Choices (41 page)

“Yes. Come and sit next to me. When he’s finished I’ll let you hold him.” He gently rested next to me on the bed and my synapses were going haywire. I could smell his fear and his desire. I could see the pure joy and wonderment in his eyes as he watched his son nurse. I switched breasts and as I took Noah off of my left breast to place him on my right, Brandon reached out and gently stroked my left breast.

“Will you let me touch you Laurel? Will you let me love you again? Do we have a chance; a future? Will Noah know that both of his parents love him and live in the same house together under the same roof? Will we be a family, all of us, Vanessa, Brielle, Jake and now Noah?” He whispered, nuzzled my neck and stroked my breast. I couldn’t look at him. I could only nod.

“Let me hold him now Laurel. If I can’t hold you right now, let me hold Noah, my son, our son.” He reached out and gently took Noah from me and cradled him in his arms.

“Be careful of his head. You need to support his head.” Just watching him hold Noah, watching the tears fall from his face, listening to him coo and whisper words of love and endearment to him, my own floodgates opened and I realized it was and will be only Brandon, only Brandon.

“Put the baby in his bassinet.” He did so and returned to me and stretched himself out next to me, caressing me and looking at me with those huge, dark pools of blue that reminded me of an intense August thunderstorm right before the torrents of rain fell like fat teardrops from the sky. I took a deep breath and I rolled on top of him and straddled him, feeling my breast heavy with milk and my womb and lower back cramping yet feeling so empowered, awake and alive even though it had only been a week since I’d given birth. I could feel his intent clearly through my nightgown and through his clothes.

“Get undressed!” I practically shouted it.

“Laurel, should you be…should we be…this isn’t right…but your shoulder. You must be in so much pain.” He gingerly ran his fingers across my stitches.

“Shh!” I placed my finger gently over his lips and traced the outline of his full smile.

“I feel no pain when I’m with you Brandon, none whatsoever. You take away all of it when you hold me and love me.” I nuzzled his neck and whispered softly this time in his ear, “Now get undressed.” The shift in my weight to whisper in his ear caused the front of my nightgown to drape down across my breasts sending shivers of tiny ripples down my spine and forced my nipples to tighten.  My excitement caused my breasts to tingle and my milk to let down. I quickly ripped open his shirt and slowly, very slowly, small, tiny droplets of white escaped my breast and landed on his chest. He dipped a graceful finger into the droplets and swirled them onto his finger and licked it seductively from his finger as though it were the sweetest of wines.

“Mmmm…that’s sweet. I never imagined it would be so sweet. No wonder babies never want to leave their mommies’ booby.” He smiled slyly at me with his eyes hooded and dark and the color rising in his face.  He raised a quizzical eyebrow and looked at me with his eyes yearning, large, dark and full of questions and anticipation. I gave a slight, subtle, almost imperceptible nod and gently, oh so gently, with his long, graceful, delicate fingers slowly slid my nightgown up over my legs, my waist and over my head. I could feel the light, cotton fabric softly drag against my skin and raise the hair and flesh along my body. He sighed deeply and so did I. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel self-conscious, especially, since I just gave birth to his son and my fleshy parts were a little fleshier than usual but I’m proud to say not a single stretch mark! In fact I felt exactly the opposite, empowered, bold and fearless, feelings I never experienced with Paul due to the fact I was always tuned into his needs.  He stroked and caressed my breast and my saturated nipple with those same long delicate fingers.  I quickly unbuckled his belt, slid his pants down his long, sleek legs, until I got to his shoes. He kicked his own dress loafers off his feet and removed the remainder of his work clothes from the bed with one swift powerful kick; all the while never removing his fingers from my breasts and his questioning gaze from my face.

“Go ahead” I said “It’s alright, taste it. Lots of men do it. They’re curious. It’s alright; see for yourself what your son thrives on.”  He grasped at me hungrily and placed his lips against my nipple and sucked. “Harder, go ahead, please harder, it doesn’t hurt, in fact it feels so incredibly good.” I breathed into his ear as his hands roamed down my back and cupped my bottom. My desire was swirling and coalescing with my pain and it was a heady mixture that coupled with the fact that I was in Brandon’s arms again. He raised one hand from my bottom and gently stroked his way up my back to my shoulder and ran his hand through my tangled hair, across my neck, down my other leaking breast while he continued to suckle me harder and harder. I felt his desire grow stronger and stronger. He felt exactly as I remembered him to be, velvety soft and hard as steel. I knew where his hand wanted to be. I knew where I wanted his hand to be. I gently whispered in his ear, “As long as you don’t insert your fingers we should be fine. The orgasm actually helps my body heal faster, please don’t stop, you feel so good. I wish you could be inside me but I’ll take you any way I can have you. Keep going, it’s alright, I love you Brandon, it’s alright, you won’t hurt me.” He thrust his hips up urgently into my hands and I stopped touching him and
placed my hands on the wall instead. He looked so disappointed I was torn between laughter and sympathy for him. “No, I have big plans for you. Just keep moving your hand and switch breasts now - I’m pretty sure you sucked that one dry.” I giggled. He raised his eyebrows and looked hopeful again and did exactly as I told him to do. His hand lingered on my stomach. I looked into his eyes to encourage him and let him know he wasn’t going to hurt me and drew the heel of his palm slightly underneath the thick waistband of my exciting granny panties I had to wear to absorb the bleeding. “Go ahead, don’t stop now. Just remember don’t insert your fingers.” I breathed into his ear and I felt the heel of his hand against my damp curls and the heat of my desire flush my skin. He drove the heel of his hand, fingers upward harder and faster, harder and faster, against my skin, while his other hand and fingers dug into my left check rocking me slowly back and forth while he continued to suckle my breast. The release was so incredible due to the increased blood flow and the stretched out vaginal floor muscles, but the cramping was immediate and forceful inside my womb and across my lower back but the whole time I simply whispered in his ear, “Only you, Brandon, only you.” I sighed. The pain after the fourth one was blinding at this point but quick, thankfully and I felt so immensely female at that point, so emblazoned with love and intensity and even motherhood. The look on his face showed that he was mine wholly and completely. Tiny beads of sweat had glistened across his forehead and his breathing was ragged, his chest heaved, his cock was rock hard, jerking and twitching and he was trying desperately to control himself. Really it was a shame what I was doing, but I just relished the control, the power and I truly wanted to savor him. For one so young he always did possess such control and maturity. I could tell he wanted nothing more than to throw me down and stake his claim over and over. He showed amazing restraint. Lord knows I wasn’t able to. He looked at my again, questioningly as if to say ‘what now, this is your show, I’m just your puppet’ and the knowledge of that one simple thought made me realize how powerful I truly am. He was clay in my hands, mine to enjoy, to taste, to satisfy, to possess. His pleasure and release depended solely on me at this point and the knowledge of that raced like a dangerous aphrodisiac through my veins, more powerful than hunger, more compelling than a child’s cry. I quickly sought out his lips and ran my fingers through his luxurious hair, swirling my tongue with his and feeling his hands stroke each knot of my spine. I quickly released him and looked into his eyes, ‘Only me, Brandon, no one else, only me’ and forcefully kissed him again. I traveled slowly, luxuriously down his chest, paying close attention to his own nipples.

“Did you enjoy your snack?” I asked him and he smiled broadly, on his face, in his eyes and I knew in his heart as well. I continued to give him butterfly kisses all the way down his chest, his taut muscular stomach and ran my tongue across my favorite place on his body; the grooves of his hips where his stomach and hips met at his pelvis. I could get lost in this one area of his body and be very happy here forever. I laid my cheek against his hip and felt the sharp angle of it cut into my face and both my hands were stroking and twisting alternating between gentle strokes and forceful twists.

“If you don’t hurry up and do what you have planned I’m not going to last much longer.” He choked out quickly. I smiled at him and continued my progress south. I removed my hands and placed them underneath his backside and squeezed while I immediately took every single inch of him into my mouth until he reached the back of my throat. Every muscle in his body stiffened, especially his balls and I heard him inhale sharply. I licked and sucked and drew my teeth into his root ever so slightly. I did this numerous times all the while feeling the power and control pulse through my veins, giving me strength and focus. I was bringing him quickly to climax but I wasn’t finished with him yet. I removed my mouth, slowly, ever so slowly and gently licked my way up the underside of his shaft and delved my tongue into his opening and swirled and lathed it generously. I could taste him, musky, salty, warm, thick and powerful. His liquid was the giver of life and I was his vessel, each needing the other. Each component powerful on their own but wasted energy when not combined. I poised my finger at the entrance to his backside, gently but firmly. His eyes were closed in a swirl of mindless ecstasy.

“Open your eyes, Brandon.” He was eager with anticipation. His breathing ragged and his forehead was now covered in a sweet sheen of unfilled lusty sweat.

“No, not yet, Brandon.” I whispered. He whimpered.

“Laurel, please, I can’t hold on much longer.”

“I know. Only me Brandon, only me! No one else.” I quickly returned my mouth and forcefully resumed my tongue bath of sucking and licking. I gently inserted my finger and pushed him all the way to the back of my throat. My power was surging and his was waning but I needed desperately to get his attention. As I felt his warm, thick release I placed my hand across his neck and squeezed his throat so he would look me in the eye. I gazed at him while I held his power within mine.

“Only you, Laurel, only you! I love only you.” He cried out and dug his hands in my tangled curls, pressing me deeper into his skin as if he wanted me to share his own skin within him.  I quickly placed one ball inside my mouth as well, felt them both stiffen and tightened my grip against his neck and helped him slowly relinquish his power into me, strengthening me, fortifying us and never, ever leaving his sight and his from mine.

After about an hour of restored hormones and the glow of a satisfying orgasm abated, I remember
ed in a rush just exactly what Brandon told me.

I kne
w Laurel…I knew what my mother did…I overheard Jo…

You decided to seduce me…

I quietly crawled out of the bed, quickly replaced my clothes and roused Brandon by throwing his clothes in his face.

“Laurel, what’s the matter? What’s going on?” He shook his head to clear it and looked at me with bewildered eyes.

“Get out and
stay out and this time I MEAN IT!” I gathered up Noah, stormed out of the basement and ran upstairs to the other bedroom and waited until I heard the slamming of the front door.

Okay, so reunion with Brandon…check

Failed…check

Feeling miserable again…check

Feeling like an idiot…check

Planning Noah’s baptism…check

“What are you doing?” Bonnie walked into the house through the back door and looked at my list I was writing on the tablet of paper, whil
e I sat at the kitchen counter, mopping up my tears. She was coming over today, obviously, to help get the menu organized and planned for Noah’s baptism.

“I knocked but you didn’t hear me. What’s going on? You look upset? What happened? Is Noah alright?” She quickly looked around for the baby and saw him peacefully sleeping in the bassinet.

“I just had sex with Brandon?”

“What? Brandon?
How? What happened? Honey, are you okay? You’re scaring me? Sit down.”

“Bonnie, I am sitting down.
”

“Okay then maybe I should sit down and you should tell me everything from the b
eginning but, first I have a feeling this is going to call for some more shot glasses? Am I right?”

“You’re right and I’m an idiot and the shot glasses are, oh, never mind you know where the shot glasses are. Go get them and I’m only having one even though I’d like to ingest the entire bottle.

“Wow, Laurel, that’s amazing. I can’t believe it.”

“You can’t believe it? I fell for all of it! Everything he told me. I’m such an idiot.” I rolled the shot glass between the palms of my hands and Bonnie came over to rub my back.

“What are you going to do?” She asked while she poured herself another shot.

“What can I do?” I shrugged.

“Well, are you going to track him down and ask him to explain himself?”