City of Sin (26 page)

"Should I come over tonight to help you get your
stuff?" Kendra asked.

"It's okay. I'm going to ask Mason to help me."

"Of course you are. See you later, roomie."

I smiled as the elevator doors closed.

***

I pulled out the last box that was in the corner of my
closet. I lifted off the lid. It was filled with things that Patrick had left
here. Including his worn University of New Castle t-shirt that I always used to
sleep in. After I had kicked him out I had slept in it until his scent had
completely disappeared. There was a scrapbook at the bottom of the box that I
had made him, which led up to a photo that his friend had snapped of his
proposal. I didn't open it. He had left a few CDs and movies here when he had
moved out. Things that we had listened to or watched together. I was pretty
sure he had done it to torture me. I had sat in that same shirt crying,
watching Fight Club. Which was ridiculous.

I'd just throw the box away. I was done thinking about
Patrick. I didn't even feel sad about leaving the apartment. Moving in with
Kendra would be a fresh start. I could officially leave the past in the past.
Coming back to this apartment while I was dating Mason had felt strange anyway.
Like I was holding on to something. I was ready to let go. I put the lid back
on top of the box.

Shit.
Patrick still had a key. And I couldn't afford
to pay the replacement fee. I pulled out my phone and quickly texted him.

"I'm moving out of our old place today. I need your key.
And I have some stuff you left here. Could you stop by after work?" I
pressed the send button.

I already knew what his response would be. He had to work
late and wouldn't be able to come. That was always what he responded back to me
when we were together. And he'd wait awhile to respond. He wouldn't want me to
think he didn't have anything better to do than text me. Which was stupid.
Because everyone always had their phones on them. I almost jumped when my phone
vibrated right away.

"I'm on a lunch break. Can I come now?"

So maybe that was just the way he acted when I cared if I got
a response. "Yeah. I'm packing now. See you soon." I put my phone
back down on the floor.

The last time I had been alone with Patrick was right here in
this apartment. I had thrown my engagement ring at him. I ran my thumb along
the spot where the ring had once been. I had spent five years of my life loving
him. It was weird for that to suddenly mean so little.

I stood up and grabbed the wedding dress from the closet. It
was the last thing hanging there. Patrick had never seen it. And he never
would. I opened up the lid of the box labeled "donate" and put the
dress inside. I never even tried it on after I got it. I quickly put the lid
back on the box.

I wasn't in love with Patrick anymore. But that dress still
made me want to cry. A wedding dress is full of hope. This one should have been
black and ragged. It only symbolized our end. And I couldn't wait to drop if
off at Goodwill.

There was a scraping sound in the lock on my door. Patrick
was just letting himself in without knocking, like he belonged here, like he
still belonged in my life despite everything that had happened. The door opened
and he looked down at me. He gave me a small smile and leaned against the door
frame.

"Hey." I stood up and pointed down at the box
filled with his stuff. "While I was packing I found some of your stuff if
you want it. And I'll take that key."

"You got it," he said and tossed the key to me. I
caught it in my hand. It was strange that I had never asked for it back. I kept
hoping we'd be able to work it out. Asking for his key back seemed so final.

"I'm glad you still had it." I realized now that it
was stupid for me to ask for it. It would have only cost a few dollars to get a
copy made. Maybe a small part of me just wanted him to know that I was moving
on too. That I was finally ready to let go.

"It was still on my keychain," he said.

"Why?"

He shrugged. "What made you decide to move?" He
looked around the small room. "So many memories."

"It was just time to move on."

"Are you moving in with Mason?"

"It's none of your business."

"Bee." He said my name in that way that made me
always confess all my worries to him. And what did it matter if he knew my
reason for moving?

"I'm moving in with Kendra."

"Why?"

"I need to save money. I got fired today."

He stopped leaning against the door frame and walked into the
room. He sat down on the end of the bed we used to share. "If you need
money..."

"No. That's okay, Patrick."

He locked eyes with me. "I still care about you."

"I know." I wasn't angry anymore.

He put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward slightly.
"So, what's in that box? I thought I got everything."

"You left some CDs and stuff like that."

"Right." He pulled the lid off the box and picked
up the worn t-shirt. "I thought you loved this?" He smiled at me.

"I did."

"I want you to have it." He held it out to me.

"It's yours."

He brought it back down to his lap. "I'm not sure I ever
remember you sleeping in anything else. Well, except when you didn't wear
anything."

"I'm giving it back."

He looked down at the rest of the contents in the box,
sifting through the DVDs and CDs. He pulled out the scrapbook I had made him
and opened up to a random page. "I wanted you to have all this stuff. I
left it here on purpose." He turned the page.

"It's yours. I made that for you. Everything in that box
is yours. If you leave it here I'm just going to donate it."

"I'm not sure anyone's going to buy this
scrapbook." He gave me a small smile.

"Especially if you don't even want it. I'll just throw
it out."

"I want it." He closed it and tucked it under his
arm. "And I want you to have this." He held the shirt out
again."

I didn't want to fight with him. I reached out and grabbed
it. Just having it on his lap for a second made it smell like him again.

"I'm sorry, Bee. I know you won't accept my apology, but
I am. I'm so, so sorry."

I looked up at his face. He never looked so sincere. "I
know. I'm sorry too."

He moved off the bed and sat next to me on the floor. "I
wanted to call you after you gave the ring back. Every night. But I didn't know
what to say. I knew that I broke your heart. That was the hardest part. Knowing
that I hurt you. No excuse could fix that. But I am sorry. I fucked up."

"And what about you? Did us ending things break your
heart?"

"You know it did. You were my first love, Bee. And I
still love you. I think I always will."

I'd always love him too. But I wasn't in love with him
anymore. That was the difference.

"Before moving here, I was terrified of losing you. It's
funny that bringing you here was what tore us apart."

"You can't blame the city for that." I knew it was
ironic. I had been blaming New York for everything that happened to me. But I
knew how ridiculous that was. It was easy to put the blame on anything but
myself.

He shrugged. "Yeah. I guess. Honestly, what it comes
down to is that I thought I was ready to get married. I wasn't."

"You could have talked to me about it."

"I know. I just didn't want to lose you."

I didn't know what to say to him. So I just looked back down
at the shirt in my hands.

"Are you still with him?"

I looked back up at Patrick. "Yes."

"He's bad news, Bee. I don't ever want you to feel what
I made you feel again. And I know you're not willing to give me a second
chance. I get that. I'm not trying to win you back here. But I care about you.
You shouldn't be dating a guy like Mason."

"You don't really know him."

"No, I think you don't. He's a player and a cheat. He
does whatever it takes to get ahead. He's not a good guy."

"You're wrong."

"He's cutthroat."

"Last time I saw you, you said that guys like him didn't
date girls like me. Like I didn't deserve him."

"I meant that you're a good girl and he's a dick."

"I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. I'm just..."

"Worried that someone else will break my heart?"

He sighed and pulled out the DVD of Fight Club from the box.
"You can donate all this stuff if you want. I can't watch this without
thinking of you. You've ruined my favorite movie for me." He laughed and
lifted the lid of the donation box before I could stop him.

My wedding dress was sitting on top. Patrick didn't say
anything. Instead, he ran his hand down the lacy fabric and stared at it. I
grabbed the lid to put it back on, but he pushed it away.

"You would have looked beautiful in this." He
looked over at me. "I didn't know that you had bought a dress."

"What, did you expect me to wear, jean shorts and a tank
top?"

He smiled. "I guess not." He moved his hand off the
dress. "You're giving it away?"

"What else would I do with a wedding dress?"

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize anymore. You were right. I
didn't pay enough attention to you. I was always beat from work. I blamed you,
but it was my fault too. I never said I was sorry. But I am. I'm sorry
too."

"I took you for granted."

"I let you."

He nodded and put his hand on my knee. "Whenever you
walk down the aisle, make sure it's a guy that's worth it. Someone better than
me. You deserve the best, Bee." He didn't say it, but he meant a guy that
wasn't Mason.

"Thanks, Patrick."

He stood up and put his hand out for me. I grabbed it and he
pulled me to my feet. He pulled my against his chest and wrapped his arms
around me. I breathed in his familiar scent. His hug was comforting. I finally
felt at peace with what had happened between us. I thought I had gotten all the
closure I needed at the gala. But apologizing to him was what I had really
needed.

"Losing you is the biggest regret of my life." He
lightly kissed my forehead. "If you ever decide you're willing to give me
a second chance, I still want it."

I took a deep breath, letting the scent of him linger around
me for a second longer. I knew what he had just said, but I think we both knew
this was the last time we were ever going to be together. I let go of his back
and he released me from his hug.

"I still have your number." I smiled at him.

He grabbed the scrapbook off the bed and walked over to the
door. I thought he was going to leave without looking back, but he turned
around before closing the door. "And my shirt."

I hadn't realized it, but I was still holding it in my hand.

"Bye, Bee."

"Bye, Patrick."

Tears prickled my eyes when he closed the door. I took a deep
breath. That was it. We were done. I tossed his shirt down on my bed. That was
the only thing I'd keep. Because it was more than just a memory of him. It had
been there for me when he hadn't been.

Mason

I placed the last box in the truck I had rented and pulled
down the door, locking it in place. I thought Bee would be devastated when she
got fired. Especially since she thought she was going to get a promotion. And I
had let her believe she was getting it when I knew the company she worked for
was folding. It felt like our relationship was a ticking time bomb that was
quickly approaching zero. Me stealing clients from her former company wasn't a
big deal. I wasn't sure why I ever thought that it would be. She'd probably be
happy to screw over her pervert of a boss. She hadn't told me exactly what
happened today, but she hadn't mentioned anything about Kruger going bankrupt.
It seemed like her boss had tried to pull something on her. And it made my
blood boil. I wanted to beat the shit out of him.

I shook my head. Like I could protect her? I was the one that
had screwed her over. I had stolen her advertising idea for Sword Body Wash.
Which in itself didn't matter. Except that I got the account. John Landry had
called me this afternoon and said that they liked my pitch the best.
Bee's
pitch.
She had lost her job and I had just gotten enough money to keep my
apartment without my dad's help. She was going to hate me.

It was like I could hear the clock ticking down to our
demise. I should just tell her right away and apologize. It was an accident. I
just said the first thing that popped in my head. But I had read her notebook
without her permission. I ran my hand down my face.
Fuck.
I couldn't
talk my way out of this one. I had already gone over every possibility in my
head. Each choice ended up with her leaving. And she couldn't leave.

"Done!" she said.

I almost jumped. I hadn't seen her walk out of her apartment
building. "You turned in the keys?"

"Yup. I'm officially homeless." She laughed.
"Maybe I should make a sign and join all the homeless people who I gave
tons of money to."

I laughed. "You're adorable." I wrapped my arms
around her. I didn't want to let go. I wanted to hold her like this, with her
smiling and happy, forever.
Forever.
I felt the tightness in my chest.
We only had a little time left.

"I do have one more favor to ask," she said and
pulled back. "On the way to Kendra's can we stop by Goodwill? I have some
stuff to drop off."

"Sure." I reluctantly let go of her. I watched her
climb to the passenger's side of the truck, leap onto the step, and slide into
the seat.

I just needed to keep thinking. There had to be a way where
she ended up with me. There had to be. I walked around the truck and climbed
into the driver's seat. I put the key into the ignition, brining the truck to
life. "What are you giving away?"

"Just some things I don't need anymore." She smiled
at me.

"Do you want to tell me what really happened today? You
said that you had a disagreement with your boss?"

"It's not a big deal. I didn't want that job anyway.
Like you said, most ad executives don't start out as secretaries. I was approaching
the whole thing wrong."

I gripped my hands on the wheel. "What did that asshole
do?"

"Mason?" She lightly touched my arm. "Are you
okay? You've seemed a little on edge tonight. Are you still not feeling
well?"

"I'm fine." I was never sick. I just couldn't face
her last night. But when I had made her cry it felt like a part of me was hurt.
I never wanted to see her upset.
Then I shouldn't have stolen her idea. Fuck!
I gripped the wheel even tighter.

"I really appreciate you helping me move."

I nodded. Of course I was going to help her move. I'd do
anything for her. My grip eased on the wheel a bit. That was it. I'd tell her
it was time to make things official. Maybe that would make telling her the
truth better? I knew she wanted me to be her boyfriend. Isn't that what every
girl wanted? To take the next step? I wanted that too.

"You can turn in here," Bee said and pointed to the
Goodwill on the corner.

I hit the turn signal and pulled into the donations drop off
section.

"I'll grab it. You can just stay in the car."

"All the boxes are heavy. I'll get it." I turned
off the car and hopped out onto the pavement.

I heard Bee's door shut and she appeared next to me as I
unlocked the door and lifted it up. I picked up the box marked
"donations." It was one of the heaviest ones.

"Really, Mason, I can get that." She put her arms
out.

I laughed. "Lead the way."

She pressed her lips together and then turned away from me.
We walked together toward the drop off door. She opened it for me. As soon as
we were inside she rushed past me and started talking to the person standing
there.

"Okay, we just have to look through it to give you a tax
credit," the lady said.

"Oh, no need," Bee replied. "It's just a bunch
of junk."

The lady made a funny face.

"I mean, not junk. It's nice stuff. CDs, DVDs, and some
old clothes. Someone will definitely want to buy it. But it's just stuff.
Nothing valuable or anything. Just give me the smallest tax credit
possible."

Why was she being so weird? I set the box down. We weren't in
any rush.

"Nonsense," the lady said. She walked over to the
box and opened up the lid. "Wow," the woman said and pulled out a
wedding dress.

Is that why Bee was acting strangely? Did she not want me to
see the dress? I knew she was engaged. Maybe a small part of me didn't realize
how far she had almost made it down the aisle with that ass of an ex of hers.
But it didn't matter. She was mine now. At least for as long as she didn't know
about what I had done.

The thought I had earlier returned to me, about making things
between us official. Bee was the commitment type. Patrick had been her only
other boyfriend. If I told her I wanted to make it official, was I basically
asking her to marry me? I thought I'd want to run. But I didn't. Maybe I was
just desperately clinging onto anything I could think of. Maybe I was losing my
mind. Or maybe that was what I wanted. A white picket fence, two kids, and a
smoking hot wife? That didn't sound so bad to me. Actually, it sounded kind of
perfect. I peeled my eyes away from the dress and looked at her.

She looked embarrassed. No, she looked sad. And it wrenched
my gut. I wanted to make her happy. I'd do anything to make her happy.

"How much did this cost?" the woman said and turned
to her.

Bee shrugged.

The woman looked back and forth between us. "Oh, I see.
Your husband didn't know you were parting with your dress? That's very sweet.
You should resell this, though, not give it away. You can make a pretty
penny."

Bee didn't say anything to correct the woman about her
assumption between us. "That's okay, it's not about the money."

Husband and wife?
Now that someone had said it out
loud it didn't sound nearly as appealing. I wasn't ready for that. One day
maybe. And maybe it would be with Bee. I wasn't ready yet, though. I couldn't
have kids. And I didn't want a picket fence. I loved living in New York.

"If that's what you want." The woman wrote
something down and handed the paper to Bee. "Definitely worth more than
the smallest tax credit. Someone will get good use out of this."

"I hope so." Bee walked past me and out the door
back into the cold.

"She must have looked beautiful in this," the woman
said to me.

"Yeah." I quickly followed Bee. She was already
getting into the truck.

I didn't say anything as I climbed into the driver's seat and
started it back up. I pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the busy
streets of the city.

"I'm sorry about that," Bee finally said. "I
was just trying to get rid of it."

"It's okay. I get it."

She turned toward me. "Mason?"

"Yeah?" For some reason the way she had said my
name made my heart beat faster. Had she already found out what I had done?

"I really like you."

I sighed with relief. "I really like you too."
Instead of following the GPS, I continued going straight. I knew exactly what I
wanted to do.

"Kendra's place is that way," Bee said.

I ignored her. I felt awful about stealing her idea. But I
didn't feel awful about getting the Sword Body Wash account and jump starting
my ad agency. It was hard not to tell her about it. I wanted to share my good
news with her. But I couldn't. Not yet. The least I could do for now was share
that success with her.

"Mason?"

"I think you should move in with me," I blurted out
before I could change my mind.

"You want me to move in with you?"

"It feels like you already have." I smiled at her.
"I'm not sure when the last time was that we didn't fall asleep
together."

"It's still a big step," she said.

"It's one that I want to make with you."

"I don't want you to ask me just because I lost my job
and you feel sorry for me."

"I don't feel sorry for you." I pulled up in front
of my apartment and cut the engine. I reached over and grabbed her hand.
"I like falling asleep with you and waking up next to you. I'm asking you
because I'm greedy. I can't get enough of you." I ran my thumb along her
knuckles and over the tan line on her ring finger. She nervously touched that
spot all the time. Like there was something there that nothing else could fill.
She probably didn't even realize she was doing it. But it broke my heart a
little every time I saw her do it.

I felt guilty about what I had done. But everything else I
said was true too. I wanted to fill that spot on her finger. Not with a ring.
Not yet, anyway. I wanted to be enough for her. Just me. Because she was enough
for me.

She looked up at me. "I can't get enough of you
either."

"So is that a yes?"

"Of course it's a yes!" She unbuckled her seatbelt
and moved onto my lap. She grabbed both sides of my face and kissed me.

I thought I had already felt guilty. But the way she was
kissing me? I was going straight to hell.