Christmas in Sugarcreek (15 page)

“I will.”

“I love you.” He couldn’t help but tell her again. And again.

“I love you, too, Caleb,” she murmured.

The last thing he saw before he closed the door behind him was the very sweet smile of hope.

Making him feel like the luckiest man in the world.

Chapter Eighteen

Christmas Eve

S
he was rushing around like her feet were on fire, Lilly thought as she scampered through a pair of parked cars and darted toward a fancy home-goods store. She needed to get a tablecloth for their Christmas dinner. Everything needed to be as pretty as possible. And as bright and cheery as she could make it so Robert wouldn’t be too disappointed that it was just the two of them.

As the hem of her dress got soaked and slapped against her calves, she wished she had on her old jeans and boots. They would be perfect for today. Warmer, too. Shivering, she pulled out her list, determined to only get what was on it and then leave, when she heard a laugh she’d know anywhere.

“Lilly Allen, only you would be stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to check your list.”

With some embarrassment, she saw that Josh was right. Everyone was being forced to walk around her, some even going so far as to have to step onto the street. Quickly, she stepped to the side. “Sorry,” she mouthed to an elderly lady approaching. Far more loudly, she replied to one of her best friends in Sugarcreek, “Josh Graber, you are speaking to Lilly Miller now, not Allen.”

His smile grew broader. “Oh, I know. I just like to tease ya. Where are you going in such a hurry?”

She pointed to the store they were standing in front of. “Here. Want to come in with me for a sec? It’s got to be warmer.”

“Sure. I’ve got a second. Maybe even two.” He opened the door and motioned her forward.

When they entered the shop, all kinds of floral scents surrounded them, making her smile and Josh grimace with distaste. In a display in front of them lay an assortment of old-fashioned-looking angels, each one more beautiful than the last. “Oh, aren’t those pretty?”

Josh rolled his eyes. “You may be married now, and a Mennonite, but you’re still the same, aren’t you? Incorrigible.”

“And you still don’t appreciate girlish stuff.” When they shared a smile again, she said, “So, how are you? Good?”

“Very good. My Gretta is expecting again.”

“My mom told me the news. Congratulations.”

“
Danke.
We moved to our own place not too far from here. It’s nice.” He paused. “And how are you doing? I heard you’re happy with Robert?”

Lilly noticed that his expression was far more serious, and knew it was because he was genuinely concerned about her. “We’re good.”

“And his family? Are they giving you much trouble?”

“Oh, you heard about their cool attitude, huh?”

“This is Sugarcreek, Lilly. Gossiping is a favorite pastime. So . . . are things better?”

“Truthfully? No. I know Robert’s upset, but for the life of me, I don’t know how to fix things.”

As more women rushed in and the cluttered store became even more crowded, Josh reached out and squeezed her hand. “Will you take a piece of well-intentioned advice?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t try to manage it. Things will get better in time. That’s all everyone needs.”

It sounded too simple. “You think?”

He nodded. “Right now, people aren’t quite sure what to make of you two. Some people can’t forget that you were English.”

“And younger.”

Josh nodded, looking glad she understood. “And some aren’t going to want to forget about Robert once being married to Grace.” He paused, waiting for her to meet his gaze. “But I have a feeling that before long, you two will be Robert and Lilly Miller to everyone.”

“Even to his relatives?”

“Even so.” He smiled warmly. “See, you don’t need to be perfect. Just happy.”

“How did you get so full of good advice?”

He winked. “Since I became a father. I’m full of wisdom now,” he joked. “I’d better get on my way.”

“Thanks for stopping me, Josh,” she said. “And thanks for the advice. You helped.”

With another smile, he left the store, leaving Lilly to realize that maybe she should practice more patience in everything.

And with that, she walked out of the store. Suddenly realizing that a new tablecloth was not going to make their Christmas dinner even more special.

It was already going to be special enough.

“M
amm, I invited Rebecca Yoder, her sister, and her mother over for Christmas dinner,” Caleb said as soon as he got in the house.

His mother set down the spoon she was holding, letting it clatter in her mixing bowl. “You did what?”

Belatedly, he noticed that she had been standing next to Judith in deep conversation. Backing up, he said, “Sorry. You want me to talk to you later?”

“Since your sister and I are working on the dinner and you just added three to it, I would say no.”

“What’s going on, Caleb?” Judith asked.

He didn’t want to embarrass Rebecca by telling both his mother and Judith about the baskets. So instead, he decided to share what he could. “I was just over at Rebecca’s. Her
daed
couldn’t get away from work, so it’s just going to be the three of them. And, Mamm, they weren’t going to have a dinner. Not much of one, anyway.”

“The Yoders have really been struggling, haven’t they?”

Caleb nodded. “You don’t mind, do you, Mamm?”

“I don’t mind.” She pretended to scowl at him. “But you are going to peel potatoes tonight.”

“I’ll peel as many as you want.”

Judith looked him over and then slowly smiled. “You seem different. What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on. Tell me.”

This wasn’t going exactly the way he’d planned. But now he realized he was going to have to tell his parents how he felt about Rebecca. Chances were very good her mother would say something about the plans they announced. “Where’s Daed?”

“He’s in the barn. Why?”

“I’d rather just talk to you and him. No offense, Judith.”

“None taken. But . . . you might as well tell us.”

“I don’t think so . . .”

“Are you sure? Daed and I will talk to you tonight as long as you want. But I promise you, Judith is a
gut
listener. Especially if you have a problem.”

“It’s not a problem.”

Judith raised an eyebrow. “Then?”

“Rebecca and I have fallen in love. I want to marry her. One day.”

As they stared at him in shock, Caleb thought privately to himself that this was the very first time the women in the house had been struck silent. He backed up.

“I’m going to talk to Daed.”

Weakly, his mother nodded. “
Sur gut,
Caleb. I think . . . I think that would be a
gut
idea.”

As he turned to go back out, Judith stopped him.

“Caleb, you’re sure about your feelings, aren’t you?”

“I’m more sure of my feelings for her than I’ve been about most anything. From the moment I saw Rebecca at Mrs. Miller’s house last year, I knew I wanted to be in her life.” Though he feared he looked like a grinning fool, he added, “Now she feels the same way.”

“And you’re not scared?”

Looking at his sister, he suddenly realized that she wasn’t questioning him, she was questioning herself. Trying to understand her feelings and needing advice. Raising his chin, he said, “I’ve never been less scared about anything. With Rebecca, I’m happy.”

He left then, the cold flecks of snow cooling his cheeks.

Judith could have sworn she felt her chin drop to the floor as her brother left. Her younger brother . . . who suddenly sounded like the wisest man she’d ever met. “Mamm, can you believe that?” she whispered.

Looking bemused, her mother picked up her rolling pin again. “I’m surprised, that is true. But not altogether shocked.”

“What do you think Daed is going to say? Do you think he’ll tell Caleb that he mustn’t see her anymore?”

“Not at all.” She put her rolling pin back down. “Judith, why would you imagine that we wouldn’t want Caleb to be happy? Especially with a wonderful girl like Rebecca Yoder?” After a moment’s pause, she added, “A wonderful-
gut
Amish girl.”

“They are so young. And Mamm, Caleb is talking about marriage.”

“They are young, but not too young. And marriage is a
gut
thing. Besides, our Caleb did quite a bit of growing last year, don’t you think? Perhaps he is ready.”

“You think he’s serious, don’t you?’

“Of course I do. And if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that it is not my place to try to tell someone how to feel. Or what they should believe. Or what they should do. Each of us walks our own path with the Lord. I’ve found it’s best to stay out of everyone else’s path. All that happens when you try to get in the middle of it is that you get run over.”

Judith grinned. “You are a
shmeaht
frau
.”

“Indeed, I am a smart woman. I’m glad you are finally realizing that.” She returned her daughter’s smile, then once again picked up her rolling pin and started rolling out pie crust. “Now, dear daughter, what are you going to do about Ben Knox?”

Judith picked up the paring knife and went back to work peeling apples, still hoping to put off the conversation she knew was coming. “Maybe we should make a pecan pie, too?”

“
Jah.
That would be good. Now answer, Judith.”

“There’s not much for me to say. I already told you that he doesn’t want to come over.”

“But you didn’t tell me his reasons.”

“He said Christmas is just another day,” she blurted, then said, “But I know he didn’t mean that. I think he only said that because he was trying to shield himself.”

“From what?”

“From getting hurt. Maybe from having me be hurt, too. Mamm, Ben said Christmas should only be for family, and we weren’t his family.”

“Ah. And then what did you say?”

Curiously, Judith stared at her mother. “What could I say? It doesn’t matter if I want him here or not. He’s right. He isn’t part of our family, and I can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to do.”

But instead of agreeing with Judith, her mother looked at her curiously. “How do you feel about Ben, daughter?”

“I told you.”

“Nee.”
She shook her head impatiently. “I mean, how do you feel about him, truly? In your heart?”

Giddy. She felt giddy around him. And drawn toward him. And nervous and awkward. And pretty. “Everything,” she mumbled. “When I’m with Ben, I feel confused and sure. Beautiful and clumsy . . .” Her voice drifted off. “How in the world can Caleb feel so sure while I feel so uncertain?”

“Well, he has known Rebecca longer.”

“I went to school with Ben. Plus, I’m older.” Though, even as she explained herself, she knew her reasons weren’t justified. The Ben she knew was different than the boy he’d been.

And, she was coming to find out, she was different than she used to be, too.

“By almost two years, even.” It was obvious that her mother was trying not to laugh, which made Judith even more confused. What was she trying so hard not to say?

“What should I do, Mamm? You and Daed asked him here. I asked him, too. He said no.”

“I feel bad that he refused our invitation, but that is not the reason to try to convince him to change his mind.”

“I feel sorry for Ben.”

“Don’t ask him here out of pity, Judith. He is a man of pride, yes?”

“Mamm, I don’t understand what you want me to say?”

Looking a bit impatient, her mother cast her a knowing look. “Don’t you have another reason to want him nearby?”

“I do.” Gathering her courage, she said, “Even though it doesn’t make sense, I want him to come over because the day won’t seem right without him here. I like being around him.”

The lines around her mother’s mouth eased. Just as if Judith was finally telling her what she’d wanted to hear. “Then tell him that.”

“You think so? Truly?”

“Definitely. The worst that could happen is that he still won’t want to come over.”

No, the worst would be that he refused to see her again. But . . . wasn’t that what he was doing anyhow? Wasn’t he unwilling to see her now? And pushing away any plans to see her in the future?

But what if things changed? What if Christmas Day wasn’t the end of their relationship . . . but merely the beginning?

Excitement infused her as she imagined the possibilities of getting everything she wanted with Ben. “Mamm, do you think I should go over tomorrow and let him know?”

“Not at all.”

Disappointment flooded her. For a moment there, she’d been so sure her mother had understood. . .

Beaming brightly, her mother added, “You should go right now. Go to the barn and ask your father or your brother or even Tim to go with you. Or even better, go next door and ask one of the Allens to drive you over.”