Chosen Child (15 page)

Amanda turned out of the driveway, looking back one last
time. Regret was a heavy emotion. It lamed you, and it changed you, too. She wasn’t
the same person anymore and she never would be, but her job was to take care of
her son – and the baby.

They stopped at the end of the road to let the bin lorry
past.

‘Bin,’ said Jaden, and Amanda blew him a kiss in the baby
mirror.

He was growing up so fast. She would have to be careful now
he was beginning to talk and understand more. Jaden had loved Gareth so much;
he must never know what happened to his daddy. Oh God – what
had
James done with Gareth?

For an instant, disbelief almost overpowered Amanda. Gareth
was dead and she was involved in a criminal cover-up; life didn’t get any more
complicated. But it was much too late to tell the truth. She thrust her chin in
the air. Her boy had already lost his father, he couldn’t lose his mother to the
prison system. It wasn’t as if she was a bad person; this nightmare was down to
bad luck alone. And bad judgement. She should never have taken up with James.

But at least she had found him again, James and his perfect
family, and this time she wasn’t going to let him disappear. She would stay –
not in the background, because she was planning to make him very aware of her
presence in the next street, but more – in the middle ground. When the baby was
born she would have a paternity test done and take things from there. Did she
want James back? That was a decision for later.

It took the rest of that day and all the next, and the help
of a team of friends, but by Thursday evening Amanda stood holding Jaden in a
comfortably organised flat. Her flat. And oh, how very little of Gareth there
was here. She’d given his clothes to a local charity shop, then wondered too
late if this would look suspicious. But Sergeant Jacobs had said the sea was by
far the most probable place for Gareth to be. Only she and James knew Gareth
wasn’t in those green and blue depths she could see from her new kitchen
window. Or –
had
James dumped the body in the ocean?

And here she was, back to being a single person in a flat. A
single mother. But she wasn’t really alone.

‘Couldn’t have managed without you guys,’ she said as her
friends left.

She waved from the living room window as they piled into
cars and drove off. They were all so sorry for her and it was touching in one
way but terrifying in another. They had no idea what she’d done.

Jaden was toddling from one piece of furniture to the next,
patting them as if to say, it’s okay, this is home now. Amanda swept him into
her arms and kissed him, inhaling his baby smell and revelling in the way he
snuggled against her.

‘Come on, lovey. Let’s have a nice walk before bedtime. We
can see if Soraya’s out in her garden.’

With Jaden on one hip and the buggy in the other hand she
negotiated the stairs, reflecting grimly that this wouldn’t be so easy in a few
months’ time.

It was a grey evening, cool for the time of year but
pleasant enough for children to be outside playing. Amanda stopped to chat to
people as she passed, and carried on up the hill feeling better about the move.
The awkward part would be telling her new acquaintances about Gareth; it was a
real conversation stopper but it would have to be done. Tonight, however, she
was content to chat about the weather and the children and then pass on.

Soraya
was
in their garden. Amanda
heard her voice as soon as she pushed the buggy round the corner. Her footsteps
slowed as she watched the little girl run back and forward. The house was about
twenty yards away on the other side of the road, and it looked like a spot of
basketball practice was going on.

Amanda glanced down at Jaden. She had left this too late;
his eyelids were drooping. If he went to sleep now he’d waken when she lifted
him from the buggy; he always did. Then he’d still be running around at
midnight, and after the busy day she needed some peace. She would just walk
past on the other side of the road and continue round the block and get Jaden
to bed. There would be plenty of time to talk to Soraya – and her parents –
another day.

Drawing level with the house, she glanced across the road.
Soraya was nowhere to be seen now, but oh – James was right there in the garden
talking to Ella. Should she go across after all? No – she should work out in
her head what she wanted to say to him. It might be better if the first meeting
happened when Ella wasn’t around.

Ella had seen her, however, and waved. Amanda waved back,
then gesticulated towards Jaden and then further along the road. James was
standing motionless, his eyes wide and staring right at her. Hadn’t Soraya and
Ella mentioned her by name? Or maybe he’d thought she didn’t know he was the
daddy of the family. She’d spooked him well and truly now, anyway. Nice one,
Amanda. Grinning, she continued down the road and round the corner.

‘That’s given our James something to think about,’ she said
to Jaden. ‘Don’t go to sleep, lovey. Did you see James?’

‘Jay-jayjay,’ said Jaden, then, obligingly, ‘Da-dada!’

‘That’s right,’ said Amanda. And maybe one day it would be.
As soon as the thought crossed her mind she laughed at her own stupidity. Did
she really think James was going to give up his wife and daughter, not to
mention his lovely home and lifestyle, to be with her and one child who wasn’t
his and another who only might be? Dream on, woman. If she managed to organise
financial help from James that in itself would be a success.

Home again, Amanda put Jaden to bed and went through to her
own room, where a couple of boxes of knickknacks were still waiting to be
unpacked. Her jewellery box caught her eye and she lifted it from the removal
carton. She would have a sort through this, most of it was old family stuff
from her grandmother.

A mug of tea by her side, Amanda settled down on the sofa.
Here was her grandmother’s wedding ring, red gold, unusual nowadays. And the
string of pearls Mum gave her for her eighteenth, expensive no doubt but they’d
been Amanda’s least-appreciated present. Pearls were for older women with blue
rinses and twinsets, not teenagers with pink streaks and piercings. And Aunt
Carla’s ruby brooch. And -

Amanda lifted a thin gold chain with a St Christopher
medallion. James’ St Christopher. How had it got into her jewellery box? She
stared at the medallion. James had been wearing it that awful day; she could
remember feeling it hard against her chest as they lay in bed. It must have
come off in the tussle afterwards, yes, look, the catch was broken. But that
didn’t explain how it got into her jewellery box.

Amanda sat still, her brain working furiously. The medallion
must have been lying around in her bedroom at the house, but it was odd she
hadn’t found it when she was cleaning after James had moved Gareth. Unless – of
course. James could have lost it while he was wrapping Gareth up in the spare
room. Amanda shuddered. She’d hardly been in there since. Suze must have found
the medallion on one of her mammoth cleaning fits and put it in the jewellery
box. It was the only way.

Amanda leaned back. She couldn’t ask Suze about it – that
would look odd, and no way did she want to draw attention to James’ medallion.
Hadn’t he noticed he’d lost it?

Thinking about James, standing there in his garden so
completely flabbergasted, Amanda smiled grimly. Maybe she should pop the St
Christopher in an envelope and put it through the letter box for him. But no,
he didn’t deserve such leniency. She would get into conversation with him over
the garden fence one day, hand it over in person and watch him squirm. That was
when she would do some plain talking, too. An early-evening stroll was going to
be part of Jaden’s new bedtime routine, and one day James would be in the
garden alone.

Saturday 21st June

Helplessness and defeat heavy in his gut, Rick jogged up the
hill and turned into Cedar Road. Instead of his usual run he’d wound his way
round the local streets today, looking for Amanda’s car, but it was nowhere to
be seen. Had it been stupid to think he’d be able to avoid her in a town like
St Ives? He didn’t even know if he wanted to avoid her, and the baby that was
more than likely his. The fact was, he’d taken the easy way out, telling
himself – no, deluding himself that the new little family with Ella and Soraya
was his top priority. In reality he was avoiding the Amanda situation, because
he wanted to forget Gareth was under the shed. Some days he did forget for an
hour or two, but now Amanda had caught up with him and unless he was very
careful his new family life was going to be ruined. What was she planning? He
could understand she’d moved out of her semi, but – was it coincidence that
she’d come to this part of town?

The house was deserted when he arrived home and the car was
gone too, so Ella and Soraya must have got fed up waiting for him and gone to
do the weekend shop alone. Which, as they only had one car now, meant he
couldn’t go to the garden centre for concrete mix until they returned. Rick
pulled a carton of orange juice from the fridge and poured a generous glassful
before stomping upstairs for his shower. This wasn’t a great start to the
weekend.

He was towelling his hair when he heard the car pull up
outside, and his mood lightened. With any luck he’d be able to start the shed
floor before lunch after all. Last night he’d lifted the wood over Gareth’s
grave to check there was nothing suspicious to be seen or smelled, in case
Soraya insisted on helping with the concrete. He glanced outside – it was windy
and warm, a good day for laying concrete. It would dry quickly and the horror
beneath the shed would be inaccessible. Gone forever. A picture of Gareth’s
face flashed into Rick’s head – empty, slate-coloured eyes staring, but seeing
nothing. What would they look like now, those eyes? Rick swallowed. He must
not
think like this or he’d go mad. It was an accident. End
of and get going, Rick, back into Saturday.

Deliberately whistling to erase the ghost of Gareth from his
mind, Rick pulled on shorts and was halfway into his t-shirt when a child’s
voice floated up the stairs. Rick froze. A small child was crying down there,
and hadn’t he heard that throaty, high-pitched wail before?

‘Ma-Mama!’

Jaden. It was. What the hell was Jaden doing here? Nausea
rose in Rick’s gut. He was not going to confront Amanda with Ella and Soraya
looking on. No way.

He crept downstairs and was sneaking towards the front door
when he heard Ella telling Jaden that Mummy would be back soon. Cautiously,
Rick put his head into the kitchen. Amanda was nowhere to be seen, but Jaden
was vociferous enough for them both. Ella had him clutched on one hip, and
Soraya was jumping up and down beside them, trying to attract Jaden’s
attention. But the little boy was having none of it. Howls filled the air.

Ella pulled a face at him. ‘This is our new neighbour’s
little boy – she was taken ill outside, so I drove her home. I said we’d look
after Jaden for a bit but he’s not too happy about it, poor baby.’

‘Taken ill? How?’ Suspicion swirled round Rick’s head. Was
this the start of some kind of payback by Amanda?

‘She was sick,’ said Soraya. ‘Into the drain outside and
again in the toilet when she was back in her house. It was yuk.’

‘Dodgy curry last night, apparently. She thought she’d got
over it but she hadn’t, poor soul.’ Ella turned so that Jaden’s face was
visible. ‘Say hello to Rick, Jaden.’

To Rick’s horror Jaden recognised him immediately and held
out frantic arms.

‘Well! How does it feel to be Mr Popularity?’ said Ella,
handing the child over and staring as Jaden snuggled into Rick’s chest.

‘I guess I look like someone he knows,’ said Rick weakly.
‘Hello, Jaden. So she really was ill, this woman?’

Ella gaped at him. ‘What an odd thing to ask. She was sick
and she was burning up, too. And as it looks like you’re chief babysitter I’ll
get off to the supermarket, shall I?’

‘I want to stay with Jaden,’ said Soraya.

Rick forced a grin. ‘Excellent idea. Why don’t you take some
toys into the living room and we’ll see if he wants to play?’

Jaden on his knee, he perched on the edge of the sofa as
Soraya spread a selection of toys on the floor. The situation was farcical.
Here he was, clutching his (probable) expected child’s older half-brother and
encouraging him to interact with the child he’d adopted almost by accident. Or
was adopting, anyway. The thought that the adoption was in no way final did
nothing for Rick’s sense of well-being. He would have to get out of this mess.

Jaden was calm now, watching from the safety of Rick’s knee
as Soraya play-acted with a couple of soft toys.

‘Come down on the floor, Jaden,’ she wheedled, patting the
rug by her side.

Rick tried to sit the little boy beside her, but Jaden
screamed.

‘Jay-jayjay!’ He scrambled back into Rick’s arms
as Soraya shrieked with laughter.

‘Isn’t he funny! It’s Ja – den. Can you say that? Ja – den.’

Jaden was gripping Rick’s t-shirt with plump fists, his
small body shaking.

Rick turned on Soraya, fury and frustration hardening his
voice. ‘For heaven’s sake, Soraya, don’t be so noisy! You’re frightening him!’

Soraya’s face fell a mile and a half and she rose stiffly
and went out to the kitchen. Rick could have kicked himself. Noisy or not,
Soraya was the best distraction he had for Jaden.

‘Bring some biscuits, sweetheart,’ he called. ‘Maybe Jaden’s
hungry.’

Fortunately this appealed to Soraya and a few minutes later
both children were sitting on the living room floor clutching custard creams. A
biscuit, it seemed, made all the difference. Rick sat watching as Soraya showed
Jaden her toys, feeling as if he’d run a marathon that morning and not 5K. All
this stress wasn’t good for him, and now Ella had started a baby-sitting
service for Amanda… He needed to plan what to do when the inevitable happened
and he and Amanda came face to face. And what had she told Ella, anyway?