Choices (19 page)

“Aw
, c’mon, any child born into your family is truly loved and blessed. If anyone can make a girl feel loved and well adjusted in a family of five boys, it would be you. God, sweetheart, I’m so happy for you - congratulations. I know how much you and Mitch wanted a big family.”

“Thanks. Hey what’s up? You’re always so organized and I never need to remind you about a date for GNI. Are you okay Laurel?”

“Hmm. Umm. Yeah. I’m okay. I’m tired that’s all. I’m looking at the calendar and trying to figure out a date for GNI as we speak. How about Friday night? I can ask Liz to take the kids and we could have it here at my house if you can get away. Paul’s in Chicago again this week. He should be home on Monday and he’ll be here until Thursday and then he’s out again to Maryland. I think we’ll go to the shore for a couple of days with the kids, so I think this Friday would make a good GNI. How about you?”

“Yeah, I can make it. I’ll just bring Baby Jack with me.”

“You won’t be too tired?”

“Oh, honey, I passed tired a long time ago. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“Are you sure? We can have it at your house.”

“No. I need to get out for a bit. Are you going to call the girls?”

“I’m on it.”

“Alrighty, then. I will see you Friday night.”

“Okay, Kristy, I’ll see you then. I love you honey and congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks, love. I’ll see you soon. Bye.” I broke the connection and held the phone in my hands for a few minutes thinking how I was going to handle having Paul home for those few days next week and not seeing Brandon for about a week. Yuck! I wasn’t happy about that. My brain and my body craved his words
, his voice and his touch. He was becoming my own personal addiction and not just for the sex. I valued his opinion but more importantly he valued mine. He enjoyed what I had to offer. I didn’t feel threatened or anxious waiting to see if his day was terrible and I was going to pay for it. I was able to relax and unwind and not feel as though I was walking on eggshells.  Brandon actually wanted to be in a relationship (if that’s what you can call what we have) instead of hiding his thoughts and feelings. A blur of pink and purple whizzed past my face and shook me out my daydreaming.

“Last one in the pool is a rotten egg!” screamed Brielle.

“Hey, no fair! I wasn’t ready.” Jake stormed outside after her.

“Hey, Mom are you coming outside with us?” Vanessa asked with her burning and quizzical eyes.

“No, honey, I’m really tired today and I feel somewhat sick to my stomach.” I told her as I grabbed a load of laundry and headed for the basement.

“You’ve said that a lot this week. Are you okay? You look sick today, actually.” Vanessa was close on my heels. She scrutinized every single movement I made.

“Thanks Vanessa. That’s just what I wanted to hear.” I mumbled as I bent down to start the arduous process of washing clothes.

“Whoa.” I staggered somewhat as I raised my head to stand upright and select the washing cycles.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” Vanessa outstretched her hands to steady me.

“Just a head rush. I moved too fast.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Her eyes were serious and really worried now.

“Geez, Vanessa, honey, you need to relax. My gosh, sweetheart, I’m fine. Everyone gets a head rush now and then. I just stood up too fast. Go swimming with your brother and your sister. I’ll be up soon as I put Jakie’s wash in the washer. Go on. I’m fine.” I kissed her forehead and smoothed a strand of her hair from her face and gave her a little pat on her bottom to get her moving. She reluctantly made her way upstairs.

Boy, that head rush was odd. I still feel dizzy and my stomach is queasy and I feel light headed
.
Man, I am getting old! Those late nights with Brandon and all the juggling I have to do with the kids. It’s catching up with me. I need to just take it easy by the pool today with the kids. No running errands or play dates; just me and my own kids today. First, though, I need to schedule the GNI with my girls.

“Hey Bonnie, what’s doing?” I could hear her little people in the background running and laughing. Never a dull moment in my girlfriends’ lives that’s for sure.

“Laurel, how are you? I haven’t heard from you since the last GNI. What have you been up to you? Are you hiding out somewhere? Let me know where you’re hiding and I’ll join you.” Bonnie laughed that sweet lyrical laugh of hers and it made you think of sunshine and rainbows.

“Oh, honey, I’m not hiding. I’m right here where I always am in the summer time – in the pool.” I laughed at my own lie.

“Hey, I was wondering if you were going to call. We are a little behind in our schedule for GNI.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been a little distracted lately.”

“Distracted? You, Laurel? Are you okay? Usually, distracted and you don’t go in the
same sentence. Is Paul’s drinking out of control? Is it the sunroom? I heard your old high school friend’s son has created some exciting plans for you.”

I muffled a laugh at that comment for sure.

“Laurel, are you there?”

“Yeah, Bonnie, I’m still here.
I just had something stuck in my throat. Hey, how about we have GNI at your place in a couple of days. Paul will be home and he can stay with the kids.”

“But, don’t you want to see Paul, too?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me. I’ll get to see Paul. We always manage to see each other at some point before he gets back on the road.”

“Well, okay then. We’ll do it in two nights from now. Same time, same bat channel. Do you want me to call the girls or do you want to do it?

“Thanks but I’ll call the girls. I’ll see you in a few days, Bon.”

Well, that was settled, now if only my stomach and my head would
settle down, I’ll be good to go. First, I need to see and hear Brandon.

“Hey beautiful! My day is complete now that you’ve called.” His voice had command over my body even through the telephone. The hair on the back of my neck bristled and the tingling and wetness between my thighs and the tightness in my lower abdomen made me wonder who exactly it belonged to, me or Brandon.

“What are you doing right now?”
I whispered into the phone.

“Well, by the sound of that sexy little voice of yours I’d say I was getting in the truck right now and coming over or are you coming here?” He practically growled into the phone.

“You come over here. The sunset is beautiful and my sister Liz will be picking up the kids in an hour. She’ll bring them back home tomorrow. I’m all alone here and I don’t know what to do with myself. Do you have any suggestions?”

“I’m in the truck right now!”

I waited for him in the pool in his favorite bathing suit. I had drinks waiting for us on the
bar of the pool. I heard his truck pull into the driveway and my breathing accelerated, the knots in my stomach tightened even more, my legs felt like jell-o and every square inch of me tingled with anticipation and excitement, not just because the lovemaking was going to be spectacular but because it was going to be with Brandon.

He came around through the backyard entrance. When I heard the latch on the wood door disengage, I started to climb slowly out of the pool hoping that he would get a good view. I quickly turned my head in his direction and noticed that his eyes were that smoky, hazy, sexy blue and I’m sure mine spoke volumes as well. I quickly turned around and headed straight for the cabana room. I slowly untied the strings to the top of my bathing suit and I could hear his flip flops behind me gathering momentum. I reached the door but his large hand beat me to it. He turned the knob and pressed the entire length of his taut, muscular, beautiful body against my back and threw open the door with one arm and circled my waist and lifted me off my feet with the other. He
pressed me up against the wall, my forehead pressed against its coolness and whispered in my ear, “You are so beautiful, I can’t think straight when I’m near you.” His lips brushed the back of my neck and traveled down my back. He wasn’t slow or gentle. I sighed. He removed the rest of the bathing suit with his teeth while he still covered every inch of my lower body with warm, delicious kisses. I turned around and was pleasantly surprised at how adept he was at removing his own clothes.

“Please, Brandon, don’t make me wait any longer. I’m going to
go up in a blaze of fire soon.” I moaned.

With that he deftly lifted my legs and inserted every inch of his glorious body into my welcoming one. I wrapped my legs around his waist and noticed the beautiful sunset from the back yard. It was a slice of
heaven on Earth. Tears pricked at my eyes and as if that wasn’t enough to fill my heart what he said shortly afterward actually made it flow like a river-fast, strong and oh so deep.

He kept me pinned to the wall with his body as he removed his hands
from my hips and cupped my face on both sides. He pulsed and throbbed everywhere and I along with him. His eyes smoldered with heat, fire and desire.

“Laurel, I love you.” He looked directly at me, no
through me, and straight into my heart and the lean to I built to support my heart slowly started to crumble.

“Brandon, I.
..”

“Shh. Don’t say anything. I know you’re not there yet, that’s okay. I just couldn’t hold back any longer. Don’t say anything just love me with what you can.” His kiss was different this time, more urgent, more searching and searing. My life was fore
ver changed this evening. The choices I made this evening will be choices made strictly from the human heart and will ultimately be for me and me alone. The purity and truth of our release together was unparalleled and too short lived. We only had stolen moments and big, life altering secrets to unweave from Mama Spider’s web of lies.

Things just didn’t feel right in my little universe. Something just is not going to go as planned for whatever reason at our little GNI. Not only was my stomach and head still swirling, but it was really uncomfortable with Paul.  Usually he isn’t very perceptive about my physicality, but he did seem to notice I wasn’t feeling well, which of course I told him I wasn’t. Odd, I felt like I was lying to him but, really I wasn’t. My thoughts and feelings concerning Paul are so twisted and contorted and weaved into ever fiber of my being.  No wonder my head and stomach are swirling.  I look at Paul and I feel so confused and unhappy and not to mention incredibly guilty and immediately my thoughts turn to Brandon. I haven’t seen Brandon for about two days now and I was feeling as though I were parched and stranded on the desert in desperate need for water. Not only did my body yearn for him, but I needed to talk to him and ask him about his day and finish the conversation we started about the different architecture in the city. I missed the rhythm of his breathing and the color of his eyes when he was passionate about something, especially me and the sound of his voice that even thinking about it would send shivers along my spine. I chided myself, yet again, for acting like a love sick school girl but my feelings were so consuming I needed to take a minute and pull the car over and collect myself. I don’t ever remember experiencing anything as powerful with Paul. I was beginning to realize that I had deep and profound feelings for Brandon and I think my body was starting to rebel. That probably explains the sickness. I am avoiding the inevitable; I need to make a choice about my situation with Brandon. My head knows what I should and need to do but my heart and my body is speaking a different language. Love is the most powerful force in life and I have been living in denial about my true and honest feelings for Brandon. But what cost will my choice have on myself, Brandon and my family and friends?

I made it to Bonnie’s, a little unnerved, and not my usual boisterous self. I was hoping my friends didn’t notice too much.

“Laurel, honey, is that you? Since when do you enter GNI, so quietly? What gives, girl, I’m getting a little worried about you, not to mention you look a little green around the gills.” Kristy rushed to my side with my favorite pale pink girly Cosmo drink ready to be hand delivered.

“Hey, Kristy, my head and my stomach are not in cooperation with the rest of me today. I think I’m going to pass on my favorite drink tonight and take it easy.” I sighed slightly

“Take it easy! Alright, you sit yourself down right here on this couch and I’m getting the girls.”

“No! Wait, I...” She turned around in a flash and was out the door before I could stop her. Now, I was crying.

How the hell am I going to convince them that everything is okay without spilling my well hidden beans all over the floor? And of course I’m crying! Now, I won’t be able to stop once I see them. Get control, Laurel
. Wait I can’t do this anymore, they know something’s up and I feel sick from all this running around. These women are my friends, they love me. It will be alright. Just tell them and tell them your decision. Oh, boy, here they come….

Joni was the first to walk through the entrance way, with deep concern in her blue eyes and knitted eyebrows.

“Laurel, why are you crying? Do you want to talk to us? Can we help? Are the kids okay? Paul? What’s going on?”