Collaborate (Save Me #4) (3 page)

Leaning down, I kiss the top of her head. “Everything will be fine, I promise.”

“You know how we were talking about that article and you asked me if I was OK with it because it was going to involve us kids?”

“Mhm,” I mutter.

“You asked me if I was OK with it because our lives would be open for judgment and everyone would know what went on behind our closed doors.” Izzy turns her head up so she’s looking at me and I wait for her to keep talking. “Everyone already knows what’s happened in my life, it doesn’t matter if it gets out again. So, it’s up to you and Abby if you want to do it.”

I’m about to open my mouth to say something when the front door opens and the house fills with noise. Izzy drops her arms and rushes to hustle Sophia and Zander into the other room with the other kids. Her moment of weakness gets pushed to the side even though I don’t want it to as Jason, Vanessa, Tuesday and my loud mouth brother fill my kitchen. They all look at me, their eyes full of pity because they know what’s going on, but none of them mention it. 

After dropping a kiss on Tuesday’s cheek and whispering, “Happy Birthday”, I drop back down in my chair. Evan grumbles, something about touching his woman. Normally I’d laugh and crack a joke about taking her away, but I don’t have it in me. I don’t have anything in me right now as I try to stay in the conversation and not pay attention to the ticking clock on the windowsill above the sink.

It taunts me with every movement of the second hand. It breaks my heart with every inch the minute hand moves. When the hour hand hits eight, I swear my entire world starts to crumble around me.

I know I have to pull my head out of my ass and do what I told Abby to do. Be present. Standing up, I grab a beer from the fridge and drop back down, forcing a laugh as Evan cracks a joke. I feel like a jackass for drinking around Jason, but I do it anyway. Ever since he admitted he had a problem and got help, all of us try to be supportive. I just can’t do it right now.

Evan

The second we walked through the door it was obvious that something was off with Jameson, and when he got up and grabbed a beer, I knew without a doubt that my little brother was hurting. That, in turn, hurt me. My insanely happy day of naked wedding planning doesn’t seem so important right now. He’s trying to act normal but we can all tell that something is wrong. As usual, we keep laughing and joking to avoid the problem. 

It’s what we do. What we’ve always done. Joking is what got us through the shit we grew up in. The abuse, the fighting, the moving; it was all covered up by humor.

“Daddy!” Sophia screams as she slides into the kitchen. Jameson sets his beer down and scoops her up into his lap. “Can we decorate the tree now?”

Tuesday squeezes my hand under the table. I know she wants kids even if she doesn’t want to admit it. So for now, I’ll stick to loving the fact that I finally got a wedding date out of her.

Jameson puts on his happy face. “I suppose we can do that. Why don’t you go tell Izzy and we’ll all be in in just a minute.”

As soon as she’s out of the room, Jameson scrubs his hands over his face and shoves out of the chair. “You all right, man?” I ask.

“Fuckin’ perfect. I’m about to go decorate the tree with my babies. The tree that we were saving for when their mother actually decided to come home and be a mother. But since that isn’t happening, being with the rest of my family is the next best thing.”

Stooping down, he blows on the top of my head before pretending to polish it with his sleeve. I bat his hand away before standing and pulling Tuesday behind me as I follow him into the room.

“Did you guys get together and plan your attire, or did you both just want to look like Christmas threw up on you?”

Izzy looks between Jason and me as she laughs. We both look at each other and laugh. I guess that my Santa shirt and Jason sporting the Grinch’s body is odd. Jameson gets right to work stringing up lights as I flop down on the couch. I tug on Tuesday’s hand.

“Why don’t you come sit on Santa’s lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?”

She drops down, winding her arms around my neck and presses her lips against my ear. “I think we’ve been talking about that all day long,” she reminds me.

I groan as she wiggles her ass. Hell yes I remember. I lace my fingers with hers and stare down at the engagement ring that’s been there for so long. “Wanna tell ‘em?”

Tuesday

I smile as Evan’s voice hits my skin. All day it’s been just us and as much as I would love to keep it that way, I know we have to tell everyone. I just wish Abby was here too. I’m not sure what’s gotten into her lately, but whatever it is isn’t good for anyone.

“Tell us what, Waffle?” Jason asks from behind me.

“Will you stop with the twat waffle shit, you asshat,” I whisper so the kids don’t hear and swat blindly at him.

“You love it. Now, tell us what ever it is.”

He’s right, I do. I love having a family I can count on, even if it means some weird random nicknames. Taking a deep breath, I finally look up at everyone. “Don’t make plans for New Year’s Eve.”

“Doubt I’d have any anyway,” Jameson mutters from across the room. I don’t think he thought any of us could hear him over all the kids, but I caught it. I wish I had a way to make everything better for them like they all have for me, but I don’t. 

“Tell us!” Vanessa says, closing her eyes for some reason.

“We’re finally getting married.”

The commotion that happens after the words leave my mouth is pure craziness. Everyone swarms us, trying to congratulate us all at once. It’s overwhelming, to say the least. There’s jokes about how long it took us to get here and I know that’s my fault. My insecurities pushed off what should have happened a hell of a long time ago, but nothing is stopping us now.

Jameson pulls me out of Evan’s lap and wraps me up in his arms. “I’m so happy for you. Don’t let him slack off just because he’s getting what he wants now.” I know he’s upset with everything going on with him and Abby, but the fact that he’s trying to be happy for us says a lot and it makes me love him so much more.

Once everything settles down and I’m back in Evan’s lap, his arms around me like they should be, AJ speaks up from the doorway. “Did I just hear what I think I heard?”

“If you heard something about a wedding, you’d be right!” Jason shouts for me.

Making his way over to me, AJ leans down and kisses my cheek. “Congratulations, baby girl.” He looks around the room, obviously confused, and leans down to whisper in my ear. “Where’s Abby?”

“Don’t ask,” I mutter back. Before we say anything else, he turns around and storms toward the door.

“Well that was short and sweet,” Jason mumbles.

I know where he’s headed but honestly I’m not sure confronting Abby is going to do any good right now. The only thing that's probably going to work is a swift kick in the ass and the one person that’s ever been able to make things better is the one hurting the most right now and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.

Jason

As much fun as this night was supposed to be, it isn’t. It’s awkward. Forced laughter and conversation isn’t something this group has ever had to deal with. Abby not being here is a fucking elephant in the room that we’re all just skirting around. The only time nothing was forced was when Tuesday announced that they were getting married. Finally. However, I know Tuesday and I know how she is about making plans for any amount of time in the distance so I’ll believe this when I see it happen.

“So the Grinch, huh?” Evan asks when he finally looks over at me.

“Yep.” I grin, playing with the app on my phone to adjust the amount of torture I put Vanessa in tonight. Looking over at him my smile widens. “Except it’s not my heart that grows two sizes bigger.”

He laughs and shakes his head. Vanessa grabs my hand, digging her fingernails into my palm as I adjust the vibration on our new toy again. I know if I’m not careful she’ll end up coming before I want her to so after a few seconds I lower them again. If I have it my way—and I always do— she’ll be lucky if we even make it to the bedroom. Now that I think about it, the kitchen table and the stairs haven’t been used in a while. Maybe I’ll have to rectify that tonight.

Izzy pulls me from my thoughts as she drops down beside me and tucks herself in against my shoulder. I hit the power button on my phone so she doesn’t see what I was doing and leave Vanessa on a low hum as she tries to act as normal as she can. Damn she’s some lucky that we’re not at the kitchen table anymore or I would have my fingers sunk inside her right this second.

“I missed you while you were on tour,” Izzy mumbles into my shoulder.

Leaning over, I kiss her forehead. “Missed you, too. Maybe next time we go out we can fly you out for a few nights.”

We all sit in silence for a few minutes while we watch Jameson and Sophia finish up the tree and Zander and Damian play on the floor. When they’re finally done, Jameson checks the clock again. That’s all he has done tonight is look at that fucking clock and it’s doing nothing but driving him crazy.

“I need another beer,” he declares and stomps from the room.

I push off the couch, leaving Vanessa on the couch to suffer and follow him into the kitchen. 

“Alcohol’s not going to solve this, you know that.”

“Says the alcoholic.” As soon as he realizes what he said he sets the beer down and laces his fingers behind his neck. “Sorry. You know I didn’t mean that.”

“I know, and I know that there isn’t a damn thing any of us can do for you to make this better. But, like I said on the phone this morning, if you think of anything you need, let us know. You don’t need to do this alone because you have us.” He thanks me and thankfully puts the beer back in the fridge. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that turning to alcohol won’t solve a damn thing. “We’re gonna head out though. I have a kid to put to bed and a wife to…”

“Get in bed,” he finishes for me with a chuckle. “Thanks for everything today.”

Before we get all sappy on each other I turn around and head back to the living room. “Wife!” I bark. “It’s time to go home.”

She tries to hide her excitement as she rounds up Damian and his stuff. She knows what’s going to happen as soon as we get home and she loves it. Just as I lean down to kiss Tuesday goodbye on the porch, I tap on my phone and amp the vibration up. I plan on leaving it there until we get home and Damian’s in bed.

Abby

I rush into the house as fast as I can, hoping I didn’t miss absolutely everything. The laughter in the living room dies when the door slams shut behind me. I can’t believe after everything that happened with Jameson this morning that I still managed to fuck up this bad and get stuck on a conference call. It wasn’t until AJ stormed into my office and started yelling at me that I noticed how late it was. Nothing I do will make up for this.

I step down into the living room where Izzy is reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas to Sophia. That damn book is so worn out from being read but she won’t let us get her a new one because that’s the copy Alex always read to her from. The second they notice me in the room, they stop talking and stare at me.

“Hey.” I smile softly, for some reason feeling completely out of place in my own house. “Shouldn’t you be in bed, Sophia?”

Izzy’s eyebrows draw together like she’s confused. “Wait, you look really familiar. Do we know you?” She watches me for a second before standing up and grabbing Sophia’s hand. “Let’s go, babe. I’ll finish up your story in bed.”

My heart breaks as they walk away and I know I should scold Izzy for talking to me like that, but I can’t. I’m afraid it won’t do a damn bit of good and will only make this worse on everyone. I sink down onto the edge of the mantle and stare at the decorated tree. I can’t believe I wasn’t here to do that with them. It’s something I’ve never missed before.

“Wow, I must be asleep and dreaming.” Jameson’s flat voice pulls my attention to the doorway and I wipe away the tears threatening to spill over. “Why are you crying?” he sighs.

“I can’t believe Izzy talked to me like that.”

Turning to walk away he talks over his shoulder. “You didn’t actually expect a warm greeting after missing yet another important event tonight, did you?”

I follow him into the kitchen and watch as he starts the dishes. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Abby. All you do is apologize. You had a choice, you made it. Don’t apologize for choosing what you really want. You chose to miss decorating the tree with the kids. You chose to miss Tuesday’s birthday and it turned into you missing finding out they set a wedding date. That was your choice.”

I don’t like this calm side of Jameson when he’s mad at me. He’s supposed to yell and scream and fight with me. It’s what we do. What we’ve always done. I don’t know what to do with this version of him.

“I didn’t choose work, Jameson.”

“Bullshit,” he yells, dropping a plate back into the sink and turning to look at me. Finally. “That’s fucking bullshit and you know it! I came to you this morning and told you to be here or I’d know where we stand. Well, two hours ago when you didn’t show up I knew exactly where we stood.” I shake my head and try to interject but he just talks over me. “I just want to know one thing, Abby. Why is work so important now?”

He takes a breath and balls his fists by his sides, finally giving me a chance to put my two cents in. “I miss Alex. I physically feel like I’m missing a part of me and it’s only getting worse as time passes. I feel closer to him when I’m there for some reason, it reminds me of him and reminds me that a part of him is still around and I don’t want the company to fall apart and lose it, and I’m afraid that will happen if I don’t stay on top of everything. If I lose that, I lose him and I’m sorry for needing that.”

Jameson’s eyes widen but just when I think he’s going to yell at me again, Izzy speaks up from behind me. “Am I not enough of a reminder of him for you?” I turn around and face the spitting image of my brother and am surprised by the tears streaming down her face considering how angry her voice is. “You think that you’re the only person that misses him, but you’re not. You had twenty-four years with him. I got seven. You have more memories, more reminders, more everything, and here you are using it as an excuse because being a wife and a parent is an inconvenience for you right now.”