Coffee in Common (41 page)

"Well, Jillian kept telling everyone what you were really like, but I think most of us couldn't get past how friggin' beautiful you are."

Jenna agreed, and added, "But when you came in dressed like that and you sort of blew everyone away with being, I don't know, just a girl like the rest of us, well, all I can say is everyone would have been very disappointed if you hadn't wanted to join the group."

Priya was pleased, but slightly embarrassed. She wasn't used to women treating her like this but she said a quick, silent prayer she wouldn't wake up and find the night was all a dream.

Liz yawned loudly and asked, "Anyone want a ride?"

Jillian nodded and Priya said, "Sure, but I live out in Brighton."

"Where in Brighton?" Maggie asked.

"Royce Road. It's the first street on the left after the intersection with Harvard Ave."

"I'm going that way if you don't mind riding with me."

"Not at all. That would be great."

Ten minutes later they were sitting in traffic on Commonwealth Ave., waiting for the light to change.

"You know, you were very impressive tonight."

"Thank you. I was pretty nervous going in and it got worse when everyone seemed so uncomfortable. But what you did, what you said, that was perfect. It really was inspired. I don't know how to thank you."

"No need. Let's call it even for the joke I played when we…Son-of-a-bitch!" Maggie jammed on the brakes as a small car flew out of the side street just after the light had changed, cutting her off.

Priya could see five heads in the car jerking around as if they were laughing or partying. "That's why I don't drive in this city."

They talked about Boston drivers for the few remaining minutes it took to reach Royce Road.

Maggie stopped the car in front of Priya's building, shifted into
Park
, but left the engine running. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure." Priya turned to face her.

"You don't have many girlfriends, do you?"

Priya tried to see into Maggie's eyes in the dim light from the streetlamp and what reflected from the car's headlights, but the shadows were too deep. "What makes you ask that?"

"Your nervousness early on, and then you seemed so happy that everyone liked you. Little things you said and did, or maybe more the way you said and did them. Plus, I don't know, a little undercurrent of loneliness, I guess. Forgive me if I'm wrong. It was just a feeling."

Priya was impressed this woman read her so well. "You're right. Jillian's my only real girlfriend, and that only happened recently." She grinned and snorted. "I guess you probably knew that. And there's Lisa. She's Paul's best friend's girlfriend. We've sort of been getting friendly."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Of course."

"What did you mean earlier, when you said you thought it was more complex?"

"Huh?"

"Before we went into the restaurant, I told you I was the group slut and you asked why and when I answered, you hesitated for a second and muttered, ‘No, I think it's more complex than that'."

"Oh." Priya fidgeted a little.

"Please, you won't hurt my feelings or anything. What did you mean?"

"I, ah, well, I had the feeling you were putting on a face, playing a role and saying what you thought I expected to hear, or maybe what you wanted me to hear, rather than the truth. I…never mind. It's nothing."

"Say it. Please. You what?"

"Maggie, I'm certainly no authority on sex. Heck, I'm as far from it as you can get, but I can't believe any girl sleeps with so many men simply because she likes sex. Surely you've been with many men who were great lovers. If good sex was all that mattered, why not stay with one of them? Or a couple of them? No, there's something more going on. Something happened to you. I don't know what, but something made you want to or need to hide part of yourself from the world. Something hurt your heart and…"

Priya saw silent tears glistening in the dim light as they ran down Maggie's cheeks. "Oh, Maggie, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm talking about. Please don't cry. I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"No. No, you didn't hurt me. You…you're right." The tears flowed full force now. "You…nobody's ever seen that before. Nobody's ever wondered enough to even ask or care."

Priya leaned awkwardly across the center console and put her arms around the distraught girl. "It's okay. It'll be okay."

"No it won't. It'll never be okay. You know how I could tell you were lonely? Because I'm so lonely I want to scream sometimes. Everyone thinks ol' Maggie's life is all fun and games. But it's not. Some women eat and some women throw themselves into meaningless work. I fuck a lot. I fuck so I can feel someone next to me, so I can feel alive, so I can…"

She started shaking as she cried and Priya realized the girl who'd been so lively, so much fun at dinner really
was
a façade. Inside was a woman who longed for companionship and love, but didn't know how to find it. Or wouldn't let herself find it.

"Maggie. Would you like to come in and talk for a while? Why don't you park over there and come in."

"No," she replied between sobs, "you have to get up for work in the morning. I don't want to burden you with all this."

Priya leaned back and rested a hand on Maggie's arm. "You are not a burden. I'd like to think of you as my friend. And when you know me better, you'll find out I am always there for my friends. Please, you need to talk. You need to tell someone what's bothering you, what's haunting you."

Maggie didn't accept, but neither did she refuse. Priya sensed she wanted to be convinced. "I have beer and vodka and coffee and… Hey! We can have a grownup pajama party. Come on, we can both call in sick tomorrow if necessary, but this is way more important than work."

An automobile horn honked behind them.

Maggie smiled and wiped at her eyes with her fists. "You're not just being kind? You really want me to come in?"

"Yes, I really do."

"Well, I suppose I do know your secret, so it's only fair that you know mine."

12:35 AM

Paul hit the mute button and grabbed his cell. "Hi sweetie."

"Hi yourself. I thought you'd be sleeping."

"Nah. I decided to watch
The Tonight Show
and wait for you to call. So how'd it go?"

"Fine. Priya was a big hit and now she's part of the group."

"I'm almost sorry to hear that. I was getting used to hanging with her on Thursday nights. Maybe I'll take up bowling or something."

They chatted for a few minutes about their workdays, which had been uneventful, and Paul's evening, which encompassed some web surfing, some television, some laundry, and some beers. Jillian gave him a few more details about the dinner and everyone's reaction to Priya.

When a pause in the conversation stretched out, Paul decided it was time to get some answers. "Jilli, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What's wrong? I know something's been bothering you all week. It's like part of you has been somewhere else whenever we talk, even when we've been together. Is it that guy you thought you saw Sunday? Is there some problem? I mean, that's when it seemed to start. Whatever it is, I want to help."

Jillian heard the worry in his voice and felt terrible as she listened to him all but plead with her to talk to him, to let him be there for her.

"I'm sorry, Paul. You're right. A part of me has been somewhere else this week.

"Sunday morning, well, it dredged up some very unhappy memories. Memories I'd buried because they were too painful. But I know I can't keep hiding forever. Painful as they are, the time has come to face them."

She paused to collect her thoughts.

If Aiden's really back in town, telling Paul will only make him worry more. But I can't lie to him. I won't. I've been hurt too many times by lies and I won't start a new relationship with a lie.

"I've been avoiding my past for a long time, Paul, building walls and dodging hurt. But meeting you changed everything. Somehow, without even trying, you've reopened a part of me I kept closed off and it feels wonderful. Just knowing you'll be there for me if I need you has given me strength I forgot I had. This ghost or demon has been with me long enough, and now it's time to deal with it. But it's something I need to work through on my own."

"So, you're telling me I can't fix this for you?"

He sounded like he was pouting, which drew a short laugh from her. "You probably could. I've started to believe you could do almost anything. But you've already beaten off one bad guy for me." Her voice turned serious again. "Paul, I have to know that I can face this myself, on my own. If I don't, I'm not sure I'll ever be the girl I see reflected in your eyes. And I want to be that girl, Paul. I want to be her for you, but I
need
to be her for me.

"There'll be lots of things in the future we'll have to face together, but this one I have to do alone, to know I
can
do it alone. But I can't talk about it until it's done. Okay? Please?"

Ten minutes later, after saying goodnight, Paul sat and stared at a silent beer commercial.

Something doesn't feel right. Whatever it is, or whoever it is, it's huge…maybe big enough to change everything. But she didn't sound worried. Scared maybe, but sure of herself, of what she thinks she has to do. I guess I should feel good about that. But I hate not knowing. Or maybe I hate feeling helpless. But she knows she can count on me. She knows how I feel about her. I guess all I can do is take her at her word and carry on as if nothing's wrong.

And hope it's enough.

4:10 AM

Rob woke with a start, still locked in the arms of his best friend and lover. Her head rested on his left arm, her cheek nestled against his chest. As usual, she'd thrown her left arm and leg over him, maximizing body contact as they slept. He wanted to lean his head back and watch her sleeping, but in this position, he could hardly move.

 A dream had awakened him, one he'd found both exiting and disturbing. In the dream, he'd been in bed with Lisa, much as he was now. They'd talked some as usually happened at bedtime and they'd made love. But then…

He shook his head. Was this a sign? Were the fates telling him something? Or was he trying to tell himself something? As suddenly as he'd awoken, he knew what he wanted to do, what he had to do. And right now.

Gently, he began to caress her cheek and neck until she began to stir.

"Lisa."

"Hmmmmm."

"Lisa, wake up baby."

She groaned and asked, "What time is it?"

"I don't know. You're head's on my arm and I can't move to look at the clock. Lift your head up a little."

Without opening her eyes, she complied. Rob extricated his arm then turned to check the time. "It's almost quarter past four."

"Ohhhh. What are you waking me up now for?"

"Come on, honey, please. Open your eyes. I need to talk with you about something."

"Now?"

"Yes." He ran his fingertips along her side and hip.

Lisa scooted away from the tickling fingers, but opened her sleepy eyes. "What's wrong, Robbie?"

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I had a dream, and it started me thinking, and I need to talk to you about it right now."

Lisa rubbed her face with both hands and leaned up slightly on one arm. She regarded him with a mixture of curiosity and amusement, unable to imagine what had him so riled up at this hour.

"Remember last night, after we made love, we were talking about how much we love each other?"

"Of course."

"Well, I've been thinking. In the two weeks since we've been back together, I've stayed over here every night but one, and that night you stayed over my place. And in the month or so before…ahh…the break, it was pretty much the same thing. And two people who love each other as much as we do, who get along the way we do, who have so much in common yet complement one another as well as we do, well, I think those two people should be considering their future together. Don't you?"

"I don't know," she said cautiously. "I guess so. But at four in the morning?" Through the fog in her still-sleepy brain, she wondered what this was all about. Waking her at this hour to talk about anything, much less their future wasn't like him.

Rob jumped out of bed and started to turn slowly around. "Lisa, this is me, standing naked before you. Not just naked in body, but in mind and heart and soul.

"You are the best person I've ever known and I love you so much that sometimes I think I'll burst from happiness. When I walk out the door each morning, all I can think about is walking back through it after work so I can see you again and talk to you again, and hold you again. When I think of how close I came to losing you…" He visibly shuddered at the thought, then fell to his knees at the side of the bed.

Lisa's eyes widened.

Oh no! He's not…he can't.

"Lisa, the break made realize that I don't want to live without you, that I can't live without you. You're my sunshine, my music, my sugar and spice. You're everything I could ever want."

"Robbie…"

His hand came up.

 "I know I'll never be the best looking guy, or the funniest guy, or the richest guy who wants you. And I'll never be the smartest, the buffest, or the best read. But Lisa, I swear that no guy will ever love you as much as I do. No guy in this world will ever care for you the way I will. And no guy will ever be as thankful as I'll be each morning when I wake up beside you."

Please, Robbie. Don't.

"Lisa, I want to love you and care for you and make you happy for the rest of my life. I…I never thought I'd ever ask a girl this, but Lisa…will you live with me?"

Oh thank you, lord. Live with him.

"Live with you?"

"Yes. Live with me. After."

"After? After what?"

"After we're married, of course. Please, Lisa. Please. Will you marry me?"