Christmas in Sugarcreek (17 page)

Chapter Twenty-one

B
en knew that Judith Graber was one of the sweetest women he’d ever met. But the way she was looking at him made his stomach twist up in knots and his palms sweat.

And what was worse, her whole family was watching him do it.

“Ben, this is the best present in the world.” Holding the two cookbooks in her lap like they were made of glass, she gazed at him in wonder. “How did you know these books were just what I wanted?”

Now he was embarrassed. After all . . . they were just cookbooks. Not anything special. To cover his emotions, he kept his voice light. “Perhaps because you spoke about them almost every day?”

Blue eyes shining, she beamed at him. “I guess I did, didn’t I?”

“I didn’t know you wanted cookbooks, daughter,” her mother said.

“That’s because I didn’t tell you. I thought you might think they were silly.”

Taking one of the books from her, she flipped it open then looked at Judith in confusion. “Why would I think that?”

“Because you’ve taught me how to cook. And, well, I’ve never seen you use a cookbook, ever.”

“I read them on occasion. I think they’re fine books, Judith. I’m sure
I’m
going to want to read them.”

“Me, too,” Clara said with a kind smile in Ben’s direction. “I don’t know of a woman who doesn’t appreciate some new recipes.”

“You did a good job with your present,” Gretta murmured next to him. A kind smile was in her voice. Just like she knew what it was like to be a newcomer to the gregarious group.

“They were just books.” Eager to get the attention away from him, he leaned toward Maggie. “Are you ever going to open your gift from me?”

“Uh-huh. But I wanted your help.”

“What?” He looked to others for help. “You can’t rip off wrapping paper yourself?”

“She likes to sit with the person who gave her the gift,” Gretta explained. “It means a lot to her.”

Maggie stood in front of him, bottom lip tucked in her mouth. Looking at him in expectation.

Opening his arms, he smiled. “Come here, Miss Maggie. I’d love for you to sit with me.”

As the little girl looked at him with such trust and affection, Ben felt his heart melt. While Judith had captured his heart and tied it in knots, this little girl seemed to have given her heart to him decorated in a sweet pink ribbon. A perfect gift.

She scrambled on his lap and smiled sweetly at him. “Ben, open it.”

“All right.”

Together, his big fingers intertwined with her delicate ones. Untying the red ribbon clumsily. Then opening up the cardboard box he’d put his gift in.

“It’s a donkey!”

“It is. I didn’t see one of those when we were playing animals the other day.”

One perfect eyebrow lifted, disappearing under her
kapp
. “Do you like donkeys?”

“
Verra
much so. After all, that’s what Mary rode into Bethlehem, right?’

Somberly, Maggie nodded.

After they talked a bit more, the last of the gift giving was over. Ben let himself relax as he realized he’d made it through the family event without making a fool of himself.

Yet.

Ben tensed when Mr. Graber picked up his large, well-worn Bible and cleared his throat. Uh-oh. Was this yet another family tradition he was going to have to fumble through?

“I’m thinking since Ben here is talking about donkeys and Mary and all,” he paused, glancing Ben’s way with half a smile, “it’s probably time to read our Christmas story.”

Ben felt himself relax as he finally realized the intent. When little Maggie scooted closer to him, backing up until her back touched his knee, he found himself resting his hand on her shoulder. But whether it was to comfort her or assure him, he wasn’t sure.

“I thought this year we’d read from the Book of Matthew,” Mr. Graber said. “For some reason, I’ve been thinking about that bright star in the East and how the wise men had such a great faith that they followed it without hesitation.”

“The star was really bright and pretty, Daed,” Maggie said, her voice as sweetly pure and bright as any star in the sky.

Everyone in the room smiled.

“I think you must be right, Maggie,” Mr. Graber said, then slipped his glasses more securely over his nose and found the passage he was looking for with his finger. “Here we go.

“ ‘When the wise men saw the star, they were filled with joy. They came to the house where the child was and saw him with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. They opened their gifts and gave him treasures of gold, frankincense, and myrrh . . .”

As Maggie’s back straightened and Anson blurted that he still didn’t understand what “myrrh” was, the whole room burst into discussion. Ben closed his eyes and felt a peace he’d never imagined existed.

Conversations floated around him, more about stars and Jesus and wise men . . . and Ben thought about Judith. And how in many ways, she’d been a bright star in his life.

If nothing else, she’d guided him toward a feeling of hope. That there was more to life than painful memories and feelings of doubt and insecurity.

Then, just as if he’d willed her to, someone sat down beside him. “I’m so glad you’re here. I would have hated to do all this without you.” Judith looked so pretty sitting next to him; she had on a new dress—or at least one he’d never seen before. It was a deep navy blue. And that blue did amazing things to her eyes, making them shine a little deeper . . . and transform his thoughts.

Turning toward her, he attempted to make a little bit of space between them, because she was so close that he couldn’t seem to do anything but stare at her. And that was the last thing he wanted to do. Neither she nor her family needed to know just how deep his feelings for her went.

Therefore, he concentrated on keeping his voice light. “I’m glad I’m here, too. Thanks for not giving up on me.” Not liking how that sounded, he rephrased. “I mean, thanks for coming to get me. Even when I told you no.”

“Having you here feels right.” This time she looked just as flustered. “I mean, I’m glad for your friendship.”

“I know what you mean.” It was obvious she was feeling just as confused and torn as he was.

She reached out her hand. He stilled his body, getting ready for her touch. Then, just as suddenly, she dropped her hand. “I should go. I mean, I’ve got to go help in the kitchen.”

“Yes. And I . . . I thought I’d go chop logs.”

She nodded, but then turned to him, nibbling her bottom lip. “But later, maybe the two of us could sit and talk?”

As he looked into her eyes, he knew he’d promise her anything. However, he also knew he needed to keep things easy between them. Simple. “I’d like that,” he said easily.

Just like he received invitations like that all the time.

Chapter Twenty-two

W
hen Lilly finally stopped crying, she lifted her head and stared warily at her husband. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

Robert hung his head. “Don’t be.”

Panic rose in her. “Robert, I’ll do anything to make this better,” she said in a rush. “I promise—”

But when Robert lifted his head, she realized that he was smiling, not glowering. In fact, it actually looked like he was trying not to chuckle.

“Are you amused?”

“Of course.” He stood up and reached for her hand. Then tugged her out of the room, down the hall, and into the living room.

She walked a few paces behind him, letting herself be led. Wondering why he was amused. Wondering where he was leading her to. Finally they stopped in front of the windows.

“Pretty out, ain’t so?”

Snow covered every branch. Deer tracks covered the ground in pretty abstract patterns. And, like a beacon of the season, a bright red cardinal sat in a distant pine. “It’s a beautiful day.”

He cleared his throat. “Last night, I couldn’t sleep. After a while, I snuck out of bed and stood right here.” He darted a look her way. “The snow had stopped and there were breaks in the clouds.”

“What did you see?”

“Stars.” He smiled. “And of course, given that it was Christmas Eve, I started thinking about those wise men, following a distant star. Bearing the best gifts they had . . . but not all that sure how they would be received.”

“Your gift was perfect, Robert. It was a perfect gift.”

“I love my watch, too.” Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he murmured, “But that isn’t what I was thinking. I was thinking that I have a wonderful light here in my life now, too. See, I’ve always had the bright feeling of the Lord’s love. But now I see you and feel the same happy way. You, Lilly, are my bright light. Bringing me happiness.”

The words he was saying . . . they were so heartfelt, she almost believed him. “You don’t wish I was different? You don’t blame me for your family being so distant?”

“I don’t want you different. And as for my family? . . .” He shrugged. “I’ve reached out to them as much as I can. One day, they’re going to need to reach out to me, too. I can’t make things better all by myself. They need to want to be closer, too.”

As she processed his words, he turned away from the windows and braced his two hands on her shoulders. “Lilly Miller, are you ready to finally listen to me? To listen good?”

“I’m listening.”

“If you were different, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. I love your Christmas music and the fact that you try so hard to make me terrible meals. I love that you waitress so well and don’t care that I drive so badly. I love your golden curly hair and your chocolate-colored eyes.” His hands squeezed harder. Almost hurting. “But, Lilly, do you know what I love most?”

She shook her head. She couldn’t imagine.

“I love that you’d be willing to let go of something that means so much to give me a special gift. I will always remember this day.”

“I do love the desk. It’s beautiful, and it means the world to me that you built it for me . . .”

“You had better, because we are going out tomorrow and buying you a new computer for it.” His tender smile matched the way his hands were now sliding down her arms. “And don’t even think of telling me no, wife. I have hopes that you might even find new recipes on your Internet.”

She laughed and looped her hands around his neck. “There might be hope for me yet!”

Just before he kissed her, he nodded. “I promise, Lilly, if I have you, there’s hope for us all. Now kiss me and tell me Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, husband,” she murmured, then closed her eyes and kissed him.

And thought that, maybe, this was the most wonderful day in the year after all.

S
he’d come. Rebecca and her mother and sister. They were standing in the entryway, looking a bit like lost sheep.

Caleb didn’t fault their expressions. A noisy family gathering could frighten even the most hardy of spirits.

“Hey, Rebecca,” he said. “Hi, Mrs. Yoder. Amanda. Merry Christmas.”

“And Merry Christmas to you,” Mrs. Yoder said. Looking a bit embarrassed, she added, “Your brother greeted us, but I’m afraid he left before telling us where to put our coats?”

“Joshua?” He couldn’t imagine his brother being so rude.

“Anson,” Rebecca said with a wink.

His cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry,” he said as he held out his hands for their cloaks. “Anson has the manners of a barnyard animal.”

“Only sometimes,” his mother said with a laugh as she joined them. After greeting the ladies, she said, “Actually, Anson ran to the kitchen to get me. So he might have just a few more manners than the chickens. Now, Caleb, perhaps you’d like to show Rebecca and Amanda around? I’ll take Mrs. Yoder into the kitchen.”

“Sure.” Quickly, he hung up their cloaks on some pegs by the front door, then walked the girls into the family room.

Immediately, Maggie brightened and claimed Amanda’s hand. “Come see my donkey!” she said excitedly as she pulled Amanda away.

Which left Rebecca standing alone with Caleb. At last.

“I’m so glad you came,” he said.

“Me, too.”

He ached to touch her. To brush the stray hair that had fallen across her cheek. To hold her hand. To hold her close.

But even more than that was the urge to look into her eyes and make sure everything between them was still all right. “Becca, about yesterday . . .”

She leaned close. “Do you still love me?” Her voice was merry, but her expression was seeking. Waiting.

“Jah.”
Honestly, his tongue felt so thick, that was the best reply he could manage.

“Gut.”
She leaned a bit closer, bumping his arm lightly with her shoulder. “Then that’s all I need to know.”

As others approached, and the noise in the living room got a little louder as Clara laughed with Anson, Judith poked her head in. “Rebecca, want to help? We’re about to start filling up the serving platters.”

“I’d be happy to help,” she said. Just like she already belonged. “I’ll be right there.” When Judith turned away and they were alone again, Rebecca gazed at him. “I’ll see you later.”

After treating him to yet another beautiful smile, she turned and left. When he was completely alone, Caleb breathed a sigh of relief. Then closed his eyes and praised God.

He was so lucky. So blessed. “Thank you, Lord,” he whispered. He wasn’t good at fancy prayers, only expressing what was in his heart. He hoped his simple, heartfelt thank-you would be enough.

But then he remembered Rebecca’s words and knew it was. He had Rebecca and she had him. They had each other and, once more, were in love. And put like that, well, nothing else mattered.

S
upper had been wonderful. Noisy and filled with laughter. The cleaning up hadn’t been a hardship, either. Not with everyone there to help.

So, Judith wondered as she stood outside on the front porch, why wasn’t she feeling happier?

“Hey. Sister? Are you okay?”

Judith turned to find Caleb standing at the entrance to their home. Behind him, the noise of the crowded house filtered into the air. The dim lights of a dozen candles illuminated his form, making him seem as old and grown up as he now was.

In spite of all their efforts to keep him a child, it was now terribly obvious that Caleb Graber
had
grown up.

“I think so,” she said. “I’ll be inside in just a minute; I just needed a break. Everything started to feel a little overwhelming.”

“What did?” he asked as he walked out to join her. “The noise? The hundred people staring at you, wondering what you were thinking?”

She rolled her eyes. “There’s hardly a hundred people in our house.” As a burst of laughter floated through the door, she added, “It only seems that way.”

He chuckled. “For the first time ever, I’m gettin’ a sense of what Tim must have thought when he lived with us the spring he fell in love with Clara. No wonder he spent as much time with her! Our family is large and loud and demanding.”

“And we always have been.”

He paused. “Have you ever felt like everyone’s too nosy, as well?”

“Only when I have secrets,” she said with a wink. “Want to join me for a second?”

“Sure.” As he walked, he crossed his arms in front of him, obviously trying to get warm.

“You should have put on a coat.”

“And you shouldn’t have been out here in the first place.” When he rested his elbows on the railing beside her, she studied him from the corner of her eye. At first glance, Caleb seemed steady and relaxed. But there also seemed to be a bit of tension emanating from him. “Do you have secrets?”

He shrugged. “Some. About as many as any of us have, I suppose.”

“Are yours tonight centered on Rebecca?”

“A little bit.” He cracked a knuckle. Then a second. “If you want to know the truth, I haven’t been thinking about secrets tonight. Instead, I can’t seem to stop thinking about today and the true miracle of it all.”

She wasn’t quite following him. Today? “The miracle of Christ’s birth?”

“
Jah
. But more, too. I feel like today, on His birthday, I finally am at peace. I feel like he’s given me the best gift imaginable, you know?”

“His love?”

“
Jah.
And the capacity to love.” With the faint glow of the house’s candles illuminating his face, he looked at her, true wonder apparent. “Aren’t you amazed by it all? That there’s room in our hearts for one more person?”

“I’m not sure if I’m feeling the same things you are,” she hedged, wondering why she was fighting her feelings, anyway. “Ben and I . . . nothing can become of our relationship.”

“Who says?”

“Ben. He’s moving, Caleb. His house is up for sale. Soon he’ll leave, and he’s already told me that when he leaves Sugarcreek, he’s not coming back.”

“Maybe he’ll change his mind. People do.”

“Maybe. At first, I thought he had too many bad feelings about Sugarcreek to want to stay. But this past week, he’s seemed happy . . .”

“People can change. I did.”

Caleb was right. For years he’d been angry and restless, constantly telling them that Sugarcreek wasn’t where he belonged. But then a visit with Lilly Allen’s English friends changed that. “I had hoped Ben would change his mind. But now I don’t know.” Too embarrassed to look at him any longer, she stared out straight ahead. “Maybe he’s waiting for me to say something. Waiting for me to beg him not to leave.”

“It will work out. It has to, you know.”

“I hope so. If I keep praying, I think it will.”

“If you keep praying, you’ll find comfort.”

“You sound sure of that.”

“I sound sure because I know I’m right. Judith, each of us has prayers just waiting to be answered. And our Lord is only waiting for us to depend on him.”

Her little brother was amazing. “Caleb Graber, when did you get so smart?”

“Right about the time everyone stopped telling me I was too young to know my own mind.”

“What are you two doing out here?”

Judith turned around to see Joshua hovering in the same doorway Caleb had been in just moments before. “Nothing,” she told him. “We’re just talking. Thinking out loud.”

“And escaping,” Caleb blurted. “I’ll say it. We’re taking a break from the mob inside our home.”

“In that case . . . can I join you both?”

“Of course.” As her older brother stepped forward and mimicked their stance, leaning on the rails just like she and Caleb were, she couldn’t help but wonder what had brought him out to them. “Is everything all right inside?”

“Everything’s fine—everyone has settled down and is relaxing. Anson’s playing a game with Toby. Gretta and Clara are looking at quilting magazines. Tim is reading a book in the empty kitchen. Ben is looking at Maggie’s coloring books.” His voice drifted off. “Anyway, I was about to sit down, too. But then I started looking for you two . . . and thinking about how much things have changed for me over the last few years.”

“That’s only natural,” Judith replied. “You’ve got a baby and another on the way.”

“I mean things have changed inside me.” He cleared his throat. “There had been a time when I wasn’t sure what the right path for me was supposed to be.”

“But then you decided,” Caleb said.

“I did.” After a pause, Joshua added, “I’d like to say that I had a flash of light and that the Lord starting talking in my ear, but it wasn’t like that. Instead, it felt more like He was showing me the way in a slow and steady glow. I followed.”

“ ‘Glow.’ I like that,” Judith murmured, thinking that was exactly how she’d felt when she was around Ben. When he was near, she felt more vibrant, more clear, more everything.