Coffin Island (2 page)

“
Perhaps,” Madison
shrugged.

“
Can the flaming birds
escape the maze?” I asked.

“The wombats put me in the dungeon,”
Madison said. “I taught myself how to fly. It was the only way that
I could escape.”

“
What does that have to do
with the flaming birds?” I asked.

“
The wombats had to bring
them in to chase me down,” Madison said. “The flaming birds refuse
to take instruction from them now. And the wombats can’t get rid of
them.”

“
What does that have to do
with anything?” I asked.

“
Witchcraft takes on a life
of its own on Coffin Island,” Madison said. “It delights in
confounding its creator. Witchcraft is a total disaster
here.”

“
Witchcraft is a total
disaster here?” I gasped. “I thought it was a nightmare at
home.”

“
Why else would our parents
escape to the real world?” Madison asked. “Witchcraft in the real
world is a paradise compared to here.”

“
How do we get back?” I
asked.

“
We have to graduate from
three schools in this world,” Madison said.

“
Three schools,” I
practically shouted. “I don’t know any witchcraft. I’ve spent my
entire life trying to ignore it.”

“
Fire is the ultimate death
for a witch,” Madison said. “Avoid the flaming creatures on the
island until I teach you how to fly. Then you will enjoy tormenting
them.”

“
I don’t think so,” I said.
“Don’t you have any better advice?”

“
The hourglass is difficult
to get adjusted to,” Madison said. “We don’t age and our hair
doesn’t grow. We never eat.”

“
It’s just as well,” I said.
“I shudder to think what the food would be like here. It was
absolutely appalling at home. Trolls should be shot.”

“
It doesn’t cost anything to
incarcerate us other than witchcraft,” Madison laughed. “I
guarantee that’s free here on Coffin Island. Nobody would pay for
it.”

“
How do we get out of here?”
I asked.

“
The Coffin Island School
for witches is a prison for witches,” Madison said. “What part of
this are you not following?”

“
My parents sent me to
prison?” I asked.

“
Witchcraft called you
home,” Madison said.

“
This is my home?” I
asked.

“
Think of it as a test,”
Madison said.

“
Has anyone passed this
test?” I asked.

“
Not recently,” Madison
said.

“
How long has it been?” I
asked.

“
Perhaps thousands of
years,” Madison said. “Time runs forwards and backwards here. I can
barely remember the real world anymore.”

I groaned.

“
The Coffin Island School
for Witches,” Madison declared. “Congratulations. It’s not as bad
as it seems. And you don’t have a choice as I have already
outlined. The Coffin Island School for Witches chooses you. Nobody
would choose this dreadful place not even the wombats. What
creature would want to live on an island with a coffin with their
name carved upon it?”

“
There is a coffin with my
name on it?” I asked.

“
Hence the moniker,” Madison
said. “If you get killed on Coffin Island you will wake up in your
coffin.”

“
I’ll wake up in my coffin,”
I practically shouted. “Is it buried?”

“
Of course not,” Madison
said. “We have a lovely coffin room.”

“
I was beginning to think
this place was run by savages,” I said.

“
Sarcasm is a pastime here,”
Madison said. “We delight in it.”

“
I’m surprised witchcraft
hasn’t warped that,” I said.

“
What are you trying to ruin
us all?” Madison laughed. “Fortunately witchcraft has its
limits.”

“
Or it enjoys irony,” I
said.

“
That too,” Madison said.
“Do you have any bright ideas on how we might escape? Perhaps upend
the authority of witchcraft briefly?”

“
You need fresh ideas,” I
practically shouted. “I just got here.”

“
Just start throwing them
out there no matter how outlandish they may seem,” Madison said.
“Let me decide how implausible your ideas are.”

“
Let me think,” I said
furiously.

“
You are clearly possessed
with uncommon intelligence,” Madison said.

“
What gives you that idea?”
I asked.

“
Lesser minds go mad upon
arrival,” Madison said.

“
I passed that particular
test,” I said.

“
There is an entire wing for
the insane,” Madison said. “You don’t want to go there. It’s quite
primitive.”

“
I’ll try to be careful what
I think,” I said. “We don’t want any of those mad thoughts
creeping. Are you kidding me? This entire world is mad.”

“
Witchcraft is the
antithesis of common knowledge,” Madison laughed. “Approach
everything on the angle and then change tacks. Witchcraft is a
disaster. And it’s constantly evolving to confound. Don’t forget
that. You must move fast before the situation evolves for the
worse. Then you will be in a very tight spot. I speak from deep
experience here. I’ve seen the very bottom of the bottomless pit. I
escaped it. Not even the most furious witchcraft can keep me down.
I’m a magical optimist of the highest order. However my murder
victims don’t think that. They think that I’m a serial killer of
the worst sort. It’s not right to bring human morality here. Nobody
really dies here. I don’t care how painful your death. It’s just a
temporary inconvenience. I delight in killing because it makes my
point.”

“
That’s a lot to process,” I
said. “I’m just trying to appreciate the maze for right now. Holy
horror of hell, are you sure there isn’t some demon sitting at the
end of this?”

“
I would have found it and
killed it by now,” Madison said.

“
Perhaps you’re it,” I
suggested.

“
The horror is you,” Madison
said. “You’re the most powerful witch in creation.”

“
That’s an unpleasant
thought,” I said.

The maze was continuing to unfold
around us endlessly. It was pushing my mental limits. I was
considering screaming in abject terror. I just didn’t want to
embarrass myself in front of my new roommate. She was so beautiful,
you see? I had some devious plans that I wanted to implement with
regards to her at some future point. She was also a confessed
serial killer. You’ve got to watch your step around that even if
your intentions are romantic. Madison was a bit of a maze herself
if you paused to think about it. She was magically attached to me
too. It was a bit tricky. It helped keep the physical maze that you
were currently stuck in an optimistic light. It’s probably not your
life that physical maze. That confessed serial killer that you’re
highly attracted to is though. You’re holding her hand so you don’t
get lost. How to approach that?

“
I’m not getting alarmed,” I
lied. “It’s just another day on the black sand beach of witchcraft.
Living under the volcano is no big deal. Bring on the lava. Dump it
on my head, witchcraft.”

“
That’s the old attitude,”
Madison said. “Don’t let witchcraft beat you down. It wants you to
quiver in your winged jackboots. Don’t let it.”

“
We’re at war with the
occult?” I gasped.

“
No prisoners,” Madison
confirmed.

Then I just flat out folded. Sometimes
that’s what the gambler has to do. Throw those cards right down on
the red felt.

“
I don’t want to be in The
Coffin Island School for Witches,” I said. “How do I get kicked out
of here?”

“
This is the only school
that you can’t be expelled from,” Madison said.

“
You’ve tested the limits?”
I asked.

“
Yup,” Madison
said.

Chapter

“
Are there any other options
for instructors on Coffin Island?” I asked.

“
What do you want?” Madison
laughed. “An elderly mentor with a bubbling cauldron to teach you
the dark arts instead of me?”

“
That might be nice,” I
said.

“
Witchcraft is a power that
resides within you,” Madison said.

“
How do I get to this
power?” I asked. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to ignore
it.”

“
You tap into it,” Madison
said.

“
What if I can’t tap into
it?” I asked.

“
It will tap into you,”
Madison said.

“
What if I don’t want it
to?” I asked.

“
You’re purported to be the
most powerful witch in creation,” Madison snapped. “Who do I have
to kill to convince you?”

“
Is this your way of telling
me that you’re going to kill me?” I asked.

“
You’re too powerful,”
Madison said. “I would have already killed you by now.”

“
You would have already
killed me by now?” I asked.

“
You’re more powerful than
me,” Madison said. “You can kill me if you like. I have never
experienced the coffin room.”

“
Is it a gruesome
experience?” I asked.

“
Let’s find out,” Madison
said. “Kill me now.”

“
I think we’ll just keep
walking in this maze for now,” I said.

“
You prefer that I attack
you?” Madison grinned.

“
Why would I prefer that?” I
asked.

“If we attack a more powerful witch our
power backfires,” Madison said. “It’s like committing
suicide.”

“
Witchcraft believes that
some witches are better than others?” I asked.

“
It demonstrates the fact,”
Madison said.

“
I’m not surprised,” I said.
“I hate witchcraft. It’s vile.”

“
It likes you,” Madison
said. “You’re purported to be the most powerful witch in creation.
It’s a wonder that so much power would reside in you. You’re just
too well balanced. No offense.”

“
None taken,” I said. “I
take great pride in not being crazy.”

“
I don’t think that
witchcraft can control how the power is dished out,” Madison said.
“There are some things that are just innate. Or they are beyond
explanation. God gives it out.”

“
You believe in God?” I
asked.

“
Coffin Island demonstrates
the fact,” Madison said. “This whole world is just some sort of
theoretical platform that our examiners only partially
control.”

“
A theoretical platform,” I
gasped.

“
You keep forgetting that
this whole world is a test,” Madison said. “We must get to the next
world and the one after that. Then we are permitted to renter the
real world.”

“
Whoever did this to us
should be shot,” I said.

“
What do you think that I’m
going to do when I get out of here?” Madison asked. “You’ll have
murder in your heart too.”

“
I already do,” I
said.

“
They do this to us to
incense us,” Madison snorted. “It works too.”

“
Who told you that I was the
most powerful witch in creation?” I demanded.

“
A goblin,” Madison said.
“Who told you?”

“
A goblin,” I said. “See, I
rest my case. I am not the most powerful witch in
creation.”

“
On the contrary,” Madison
said.

“
Goblins are liars,” I said.
“Everyone knows that.”

“
Not on Coffin Island,”
Madison said.

“
How do you know that?” I
asked.

“
Coffin Island delights in
confounding common knowledge,” Madison said.

“
That’s not enough proof for
me,” I said.

“
I can feel your power in my
bones,” Madison said. “Can you feel mine?”

“
Yes,” I admitted. “You feel
insanely powerful. It’s quite unsettling actually.”

“
How do you think you make
me feel?” Madison snorted. “You’re more powerful than me. It’s
terrifying to hold your hand. But I like it. I like it a lot. It’s
too the point that I may just never let go.”

“
Terror is a form of
romantic attraction here?” I gasped.

“
Everything is screwy here,”
Madison snorted.

“
Except for the things that
witchcraft can’t invert,” I said.

“
You’re getting the hang of
it,” Madison laughed.

“
You’ve just got to open
your mind to new types of horrifying experiences,” I
said.

“
I couldn’t have said it
better myself,” Madison said. “It’s taken me thousands of years to
reach this level of enlightenment on Coffin Island. You just got
here. I rest my case. You’re the most powerful witch in
creation.”

“
I’m more powerful than
you?” I asked. “That seems almost impossible.”