Chiaroscuro (14 page)

"You awake?"

He smiled. "No. I'm talking in my sleep."

"Goon." Micah turned over and poked him in the ribs, and then snuggled close and kissed him. "I can't sleep either."

Jamie wrapped his arms around Micah and tucked the boy's head under his chin. "Do you need a bedtime story?"

He snorted. "No. Do you want to fuck again?"

"Micah, I'm exhausted. And I don't think I can feel my dick anymore."

Micah's hand slid under the sheets. "I can feel it."

"Quit it. Seriously. I'm too tired."

Micah huffed and lay flat on his back, not touching Jamie at all. "Fine."

Jamie rolled his eyes. "Don't pout."

"I'm not pouting. I mean, I'm here and you're always saying I'm not here enough but I'm here now, and we should be doing it!"

"There's more to a relationship than fucking, Micah," Jamie said shortly. "I would, for example, really like to go dancing with you or take you out to dinner or do something other than fuck." He frowned. "I want to give you a birthday party."

"What?"

"I want to give you a birthday party. Here. I'll get a cake from Ben's bakery and we'll invite Daniel and Aidan and whoever you want from the programming department and Dune and Ben and Shiloh and your parents."

Micah sat up and looked down at him, eyebrows furrowed. "You're serious."

"Absolutely." He sat up too. "I'm serious. A real party. Music. Food and drink--"

"You seriously want my parents to come?"

"Yes. Your whole family. Even Rebecca if she'll come."

Micah looked out the rain-spattered window. "She's in Seattle."

"That's less than a day's drive."

"She won't come, Jamie," he said, not teasing anymore. "And my parents will never understand why you'd want to throw me a party."

"Because I'm your friend. It's something friends do." He took Micah's chin in his hand and crooned, "Friiiiiend. You've heard of those, yeah?"

"Knock it off." Micah pushed his hand away. "Jamie, it's a bad idea. Thank you, but--it's a really bad idea."

"Why? Why is it a bad idea? It's your fucking birthday. You're going to be fucking twenty. All I want is to give you a fucking party."

"Stop swearing at me," Micah muttered. "Do you really expect them to believe--"

"I expect them to believe that you have friends who like you and care about you and want to celebrate you." He touched Micah's back, slowly stroked down his spine. "No alcohol. No erotic cakes. No disco, even." Micah laughed dryly. "Just your friends and family and your birthday." He laid his head on Micah's shoulder. "I'll be ever so good. Won't even try to snuggle you. It'll just be a party." He kissed Micah's shoulder and whispered, "Unless you wanted me to snuggle you."

"Oh, yeah," Micah said. "That'll end the party real quick."

Jamie continued stroking his back, circling with his fingertips at the base of Micah's spine. Micah coming out at his birthday party sounded like a great idea to him, but Micah--as always--would say he wasn't ready. And it was hard to guess when he ever would be.

All he said was, "No snuggling, then."

After moment Micah said, "Dune won't come. He doesn't like me."

"He does." He started stroking Micah's hair. "He thinks you're sweet."

"He said that?"

"He did."

"Sweet. Hm." He said after a moment more, "Ben won't come unless he comes for you."

"I think he'd come for the cake," Jamie said though he supposed Micah was right. "So, yes to the party?"

Micah nodded, and then turned into Jamie's arms and rested his cheek on Jamie's chest. "I love you. Thank you."

"I love you too, baby," he said, arms circled around Micah. "It's going to be a great day."

***

The bakery was quiet after the initial morning rush, so when Jamie came in with a sketchbook under his arm, Ben happily abandoned the counter and sat down with him and two cups of coffee. "What's up?"

"Micah's birthday, and I want to give him a party. Will you make the cake?"

"Oh. Sure. Sure. When is it?"

"It's Thursday but we'll do the party Saturday night. I want the cake to be special--you know, something specifically him. Can you do that?"

"Of course I can."

"Can you do this?" Jamie pushed his sketchbook across the table.

Ben turned it around so the drawing was right-side-up for him, and grinned at the design Jamie had drawn. It was a brightly-colored video game box, with a grinning woman who held up a gold-handled sword. The title, in gold and black letters, read "Rhia's Revenge III: The Return of Rhia." "What's this?"

"That was Micah's particular baby. Our best seller, too. Players liked that the hero was a girl--and not a Lara Croft clone, either." He pointed to the sword. "See, this is a magic sword that she sought in the first one--it's supposed to give special powers to whoever bears it. The second one didn't do so well because the story was bungled--we had the sword on the box but the quest was for some jewel we could never explain the right way. So for the third one we went back to basics: the evil sorcerer trying to take over the kingdom, the princess kicking ass, good sidekicks and puzzles and whatnot..." He smiled in nostalgia. "They did so well with this one."

"Did you design the box?"

"My team did. So, can you do it?"

"Absolutely. For how many people?"

"About twenty? Mostly people we know from work--most of his friends are off to school somewhere."

"Okay. Yeah, this'll be easy. I can just do a sheet cake if you want." He started grinning. "Or I could challenge myself. Make Rhia herself, there."

"Oh," Jamie said softly. "Or Rhia and the sword."

"Yes!" Ben said, getting excited now. "Yes. Do you have a pencil? Because we could--" Jamie gave him a pencil from his satchel and Ben started sketching rapidly next to Jamie's drawing of the game box.

Jamie tilted his head at the sketch, watching him draw. He leaned his chin on his hand. "You love this kind of thing, don't you?"

"I love a challenge." Ben looked up and smiled. "Sheet cake is nothing. This--" He tapped the paper with the blunt end of the pencil. "This is fun."

"Brilliant. Can you have it done by Saturday?"

"Absolutely. I'll start today." He sketched for a few minutes more, and then said casually, "So you two are okay?"

"We are okay."

"That's good."

"Why do you ask?"

Ben glanced up. "Because I'm curious. I am rather... invested in you, you know."

"Invested," Jamie repeated.

"Well. You know. What happens to you is of interest to me. Being friends now and all." He watched himself draw, even though there wasn't much to add to the drawing until he got dimensions and measurements figured out.

"I see," Jamie said. "I want you to come to the party too."

"Jamie, I--"

"Please." Jamie put his hand over one of Ben's. "I would really like it if you two got along."

Jamie's hand was warm. Ben resisted the urge to turn his hand over and grasp those long fingers, that slender palm--he moved his hand from under Jamie's. "I'd be happy to come, then."

***

"I hope he appreciates this," said Dune as he pinned a streamer across the archway to Jamie's kitchen.

"He does, he does," Jamie said. He was putting out the rest of the food: ice cream, soda, cookies. There would be no alcohol while Micah's parents were there, but Jamie had made a virgin punch of ginger ale and crushed peaches, and he'd add vodka later to give it a kick. "He's excited. It's been a while since he's had a birthday party."

"He's not one of those religions that ignores birthdays, is he?"

"I don't think so--I think his parents just don't care much for parties." Someone knocked on the door and Jamie put down the ice cream to answer it.

It was Ben, bearing a large box. "Cake's here," he called out and bent to kiss Jamie's cheek. "Where do you want it?"

"Kitchen, please, until we're ready to slice it." He hugged Ben, so happy to see him he could hardly stand it.

"Gotta let me go so I can, Jamie-lad," Ben said, laughing as he took a step towards the kitchen, dragging Jamie along with him. "Where's the birthday boy?"

"On his way." He kept his arms around Ben's waist. "He called just before they left Walnut Creek."

"They?" He put the box on the kitchen counter and pulled on the tied string to unknot it.

"His parents and younger sister are coming too."

"Ah..." The knot came undone and Ben took off the lid to reveal the cake. "That'll be interesting."

"Very," Jamie agreed, and hugged Ben tighter at the sight of the cake. "That is gorgeous." It was Rhia from the waist up, brandishing the magic sword. Around her waist Ben had written the words "Happy 20th Birthday, Micah!" in the same Gothic lettering as on the box. Ben had even captured the mischief in her eyes. "Micah's going to love this."

"Good." He slung his arm over Jamie's shoulders. "Chocolate cake inside, since you didn't specify and everybody loves chocolate cake."

"That should be perfect."

Ben glanced around: they were alone in the kitchen, and Dune was in the front room, greeting more people who'd come through the open front door. He stooped, holding Jamie's face in his palm, and kissed him briefly. "It's going to be a good night."

"I know," Jamie said, grinning at him. The grin faltered a bit as Ben's thumb traced around Jamie's mouth.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just like when you smile. I don't see it enough." His hand dropped. "Sounds like the party's starting whether the birthday boy is here or not. Introduce me to people?"

"Yeah, of course." He frowned a little, puzzled, and followed him out of the kitchen. Aidan and Daniel from the art department had come, as well as Micah's closest friends from Programming; Jim and Carla, Carla now rosy and glowing with pregnancy; people who greeted both Jamie and Dune with hugs and "It's been too long!" Leo and Adam came as well, and Leo remarked, "It's time we finally meet the mystery boy," as he hugged Jamie around his shoulders.

Jamie introduced Ben to everyone, and it wasn't long before he was chatting and laughing like he'd known them all his life. Jamie stepped back, watching him, watching Dune, watching the other guests, and thought, This is exactly what I wanted. Exactly.

Now he just needed Micah.

Jamie had left the front door open and Dune put some music on, so when a middle-aged man in a suit knocked softly on the door Jamie thought he'd come to complain about the noise. But then he said, "This must be the right place," and Micah bounced in and people shouted hello: the birthday boy had finally arrived.

Jamie's face lit up--he hugged Micah, exclaiming, "You're here! Happy birthday!" and then let him go to shake hands with his parents and greet his younger sister. Introductions were made--"Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson, and this is Shiloh,"--while the party settled in again around them.

***

After food and dancing and cake and more names to remember than he suspected he ever would, Ben went out to the balcony for a smoke. He left the doors to the sun room open and leaned against the wall as he lit up. The moon was out, the city was bright, and the breeze off the ocean was cool and fresh. He inhaled slowly, holding the cigarette in the V between his first and second fingers.

Mr. and Mrs. Ferguson, he thought, would have to be blind or naive not to see how much Micah meant to Jamie. Maybe they thought their friendship was nothing more than friendship--maybe they knew. Maybe they didn't believe it even if they knew.

But at least they'd come--that was more than Ben had expected, really.

He heard voices in the sun room. "Jamie, it's perfect."

Micah.

Jamie laughed and answered him, "I was hoping you'd think so. And I think Aidan has designs on your sister."

"Shiloh can look after herself." There was a pause. Ben sucked hard on his cigarette. "Thank you," Micah whispered and Ben wondered if he was holding Jamie, if he was whispering it into his ear.

"Any time, baby. Can we tell them? Please? Let's tell them."

"Jamie--no. Not tonight. Please. It's not the right time."

"When will it be, Micah?"

"I--" He sighed. Footsteps. Ben didn't look into the sun room, as much as he wanted to. "I've decided to go to San Francisco State."

"You have? Good! Good. Then you'll tell them when you move in, yeah?"

"I'm not going to move in, Jamie. I'm going to live in the dorms."

"Oh."

Ben rolled the cigarette between his fingers. So much disappointment in one word.

"Don't be upset," Micah begged. "Please don't be upset. I'll live there for my first year and they'll be satisfied with that. Next year I can live with you. Next year." Jamie didn't answer out loud--were they kissing again, Ben wondered, or was Jamie too hurt to respond? He knew what he'd be doing right now, in Jamie's shoes: walking out the door and not looking back.

"I should get back," Micah said after an awkward pause. "We should get back."

"Yeah. In a minute."

Ben heard the door close between the apartment and the sun room, and a moment later Jamie was on the balcony with him, leaning on the wrought iron balustrade. He sighed, his head low.

"Quite a pickle," Ben remarked and Jamie jumped, startled.

"Jesus! Where'd you come from?"

"I was out here." He gestured with the cigarette. "Didn't want to smell up the apartment."

"Thanks."

They were silent. Ben smoked, and finally said, "He'll have a different excuse next year, you know."

Jamie laid his head on his crossed arms. "I know."

"I say it's time you cut your losses and move on. Losing a boyfriend in this city is like losing a watch in Switzerland: there's a better one on every corner."

Jamie chuckled dryly. "You keep forgetting to put love into the equation. You don't find love on every corner."

"What you do find is much more satisfying."

Jamie looked at him, still leaning on the balustrade. "What happened to you to make you so cynical?"

Ben chortled and ground out his cigarette against the concrete flooring. "Nothing happened. I just know what I know."