Collaborate (Save Me #4) (2 page)

Before I even know it’s happening, I’m across the room and my hand cracks across his face, but he doesn’t even flinch. “Nothing is more important than my family.”

“You have an awfully shitty way of showin’ it lately.”

I know if I sat down and let myself think about it, he would be right, but I don’t want him to be right about this because I don’t know how to fix it. Ignoring the issue seems to be the way we go lately even if it isn’t the right way to deal with it.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do,” I admit. 

Jameson

When I walked into Abby’s office I didn’t come in looking for a fight. I never do, but that’s how every visit has ended up lately. One of us gets irritated because we aren’t getting anywhere and leaves the room. Well, that’s what happens on the rare occasions that I actually see her anyway. 

When I look at her, she still looks like the girl I fell in love with. The one I fought for, fought with, and would do anything for, but she’s changed and we’ve drifted apart. I’d do anything to get the girl I loved back, but I’m not sure she feels the same anymore.

“Quit burying yourself in work. Come home, be present, and play with the kids.” Taking a deep breath, I force out one more thing that I really miss. “Fall asleep with me instead of crawling into bed after I’m already out.”

The tears rolling down her cheeks break my heart but I know if I move or say anything about everything being OK, we’ll just end up back here in a few weeks.

“There’s just so much to do here.”

“And there are other people who can do it. It’s what they’re paid for, damn it. Last week you sent me an email telling me that a magazine wanted to do an article on us because they wanted to know how we kept the love alive in this crazy industry, because we seem so stable and perfect. Do you want them to see what’s behind closed doors right now? Do you really want them to see this?” I gesture between us. “I’m fine if you want to do it, but I’m not going to gloss over and tell them lies to make it seem like our life is picture perfect. They’ll get the truth and maybe that’s what they need.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means that you can plaster on that fake smile that you give me every time you pass me in the hall that you think I don’t realize is fake, but they’re going to get the truth from me. I love you, Abby, more than the fucking air I breathe, but this isn’t how I wanted our life to go. Damn it, we live in the same house. We work under the same roof. And yet, it still feels like I never see you. Something needs to change.”

“I guess…” Abby trails off, dragging her hands through her hair as she thinks. I want to reach out and pull her into me, but I don’t. Part of me knows that I need to be a dick to get my marriage back where it should be, because if we keep glossing over it and pretending everything is fine, we’re going to get nowhere but a divorce hearing. “I guess I didn’t realize it had gotten that bad.” By the look in her eyes I can tell she’s lying. I just have to wonder if she knows it.

“Abby, you know we all love you, but we all miss you, too. Do you even remember the last time you were home in time to have dinner with the kids, or watch a movie as a family? Anything that doesn’t involve the label?” She stares at me blankly and I know she’s trying to figure it out but is coming up with nothing. “It’s Tuesday’s birthday, we’re all getting together at seven. If you’re there I’ll know you really want to work things out. If not, I know where we stand.”

I don’t give her a chance to protest before walking out of the office, closing the door behind me. It’s never a good thing when you miss someone even though they’re standing in the same room as you, and that’s the point that we’re at right now. The woman on the other side of the door isn’t my wife. The woman I married put her family before work and never let anything come between that, but slowly over the years she’s thrown herself into this more and more. I know it makes her happy to keep what Alex started going, but she needs to realize that he’s everywhere even if she can’t see him.

I’ll do anything to get back what we used to have, and if that means walking away to get it back, that’s exactly what I’ll do. I just hope it doesn’t come to that.

3

Jason

The laughter from downstairs pulls me from the best sleep I’ve had in weeks. After finally pulling up to the house after being on tour, the only thing any of us wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. So, that’s exactly what we did. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t even eight, even Damian was exhausted.

Rolling over, I grab my phone off the nightstand to check the time and can’t believe it’s already after noon. I jump out of bed and drag on a pair of jeans as quickly as I can while scrolling through the missed calls and texts. Vanessa had a doctor’s appointment at ten, so I have no clue why she would let me sleep, or who’s watching Damian right now. Hopping from the bottom step, I stumble to a halt when Vanessa’s ass comes into view. She’s arched into some yoga move— downward facing do-me position maybe– as she blows raspberries on Damian’s stomach. As usual he’s managed to worm himself into position to get the attention he wants.

As I lean against the doorway I can’t help but wonder how we ended up here. How did we go from two people who couldn’t even stand to be in the same room, to never wanting to be apart? Marriage, a house, and a kid was never part of my plan. I didn’t want it, plain and simple. I never wanted to taint anyone with the shit from my past. Now I wouldn’t change anything even if I was given the chance.

As quietly as I can, I drop to the floor and inch my way toward them while Damian’s eyes are closed. Vanessa sees what I’m up to and bites her lip to keep from laughing. Instead of blowing against his stomach I pretend like I’m eating him and growl. As soon as he hears my voice and feels my unshaven face against his skin, his eyes fly open and he yells for me through a giggle. This goes on for a few minutes before he squirms away. Suddenly, he’s completely serious.

“Mama tree,” he says and Vanessa begins to laugh. I cut my eyes to my scheming wife back to Damian and try to stay serious.

“Did mama tell you that you were getting a tree?”

“Yup! Santa.” He nods. After a minute of staring at me he gets up and heads to his toy box. Turning my attention back to Vanessa, I arch my brow and wait for an explanation.

She shrugs. “I may have promised him if he was good for Izzy and quiet so he didn’t wake you up while I was gone, then we could go get a Christmas tree when you woke up.”

“Good for Izzy? When was he with Izzy?”

Vanessa stands up and heads to the kitchen, avoiding my eyes while she talks. “Yeah, you looked tired so I decided not to wake you up. So, Izzy watched him while I was at my appointment.”

I don’t like the way she’s avoiding me while she explains herself. “I had planned to go with you and you know that.” When she doesn’t say anything, I know she had never planned on waking me up at all. Instead of asking her why, I cross my arms over my chest and stare until she breaks.

“I know,” she mutters, dropping her eyes to the floor. “I didn’t wake you up to go because if something was wrong I wasn’t going to tell you until after the holidays.”

I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down because I’m not sure I’ve been this upset with her in a long time. “Excuse me?”

“You were so excited about Christmas this year because Damian was going to get so into it and you were so sure that I was fine. I didn’t want to ruin it all for you. So I just figured if anything was wrong I’d…”

“Deal with it alone,” I deadpan. Stepping up to where she’s backed herself against the island in the kitchen, I box her in, pressing myself against her. “Do you happen to remember those vows we took when we got married? I’m pretty sure there was one in there about in sickness and in health. You aren’t alone in this anymore, Vanessa. You don’t have to deal with anything by yourself. I don’t want you to.”

Vanessa’s hands slide up to rest on my shoulders. I can tell by the way she picks a spot on my chest to stare at that she’s trying to keep herself from crying. “I didn’t want to ruin the holidays.”

Tipping her face up to mine, I slide my fingers over her cheek. “As much as I would hate to find out you were sick again, I would hate it more to find out you lied to me and had been dealing with it alone for weeks. Now tell me the truth.”

She takes a deep breath and for a second I think she’s going to give me bad news until the corner of her lips perk up. “All the tests they ran came back normal.”

“Thank God,” I say. Dropping my forehead to hers, I grip the back of her neck and kiss her. “If you ever pull this shit again, I promise you won’t sit right for a week.”

The smile broadens, lighting up her face. She winds her arms around my torso, pressing her lips against my neck as she changes the subject. “Let’s go get your son a Christmas tree.”

Vanessa

The lights from the tree bounce different colors off the living room wall as the train that Jason set up rounds the bottom of the tree. It took a few hours to get that up because of two boys that were more interested in playing than in making the tree pretty. I wouldn’t change the way they did it for the world.

“Did you ever think we would end up here?”

Pulling me down into his lap, Jason stares at me while I watch Damian play on the floor in front of the tree. “Where exactly is here?”

“Happy,” I say. Turning my attention to him, I slide my fingers into his hair. I love being home because Jason doesn’t bother styling his hair into his usual Mohawk and I can run my fingers through it.

“Not at all,” he tells me honestly. “Why?”

“It scares me.”

“What does?” Jason asks. “Being happy?”

I shrug before tucking my head into his neck. “The couple that forced us together in the beginning is falling apart. The one that told us to figure our shit out can’t get their shit together. What’s that mean for us?”

The movement of his fingers drawing back and forth across my thigh keeps me calm. Behind us, Damian makes truck noises as he pushes his toys across the floor. I don’t know what I would do without this, and I’m not sure how I survived before it.

Jason takes a deep breath before launching into his answer. “You can’t base us on them, Vanessa. Everyone’s situation is different and everyone is bound to hit a rough patch. There’s something going on with Abby and I’m not even sure she knows what it is. And honestly, with Tuesday and Evan, I’m not sure they’ll ever get their shit figured out. But they love each other and that’s all they need.”

“I don’t want to go through that,” I whisper against his skin. “I don’t ever want to feel like I’m losing you.”

“Not sure if you remember this or not, but we had more of a rough patch than all of them combined. We’ve had it, it’s done, and I’m not going to let it happen again.”

“I’m scared for them, too,” I admit quietly.

It’s never a good thing when Jason agrees with me on something like this, but I can tell by the deep rise in his chest that he’s going to. “After the phone call with Jameson earlier, I am too.”

“What did he say?”

I push off his chest so I can see his face. I know it’s none of our business to know what’s going on in their relationship, but they’re our family. I hate watching the people I love hurt and not have a way to fix it. Sinking back in the chair, Jason scrubs his hands over his face.

“He confronted her finally, told her if she wasn’t there tonight when everyone was over for Tuesday’s birthday, he knew where they stood and would go from there.” He sighs. “Jameson’s a fucking mess.”

I slide off his lap after seeing how late it’s getting. Turning around, I grab the arms of the chair and lower myself to kiss him. I know all this hits Jason a bit harder than me because he’s known them so much longer, and I don’t know what I can do for any of them. The fact that Jameson is putting everything out on the line when everyone will be there shows how bad things really are.

“I’m going to go get changed so we can head over.”

He nods, obviously lost in thought so I turn to make my way upstairs. As soon as I get to the edge of the stairs the rumble of his voice pulls me to a stop.

“Vanessa.” The way my name flows off his lips has me trembling with need. I stop in my tracks knowing he has something up his sleeve just by the tone in his voice. “In the top drawer you’ll find a box. I expect them to be on you before you leave that room.” When I peek my head back around the corner, Jason is slouched back in the chair with his hands resting on his thighs. When he sees me looking, he smirks. “You didn’t think you were getting away that easy with this morning’s stunt, did you?”

I knew better. I always know better. Maybe that’s why I do things like this. Rushing up the stairs, I head straight for the dresser and haul the drawer back. The silver and red wrapped box sits on top of all our other toys and I’m almost nervous to pick it up and unwrap it. I never expected Jason to have this soft side— the side that not only buys random gifts but wraps them— but the longer we’re together, the more he surprises me.

Grabbing the box, I drop down on the edge of the bed. I slide my finger under the edge of the wrapping paper and pop the tape. Within seconds the paper is crumpled up in a heap beside me and I stare at the box in my hand trying not to laugh at the vibrating panties. Punishment from Jason is always good, always fun, but when he makes it happen in public without anyone else around us knowing, it’s beyond anything I can describe.

4

Jameson

“All right, Izzy, do you mind taking the little kids into the living room?” As I stand up to clear the table from dinner, Izzy jumps up next to me. She wraps her arms around my stomach, resting her head against my chest after I set the dishes in the sink.

“Everything’s going to be OK, right?”

My heart breaks on the spot. If it was just me Abby was hurting it would be one thing, but she’s hurting our kids too. That’s unacceptable to me. When Izzy, my strong, independent girl who doesn’t usually let it show when anything is hurting her anymore, has to ask me if everything is going to work out, you know something is wrong.