Code Name: Kayla's Fire (22 page)

A maze of deep lines creased the edges of his eyes, and covered his
brow. “The squad told me you flew to Germany, but you weren’t there when I woke
up. Why did you leave?”

“You were being cared for. I left.”

“You left before letting anyone explain. With half a story, you
assumed and retreated.”

“I don’t need to hear it,” she said, turning away from him. “Let it
be.”

“You have to listen—to all of it. Whether you condemn me or not, and
I’m sure you already have, I still need you to hear what happened—once.” His
voice wavered, his strong timbre gone.

Anger had been the last thing she felt these long weeks, but it reared
up on its front legs. “I don’t want to hear it, Captain. I don’t need an
explanation.” She took another step away from him as if that would do any good.
“I’m alive, now leave,” she said, but the bitterness in her tone really spoke
for her.

“Kayla, please. Let’s go up to the house.”

Maybe things hadn’t worked out with the princess, and he thought he’d
find everything the way he left it when he came home. She glared up at him. “I
guess I’m not being clear. Leave—Me—Alone.”

Thane shook his head, his expression turning severe. “Not until you
listen to what I have to say.” Taking a step toward her, she backed away.
“Kayla, for Christ’s sake, give me five minutes.”

Listening wouldn’t change her mind. She’d come to a decision, hers and
the baby’s. “Fine, but then you’re gone or I am.”

Entering the massive ranch house, she strode toward the couch in the great
room. Shoring up her nerves, she stuffed a pillow against the armrest, and made
an ungraceful landing. Thane sat down across from her, a flinch creasing his
features. He
was
still in pain, which
meant he hadn’t rested, hadn’t taken the time to heal.

“Why did you run?” he asked quietly. “Why didn’t you at least tell
Nina? You can’t believe the grief and the heartache you’ve caused.”

A ricochet of guilt zipped through her. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating.
Maybe Nina—”

“Red has aged fifty years. Losing you was like losing a daughter. He
agonizes over what he thinks he should have done. Are you really that blind you
don’t see how many people care about you, Kayla?”

A rush of tears threatened to spill, thinking about Captain Redding.
If she envisioned anyone who came close to being a father, it was him, but the
only person she’d tried to reach out to was Greg, and he had joined a dark
operation. There was no way to call him.

“Everyone thinks the Shark found you,” he said, leaning on his thighs
and crossing his hands.

“We’re not here to talk about me, Captain Austen. You said you wanted
to tell your story. Tell it. The abbreviated version. Zara already shared your
meaningful joining.”

Thane stiffened. “Can I make you some tea? Are you thirsty?”

She remained silent—waiting.

When he saw she wasn’t going to be setting out china for his visit, he
began. “We’d been in Syria for three weeks. Mixing in, weeks spent on recon.
The squad had been sent to find Zara. She’s one of the few people who knows
where the elements of a nuclear warhead are stored in her country. A man named
Keegan needed those elements for his own warhead, and he’d taken Zara hostage
while she was on a diplomatic trip to Syria.”

“Fox found where she was being held, and the night we rallied to take
her out we were given up by some locals, paid by Keegan. The squad scattered
after a firefight outside of the place he used as his HQ. That’s when Mace was
injured, and Cobbs. Nathan was pinned and I went in to get him out. We allowed
ourselves to be captured, which brought us closer to Zara.”

“Keegan suffers from syphilis. He’s delusional half the time, but his
followers are loyal and they protect him. We watched for the patterns and weak
spots in the comings and goings of the house. That night we planned to get the
hell out of dodge. Keegan was ranting all day. By nightfall he’d put enough
booze in himself to control the screaming fits, but his mind was warped past
reason.”

Kayla listened and saw Thane’s body tense.

“Keegan brought Zara and I into the main area, where he and his guards
spent most of their time.” Thane paused and swallowed deeply. “His men stripped
Zara naked, and held a gun to her head. Keegan’s sick fucking mind was hyped on
pills and booze and he said he’d kill her right there, if I didn’t take her in
front of all of them.”

Her hand slid to her mouth, stopping the moan wanting to escape.

Thane’s gaze jerked away, and he focused on the table sitting between
them. “We were hours away from freedom. I knew I could get us out, but if I
didn’t do it, he would have killed Zara.” His voice softened. “I closed my eyes
and I imagined you.” Air gusted from his throat. “You’d think a guy with my
past wouldn’t have a problem performing, even under stress like that, but I
couldn’t do it, not until I saw you in my mind. The whole time I kept praying
to God the gun held to my head would go off.”

“That night we found our route out, but they noticed we were gone too
soon, and tracked us. I don’t remember a helluva lot after they filled me full
of holes. The villagers took us in and hid us. They’d lived under Keegan’s
brutal hand for a long time, and were praying for someone to take him out. The
next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed in Berlin.” Thane crouched down in
front of her.

She threaded her fingers through his hair, the longest she’d ever seen
on him. It was wavy and soft. “I respect you now more than ever, seeing the
sheer honesty I saw in Zara’s eyes when she described how you protected her.”

He shook his head. “Please, I know how much this must hurt. You can’t
tell me you don’t. I’m not asking you to accept it, just understand it.”

“I do understand. You did what you had to do to survive.” Thane raised
his eyes to hers. He looked so tired and beaten down. “Zara fell in love with
you, and I can see why you would feel the same about her. She’s very
beautiful.”

Thane shook his head angrily. “I don’t love her.”

“Zara said she was taking you to Cairo.” She withdrew her hand,
realizing it still lingered in his hair.

A dismal laugh escaped him. “I had the doctors shoot me full of pain
killers and the squad brought me back. I’ve been looking for you ever since.”
Thane wove his hand around hers. “If you understand, then let’s go home. I just
want to take you home and hold onto you for days.”

“Thane, if I go home the Shark will kill both of us,” she said,
smoothing a hand over her belly. “I have to keep living for her.”

“I’ve missed you and six months of her. Can I…?” he stared at her
stomach.

They shared the life growing inside her. Now and forever, she and
Thane would be connected, and her thoughts jumped to a future without him. She
slammed the lid tight, cutting off the oxygen to her emotions. When he reached
out his hand, she placed it where the baby had decided to give her a healthy
kick.

A bittersweet smile grew on his lips feeling his child move. “Hi,
beautiful, I’m your dad,” and then Thane completely broke down in front of her.
All the air in her throat bottled as his tears fell to her stomach. His broad
shoulders shook with heart wrenching sobs. Instinct told her to comfort him,
but she remained still. Minutes passed and she allowed him the time without
hindrance or words because she didn’t have any to ease his pain or hers.

“Kayla, don’t give up on us.” As if she knew her father was upset, the
baby began to roll. “Tell her, sweetheart,” he said, holding his large hand
against his daughters fussing. “Tell your mom how much I love you both.”

“Thane, I know you love her. When she’s born, I’m giving her to you.
You’ll have sole custody. If you don’t want her, then I’ll put her up for
adoption. Babies are always adopted quickly, and she’ll have a loving home.”

Thane jerked away as if someone had told him she had the bubonic
plague. “What?”

“She doesn’t need a mother who’s in a million pieces. This child needs
to be protected. She needs her father, but if not, she at least needs to be
loved.”

Thane’s hands swept to either side of her swelling stomach. “She needs
both of us, Kayla.”

“I don’t want her life tainted by mine. It’s the right thing for me to
do,” she said, brushing a tear from his cheek. “All I want, is to know she’ll
be safe.”

“No. I can’t do this without you. I won’t do this without you. We’re
gonna make it through this. Give us some time.”

“You must think I’m a terrible person, but it’s because of the person
I am that I have no other choice. This is about breaking a cycle, and giving
her a healthy, happy home to grow up in. You’re leaving, Captain Austen, and
you’re leaving me here.” She managed to say it without emotion, but her edges
were cracking, and if he didn’t leave soon, she’d crumble in front of him.

Thane rose to his full height, his stare unwavering. “No, Ms. Banks,
I’m not, and neither are you.”

Kayla watched as Thane left the house and returned with a duffel bag.
He took the stairs and disappeared. A few minutes later, he walked past her and
filled the kettle with water, then rummaged through the cupboards. She heard
pans being shuffled, and a can opener grinding the lid from a tin. Within a few
minutes, he sat a bowl of soup in front of her, along with a steaming mug of
tea. “Do you need anything else?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“I’m going into town to get some supplies.” Thane pulled the table
closer to her so she wouldn’t have to stretch. Slipping a hand in his back
pocket, he pulled out a folded paper. “Nina wrote this. She said to give it to
you when I found you.”

Opening the front door, he paused. “You were with me every second of
that mission, and every second that passed, I knew I was one second closer to
coming home to you. The only causality is our future, and that’s my fault. I
will own it, but you are not walking away from us.”

She allowed the cocoon of numbness to keep her distanced from Thane.
When he was long gone, she opened the small, notebook-sized paper, and read
Nina’s words.

Dear Kayla,

It’s three am, all’s quiet on the waterfront. The wrinkled parts of
this paper are from my tears, and I can’t seem to stop. The Captain keeps us
all believing you’re alive, and I hang on his every word, because I want to
believe it too. If this note ever finds its way into your hands, I just want
you to remember one thing you told me not long ago. “Don’t paint pictures.
You’ll drive yourself crazy. More than anything, you have to believe in them
and their skills. They’ll walk closer to death’s door than any serviceman, but
they don’t want to die either. A woman who loves a SEAL has to accept
everything they do is to save a life or the mission, but it’s always with
honesty and valor.” Accept what Thane had to do. That man loves you more than
his own life, and that’s why he didn’t give it up. He wants to hold his baby in
his arms and you for the rest of your life.

Please come home

Nina.

Kayla sat listening to the house. It had a life of its own. The sounds
had kept her company for weeks. For the first time, she didn’t hear the
snapping of the timbers as they expanded with the heat of the day, she heard
her heart instead.

Chapter Twenty

The
thwack
of chopping wood brought her to
the bedroom window. The evenings were still chilly in the mountains and Thane
cut wood for the fire he made every night in the oversized fireplace, big
enough to set a bonfire-sized blaze.

In the last seven days,
he’d returned to fighting form. The problem was she loved every hard angle of
the man.

Staring down from her
window, she watched each strike of the axe cleave through the wood with little
resistance, just like he’d cleaved through her heart. His upper body gleamed
with sweat under the hot sun. His jeans hung low on his hips, the cords of
muscle and ligaments roping downward below his belt. Powerful arms swung the blade
with precision, controlling the arc, the force and the landing, embedding it
deeply in the chopping block. Every band of muscle bunched and contracted as he
picked up an oversized armful of wood, and turned for the house.

Why wouldn’t he leave?

Running water made her
turn, remembering the tub had been filling for a while. Laying her clothes out
and stepping into the oversized claw-foot tub, she caught a glimpse of herself
in the mirror and paused at her reflection.
Pregnant
glow, my ass.
The warm water soothed her edginess as she slipped beneath
it, laid her head back and closed her eyes. She preferred the darkness, and
tried to shut out the thoughts of Thane for a short while.

“Hey, baby, are you
feeling okay?”

The water splashed in
every direction when she nearly jumped out of her skin and the tub. Damn, the
stupid man had a silent footfall.

“Ho,” he laughed
sedately, and knelt down beside her. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

She crossed her arms
tightly over her breasts, but her bulbous bow bobbed in the water like the
backside of a hippopotamus. “Don’t sneak up on me,” she blasted him.

“Kayla, I didn’t know
where you were, I…” He cleared his throat and his brow buckled. “Sweetheart,
are you hiding from me?” His hand brushed along her arm, and her entire body
seized with a sharp jab of heat. No, no, and no. He was not doing this to her,
but his gentle touch stopped on her hand, cupping her breast. “You’re
beautiful.”

“Bullshit, now get
out.”

His brow popped.
“You’re at a bit of a disadvantage, aren’t you?”

He didn’t move when a
wave of water hit him in the chest like a tsunami. “Don’t SEALs need to stay
wet?”

“Yeah, they do.”

She didn’t have a
chance to suck in her next breath when he was in the tub on his hands and
knees, forehead pushed to hers. “We like to dive deep. Search things out.
Explore,” his voice rumbled with a low timbre, the one that made her thighs
clench.

“Get out,” she growled.

His lips hovered over
hers with only space for a slice of paper between them. “Don’t feel like it.”
He brushed her lips with his and then backed away, but only by inches.

“You’re being a pest.”
She protected her bareness with crossed arms. They gazed at one another, and
the distinctive wicked glint in his, told her he was in a good mood. To hell
with his good mood, she wasn’t.

“Don’t hide from me,”
he said, gently pulling her hand into his.

The heated look he
scoured down her skin created more rippling mileage inside her than the warm
bath, and she slid lower until the water brushed her chin. “What’s the matter,
your princess didn’t service you enough?”

Anger flashed in his
eyes, but he doused it. “Kayla, I never wanted her. You, on the other hand, I
can’t stop thinking about.” With force, his lips pressed against hers,
demanding a response. “Always you, sweetheart,” he said, backing away when she
didn’t respond. “You can push my buttons all you want, but you’ll never push me
away. Is that understood?”

His words were a
sensual squeeze on her nerve endings. Thane’s hands slipped beneath the surface,
and palmed her rear end drawing her easily onto his lap. His throaty moan had a
sorcerer’s touch as he kissed her shoulder, and then the sensitive skin on her
neck. Large hands began to wander across her back, gently massaging her. With
her breasts plastered against his hardness, her body heated at the cellular
level. She hated him and loved him, but right now, her hate was stronger.
“Stop, just stop touching me. We’re done, Captain.”

He brushed her cheek
with his thumb. “No, we’re not. It’s your stubbornness making a last stand.”
Thane’s lips swept down her neck, and teased her breast into his mouth, his
tongue flicking perfect pressure against the peak. “Ah Kayla, every minute I’m
not inside you is like a lifetime.”

“No.” Her eyes flashed
open. Just like that, she’d been suspended in his touch.

He inched away.
“Sweetheart, we love each other, and we love her,” he said, his steely eyes
begging her to see things his way. “This is stupid.”

She pushed herself
until the edge of the tub bumped her back. “What’s stupid is you thinking we
have a future. Go back to your princess and get the hell out of my tub.”

The water sloshed as
Thane leaned back against the other edge draping his arms along the rim,
glaring at her. “Not a fucking chance.”

“Doh.” Pushing the
bathwater with both hands, and flicking her wrists, she completely soaked him.

Slowly, he ran his
fingers through his hair, plastering it to his head. The droplets fell to his
bare shoulders and licked their way down the smooth skin of his chest,
caressing his muscular pecs and rejoining the tub. Crap! Wrong move. His eyes
were a blistering blue, his jaw flexing tight, and he was the most goddamn sexy
man the world had ever made. When a small curve lifted his lips and his head
tilted just a little, her heart hammered in her chest. Stretching his arm, he
plucked up the soap. “Turn around, sweetheart.”

“No.” Thane had never
seen her back in the light of day. She’d always taken great pains to keep it
that way.

“Why not?”

“Why are you doing
this?” she moaned.

His head swaggered.
“You wanted a bath, didn’t you?”

Here they went again.
As always, he was baiting her, trying to tug her off balance. How many psych
training classes had the Navy given this man anyway?

“Turn.” He leaned
forward. “Or I’ll start washing the front, which is preferred, by the way.”

If she had a water gun
right now, she’d give it to him straight between the eyes.

“What’s the matter,
sweetheart?”

She glared at him.
Thane was one of the few people she couldn’t read like a book, and he knew it.

“Come to think of it, I’ve
seen every beautiful place on your body, except one.” Thane slid closer.

She had nowhere to go,
pushed up against the wall of the tub. Time for an offensive maneuver. “Why? Do
you want to make sure I’m as scarred outside as I am inside?”

His eyes stole her
thunder and replaced it with his own. It rumbled against her heart and rolled
through her veins. “We’re a matched set now. Every time I look in the mirror
and see the scars on my back, I’ll be reminded of the time I was forced to hurt
you. And every time you look in the mirror, you’re reminded of betrayal, but we
don’t have to hang on to those memories.” He slid his legs beneath hers, his
thumbs whispering past the swollen flesh between her thighs, causing a deep
ache inside her. “Our choice. Our future. Our daughter. Whenever I think of
tomorrow, I can only see us. What do you see, Kayla?”

As she opened her mouth
to answer, he leaned forward and pulled on her bottom lip, drawing it between
his with a gentle tug. Steam practically blew out her ears, the pot-bellied
boiler pelting invisible rivets through the air. She dug her fingers into her
hips to stop herself from lassoing them around his neck.

“Touch me, Kayla.”

She bit her lip. Using
the pad of his thumb, he pulled it from distress. “I can’t,” she said sucking
in her breath as his finger pressed a heated caress over her breast.

“Yes, you can. You want
me as much as I want you. I’m home.” His hot breath teased her nipple. With a
slow, deliberate motion he sucked her nipple between his lips, and moaned. His
gaze found hers, and it made her shiver. “I’m never leaving you again.”

Her stomach knotted
when his lips brushed her collarbone and slid down to her nipple again. He
sucked it into his mouth, and rolled it softly with his tongue. Another
 
moan just about did her in, and she choked
hers back. How could she break into a sweat lying in water? The bristles on his
cheek reddened her skin, and he kissed the mound of her breasts. The sensitive
underside, and then licked her areola.

Rising to his knees,
his eyes searched hers. “I don’t want your shadow to answer. I want this to,”
he said, caressing her stomach on his way to resting his hand against her
heart.

Now, she didn’t have an
answer.

Getting to his feet, a
steady waterfall of droplets fell from him, he stepped from the tub, worked his
jeans off, revealing all of his glorious ripped SEAL form, wrung them out in
the shower and flopped them over the top of the door, then left her.

There was nothing else
for her to do but drown herself.

* * * *

That afternoon while
Kayla napped Thane walked out onto the sprawling front porch and pulled out his
phone. “Red—”

“You found her,” Red’s
voice sounded strained, but hopeful.

“Yes.”

“Bring her home, right
now.”

“I can’t, Red. She’ll
leave as soon as I do. We’ve come to a compromise.”

“There is no
compromise,” he bellowed into the phone. “She’s not thinking straight. No
pregnant woman does. Pregnant women are half-crazy, and we have to be
understanding and suck it up. Now bring her home.”

Red had been nastier
than an animal with its paw caught in a trap since Kayla disappeared. He knew
it was from worry, but Red had taken it out on everyone around him. “We have an
agreement. She’s going to give me our daughter when she’s born.”

“What the hell does
that…what? This is what I’m talking about. Son, do not accept that agreement.”

He lowered himself to
the top step, and looked out onto the front of the property. Pinecones littered
the rocky ground. Clumps of long grass, already giving way to the summer sun,
bleached the green to brown. Guarded by the shade, moss crawled at the trees
and blanketed the ground. The large area had once been cared for and cut back,
but now that it wasn’t inhabited, nature was taking possession once again. “I
don’t have a choice, Red.”

“Does she understand
what happened in Syria was part of the mission? She’s reasonable. Explain it to
her.”

“A woman is never
reasonable when it comes to another woman, it doesn’t matter the circumstances.
I don’t expect her to be. Right now, she’s safe and off the Shark’s radar. I’m
going to keep it that way until the baby is born, and then….”

“I don’t believe for
one goddamn second that you could turn away from Kayla.”

His heart soured. “I
can do anything. I’m a SEAL. We accept what has to be and we find another way
around it.”

Red’s breath hitched as
if he were going to rip shreds off him and then said, “Find another way?”

“She fell in love with
me once, and I’m going to make her remember.”

“Don’t think you’re
coming back here without her. I don’t want to see your face until there’s two
faces…or three.”

“She doesn’t want
anyone to know she’s alive. That might not be a bad plan.”

A loud sigh crossed the
line. “I’m putting you both on extended leave. Family-related reasons.”

“Thanks, Red. It could
be days, but more likely weeks.”

“I don’t give a shit
how long it takes. Just make sure you don’t fail.”

“Anything I’ve missed
while I’ve been gone?”

“Cobbs is back on
active duty. Passed his physicals yesterday. Mace has farther to go.” Red
paused and then said, “I don’t know if you want to know this, but Zara called.
I told her you were unavailable, permanently.”

“Good.”

“She doesn’t really
take no for an answer. Those bluebloods are a pain in the ass. She knows you’re
stateside. Said she was flying here today and to pass on the message that she
wanted to see you to say thank you.”

“Consider the message
passed. Unless she’s a bloodhound, she’s not going to find me.”

“It’s a little more
complex than that, son. She says she’s pregnant with your child.”

“What?” A roar of
disbelief shot through him. “Not—possible.”

“From what you told me,
it might be.”

“It’s not mine. It
can’t be. I didn’t…well fuck, Red, you know what I’m saying.”

“No need for details.
If you say it’s not, I believe you, but that’s not the only thing you have to
be concerned with. I don’t know if you’re keeping up with the news, but a woman
was found mutilated.”