Code Name: Kayla's Fire (23 page)

“On the base?”

The line was a little
too quiet. “It wasn’t here on the base. It was in Lakeside.”

Now he was pacing the
length of the porch. “When?”

“Two days ago. They’re
sure it’s the Shark.”

“He’s looking for us.
If he works on the base then his routine would have changed. Is Manchester….”

“He hasn’t stopped,
son. I have to let you go. I need to try to convince some people out of a
memorial service.”

“Memorial service? For
Kayla?”

“Yeah, some of the
friends she made here. One last thing, I talked to Lapierre yesterday. He
called looking for Kayla. I told him she was safe.”

“What the hell did he
want?” As if he didn’t know.

“Answers. He’s just
returned from deployment. Said he was flying out this way in the next couple of
days if he didn’t hear anything by then.”

“Did he leave his
number?”

Silence was followed by
a shuffle of papers. “Gave me his cell. Sure you don’t want me to talk to him?”

“Nope. Thanks Red, I’ll
keep in touch.” After getting the number, he pushed the disconnect button.

Resting his arms on the
railing, he looked into the blue heavens. He’d rather do a HALO jump without a
chute than let Kayla find out about Zara’s lie. The future he envisioned began
to blur. The whole damn thing had been an act on his part. He certainly hadn’t
reached the end. Although Zara had lost herself and had most definitely
orgasmed, he sure the hell hadn’t. He’d left Zara in Berlin, but she hadn’t
given in, determined and trying to convince him, he felt something for her. The
child she carried couldn’t be his. He entered the number, and waited.

“
Bonjour
,” Greg answered.

This conversation was
going to suck.

“Captain,” Greg said
with a resigned sigh, after he’d explained everything, and he didn’t lie or
leave anything out. “I would have done the same thing in your position.”

He hated to admit it,
but Lapierre was like the rock of Gibraltar, and if he wasn’t in love with
Kayla, would probably become a damn good friend. “Thanks, but it’s Kayla’s
confidence I need to find.”

“She’s stubborn as
hell, and I know that doesn’t help.” A creaking of wood sounded in the
background, maybe a chair.

“Did you…talk with your
brother?”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t
ask me that.”

He waited.

“Daniel has control of
himself now. The doctors seem to have been worth the federal funds they get
paid.”

“But?”

“No, it didn’t go well,
but with an attempted manslaughter charge, he can’t enter the States legally,
and that works to Kayla’s advantage or he’d already be there.”

“Great.”

“He’ll find a way,
Captain. He always does. Daniel is a man who doesn’t give in easily.”

“Thanks for letting me
know.”

“
Merci
, for calling me. If it would help, I can talk to Kayla.”

“Uh-huh,” he drawled,
still not a hundred percent sure of his intentions.

A chuckle followed.

Chapter Twenty-One

Between walking and trips to the bathroom, she spent hours in the
living room. Thane ignored the fact that she was trying to ignore him. She read
there, slept there and tried to avoid him. It had been three long days since
he’d invaded her bathtub.

Tonight she was restless, and so was the baby, when she woke from a
short nap to find Thane with one leg propped over his thigh, watching her.

“Is she restless?” he asked, reading her mind for the thousandth time.

She nodded and placed her hand on her stomach, rubbing the head, which
she could plainly feel.

“Would you mind?” he asked quietly.

She didn’t want Thane to touch her. When he did, she teetered on
forgiveness, but she added extra stubbornness to the scale always tipping it in
favor of resistance. However, tonight, for some reason, she didn’t have the
strength. “I suppose.”

Thane slowly crouched down in front of her. His hand paused and he
darted another look at her to make sure. Curling her hand over his wrist, she
guided it to the left side of her swelling stomach. “This is her head.”

The first true smile since he’d touched her last, finally graced his
features. “She’s amazing.” He ran his hand gently across her stomach. “She is
restless, isn’t she?” he said, feeling a knee prodding him. “Hi gorgeous,
what’s got you so upset?” Thane let the weight of his hand stroke her body.
“It’s time to give mom a rest. Time to sleep, my beautiful girl.”

Kayla couldn’t hold the tears back, seeing him talk to their daughter
as if she was in his arms.

Thane’s hand stilled. “I hope you are a wee version of your mother.
She’s so beautiful, ya know. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her.
We’re both strong-willed people, and I imagine you’re going to be a handful
too, and I can’t wait till I can hold you.”

Thane had fallen into a full-fledged one-sided conversation with his
unborn child, and all she could do was listen.

“Sometimes—your mom and I are going to disagree. We’ll hurt each
other’s feelings and argue, but your mother has a beautiful soul, and we’ll
always find middle ground. She did something no other woman could do. Somehow, she
took this hard-assed, lost cause of a sailor, and turned me into a blathering,
blundering idiot. I was so sure I would never fall in love, but every time I
see her, my heart pounds and my palms sweat. When she looks at me, it scatters
my thoughts.”

A chuckle tripped from his lips. “When she’s angry at me, and that
happens a lot, she gives it to me with both barrels, but I usually deserve it.
Your mom is very smart, and I’m not too bad, which means you’ll probably be
smarter than both of us. Maybe with your mom’s courage and my strengths, you’ll
be the first lady SEAL.” Thane sat on the floor, hooking his arms around his
knees, and his expression became reflective. “Then again, I don’t think I’d
want you to ever see what I’ve seen. I’ve been very lucky. Your mom has too.
We’ve both brushed too close to death, but we survived.” Thane nodded as if
coming to a conclusion. “Maybe it’s because you were meant to be ours, and
without one of us, you couldn’t be.”

Kayla didn’t move when Thane reached his hand up to her stomach, but
instead covered her hand.

“I can see you already, running with a yellow dress and thick brown
curls surrounding a face that looks like an angel. You’re ours, and we love
you.” Thane’s eyes finally rose to hers with such love, such pain, and then
tears swelled in his eyes. “I love you so much, Kayla. Please, believe me. Just
one more hurdle, although I can’t make you put this behind us. I want it more
than I’ve wanted anything. I want you.” His hand gently wiped the tears from
her cheeks.

“I want you to leave, Thane,” she choked out. “We are not meant to be
together. We never were. We are never going to have a life together.” She
pushed herself up, and took the stairs as fast as she could to her room.

* * * *

He stared down at his hands as if they were covered in blood instead
of her tears, rubbing one against the other. Grabbing the eight-foot long
coffee table and thrusting it into the air, he watched it crash to the floor
sending an echo through the cavernous room. Then he ran. Five miles. Ten miles.
He kept running until he was on his knees. The wounds on his back screamed at
him. His body screamed at him, and his heart screamed even louder. Why had he
done it? Why hadn’t he found another way? Why wouldn’t she forgive him?

Although the hour was late when he made it back to the lake, he tore
his shirt off and swam. The water was his element, any SEAL’s element. It
consumed him and he lost himself in it, stroke after stroke, losing count of
how many times he crossed it. But, for once, it wasn’t enough.

Feeling the silty bottom ooze through his toes, he dragged himself
onto the shore and rolled onto his back, staring up into a dark heaven
sprinkled with stars. Kayla was dangling on the edge, and he was pushing her
closer to it. He’d lost his direction, and he couldn’t find her any more.

 
Would he give up? Could he?
Their road had been crooked, forks of violence and then perfection, when it was
just the two of them, before fate intervened to test him. He was changing,
rebellious against anything that wasn’t peaceful. If he never heard another
crack of a cartridge leaving a barrel, it would be fine by him. All he wanted
was the sound of Kayla humming a song to herself, or to hear his daughter’s
cry.

Looking into the heavens, he lay close to the spot where Kayla had
finally admitted she loved him. Fate had offered him a no-win situation. It
wasn’t betrayal, but he knew she felt that way.

When he opened his eyes again, the light of dawn sat on the horizon,
and a voice he knew well was singing. Slowly he sat up, the pine needles
covering his back like a blanket. Quietly he stepped through the trees, and saw
Kayla sitting on the same outcropping of rocks where he first found her. Her
legs coiled beneath her, her head bowed. He listened. Her voice was sad and
sweet drifting on the cool morning air. She was singing to their baby. Could
she really walk away from her own child? Stubbornness could keep Kayla away
from him. Her pain had a long arm and it stretched between them. Nothing he
could say would change her mind. He had to stop saying it, and he had to look
forward, like she was.

He breeched the trees and walked up to her. “Don’t stop,” he said
quietly when she saw him. “Don’t ever stop singing, Kayla. It’s the only time
you allow yourself the freedom to be you, without your past holding you
prisoner.”

“I thought you left,” she said, her brows coming together.

Without chancing a look to see if she wanted him there or not, he
jumped to the rocks and sat on the boulder below her. Keeping his eyes on the
lake, he said, “I have to accept you don’t want to have a life with me. I’ll
agree to that sentence, but I won’t agree to leave. You have to meet me
partway, and understand I’m staying to make sure you and the baby are safe. If
you can do that, then I will raise our daughter—” He paused instead of choking
on his words— “without you.” He waited as the sun climbed higher on the horizon,
allowing her the time to reason it out. No matter what situation, Kayla’s mind
always strategized the options, like him. He hoped she would see the sense in
his offer.

“You can’t stop, can you?” she said, shaking her head.

He followed a crack in the rock with his finger. It spread only an
inch wide, but it was deep. This is what he had done to her. Whether he meant
to or not, it was the result of his actions. He wanted to be different from all
the men who had betrayed her trust, then circumstance stepped in and forced him
to do the same.

“I’m not in distress. I don’t need your help, Captain.”

“I know you can do anything without me, but I want our daughter to
know I’m here. I want to walk this—mission with you, and then I’ll let you go.”
He pinned his lips tight and his heart tighter. God, over the years he’d
probably cried a total of five times, but every time his mind ventured to a
life void of Kayla, it cut him to shreds. The thought of seeing his little girl
grow up without the beautiful creature that was her mother hurt so goddamn bad.

Two ducks broke the stillness of the lake, and they both watched as
the birds created a widening “V” behind each of them, eventually joining to
make a single swath.

“How is Mace?”

A small spring released, allowing his pulse to beat easier. Kayla
wouldn’t say the words, but it was her way of accepting his treaty. Finally, he
looked up at her. Dark, swooping curls fell past her shoulders and surrounded
her face. Her cheeks had become fuller, and her skin glowed. Dark beautiful
eyes, holding deep pain looked into his. The muscles in his legs jerked wanting
to take her into his arms and die a hundred times over, if only she’d let him
do it, but he remained still. “Mace gave it all he had to keep Nina away, but
she’s stubborn.”

“She learned from the best,” Kayla cut in, her voice not as distant,
not as severe.

A small chuckle found its way from his heavy heart to the light of
day. “He’s healing. Nina and Mace have been to Canada three times already.”
Better to steer away from their troubles and linger on Mace and Nina’s love
affair. “He’s getting the best help from both sides of the border. I guess he
really likes her family, and Gabby’s already twisted him around her little
finger. He says she’s adorable and a handful.” He paused. “They need to know….”

“No, they don’t.”

“Kayla….”

“No,” leaving little room for argument. “Let them move on,” she said
quietly, looking over the lake instead of at him. “Nina worries about everyone
she loves. Mace and Gabby should be her only concern. If she knows I’m alive,
she’ll be here trying to drag me back to San Diego.”

He nodded his ascent. “Mace hasn’t mentioned Gabby’s father.”

“Gabriella was unexpected. I don’t think the guy even knows. He and
Nina had this one week—fling. He came to town on a U.S. Cutter, for a cross
border exercise. They met at some dinner dance thing and got along right away.”
Kayla changed position, shifting onto her other hip. “When Nina found out she
was pregnant, he was long gone. She was freaked, but then happy she was going
to be a mom.”

“He’s American?” he asked, a little surprised.

“Yeah, apparently American guys can’t keep it in their pants.”

“Maybe he’d want to…what? Hey, wait a minute, you can’t hang this on
him if he didn’t even know.”

A tsk escaped Kayla’s lips. “Sure,” she said, tasting the bitterness
on her tongue, preparing to serve it up. “All walking, talking, tall and
alluring. Nina was twenty-three, living on her own in a big city for the first
time. No doubt he was…“Come on, baby, I like it o-natural,” and Nina was too
innocent and head over heels for the officer in the white uniform.” She sighed then
flung a wave of hair over her shoulder and shook her head. “Stupid.”

Opportunity, he wondered. Nothing like treading on ice to test its
strength
. Officer in a white uniform?
Stupid?
Kayla wasn’t just addressing Nina’s vulnerability. “I doubt she was
that naïve.”

Kayla turned her eyes to him. “If he gave a shit, he wouldn’t have
sailed away satisfied and unconcerned.”

Was that a tug on the end of his line? “Doubt it.”

“What do you mean, doubt it? He did, sated and victorious, he moved on
to the next port of open thighs.”

Time to withdraw. “Maybe that’s true, but I know Mace will love
Gabriella and Nina as long as she’ll let him. He’ll be a great dad and a
husband Nina can count on. He’ll stand beside her no matter what hurtles they
have to clamber over. They’re going to have an amazing life together.”

Kayla took a deep breath and let it out slowly, gazing out over the
lake. She didn’t want to look at him. Her anger simmered and the concoction
wasn’t even close to being fit for serving. When she let go, he was going to
have to be ready, because everything the woman kept inside of her usually
didn’t show itself until the gates were blown open by sheer force. Kayla was gonna
tear his head off, and he was going to take it like a man—a very patient man.
While that pressure built up against the gate, he was going to be weakening it
from all sides—every chance he got.

* * * *

Kayla woke to the smell of a barbeque and the baby liked the smell
too, her hunger swarmed. Thrusting the blanket away, she draped her legs over
the edge of the couch and pushed herself up. Before her eyes were even fully
open, a pair of strong hands folded around hers.

“Hungry?” he asked, helping her to stand, but not stepping back. Their
baby kept them apart with her belly pressed against his hips. Turning her eyes
upward Thane looked down at her with a fierce fire burning in his. “Hard to get
close to you these days,” he teased gently.

“Very funny.” She began to teeter backwards, but he caught her around
the waist and steadied her.

Crouching, he said to her stomach, “How was your nap, beautiful?” Massaging
his hand across his daughter, he leaned forward and kissed her bulbous bow.