Choices (3 page)

“No, but I do want one, more than one, maybe six. You’ve always known how I’ve wanted to have a big family. But, you’re right, not right now. I want to go to college too.”

Jo surprised us by walking in the room. “You’re both right. Go to college. I’m so confused right now. I love Robbie but he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I was such a fool thinking that he really did love me and would take care of me. Now, I’m scared to death and I need to figure out a way to take care of myself and the baby. I can’t stay here forever and the thought of seeing Robbie running around with some other girl just makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve been thinking about leaving Pennsylvania and going back to Florida. My parents said there was a trust fund set up for me from my Grandfather. It matures when I’m eighteen. Well, now I’m eighteen and an opportunity has presented itself for me to use it. My parents understand why I want to leave. They trust me and believe in fresh starts.” She replied sleepily.

A few days
later, Kristy and I drove up to Jo’s house to say our goodbyes. We promised to stay in touch and write and call but somehow life had other plans for the three of us.

Now, twenty two years later, I find myself driving up the tree covered winding drive into Joanna’s parents’ farmhouse. Everything looked as though it had been frozen in time. The farmhouse was exactly the same with the exception of a fresh coat of red paint on the exterior.  We found a place to park in the semicircle driveway in front of the red farmhouse. Jo greeted us at the front door with Mr. and Mrs. Phillips. Wow! Jo’s parents looked fabulous, not to mention Jo. She still had the same dark hair and eyes and pale skin but her chubby little teenage figure had blossomed into a lithe, limber body that had the appearance of a feline creature. Jo looked amazingly elegant in her relaxed Chico’s style wardrobe in black flared leggings and a baby blue printed caftan top with exquisite jewelry that she made herself. Jo said the jewelry making has been very lucrative for her and it’s what saved her life when she moved to Florida. Her own store is what supported her and the baby. The beginning years were very, very lean. It took about six years before she really made a profit. Jo took odd temp jobs here and there, knowing all the while that sitting in an office wasn’t her cup of tea. She has successfully created her own jewelry business showcasing her creations as well as other struggling female designers in Florida. Jo now owns multiple stores.

Immediately upon entering the farmhouse, Paul spied a few old chums he hadn’t seen in years. Off he went, great! The girls tagged along behind him. Jake stayed with me and we saw Aunt Kristy first, thank God.

“Aunt Kristy, Aunt Kristy, here we are” Jake ran with his arms wide open to take in Aunt Kristy.

“Why hi there Jake. How is my favorite
Jake?” Kristy smothered him with kisses.

“Hi, my friend, how are you? I’m so glad you wore the purple halter top. You look smokin’ hot.” She gushed.

“Well, I don’t feel smokin’ hot but thanks.” I replied.

“Wow, did you see Jo. She looks amazing.
She surely has done well for herself hasn’t she? I can’t imagine getting through my day of emptying bed pans, dispensing meds, wiping noses and hineys and cleaning up puke…you know the glamorous life and then caring for my own three kids without praying for someone to relieve me. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be truly on your own, starting your own business and raising an infant. Remind me to shut my mouth when I start whining.”

“Everything is relative, Laurel. Your days are hard, too – constantly around people who come up to your hip and then spending your nights with people who come up to your hip too all while your husband travels from town to town, city to city making sur
e employees don’t tell the customers to fuck off and trying to stay sober although how hard he tries is yet to be seen. Don’t sell yourself so short, honey.”
Ah, my Kristy, what would I ever do without her! “
Listen, Mitch is waving me to him. I’ll catch up with you and let me know if you meet the guest of honor.” She disappeared quicker than I had a chance to say goodbye. Jake and I strolled around and checked out the buffet table. He was pleasantly surprised when he saw chicken nuggets and ketchup on the table. His blue eyes lit up like the fourth of July. I quickly secured him a seat at a nearby table and arranged a plate of his all time favorites-chicken nuggets with ketchup, carrots with ranch dip and a juice box. Life was golden in Jake’s world, Mommy’s, however, was slightly unsteady. I made my way to the bar and asked for a cold glass of Chardonnay when I saw an old classmate named Toni - short for Antoinette. Toni hadn’t changed much from high school at all still rich, still popular. She was still the same - a big fat phony fake and everyone was her best friend. She was really a two faced bitch but for whatever reason she got along with Jo. She always loved to give little air kisses to everyone.
PUKE! “Like, Oh my God, gag me with a spoon!”

“Laurel, you look fabulous and just the same as you did in high school. I see that you married Paul after all. I thought you two broke up in college.” She
chuckled while displaying her art for air kissing.

Why was she chuckling?

“Hi, Toni, it’s nice to see you again. I see you haven’t changed one bit. Yes, I did marry Paul. We’ve been happily married for sixteen years now and we have three beautiful children. I was sorry to hear that you got divorced.” I responded icily.

“Yes, well, you know, some men just can’t keep up. What can I
say?”

“Hmm.”
I raised my eyebrows.

“I see you are still quite friendly with Kristy. My God did I hear correctly that she has five children.”

“Yes and yes.” Boy, the humidity was really starting to get to me or maybe it wasn’t the humidity. Fortunately, at the instant, Jo stepped into my line of sight.

“Hi Laurel, I see that you and Toni have been able to catch up. Excuse us Toni, Laurel
hasn’t met my son.” Jo, thankfully, was dragging me away toward the opposite side of the three acre back yard.

“Yikes, what are you doing inviting her here.”

“I know, I know. I just always felt sorry for her, even though she had everything. I knew at some point all that façade would crack and it did. She spent time away. She was awful in school and now she’s a little more tolerable.” Jake spotted me across the backyard and made a bee line for me.

“Hey Mommy did you see the sundae bar? Can we go
now; I ate everything you put on my plate.” He asked with huge saucer like eyes.

“Oh boy, you have a good appetite. He reminds me of someone else when he was that age.” Jo extended her hand and placed it on Jake’s head and ruffled his hair.

“Soon, sweetheart. Ms. Phillips wants us to meet her son first and then we can go to the sundae bar.” I told him.

His mother pointed him out to me
and called his name from the western side of the lawn.

“Brandon, come and meet my friend, Laurel.”
She waved him over enthusiastically.

His back was toward
us. He turned and started walking toward us with the glorious sunset illuminating his bronze skin. He looked like a golden, perfectly chiseled statue come to life. He was breathtakingly beautiful. His angular jaw moved elegantly as he said hello to people and made his way through the crowd. His wavy, golden brown hair defied gravity and had a mind of its own, but yet somehow looked amazingly put together. I got a good look at his white cotton button down oxford that was stretched tautly over his sinewy, lean, muscular torso. The stark whiteness of his shirt just made his tan even more glorious. The eyes were blue enough to imagine yourself swimming in them. God, he was even blessed with thick, luxurious lashes and eyebrows that were well groomed. The closer he moved to me I noticed his nose was slightly askew in the center of his mesmerizing face but it did not detract from its bewitching beauty at all. I was stunned… speechless. Actually that is really a stretch of the imagination for me, since I am so opinionated. I’m always ready to share my opinion whether you want to hear it or not. Watching him maneuver his way through the throng of people around him, everything seemed to move in slow motion for me. I felt as though I was underwater. I experienced an intense pressure against my body like when you first jump into the deep end of the pool. I could vaguely hear people speaking but it reminded me of playing childhood swimming games under the water. His jeans were slung low on his hips but not in an obscene way where you could see his underwear and he was pretending to be gangsta. You could ever so slightly see the curve of his hip bone through the white cotton oxford. The indentation where the soas muscles of his six pack stomach (I’m almost positive he possessed) ended and where the top of his hip bone began is one of the most enticing and awe inspiring places on a man’s body. It makes me just want to run my tongue right up through that indentation. Even his feet were beautiful. Boy, do I wish I had taken Kristy up on her suggestion of getting a pedicure. My eyes took in as much as they could while I tried desperately to keep my breathing in check. His golden brown hair was tousled and wavy on top and waxed haphazardly in place in the front and behind his ears. Really, he looked like he just rolled out of bed, which by the way was sexy as hell. Honestly, though, what really caught my attention besides his utterly fascinating face and physique and sent shivers down my spine and up my legs and settled into an area of my body that I don’t normally pay attention to in the middle of the afternoon, was his grace and self assurance that belied his twenty two years. That walk of self confidence and poise across the freshly mown lawn was sexier than any physical attribute he possessed and believe me he possessed quite a few! My heart started to pound, no thud in my ears so loudly I was sure others could hear it as well. I couldn’t even hear what Jo was saying. I could see her mouth moving but could not decipher the words.

“Hi Mom.” He reached up to touch her cheek and gave her a quick kiss. My God! Those hands! Brandon had long, slender, graceful fingers with large palms. What my Mother would have referred to as pianist’s hands. I was actually beginning to imagine those hands…

“Brandon, sweetheart, this is Laurel. Laurel, this is the joy of my life, Brandon.” Jo absolutely glowed.

“Laurel, it’s a pleasure to meet you
.” His voice was husky and thick.

Okay, c’mon Laurel, get your brain in gear! Extend your hand and repeat after me…..

“Hello and congratulations.” This was about all that I managed to choke out once my breath returned to my lungs.

“My Mommy said I should be a polite gentleman and shake your hand and say congratulations.” Jakie spoke out exuberantly.

“Well, let’s not disappoint Mommy, then. You know how they are when they get mad at you.” Brandon replied as he bent down to shake Jake’s hand. His hair glistened in the sun and my fingertips actually tingled. As if they had a mind of their own and my own body was betraying me, my fingers wanted desperately to explore the depths of his hair the closer he moved to me.
What the hell was happening to me?
My body was responding in ways that had been dormant for years. My body was beginning to sing in octaves I totally forgot that it was capable of reaching. I only saw the boy, yes boy, walk across the lawn and say hello and I’m ready to take that clean, fresh, woodsy scent of his to unmentionable parts of my body. I’m absolutely positive I was flushed and blushing. I’m not very good at hiding my feelings. Paul always told me I was like an open book and I wore my heart on my sleeve. Fortunately, for me, it was a hot and humid day. Hopefully, my infusion of incredulous lust could be interpreted as heat stroke.

“Um, it’s very nice to meet you
, Brandon. If you’ll excuse me. I need to find my husband, Paul and my two girls
. Ah, there we go. A quick and decisive reality check to get my mind off my body.
I quickly excused myself and dragged Jake with me while I searched for Paul, Vanessa and Brielle. I quickly found Paul laughing his big hearty laugh that so endeared me to him in the first place. Paul was so popular. We could never go anywhere without him running into someone he knew. He is everybody’s buddy. Paul is the quintessential happy-go-lucky, laid back guy. He is always there to lend a helping hand. If you had a problem you called Paul. Nothing was ever insurmountable to him. Paul’s logical, reasonable approach to most of life’s difficulties was sensible except his inability to maintain or even admit his beast of an addiction. When the drinking was involved he seemed to have a blind senseless spot in his brain. He was the “go to” “fix it guy”, which is another reason why I fell in love with him. He was the only one who really listened to me in his calm, thoughtful, rational way when he was sober. Life was exquisite when he was sober. It’s when his demons came to call that life became painful. You would think for someone so logical that he would clearly see what he was doing to himself and his family. He could help everyone, everyone except himself.
Why can’t he see how he’s destroying himself and his family?

Throughout the party I mingled with some old friends I haven’t seen in years. Boy, I was really beginning to feel old. Kristy was having a grand ole time. She was out without all five kids and she was taking full advantage of her brief night of freedom. Paul and Mitchell were playing pool downstairs in the basement and the kids were helping themselves to the sundae bar
on the veranda of The Phillip’s house. I was cringing inside because I’m sure Paul and Mitch were drinking downstairs and I was waiting, waiting for that call, ‘um…Laurel, you might want to come and get your husband. I think he’s on the bathroom floor.’ Paul was never physically abusive. If that were the case I probably would have left years ago. No, Paul was a happy drunk, he just did it too much and to the point of black out and usually inappropriate public displays of marital affection.