Christmas With the Billionaire Rancher (11 page)

Her love life had crashed and burned in glorious fashion tonight. Chloe would be damned if she let her professional life follow the same path. Tonight she'd get Derrick situated. Tomorrow, she'd hit the pavement and she wasn't going to stop until she found someone—anyone—to help bail her foundation out. And then…? Then, she'd try to do something about mending her shattered heart.

Eleven

“Jesus, Nate. Why in the hell didn't you tell me?”

Nate sat at the kitchen table, a bottle of beer clutched in his fist. Acid ate away at his stomach, burned a path up his throat. He'd really fucked up this time.

“Tell you what? That I hooked up with someone at Dad's memorial service and have been fucking her ever since?”

Travis cut him a look. “I probably wouldn't have put it that way, but yeah! You're not an island for shit's sake. It's like you forget that any of us are around. Did you ever consider calling? Coming out to visit? Hell, inviting us out here? We don't only have to talk when shit goes south, Nate.”

He knew that. But he'd been through so much shit over the past few years that he couldn't ever seem to get out of his own headspace. Being with Chloe had finally started to coax him from that self-confinement. And instead of working through his anger like a goddamned adult, he'd lashed out at her yet again like a jaded kid. Said horrible things to her. He'd never wanted to take anything back so fucking badly.

“You've gotta let it go, brother.” Nate lifted his gaze to Travis's. You'd think he was the oldest brother, the way he treated him. “She's not Miranda.”

Nate hung his head between his shoulders. He'd been too much of a chicken shit to tell Chloe that the real reason he'd enlisted—had to get the fuck away from his father—was because he'd caught him with Miranda bent over his desk one afternoon. His fucking fiancée and his own dad, going at it as though the world were about to end and the future of the human race depended on their procreation. God. Even now thinking about it made his stomach turn.

Nate snorted. “You don't know that.”

“Yeah, I do. The first time I talked to her, I asked why she'd come to me. She said that she knew about Carter's situation and didn't want to pile anything more on his plate. That Noah should be allowed to enjoy having money for a change. And when I asked why she hadn't gone to you, she that you were signing your inheritance away and that she wasn't interested in a piece of that pie.”

Another snort. “Doesn't mean anything.”

“Listen to me, you pigheaded son of a bitch. If she'd been after you for your money, she would have asked you for it from the get-go. Believe me, she wasn't even a little shy about shaking me down. Did she ever once tell you that her foundation was in trouble?”

“No.”

Travis gave him a pointed look. “Exactly. She wouldn't have hesitated to lay her sob story out for you if all she'd been after was a check. From what I can tell, the woman is a saint, Nate. I'm giving her the money she needs. And for what it's worth, everything she said to you was spot-on. Dad wanted us to have that money and the company. I absolutely think it was an apology. The man wasn't perfect. In fact, he was as far from perfect as anyone I've ever known. But everyone deserves a second chance, Nate. Even him. And especially
you
.”

It was a nice sentiment. He doubted Chloe would ever give him the time of day, let alone a second chance after the things he'd said to her. It had been seven years since he and Miranda broke it off and he'd spent every day of it being a bitter, solemn, distrusting asshole. He'd finally found a woman who gave him the peace he craved and he'd driven her away. Nate didn't know how he'd get through another hour without Chloe. Days … weeks without her?
Impossible
.

“Nate? Did you hear me?”

His vision came back into focus as he shook himself from his thoughts. Travis was staring down at him, a furrow marring his brow. “What?”

“I said, if you give a dime of that money to Miranda, Noah, Carter, and I are going to beat the shit out of you. You hear me? Quit punishing yourself for things that weren't your fault to begin with and crawl out of the fucking hole you've been living in for the past year. This isn't about taking over Dad's legacy, Nate. It's about using the opportunity to leave one of your own.”

“Yeah,” Nate said. He peered down at his bottle. “Okay.”

“And for the love of god, fix things with Chloe. I might not know anything about her, but she must be amazing. I've never seen you so wrecked. Make it right with her.”

Nate didn't answer. Couldn't.

“I'll call you tomorrow,” Travis said as he headed for the door. “You coming over for Christmas Eve dinner? Everyone else is.”

“Yeah,” Nate said without registering exactly what he was agreeing to. “See ya.”

The door closed behind Travis and the silence of his house swallowed Nate whole. Chloe's absence gutted him, hollowed him out until he was nothing more than an empty shell. How could losing her scar him so deeply after knowing her for only a short time? Nate thought he'd felt all the pain there ever was to feel. Had experienced the gut-wrenching sorrow of loss. The anger of betrayal. The hollow ache of true heartbreak was a new and hellish torture, though. He hadn't felt half of this when he'd found Miranda and his dad together. Did that mean that what he felt for Chloe was so much more than what he'd felt for a woman he'd been ready to marry?

Was he in love with Chloe?

Goddamn it,
yes
.

Travis was right. For years, he'd beat himself up. Blamed himself for Miranda's cheating. Blamed his dad's money for taking her away from him. And when he'd enlisted, that guilt carried over into everything he'd done. He tried to control every out-of-control situation. And when the one mission he'd thought would go off without a hitch went south, he'd blamed himself for that as well. Took responsibility for every single life lost. It was time to let go of the guilt that was slowly eating him alive. It was time to start living his life on his terms.

First things first, he was going to make things right between him and Chloe. Even if she didn't want to see him, he'd make her hear him out. He refused to let her go, and he'd do anything to win her back.

Nate walked into the living room and grabbed his cell. He dialed and took a deep breath as he waited for her to answer. “Miranda, we need to talk.”

*   *   *

“You been cryin', Chloe? Your eyes are all red.”

Chloe didn't even have the emotional fortitude to feel embarrassed about the fact that she looked like a train wreck. She deposited Derrick's duffle on the guest room floor. After a quick phone call to CPS, she and Derrick's case worker both decided that it might be best if Derrick stayed with Chloe for a few days. Which was totally fine by Chloe. She needed the distraction. If she was too busy keeping her pint-sized houseguest in line she wouldn't have time to dwell on the fact that her heart was shattered into a million irreparable pieces.

“Allergies,” she replied. “Okay, kiddo. I'm going to order a pizza and then
you
are going to do homework. Got it?”

Derrick huffed. “Whatev. I'd rather be playing ball.”

“Think of it this way,” Chloe said. “You do well in school, focus on soccer and
not
shoplifting,
and maybe someday you'll get the chance to play on a college field. How does that sound?”

“Awesome,” Derrick said. “MLS would be better, though.”

“If we're going in that direction, Spanish Premier League would be better,” Chloe teased. “Let's take it slow for now, okay? Because I'm telling you right now, kiddo. If you get into trouble one more time, you won't be able to participate in foundation-sponsored club ball. If that happens, you might as well forget about MLS. Got it?”

“I got it,” Derrick said, his gaze downcast.

“All right. Get settled in. You can do your homework at the kitchen table.”

Chloe left Derrick in the guest room and headed into the living room. Her legs gave out when she hit the couch and she slumped down onto the cushions. She'd never felt so damned raw and now she had to deal with the guilt of making promises to a ten-year-old boy that she knew she'd never be able to keep.

Volunteers were few and far between. The good ones were overworked and spread too thin. The purpose of the foundation had been to not only build the sports facilities but to pay full-time coaches. So many programs were pay-to-play. Club fees were outrageous and coaching fees were more than a lot of families could afford. Chloe had hoped to offer the same opportunities to kids who wouldn't get to play organized sports otherwise. Kids involved in sports were better students, more motivated, and stayed out of trouble. Now, all of her hard work was slowly swirling down the toilet. She hated to let people down. Tonight, she'd let Nate down. And next week, she'd be letting hundreds of kids and families down.
Awesome
.

Chloe ordered a pizza and got Derrick set up at the kitchen table. In addition to her last-ditch effort to find emergency investors, she'd be meeting with both social services and Derrick's foster parents tomorrow. She couldn't think much farther into the future. If she did, she'd lose it for sure. Unemployment, job searches, failure, and heartache loomed over her like a noose that slowly choked her. Something had to give. If it didn't, Chloe was going to crack for sure.

Feet propped up on the coffee table and her laptop open and ready to go, Chloe hunkered down for a long night of research. She sent off several e-mails to former colleagues at Make-A-Wish. One of them might have a suggestion that she hadn't thought of yet. Her cell rang from beside her and Chloe checked the caller ID: Nate. With the speed of hummingbird wings, her heart took flight and Chloe's mouth went dry. She held the phone in her palm, her thumb hovering over the screen to accept the call. The hurtful words he'd said to her came crashing back and Chloe hit Ignore.

She couldn't open herself up to more hurt. Talking to Nate right now would only mess with her head and her heart. The voice mail alert went off and her fingers itched to play the message.
Don't do it, Chloe. The things he said to you can't be fixed with I'm sorry
. She was still too angry and hurt over the things he'd said to let him off the hook.

Yet, her finger slid across the screen. She brought the phone to her ear, fearful of what Nate would say and at the same, hopeful.

“Chloe.” The sound of her name was a tortured groan at the back of his throat. He paused and let out a long breath. “God, Chloe. I'm so,
so
sorry. I was completely out of line. I know that an apology isn't going to erase the things I said. But I want to make it up to you. Want to prove to you that I'm not that asshole who said those horrible things. If I could take it all back, I would. Chloe…” His voice hitched. “I can't picture a tomorrow without you in it. We need to talk. There's a lot I haven't told you and I want a chance to explain. Please call me.”

Chloe set her phone back down beside her. What else could he possibly have to say? Her heart softened as she thought about the way his voice broke with emotion. Maybe he truly regretted the things he'd said. Chloe knew that Nate wasn't exactly a serene pond. He was a volcano, ready to erupt with even the slightest disturbance.

No
. She couldn't excuse his behavior. Couldn't let him think that it was okay to treat her that way. Was it fair to not give him a chance, though?

“Chloe, are you gonna marry Nate?”

“What?” She set her laptop aside and craned her neck toward the dining room. “No.”

“Why not?”

She could think of a million reasons why not. The least of them being the fact that he hadn't asked her. Chloe was struck by how much had changed in just a few hours. She'd gone from daydreams of domestic bliss—maybe even marriage—to having her heart smashed under the assault of Nate's words.

“I don't think Nate wants to marry me.” This totally wasn't the sort of conversation she wanted to be having with a ten-year-old. Hell, it wasn't a conversation she wanted to have at all!

“He does,” Derrick said, matter of fact. “I could tell the other day at lunch. He looks at you like he wants to marry you.”

Chloe choked on a half-sob, half-laugh. “I don't know about that, kiddo.”

“You should marry him,” Derrick continued on, lost in his own fantasy. “You guys could take me out for pizza and to soccer games. Do you think Nate would want to watch me play?”

Tears stung at Chloe's eyes. All Derrick needed was a stable home and someone who could give him attention and encouragement. It wouldn't take much to keep him from getting into trouble. And goddamn it, she was going to let him down. Let a bunch of kids just like him down. All because she hadn't been honest with Nate the first night they'd met. All because she hadn't been up-front with him when she'd made the decision to reach out to Travis.

“I think he'd love to watch you play,” Chloe said through the thickness in her throat. “You're an excellent soccer player.”

“Sometimes,” Derrick said, his train of thought already moving on to something else. “Coach says I need to kick with the top of my foot when I'm shooting, though.”

“You'll get it,” she said. “You just need to keep practicing.”

“I will,” he assured her. “I'm sorry I got into trouble today, Chloe. It won't happen again. I promise.”

“I know,” she said. Her chest ached with all of the crippling emotions she wished she didn't feel. Most of all, the want she felt for the only man who'd ever managed to lay claim to her heart and break it all in the same day.

Twelve