Coconuts and Wonderbras (15 page)

    ‘Whatever you do don’t move,’ he whispers.

I freeze and open my mouth to scream, although I am not sure why. Although you can be sure if Mr Crocodile Dundee is concerned, it must be serious.

    ‘What now?’ I groan.

    ‘I’m preparing myself to deal with the cobra that is currently wrapped warmly around your leg, or did you think you had left your socks on?’

    ‘Oh my God’, I begin to sweat, and my head starts to thump unmercifully.

    ‘Don’t panic, it’s important to keep calm,’ he whispers.

Don’t panic? After just telling me there is a deadly snake wrapped around my ankle? Is he mad? I will panic, in fact, how can I
not
panic? My throat feels dry and I can’t seem to swallow. Oh, Jesus, how much more? All I want is a bath and a proper hotel room with loo paper and a suitcase of clothes if at all possible. I have so far managed to escape death from cholera and a lynching by a mob of rebels. But it seems I am destined for a bloody snakebite. Why do these things happen to me?

    ‘Please, hurry up and stab it,’ I plead.

    ‘The knife is for you. If the snake bites, which for your information is the worst case scenario, I will need to open the wound to get the poison out quickly.’

Oh, what is he doing to me? What have I ever done to him? A vision of him cutting into my ankle makes me go quite woozy and I feel my body sway.

    ‘Don’t move, with a bit of luck it will slither away. It doesn’t want to attack you so don’t give it any cause. So far it has not reacted to you.’

What! Why is he hesitating? Surely he isn’t going to wait until the bugger bites me. Oh Christ. I don’t want to be sodding Lara Croft. I mean, seriously, do I look the slightest bit like Lara Croft? I’m fat for Christ’s sake. Jesus, that means more meat for the snake to tuck into. Oh Toby, I wish you were here.

    ‘Please, just shoot it or stab it or bloody strangle it before it bites me,’ I say hoarsely.

    ‘Shut up talking and keep still. I’ve got my eye on it.’

What the hell good is his eye? I close mine and feel tears run down my cheeks. Why is he always so horrible to me? I try to swallow and can’t. My throat has closed up. My arms ache from clenching my hands. I open my eyes to see Bryant has moved closer to me and in front of him on the ground is a snake which is slowly slinking away. I feel myself wobble and his arms reach out to catch me as I fall.

    ‘It’s okay, it’s gone,’ he whispers softly into my ear.

I pull back sharply and stare angrily at him.

    ‘You would have let it bite me. You are insane, bloody insane. What is wrong with you?’ I shout. I’m sounding hysterical and, knowing Bryant, he won’t think twice about slapping me across the face. Okay, maybe he isn’t that bad but he was seriously going to let that snake bite me. God, my throat is so tight I feel I will choke.

    ‘Do you really think that little of me? It was highly unlikely that it would have bitten you. If I had considered that at all a possibility do you really believe I would have just stood here and watched?’ His eyes flash angrily.

I clench my jaw. I am so livid with him it is all I can do not to slap him.

    ‘In a word, yes,’ I spit, knowing it is a hateful thing to say but not being able to stop myself. I feel very alone right now.

    ‘Toby would never have put me through that.’

    ‘No, of course not,’ he says, looking pained. ‘I do know what I’m doing. If I had moved even half an inch, it would have bitten you. I’ve been around more snakes than you. However, I am always prepared whatever the eventuality. I know exactly what I am doing,’ he finishes arrogantly, leaning down to pick up his rucksack.

    ‘Oh purleese,’ I scoff, ‘you’re not James Bond you know. Or do you spend your time electrocuting your enemies with nothing more than a damp towel and a table lamp? No, on reflection don’t answer that. I really don’t want to know.’

Do shut up Libby, you’re making a fool of yourself. He smiles in that patronising way he has about him and for some reason I get that fluttering in my stomach. There are two very good reasons why I must not be attracted to Alex Bryant. The first being he is engaged to someone else, who it must be remembered has legs up to her armpits, tiny neat breasts and not a single blobby bit in sight, and that’s not even mentioning her perfect lacquered hair and permanently shaved armpits. The second reason, of course, is that Toby has finally realised he is in love with me. I haven’t even mentioned the fact that Bryant is an idiot. I must have been mad coming here with him, stark staring mad.

    ‘We need to get to the other side of this lake,’ he responds quietly.

It seems nothing I say or do can ruffle his feathers.

    ‘That’s another thing, I really don’t believe we are at risk if we get a taxi and you could have let me bring more of my things. There is no way I am getting in that boat, if you can call it a boat. You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Why on earth would anyone be interested in us?’

He drops the rucksack angrily and his jaw tightens. I must admit he is terribly handsome when angry. Here I go again.

    ‘I do know what I’m talking about. The rebels have valid points, and if I am not mistaken you are very aware of that yourself. The best part of Toby’s article was your piece in it. You approve of the Arab Spring, and you said yourself that it is time for the Cambodians to have more freedom in the way their country is run.’

    ‘Toby said that,’ I break in.

He shakes his head.

    ‘No he didn’t. The rebels know we are high profile and we are good hostage material. We need to get out of the countryside and get to the town. The last taxi driver compromised us. We need to get on the boat now.’

His voice is clear and even and he doesn’t take his eyes off me.

    ‘They’re not interested in us,’ I say forcefully. ‘You’re just a writer…’

    ‘I’m a journalist and a good one.’

Mr Modesty or what.

    ‘That’s a matter of opinion,’ I snap nastily.

Good heavens, what has come over me? He sighs and wanders over to the owner of the boat who is bagging up his fish. I hear Alex negotiate a price for use of the boat. If you can call it a boat, it is more a raft with a paddle. Oh, this country is driving me mad. He marches back towards me.

    ‘I got him down to five dollars, let’s go,’ he orders.

What a bully.

    ‘Five dollars, well I think you have been ripped off, but it’s your money,’ I say mimicking his comments to me yesterday.

He seems to suppress a smile before pointing again at the boat.

    ‘I’m not getting on that, it’s not safe.’

He rolls his eyes and sighs.

    ‘Not again,’ he mumbles.

    ‘What does that mean?’ I snap.

    ‘Are you going to get on the boat or do I have to drag you on?’

Ooh, I’d like to see him try.

    ‘How dare you, if Toby heard you talking to me like this I wouldn’t like to say what he would do to you.’

    ‘I wouldn’t think very much,’ he retorts, throwing the rucksack over his shoulders.

He gives me a mean look and grabs me by the waist. Before I know what is happening he has lifted me off the ground. It is seriously like something out of Gone with the Wind. I am so shocked that I cannot speak. He places me gently onto the wooden planks which constitute the floor of the boat and proceeds to push it out. I am shaking with anger. How dare he? A paddle is shoved roughly into my hand.

    ‘How dare you,’ I stammer. ‘When Toby finds out…’

    ‘Start paddling, I need to push it out further and do stop threatening me with Toby.’

I swish the so-called ‘paddle’ lazily through the water while giving him a dirty look. He jumps aboard and takes the paddle from me. Within seconds we are cutting through the water, and the cool air washes over me. My hair is damp with perspiration and my sandals are thick with dirt. My lips are cracking and my throat is dry. I have never felt so wretched in my life and I have no means of escape. His back is to me and I watch as he steers the boat expertly through the water. I am beginning to believe he is capable of anything and am finding it difficult not to admire him. He turns at that moment and tosses a hat to me. I have no idea where it came from but I accept it gratefully. The sun is hotter now and I lean back on the rickety bench and attempt to relax and enjoy the views which are spectacularly beautiful. The sky is a deep blue and the surrounding fields lush and green. The rhythmic swishing of the paddle through the crystal-clear water is crisp. I believe I could actually enjoy it here if I could just relax. The gentle movement of the boat soothes me and I feel my eyes growing heavy. I really must let Toby know I am okay, he will be very worried. It occurs to me that it would be quite safe now to use my phone. I snap my eyes open to see Alex has removed his top. I drag my eyes from his taut muscular torso. It’s hot enough without the sight of him topless. I pull my phone from my dress pocket. He doesn’t utter a word and then I realise I have no signal. I huff and begin cleaning my sandals with a tissue that I dip into the lake. I can’t deny the sight of him rather takes my breath away. He leans across me to soak his top in the water and the fragrant smell of him wafts over. I swear he smells faintly of baby talcum powder. You wouldn’t think that very sexy but, God, it’s turning me on. If I am to be totally truthful, I have fancied Alex Bryant right from the first time I saw him in Dirty Doug’s. I imagine he is fanciable because he is unavailable in more ways than one, not mentioning that he would never give me a second look. I watch as he puts the wet top on and smiles at me.

    ‘You’ve got dirt on your face,’ he says softly and leans into the water again with a tissue.

I feel my heart pound like crazy as his hand comes into contact with my cheek. I bite my cracked lips as he dabs at my face and fight the urge to lean forward and kiss his very kissable mouth. What on earth is wrong with me? It must be the heat or something. Then he sits back and smiles cockily at me. He is so close that I swear I can feel his breath on my face. I’m certain he knows the effect he is having on me. I blush furiously and grab the side of the boat for all I am worth. I grab it a bit too firmly and it dips lower into the water.

    ‘Oh God,’ I cry, rather weakly.

He laughs and easily manoeuvres it back. I lift my face to his and see he is looking closely at me.

    ‘I can’t spend my whole time rescuing you, you know.’

Why not, I almost swoon, but of course I don’t. Instead I retort quite haughtily.

    ‘I’m quite capable as it happens.’

    ‘I’ve noticed,’ he laughs, revealing his perfect white teeth.

I lower my hand into the water and stroke the passing lotus flowers. I clasp one in my hand and fix it precariously into my hair.

    ‘Very fetching,’ he comments.

    ‘I didn’t mean it when I said your being a good journalist was a matter of opinion,’ I say, averting my face.

    ‘Ah, so you don’t think I’m so bad after all.’ His face lights up. ‘But you’re considering going home?’

He looks at me earnestly. I wish he would stop looking at me in that way. In fact, I wish he would just move his body back by a few inches. I can barely breathe, let alone think of an answer. What is he doing? He’s engaged to be married isn’t he? What if he is just frustrated? A man like him, well, you know what I mean? He must be full of testosterone and longing.

    ‘I don’t really know what I’m thinking.’

Well, isn’t that the truth. At that moment his phone rings. We finally have signal. He continues looking at me for a few seconds before turning to answer it. I grab the boat with shaking hands and take deep breaths. Blimey, I don’t remember ever feeling like this whenever Toby came close. Obviously I must have done. I just can’t quite recall the moment. I’m sure it will come flooding back to me when I can think properly. From the conversation, I gauge the call is from Jamie and listen intently, although a one-sided conversation barely makes much sense. He is quite right though, I am seriously thinking of going home. I don’t want to be considered a good hostage or a great negotiating tool thank you very much. I have no ambitions to be a heroine, although I can’t deny, now I am over the shock of almost being bitten by a snake, the whole trip is rather exciting. It’s probably the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me. How sad is that? I expect this is rather tame for Alex Bryant, who has rescued hostages as an SAS officer and fought off more than a cobra in the Middle East. Okay, so I did read his first book. I suppose it is fairly impressive if you get impressed by men who can survive in the jungle for ten days without food and water and that kind of stuff. I can’t say I have read anything of the new book though. But I am aware that he is quite a hero, and if I can’t feel safe with him then I won’t feel safe with anyone. All I’ve got to do is get through the book convention, do the TV interview and we can go home. The likelihood of anyone even considering kidnapping me is so slight that it is laughable. I’m here for two weeks. Long enough for Toby to really miss me and decide that he loves me more than he ever imagined he could. On reflection, I should stay and make the most of things. After all, I shall probably never travel like this again. Toby and I will marry and before I know where I am my life will never be the same again. It will be a whirlwind of babies, breast milk, mastitis, and stretch marks. Not an appealing thought. Whatever will I do if Toby does fly out here? How awkward that will be.

   ‘Yes, I’ll tell her, of course. Thanks Jamie.’

I look at Alex expectantly. He continues paddling confidently and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand in that ‘Indiana Jones’ way he has and says in a voice full of authority.

    ‘I need to know if you are staying or if you seriously intend to fly home. Personally, I would like you to stay but obviously it is up to you. If you are planning to stay then we need to go over a few safety techniques, proof of life and so on, as I won’t always be with you. Just for precaution you understand. Jamie, however, said to tell you that he fully understands if you want to return home. I will arrange a flight if that is what you want.’