I slipped into the soothing warmth of the bath.  I watched the rose petals float across the ripples of the water as I moved my hands back and forth.  It was perfectly indulgent and I deserved this treatment from him after what he had put me through… ‘After what he put me through,’ I reminded myself of that almost forgotten fact.

Leaning against the back of the tub, I felt the coolness of the porcelain against my body.  The contrasting heat of the water and the cold of the porcelain caused goose bumps to rise on my skin.  Closing my eyes, I laid there for a moment and enjoyed the sensation.

I woke with a startle to Stuart kneeling at the side of the bathtub washing my left arm with a giant, soapy sponge.  “Good morning again, Guapa.  When you were in here for so long, I grew concerned and came in to check on you, only to find you sound asleep.”  He moved the sponge over my shoulder and down my back as I sat up.

“Oh, I guess I was more tired than I realized.  The bath felt so good that I must have drifted off.  I’m sorry, I’ll hurry and finish.  Be out in a minute.”  I attempted to take the sponge from him so I could finish bathing.

“No need to hurry.  The water feels so warm and inviting.  Mind if I join you?”  Before I could answer him, he stood, disrobed, and stepped into the bath behind me.  His hands moved over the muscles of my neck and back in a light massage.  My thoughts screamed at me to tell him to stop, but my body told my head to shut up because it just felt that good. 

Bending my knees to make enough room in the tub for both of us to fit comfortably, I sat back against his chest and exhaled.  I noticed how my body fit perfectly against his as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.  He leaned forward and left a trail of lingering kisses over my ear and down the side of my neck.  His hands roamed the contours of my body and settled sweetly over my breasts.  As his fingers played lightly around my nipples, his kisses became more aggressive and he was now biting at the skin on the back of my neck.

“Amia, please, stand up and turn around for me.”  He whispered against my ear as his hands moved away from my body. 

Rose petals clung to my skin as I stood and did what was asked of me.  I had lost my words somewhere between his kisses and command.  I watched his eyes as they moved over my body.  He studied me as though I were a piece of art.

“I will never tire of saying this, Amia, you are beautiful.”  Stuart sat up on his knees and covered my thighs with gentle kisses.  My legs began to tremble with anticipation as his face moved between them and his tongue tasted the rose scented flesh that awaited him there.  His hands moved up my legs, and grasping the roundness of their apex, he pulled my body tight to his lips.  His tongue delved deep inside me, causing my entire body to quiver from his passionate attention.  Without thought, my hands pulled at his hair to help keep my balance.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand much longer as I felt the gratifying surge of ecstasy begin to pulse through my body.  “Stuart…” I breathed out his name as I came to full climax. 

He stood, took me by the hand and helped me step out of the bathtub with him.  We walked, without speaking, to his bedroom and lay on our sides on his bed.  I moved close to him and reached to touch the side of his face.  Gazing upon his face, I was filled with concern as I saw the realness of what he felt for me in his eyes.  How had we come to this place?

Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I closed my eyes, and gently bit at his lower lip.  Stuart slid his left arm under my body, and with one quick motion, pulled me atop him. With our bodies still wet from the bath, we laid there together with his arms holding me tight to his chest and my legs together between the strength of his thighs. 

I felt the beat of his heart against my cheek as I lay there on his chest with his hands in my hair.  His muffled words seemed to come from deep within as he spoke, “Amia, I don’t want this to end.  I was such a fool to let you go, to push you away…”  Ending his sentiment against the top of my head with a gentle kiss, I looked up to see tears forming in his soulful brown eyes.

Holding myself up on my elbow, I moved my hair to one side of my head, and looked into his eyes, “I’m here now, Stuart.  Let’s enjoy this moment and not dwell in the actions of our yesterdays.”  Using the tips of my toes against the bed, I scooted myself up so we were face to face.  I kissed away each tear from his cheek and brushed my finger across his lips to quiet him.  “Now, kiss me and get lost in this moment with me.”  I kissed him with my finger still on his lips.  He suckled at the tip of my finger and as I pulled it away, our lips joined in a union that pushed away all thoughts of our past.  There was nothing now except our wet, naked bodies and our want of one another.

After he put on a condom, I slowly shifted my legs to the outside of his, and positioned myself over him.  Moving my hips down his body, he slid inside me and filled me completely.  I sat up, driving him even deeper within me and began to move against him.  He lifted his hands from his sides and moved them up my stomach to my breasts until he held the fullness of them in his hands. 

The dampness of my hair caused it to cling to my face while our bodies swayed together to unheard music.  As the beat quickened, so did our movements, until we were lost in an intense energy.  I felt my muscles tighten and pulsate around him.  Every thrust intensified the sensation until, finally, our joining pushed me over the top and my body felt like it was imploding. 

I couldn’t stop.  I wanted, no, I needed more.  Quickly, I pulled away from Stuart, turned my back to him, and slid him inside me once again.  With his hands on my ass and mine on his thighs, I rocked my hips against his until I felt the rush of euphoric pulses race through me over and over again.  With one final thrust, I felt Stuart join me in the pure rapture of our union.

I sat there for just a moment until the feeling came back to my legs, then rolled away and lay face to face with him in the same position we had started.  With our bodies still heaving from our escapades, we cuddled together, and looked for clues of our emotions in each other’s expressions.  Our smiles matched as though we were one being looking at a single reflection of our shared soul in the same mirror.  I moved to lay my head on his chest and felt him breathe through my breath and my heart beat to his rhythm.  I drifted off to sleep, no longer denying the fact that I was in love.

Stuart and I slept in each other’s arms until nearly lunch time.  The smell of fresh coffee and toasted croissants hung heavy in the air.  Jumping out of bed, I opened his closet door, chose one of his t-shirts and slipped it on.  It hung to my thighs and made me feel close to him as I was enveloped in his scent.

Walking into the living room, I saw the coffee table full of bowls of fresh fruit, two jars of jam, a bowl of whipped cream, and a plate full of a variety of rolls and breads.  I sat on the couch with my legs tucked under me as Stuart brought us each a cup of coffee and sat next to me.

“Good morning again, Guapa, I trust you slept peacefully?”  He handed me a cup as he drank from his own.

“Thank you, yes, very much so.  How long have you been awake?  This looks and smells amazing!”  I accepted the coffee from him, held it to my mouth and just breathed in its rich aroma.

“About an hour now.  I wanted to surprise you again.”  He smiled at me over the top of his coffee cup.

“Well, I am truly surprised, thank you.  Why go to all this trouble?  I thought we were going out?”  I sat my cup down, picked up slices of fresh nectarines, and began to eat them.  I felt famished and the food was a welcome surprise.

“I was thinking about that.  This is your last full day in Scotland, and I was hoping you would agree to just hang out here for the day.  We need to talk and the thought of sharing you with the outside world is very unappealing.”  Setting his mug on the table, he also chose to eat the slices of nectarines.  I giggled to myself at how much we were alike.

“Absolutely, there is nothing I would rather do than spend the day with you here in quiet solitude.”  I couldn’t help myself.  I was beyond hungry and the food looked so incredible that I helped myself to a toasted croissant.  Tearing it open, I dipped it into the raspberry jam in front of me, and savored each flaky, sweet bite of it.

“Sounds like a plan then.”  Stuart leaned over and kissed a drop of jelly from my lips.  “There’s something I need to tell you, but I’m not sure where to start.”  A serious look crossed his face and frightened me.  I was not ready to hear what he had to say.

“Then you should eat something because it is impolite to speak with your mouth full, and there is no need to talk about such serious things in this moment.”  I shoved a piece of the croissant into his mouth and kissed him.

“Alright, alright, point taken.”  Crumbs fell from his lips as he spoke through his filled mouth.

“Hey, I just said that was impolite!  Didn’t your mum teach you better than that?”  I threw a grape at him and laughed.

“Mum?  I do believe that your time in Scotland is beginning to rub off on you.”  He picked up a handful of grapes and tossed them at me.

“Oh, Mr. Cairns, if it is a food fight you are trying to start, it is a food fight you shall have.”  I picked up the bowl full of whipped cream, sat up on my knees and held it over his head. 

“You wouldn’t…”  Before Stuart could finish his sentence, I dumped the contents of the bowl atop his head, stood up, grabbed the bowl of grapes, and ran to the kitchen. 

“Incoming!” Ducking behind the bar that separated the two rooms, I began to lob them at his head like mini grenades.

Stuart raced around the corner of the bar through the barrage of fruit, slipped on the hardwood floor, and landed flat on his back.  Laughter echoed through the room as I crawled over to him and kissed him through his whip cream covered face.  “You cannot say that I didn’t warn you.”  I picked up a grape from the floor, stuck it to the whipped cream on his forehead, and laughed even harder.

After cleaning the mess from our food fight, we finished eating our meal, or at least what was left of it, and sat on the couch together.  He leaned against the end of the couch with me resting between his legs, my back against his chest and his arms draped over my shoulders.

I heard a phone vibrate against the table and looked over to see whose phone it was coming from.  It was Stuart’s.  I picked it up to hand it to him and saw the name ‘Bonnie’ flash across the screen.

“Who’s Bonnie?”  I handed him his phone over the top of my head as I asked.

He accepted the phone from me, rejected the call and set it back on the table.  “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.  Bonnie is my wife.” 

His words slapped me in the face.  “You’re wife?  What the fuck?!  When were you going to tell me this tidbit of information?  It’s not like you haven’t had enough time, oh say, over the last seven fucking months!”  I sat up and moved to the other end of the couch.

“Please, calm down.  It’s not what you think.  We’ve been separated for six months and…”  I cut off Stuart in mid-sentence.