Coffee Sonata (38 page)

Vivian’s chest filled with an expanding balloon of happiness. “Deal.”

Manon stood by her window and watched the sun set over her beloved hometown. East Quay possessed a special beauty any time of year, but the autumn sun’s glow on the red and yellow maple leaves in the park not far from her building was breathtaking. Still, she wasn’t thinking about the view but about the woman downstairs. After spending four nights in Boston, Manon was torn between dread and anticipation when she thought of Eryn.

I can’t believe I’m this nervous.
She stared at her trembling hands.
But I have every reason to be.
Manon knew Eryn was bound to have her ire up, thinking Manon had ignored her messages. However, for the first time in her life, she hadn’t checked in with the office. When Dennis finally heard from her only ten minutes earlier, he’d sounded ready to call the police.

Manon had thought about calling Eryn, but she couldn’t tell her how she felt over the phone. Eryn would have realized she was hiding something and interpreted it in the worst way possible.
For good reason
. Now, Eryn might think Manon had ignored her, but she might possibly blame Dennis.
Let’s hope for the latter.

She had made arrangements for Marjorie’s funeral and, because guests were expected from all over the world, had decided on two ceremonies: one large and official, the other small and intimate.

Enough procrastination.
Manon smoothed her black turtleneck and pressed a hand against the flutters in her stomach. It was time to face Eryn.

*

Eryn was putting what was left of her microwave lasagna away when the doorbell rang. Muttering a curse—
please, not Sandy this evening
—she headed for the door. The previous night yet another family member, her older sister Kelly, had stopped by. Eryn had enjoyed their visit, but she was a little tired of talking about her mother’s miraculous olive branch. As happy as Eryn was, she couldn’t stop thinking about Manon, though she wasn’t going to chase her to Boston or leave the ten messages a day she felt like leaving.

Pushing loose hair from her face, she jerked the door open and snapped her jaw shut so hard it hurt.

Manon stood there, aristocratically perfect posture and eyes aglow. Still, her laced fingers fiddled with each other, and she swayed back and forth.

“Eryn? May I come in?” Manon’s throaty, velvet voice sounded a bit unsteady.

“What? Yes. Come in, come in.”
Breathe. Breathe. That’s it. She’s here.
“Did you have a good trip to Boston?” Eryn was impressed with how casual she managed to sound. But after two seconds her usual straightforwardness poked its head up. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, very much.”

“I couldn’t tell.”
Stop, stop. Bitterness alert.

“I know. Could you be patient a little longer while I try to explain something?”

Though Manon was asking a lot, what alternative did Eryn have? “Coffee?”

“No. I had some in the limo and it upset my stomach. Or it could be nerves.” Manon smiled. “That’s my guess.”

“You’re nervous?”
I wasn’t imagining, then
. “I can’t understand why.”
Unless you’re finally going to tell me to get lost.
Eryn gestured for Manon to sit on the couch and then joined her.

“A lot depends on how you react to what I say.” Manon turned toward Eryn and propped her elbow on the backrest. Pushing her hair away, she rubbed the base of her neck.

Finally Eryn noticed that Manon wore her hair down, for once.
Reminds me of shiny chocolate sauce
…
delicious
.

“I went to Boston to talk to Faith, my oldest friend. Before you, Vivian, and Mike, she was my only real friend,” Manon continued. “She’s very straightforward, rather like you, and I trust her judgment. I asked her how on earth I could manage a relationship with you and still devote myself to the foundation.”

Eryn jerked but bit her lip. Manon’s words hurt already and made her feel like a liability.

“Faith asked me to describe you, which I did, easily enough. As I mentioned each of your wonderful traits, I discovered answers to questions I didn’t even know I had.” Manon reached for a small embroidered pillow and held it against her stomach. “My brother Jack and I were very different. He was artistic, softhearted, and loved animals.”

Eryn wondered about the sudden switch of topic, but stayed true to her promise and didn’t ask. Manon now gazed just above Eryn’s shoulder, and she wondered if Manon saw her brother.

“Jack had gone to a friend’s house to see his new puppy and was riding his bike home when a car hit him from behind. He was on the bicycle path, and the impact threw him fifty feet, headfirst into a tree.” Manon’s eyes darkened and she blinked repeatedly.

“They told me he didn’t feel anything. The sad part is, neither did I. For years. Mother left us two years later, ironically after drinking her way through our wine cellar. I visited her occasionally, to keep up appearances.” She frowned. “As you can see, I started early.”

“Manon…” Eryn scooted closer, unable to watch Manon go through this experience without at least holding her hand. She wasn’t surprised to find Manon’s fingers cold and trembling.

“I’ve already told you about the boarding-school fiasco. And when I started being homeschooled, the only classes I took at the local high school were phys ed, chemistry, and physics. During phys ed, when the other girls talked about their latest crush on a boy, I felt nothing.

“Instead, there was a girl.” Manon smiled as if she could see her. “Funny, I can’t even remember her name, but she was shy and really pretty. I liked to watch her play basketball—the way her body moved, and how she beamed after she scored. I exchanged maybe ten words with her, but the fact that I found her cute and attractive…and had nobody to talk to about it scared me to death. So much had happened in my family: death, loss, and then the unspoken mourning that just lay sodden over our household for years…”

Eryn warmed Manon’s hand between her own. She ached for the young Manon, the serious girl who’d not only lost her twin, but her mother and, in a way, her youth as well.

“In college I went on many innocent dates, which was an effective and fairly easy cover, since boys love to brag and stretch the truth. The boyfriend I did keep for a while, and finally tried sex with, was nice and caring. The sex wasn’t bad, but nothing I wanted, and it certainly wasn’t satisfying, though I did appreciate the closeness. My only adult relationship with a man, with Garrison Hollingsworth, ended not only because of my orientation but also because he became abusive when he drank.”

“Oh, damn,” Eryn said softly. “And since a drunk driver killed Jack—”

“Exactly.” Manon made no move to sit any closer, but she clung to Eryn’s hands, still hiding her other hand under her hair, massaging her neck. “I broke up with him and that’s the last time I dated a man. My escorts served a purpose, as you know, and they were safe.”

Eryn thought of Dustin. They had made a stunning couple, and she assumed that was partially why Manon had chosen him in the first place.

“Well,” Manon smiled carefully, “I’m starting to figure myself out.”

Eryn looked at her skeptically.

“I’m realizing why I’m so adamant about…being perfect. I grew up trying to be both my brother and myself because I saw it as my responsibility. When I noticed my interest in girls, I knew being different would cause new problems. By then my mother had already left, so I just suppressed my emotions.” Manon sighed and hugged the pillow closer. “She never tried to have me live with her or even get shared custody. She just left everything in East Quay, including me.”

Eryn wondered how it would have been to have lost her own mother like that, to not have a mother to come out to, no matter how badly Harriet had taken it.

“And I kept going. I put my education and, later, the foundation first. I wanted so much to please my grandfather and make him proud. But most of all I wanted to lessen his grief for Jack. Even after he died and my father had his stroke, I worked myself to a frazzle to stay on track. It became a way of life.”

“And then I came along and challenged all that.”

“Then you came along…” Manon’s eyes softened. “You pushed and infuriated me, but you were delightful—so fresh and beautiful.”

“Oh.”
Beautiful? Me?
Nobody had ever called her beautiful.
Where are you going with this, Manon?
Was Manon going to reject her once and for all? Or was she going to finally make her happy?

“I know I’ve acted like a coward.” Manon smiled ruefully. “And I’ve probably been driving you crazy. I’m sorry.” She let go of Eryn’s hand and folded both of hers in her lap. “I’m probably going to make you crazier…but I just can’t change overnight.”

“Manon.”

“No, let me get this out.” Manon took a breath. “I’m gay. I know that now and I accept it. It’s a relief to finally just admit it.”

“But…” Eryn said cautiously.

“I can’t just come jumping out of the closet as if my past doesn’t count. I’m not even sure where to start.”

Eryn smiled encouragingly. She knew it must be difficult for Manon to admit how uncertain she felt.

“I won’t be much longer.” Manon blushed faintly. “I just want to say this. If you’re still interested in some sort of relationship with me…I’d be delighted.”

“You would?” Eryn flinched. “Why? And under what circumstances?” She hated to ask, but needed to protect herself.

“Surely you must know I’m in love with you.” Manon reached out to Eryn with both hands, her voice unsteady. “Am I too late?”

“In love?” Eryn repeated. “You’re in love with me?”

“Yes.”

“And you want to be with me? Like lovers?”

Manon nodded, her breath uneven as she slid closer and took Eryn by the shoulders.

“In secret?” Eryn continued.

“No. But not broadcasting it either. As I said, no coming-out party.” Manon was slightly awkward as she tried to joke.

“I never asked for anything more than no secrets. I’d never ask you to put out a press release regarding your personal life, gay or straight.” Eryn tugged at Manon and pulled her up on her lap. “I want to be with you, and if we have to be discreet, that’s okay, as long as I don’t have to sneak around.”

“No sneaking.” Manon hid her face in Eryn’s hair. “Oh, God, just hold me, Eryn. I’ve been so cold for so long.”

They sat in silence for a moment, as Eryn stroked steadily up and down Manon’s back. “You haven’t asked how I feel,” Eryn murmured, placing a hand on Manon’s stomach and moving it in small circles.

“Arrogant of me, isn’t it?”

“I think you’re a little scared what I might say.”

“Also true.”

Eryn moved her hand up, cupping a breast. “I love you. I love you with all of your past, and I’m so proud that you’ve come this far. You’re very brave.”

Manon tipped Eryn’s head back. “Really?”

“Yes.” With that, Eryn moved and slid Manon off her lap. She rose and extended a hand. “Come with me?”

“Where to?” A nervous smile played on Manon’s lips.

“To my bed. We don’t have to make love, if you’re not ready. I just want to hold you.”

“All right. I’d like that.” Manon took Eryn’s hand and they walked toward the bedroom.

Eryn’s heart drummed a fast rhythm in her chest. To finally hold Manon without massive persuasion and maneuvering. Could there be more happiness in her world?

*

Mike stood on the patio, wrapped in a wool blanket, and listened to the waves crash into shore as she inhaled the salty night air greedily. She had awakened with a start, not sure what she had dreamt but glad she was in Vivian’s beach house. Mike wondered about her sudden need for air and space but refused to read too much into it. Instead she gave in to her feelings and stepped farther out on the patio.

Something cool and wet hit the back of her knee. “Perry!” She could easily tell the dogs apart, not so much from their looks as their behavior. Perry placed his nose on her very gently, but insistently, and Mason, the more direct type, stuck his head under her arm and pushed it up. “You startled me, boy,” Mike said and scratched his ear. “Were you looking for me?”

Perry sat down next to her and scanned the beach as if he understood. Mike laughed and patted his head. “Good dog.” Perry gave her a quick lick and then resumed his regal position: chin up, full attention on his surroundings, tail wagging slowly.

“Mike?” Vivian’s drowsy voice reached her through the half-closed French doors leading into the bedroom.

“Right here, Vivi. On the patio.”

“You all right?”

“I’m fine. Perry’s with me. I just needed some air, but I’ll come in now.” Mike stepped inside and closed the doors. “It’s so crisp and starry tonight.”

“What woke you up?” Vivian leaned on her elbow and extended a hand.

“I think I dreamt something.” Mike took Vivian’s hand and slid into bed. “No clue, really. Something odd happened, though.”

“What?”

“For the first time in ages, it felt okay to be out in the open and not have four massive basement walls surrounding me after a dream.” Mike scooted down in bed and placed her head on Vivian’s shoulder. Vivian wrapped her arms around her and remained silent. “I didn’t understand very much about the media frenzy after my father killed that boy. I heard the other children in the foster home and in school whispering. The grownups around me, the foster parents and even some of the teachers, always talked about it. Or at least that’s how it felt to me.”