Christmas in Sugarcreek (3 page)

So he’d stayed and worked odd jobs and argued with his father. But after a while, all of that gave him no satisfaction, either. So he’d left, too.

Now, three years later, his father was long gone. Ben had come back to take care of the house and put it up for sale.

He’d intended to only stay in Sugarcreek as long as that took.

But then he’d seen Judith and felt old feelings that he had forgotten even existed. Feelings about longing and hope and happiness. Her father and cousin Tim had surprised him when they asked if he wouldn’t mind helping their family out for the two weeks before Christmas. It might make good sense, since his house was on the market anyway.

Ben hadn’t been lying when he said he wouldn’t mind helping out. Not one little bit. So for the next nine days he was going to get to be by Judith. Much of the time alone.

For hours at a time. Seeing her smile. Looking at her face. Talking with her.

For a few hours a day he was going to pretend that he, too, was filled with the joy of the season. That he understood that feeling of hope and expectation that seemed to be on everyone’s mind. That he was anxiously awaiting Christmas Day.

All that would be lies, of course.

Because when he was sitting here at the table, sipping soup and reading, he knew the exact opposite would be true.

He was going to wish Christmas Day would never come.

Chapter Three

Nine Days Until Christmas

T
he minute she heard the front door open, Lilly jumped up from her laptop and hastily turned it off.

“Lilly? Lilly, where are ya?”

“I’m up here, Robert. I’ll be right down.”

But instead of waiting for her to meet him in the kitchen, Robert took the stairs two at a time and scooped her up off the top of the landing. When she squealed, he laughed, the sound deep and rich and wonderful.

“Have I managed to surprise you, wife?” he asked as he twirled her around, making the skirt of her jade green dress billow out like an umbrella.

“Very much so.” Resting her hands on his shoulders, she looked down at him. “Robert, put me down! You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“I’m not so old that I can’t pick my
frau
up whenever I want,” he said with a smile. But still, he gently set her down, letting her body glide against his as he did so, then wrapping his hands around her waist.

Making her feel so wanted and loved. Humbled. “Why are you home so early?”

“I closed up shop. Snow’s coming, so Daniel gave me a ride home. That, and well, I couldn’t wait to see you.”

Before she could reply to that, he kissed her, making her remember just how much she had to be grateful for this Christmas. A little over a year ago she’d been so depressed she’d worried that she would never find her way out. She’d gone through the embarrassment of discovering she was pregnant from a high school ex-boyfriend, had suffered a miscarriage, and then had fallen head over heels in love with Robert Miller. On paper, he had seemed like her exact opposite. He was older, a widower, and was Amish.

Because he’d also known terrible heartache, they shared a connection neither could deny. From the moment he’d kissed her in the middle of a corn maze, they both realized they’d found their perfect match. However, things hadn’t been easy. Lilly had felt that she couldn’t become Amish for Robert . . . and he loved his faith so much she couldn’t ask him to leave it. So she broke things off, loving him so much that she couldn’t bear to make him give up his faith for her. But he’d loved her just as much—and left the order. Eventually, they compromised and joined a conservative Mennonite church.

Things for both of them changed drastically. Being Mennonite opened a whole new world to Robert. Phones and cars and electricity were available to him now. For Lilly, it had meant embracing a faith enough to give up jeans and makeup and short hair. While they couldn’t say the transition had been easy, the fact that they were both willing to go through such hardships was bringing them closer together.

Now it was moments like this—when he looked at her as if there was no other person in the world that he wanted to see—that made her feel giddy inside.

When Robert finally lifted his head, she smiled at him. “I’m very glad you came home early. Would you like some coffee or tea?”

“Kaffi
would be most welcome.”

“I’ll brew you a fresh pot.”

As he followed her down the stairs, then stretched out his legs while he watched her fill up the coffee maker, he said, “What have you been doing today?”

“You know I worked this morning.”

“I know that, to be sure. Since you dropped me off at work.”

Lilly felt her cheeks heat. He still wasn’t all that eager to learn to drive, so she was the designated driver. Though he seemed fine with that, sometimes it made her uncomfortable. Not because she minded driving him—never that. But because it sometimes reminded her of just how different his life was now.

“What have you been doing since you got home?”

“Oh, this and that,” she said airily. “Laundry and cleaning.”

But instead of looking pleased, he eyed her with concern. “I told you that you didn’t need to worry about having a spotless house, Lilly. You are still working at the Sugarcreek Inn. I don’t want you to wear yourself out.”

“I’m not weak, Robert.”

“I know that.”

Her working had been a matter of contention between them. At first, Robert had wanted her to quit her job as a waitress and stay home—not because he minded her working, but he felt that she tried to do too much.

“Lilly, I hate to think of you never giving yourself time to rest or to see your friends, or even to play on your computer.”

At the mention of her laptop, Lilly flushed. That was always how he phrased it—her
playing
. As the coffee continued to brew, she turned and leaned back against the kitchen counter. “As a matter of fact, I was upstairs sitting on the guest-bedroom bed playing on the computer,” she admitted. Almost like she was in trouble.

Something flickered in his eyes, but he only nodded.

“Have I told you that you look pretty today?”

This time she didn’t bother to hide her emotions. “Gretta helped me finish this dress,” she said proudly. “She brought it to me at the inn this morning.”

“How much of this dress did you sew?” he asked, amusement lacing his voice.

“The outside seams. And I cut out the pattern. Well, I tried to do a sleeve but Gretta had to redo it.” Fingering the fabric again, she admitted, “As soon as she brought it to me, I ran to the back and changed clothes. Kay hardly knew what to think.”

“I bet she wasn’t as entertained as the customers were by your quick change.” He laughed. “Lilly, I love how honest you are with me. You make me smile.”

“Still?”

“After all these
months
?” he asked, exaggerating the last word. “
Jah,
even after all these months.”

After bringing him a cup of coffee, black with no sugar, she sat down next to him. “You used to visit me at work, you know.”

He paused. “And so I did. Well, perhaps I’ll walk down next time you’re waitressing and have a piece of pie for lunch.”

The warmth that was always so present between them bloomed anew. “I hope you will,” she murmured.

Reaching out, he brushed his thumb against her cheek, just to feel her, she supposed. Then, after another moment, he cleared his throat. “So, I talked to my family. Though my
daed
was civil enough, he doesn’t feel like it would be right for us to visit on Christmas Day. He feels it might be too awkward.”

“I’m sorry he feels that way.” With effort, she refrained from saying anything more. His family, especially his cousin, had seemed to go out of their way to make sure Robert knew that he wasn’t part of their family anymore. She’d naively imagined that they would come around after just a few weeks.

But of course that had just been a pipe dream. She worried that Robert’s cousin Abe had continued to make his displeasure evident. And she had a feeling that he was littering Robert’s parents’ minds with doubts.

Robert continued to look away, making her feel even more sorry for him.

“My father did say that we could see them on the twenty-sixth.”

Though she was tempted to say something sharp, like that was big of them, she knew sarcasm would only make him feel worse. Instead, she kept her voice even. “I will look forward to seeing them. Would they like to come over here?”

“No. They thought perhaps we could meet them at a restaurant. Or we could go to their home.”

So they still didn’t want to step foot in their house. Lilly supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised. Technically, it was only Robert’s—it was the house he’d built for Grace, his first wife who’d died much too young.

Though Robert had said time and again how glad he was that Lilly lived here now—that he was glad she was changing things here and there—Lilly knew his family didn’t feel the same way.

In their minds, she had ruined Robert. For her, he’d left them, left their community. She’d made him different.

That wasn’t true. Robert was still upstanding and serious and kind. He still believed in the Lord and tried to be a good Christian man. Only now he wore jeans.

And smiled. Well, he smiled when he wasn’t dwelling on his family.

A small, petty part of her wanted to hurt them, too, but she loved Robert too much to play such games. “A restaurant is fine. Their home is fine, too,” she added. “Wherever you want to see them is fine with me.”

“Fine.” His lips twitched. “Well, they’re trying, I suppose.”

When she noticed that his cup of coffee was already half gone, she grabbed the carafe and took it to the table. Her hand trembled as she carefully poured coffee into his favorite mug.

“You’re not going to say much about my family, are you? Or how you feel about how they are treating you.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

His eyes sparkled. “I had no idea you could be so closemouthed.”

“Me, neither. Actually, I’m more than a little proud of myself,” she said with a smile. “You should be impressed.”

“I am.” After another sip, a shadow fell across his brow. “I’ve got something else to tell you.”

“What is that?”

He took out his pocket watch. “It broke,” he said.

Taking the chair next to him, she picked up the timepiece and examined it more closely. The glass face was shattered. The silver case surrounding the face looked a bit mangled, too. “Perhaps we could get it fixed?”

“I don’t know. I’m thinking it’s well and dead.” He sighed as he took another sip of the hot brew. “It must have fallen out of my pocket today when I wasn’t aware of it. I was working on sanding a hope chest when my boot got it well and good.”

Reaching out, she clasped his hand. “I’m sorry, Robert. I know the watch was special to you.”

“It was my grandfather’s. But it was more special to me because I used it for the time,” he said with a wry smile. “Now I’m going to be forced to walk to my office to know what time it is.”

“We’ll think of something,” she said, suddenly having a very good idea about his Christmas present. Afraid if she didn’t redirect the conversation he was going to talk about replacing it right away, she said, “Let’s not worry about it for now.”

“All right. Now that we won’t be seeing my family, I was wondering how you would like to spend Christmas Day.”

She’d been thinking about their plans for some time. “Since we’re going to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve, and services at our new church before that . . . how about we stay home, just the two of us?” she ventured. “I know it might be kind of quiet, but sometimes quiet is good.”

His eyes widened. “You’d be okay with that? Just being here, together?”

“Of course, Robert.” Speaking from her heart, she said, “I love being with you more than anyone else in the world. I think spending the day together, celebrating Jesus’s birth here at home sounds like a really nice way to spend Christmas.” Who knows? Maybe she’d even be able to make a turkey or a ham and not burn it.

Leaning close, he brushed his lips against hers once more. “I’d be happy with that, too,” he murmured into her ear as he leaned closer.

As he rubbed her back, seeming to find comfort in just her presence, Lilly relaxed against him. When they hugged like this, when he spoke to her like she was everything to him, Lilly was sure that everything was right in the world. And felt more optimistic about their future together than ever before. “I’m glad you came home early,” she murmured.

“Me, too.” He pressed his lips to her temple, his now smooth-shaven cheek gliding smoothly against her skin before locating her mouth.

After a time, he whispered in her ear again. “If we’re alone on Christmas, I’ll get to see how much you enjoy my present for you. All by myself.”

“What did you get me?”

“You know I won’t tell. You’re going to have to wait a little longer.”

“But—”

He pressed a finger to her lips. “No more prying, Lilly. Besides, I haven’t been pressing you for information, have I?” Before she could reply, he stepped back and looked at her very smugly. “Fair’s fair. Right?”

“Right,” she replied. Because, after all, what could she say? But inside, that same knot of worry that had threatened to strangle her got even bigger.

When he left the kitchen, she prayed that she would one day become the woman he believed her to be.

Better.

She so wanted to make him proud of her. To have him be pleased with her. And right now, if he didn’t like her gift, she was sure that he was going to be terribly disappointed.

Maybe even think about another woman who used to be in his life. The woman who’d been so special and perfect.

And he’d find Lilly wanting. Maybe even have regrets about his marriage.

She would just hate that. Could there be anything worse than for their first Christmas together to be filled with regrets and doubts?

With a lump in her throat, she knew there would be something far worse . . . that Robert’s feelings would start to turn.