Coconuts and Wonderbras (17 page)

    ‘I’m just stating a fact. The cups are big and hold plenty of water. Look, I don’t have time to deal with your issues of sensitivity.’

He is so loathsome. Finally, we hit the bank and after throwing out the rucksack he climbs into the water and offers to help me out. Reluctantly I take his hand and jump from the boat. I slip on the muddy bank and reach out to him. I feel his arms go round my waist and I cling onto him. His face is close to mine and I feel the beating of his heart. His arms are strong and strangely comforting.

    ‘Are you okay?’ he asks. I swear his voice is husky. Surely I am not imagining all this. I’m certainly not imagining that hand on my buttock. Good heavens. I slowly extradite myself and dust the front of my dress. I must look like I have been dragged through a bush backwards. He pulls the boat ashore.

    ‘We don’t want to lose our deposit,’ he laughs.

A water buffalo surveys us from further along the shore. As if nothing has occurred between us Alex plonks the hat onto my head and walks towards the beast. I hobble behind him. I look down to see one of my flip-flops has well and truly flopped. Isn’t that just my luck? I couldn’t have been on the beach in Eastbourne, or just walking along Brighton pier. I had to be in the middle of nowhere, in the depths of the Cambodian countryside. Aside from being buried alive I can’t think of anything worse. I’m bra-less, shoe-less and the way Alex is staring at me you would think I was brainless. He waves to a man in a nearby rice field. Alex beckons to me and I hobble forward.

    ‘This very fine gentleman with the help of his buffalo is going to give us a ride on his cart to the next village and from there his brother will take us to Siem Reap.’

I bow in gratitude to the rice farmer, who reciprocates and offers me a banana. I accept it gratefully even though I am feeling just a bit overdosed on bananas. Oh well, I guess I won’t get fat on bananas and coconut. They both help me into the cart and Alex then sits up front with the rice farmer.
I feel quite upset to think that Alex Bryant thinks I am fat. Well, I will show him.

Chapter Sixteen

    The hotel is absolute luxury compared to the little bed and breakfast house we had
escaped from. It even has a swimming pool and a tea room with a butterfly garden. I am desperately hoping my luggage will be in my room. The reception staff gawp at us and I can’t blame them. We must look a dreadful sight. Even with our quick clean up, courtesy of the lake, we still don’t look like typical tourists.

    ‘You have booking?’ the clerk asks us, doubtfully.

After studying our passports and booking details he hands keys over to Alex. I find myself fascinated by the hustle and bustle outside. I decide to go into the city first and then visit the butterfly garden afterwards. I voice my plans to Alex as we mount the stairs to our rooms. He immediately looks worried.

    ‘I think you should trust my judgement on this. It is safer if we travel together. I’ll take you around Siem Reap later when we go for dinner.’

    ‘I can assure you I will be fine,’ I argue. ‘Besides I have my Blackberry and…’

I realise he has stopped walking. I follow his gaze to see Penelope bounding towards us.
Good Lord, what is she doing here?

    ‘Baby, oh honey are you okay? I’ve been missing you so much,’ she screams and leaps into his arms.

    ‘Jamie texted me and said you had some trouble with the rebels.’

It is the first time I have seen him shell-shocked. I have to admit to being a touch shell-shocked myself. In fact, I’m not quite sure how I feel, aside from murderous. Why is she here? More importantly why is she not in Beijing?

He gently pushes her away and I try to ignore the scathing look she is giving me.

    ‘Hello, Lily, how are you?’ she says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She turns back to Alex before I have time to answer. Clearly she is not interested in how I am at all.

    ‘What are you doing here Pen?’ he asks and I pick up a suspicious tone in his voice.

    ‘It’s Libby, actually.’

She spins round to look at me.

    ‘What?’ she snaps.

    ‘My name is Libby, not Lily,’ I repeat.

She blinks and then dismisses me with her hand before turning back to Alex.

    ‘Come on honey, don’t be cross. Aren’t you pleased to see me? I thought as I was in Beijing, and it was so close, I would join you instead of flying straight home. I’ve booked us into a fab restaurant in Siem Reap that is owned by Americans. They are going to cook you a good steak. I’m not sure what I will eat in this place but never mind.’

I cannot deny she looks terrific. Even after a flight she still manages to look fantastic. I look down at my dirty broken flip-flop and feel myself hating Alex Bryant all over again. He could at least have allowed me to change before we fled. I would have perhaps looked half decent when seeing Lady Penelope instead of looking like I have just climbed out of a bush, which I guess I have. To make matters worse the button on my dress has popped and my tits are almost hanging out. I swear I look like Nell Gwynne. All I need are a couple of oranges and I’ll be all set for a fancy-dress party.

    ‘Well, if you’ll excuse me, I really need a shower.’ I hold my hand out for my room key. Alex hesitates and turns to Penelope.

    ‘We were actually going to the outdoor restaurant tonight. Libby and I need to talk over the book conference.’

Blimey, that was a bit blunt. Penelope stabs me a look and then smiles warmly at Alex.

    ‘Well, obviously, if you’ve made plans… I’m sure there will be something there I can eat.’

Penelope is livid and her mouth has turned all tight and her eyes are blazing. Alex seems either not to be noticing or if he has then is untouched by it.

    ‘It’s fine. Why don’t we discuss the conference over coffee once I’ve showered? I’m a bit wacked anyway to be honest, I’ll probably order room service or something,’ I lie.

The last thing I want to do is have dinner with Blancmange. He looks at me gratefully.

    ‘I’ll give you a knock in a couple of hours. Have a rest until then.’ He smiles but I can see the anger in his eyes and wonder is he angry at me or Penelope. I take the key and walk down the corridor to my room.

To my relief my luggage is there. Oh, what luxury compared to last night. There’s a proper loo, toilet paper and a real shower. All the same I can’t help wishing we were back in the country where all was peaceful and quiet. Well, apart from when we were attacked, it was quiet and peaceful. It all felt so intimate there. I look out of the window. The place is vibrant. People are shouting and the road below me is a mass of tuk-tuks, motorbikes and people carrying all kinds of wares on their back. Maybe I will pop out later. As long as I keep away from the posh restaurants I am not likely to see Alex and Penelope. I do hope she isn’t going to come along to the conferences. I will go mental if she does. Isn’t this just so my luck? I check the time on my Blackberry. It’s ten in the morning in England. I phone Issy. From the background noise it is clear she is at her sister’s.

    ‘Libs, you’ve got everyone up in arms here, hold on. Barnaby go and play with your sister, like a good boy, if that is at all possible.’

I catch her tell someone she needs to take a call and then hear the clip clop of her heels.

    ‘Shit it’s freezing. I bet it is bloody hot where you are. Remind me never to have kids. Rachel is oozing breast milk and cries at the drop of a hat. I presented her with a sodding Ricky Gervais DVD for her birthday and she had a mini breakdown. Hugging and kissing me. It was dead embarrassing. Honestly, bloody hormones. And that bloody Bradley still shits his pants even though there are potties all over the house. I hate sodding families at Christmas time.’

    ‘Penelope just arrived,’ I say and burst into tears.

Why am I so upset? This is ridiculous. Alex Bryant is just a big knob who drives me mad isn’t he? The truth is in the past few hours he has made me feel more cared for than I have felt in a long time. I felt interesting and worthwhile, even if he did make insensitive comments about my weight. I know that he didn’t mean them in the way I took them. He isn’t Toby, and if he had something to say about my weight he would have come straight out with it. He thinks I am intelligent and capable, and I was actually looking forward to our dinner. Now it is all ruined and I feel awful for hating Penelope. After all, she is his fiancée.

    ‘Christ almighty,’ groans Issy. ‘Why is
she
there? Why are you getting so upset? Did Toby phone and say something to upset you? Honestly him and his big mouth.’

I hiccup and blow my nose.

    ‘It’s just Alex is so... I don’t know. I thought we were having dinner but she wants to go to the steak place and he didn’t, and now we’re just having coffee and I feel so fed up. Plus I can’t remember the codes and everything is going wrong and my flip-flop is broken…’ I take a deep breath.

    ‘I thought she was a vegan…’

    ‘And he used my bra, not once but several times,’ I hiccup.

    ‘Bloody hell,’ is her response. ‘I heard from the ever obnoxious Toby that you hit a spot of bother and that Alex was being a bit of an arsehole, but…’

    ‘No, he isn’t, honestly, he has been really nice in a funny way.’

    ‘What a dream hunk. Hate to say I told you so. Are you okay though, seriously? There is no real danger of you being kidnapped and all that crap is there?’

I hear the concern in her voice and panic in case she tells mother. It will be the final straw if mother starts calling me with all her great advice.

    ‘No, of course not and really I am fine. I’m just tired. It’s been a hectic day. A nice long shower, room service and an early night and I’ll be my old self in no time.’

It takes me some time to convince her that I am fine and after promising to call her the next day, I hang up and turn my phone off. I know I really should leave it on, in case Toby should phone. I really don’t feel emotionally capable of dealing with him right now. He only needs to be a bit sharp and I will burst into tears. He will blame Alex and I will argue with him and it will just get worse and worse. I am beginning to learn that the way to Toby’s heart is not through his stomach, or sex, or even being slim come to that. The way to his heart is to make him jealous. I seem to have done that and it doesn’t feel good. I would much prefer Toby loved me for who I am and not because he feels slighted by someone else and now needs to prove his manliness. It occurs to me that I really should check on my parents and phone my mother in Kilimanjaro, hoping she isn’t half way up it. It really doesn’t bear thinking about. She answers her phone immediately.

    ‘Darling, I was going to phone you later. What a disaster, a total disaster we’re just airlifting daddy to hospital.’

I can feel myself getting all hot, as If I’m not hot enough already, and my heart is beating rapidly. Images of my father swathed in bandages and with an oxygen mask over his face assault me.

    ‘Is he going to be all right? What happened?’ I feel all faint.

    ‘We were only a short way up, oh it is so exhilarating darling, far better than sex…’

    ‘Mother,’ I yell.

    ‘Oh sorry, I am quite flushed with it all. The instructor was marvellous, quite your type. Speaking of types how is the gorgeous Alex Bryant? Did anything happen on the plane?’

Oh, yes, mother, lots of things but nothing like the things that are going through your head.

    ‘Is daddy going to live?’ I ask, hearing the panic in my voice.

    ‘Of course, darling, it’s only gout, but what a time to have an attack. We were right in the thick of it all too. I must say your father has really thrown himself into this. It’s had an amazing impact on him. He is like a young man. He has become like that Bryant chap, all hormones and action. Trouble is all the action has gone to his foot.’

I don’t know how I cope, I really don’t. I am just grateful they are not on the nudist holiday. That would have been too much to bear. Just the thought of my naked father being airlifted anywhere is enough to make me shudder. I’m already emotionally bruised, I can’t take any more battering.

    ‘I hope you’re staying out of the sun Libby and you are shaving aren’t you? There is nothing worse than being caught out unshaved.’

Oh God.

    ‘Email us. We bought one of those Blueberries, just like yours, and daddy has worked out how to get emails on it. He is becoming a real little whiz-kid. It’s so exciting and as soon as we get to an Internet café I can answer them.’

Is there any point in explaining?

    ‘Blackberry, I think you mean,’

    ‘Well, whatever, it is marvellous.’

My phone pings several times. It is Toby trying to get through. I say goodbye to mother and turn it off. I just can’t bear to speak to him. I have a shower and fumble through my suitcase for something suitable. Of course, everything makes me look dumpy. I try on three tops, a dress, and finally chuck a loose and very thin smock top over a pair of cropped leggings. I attempt to be cool and poised and am about to twist my hair into a bun when there is a knock on my door. Surely it isn’t that time already. I check my face in the mirror and see it is flushed from crying. Why can’t I be the epitome of sophistication and chic like Penelope? With my heart thumping I open the door. A gorgeous fresh-faced Alex stands there and I visibly swoon. My God, how does he manage to look so irresistible? I feel my breath catch in my throat and think it wouldn’t be such a terrible thing if I couldn’t breathe, at least Alex can perform CPR. Just the thought makes me go all hot. He can pound my chest anytime.

    ‘You look nice,’ he says politely.

    ‘Thanks.’

    ‘You look pretty fantastic yourself,’ I want to say but obviously I don’t. He has a fiancée for goodness sake. I check she is not standing behind him.

    ‘Can I come in?’ he asks, his eyes widening.

What am I doing? He must think me so stupid.

    ‘Yes, of course. I’m sorry.’

I find I am touching myself everywhere. What is wrong with me? I can’t keep still. I feel so damn self-conscious around him and fatter than I have ever felt. He is holding a thick folder and I pull a face. Surely we haven’t got to go through that?