Collaborate (Save Me #4) (5 page)

“You’re more than welcome to join in. I’m a more-the-merrier kind of girl and you’re hot.”

Everything happens so quickly that I can’t stop it. Tuesday smiles, hauls back, and punches Amy directly in the face. She falls to the floor, clutching her mouth and nose. Out of the corner of my eye I watch Sean laugh so hard he can’t breathe which causes me to start laughing as well.

Amy pushes off the floor, glaring at Tuesday. “Fucking bitch.”

“Here,” Tuesday says, handing her a paper towel. “You’re dripping whore on the floor.”

One second Amy is there, the next the door is slamming behind her. Inching forward in my chair, I grab Tuesday’s hand and pull her down into my lap. All the tension that was in her face and body a second ago disappears and she melts into me. Something is wrong, something that wasn’t there this morning when she left the house.

“I love watching you fight for me, it’s so hot,” I whisper against her skin as I roll us into the office. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

After she gets through telling me everything that’s gone on today, I’m actually surprised that she didn’t murder Amy, and as much as I love this protective part of her, when she switches direction to get her mind off everything, I don’t stop her. She moves the conversation to plans for the wedding and I listen quietly because I never thought I would be getting here with her.

6

Jameson

For the past few hours I’ve sat on this floor, mindlessly wrapping presents for the kids. Place, cut, fold, tape. Those are the only words I want in my head today. At first I succeeded— if I didn’t look around and see the home we’ve built, or the photos when we were all actually happy, I was good. It took one second of looking up for my eyes to latch onto the mantle and all the photos we’ve put up there. It has all been downhill since then.

Wrapping seemed like a better idea than dealing with my issues. So I skipped going into the office and haven’t bothered to return any of the nine million messages waiting for me on my phone. Every time it rings I check it, hoping it might be Abby and I’m not even sure why.  It never is though, so I don’t answer it.

I know making her leave last night instead of standing and trying to fix our broken family wasn’t the right thing to do. It was, however, the only thing I could think of doing when I saw Izzy’s face. I didn’t actually expect her to leave. I thought I would find her when I came back downstairs, but I didn’t and that proves where her priorities lie right now.

How am I supposed to fix my marriage alone? How am I supposed to raise three kids with Abby missing? It’s impossible and every second of time she misses with us makes my heart break even more.

It’s not just breaking for us, though. It’s breaking for Abby. Every second she misses with the four of us isn’t something she can get back when she decides she wants to be part of our life again.

I finish wrapping the last non-Santa gift and toss it under the tree just as Izzy shuffles into the room looking as bad as I feel right now. Sliding back on the couch, I settle into the corner and she drops down beside me, tucking herself under my arm. Neither of us say anything but every now and then she reaches up to wipe her red puffy eyes. 

“You didn’t go to work,” she states the obvious quietly.

“You didn’t go to school.”

“Sorry,” she mutters.

Her eyes, just like mine, are fixed to the photos on the mantle. Instead of just sitting there letting them taunt her like I have, Izzy jumps up and flips over all the ones that have Abby in them. It leaves just the one of the four of us that Abby had taken a few months back. I don’t want to think about it, but I can’t help but wonder if that’s how the rest of our photos will look. Always lacking something because she’s not there to be in them.

“Feel better?” I ask as she stands there looking at what she just did.

“No. She has you, and Sophia, and Zander… and me,” her voice cracks. “How can a place give her something we can’t?”

I swallow hard around the lump that’s formed in my throat. As much as I want to break down and scream, fight, and break shit because of what’s going on, I can’t. I have three kids that need me more than ever right now, two of which have no clue what is going on. I love Abby, I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t. I don’t love her any less because of what’s going on, but I have to put the needs of the three of them above her.

“How are we supposed to go to this thing tomorrow and act like everything is fine?”

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to think you do.”

Turning around, she levels me with a glare that leaves me with little doubt that she’ll be able to take care of herself when she’s older.

“Or go. It’s up to you.”

“That’s my family too. A lot of them have been there since my dad was alive and they tell me stories. The videos he made are great, but hearing stories about him from other people is better. I won’t let anything ruin that for me!” She finally takes a breath, trying to calm herself down. “You shouldn’t either.”

“You’re so friggin’ smart, kid.”

I shove off the couch and rush out to the studio barefoot. Thankfully it hasn’t snowed much this year, but the ground is still pretty fucking cold. Izzy yells at me from the porch but I don’t stop. As soon as I’m inside I rifle through the box that Alex left me.

I continue shifting through the disks and envelopes until I find the one I’m looking for. I flip open the note and reread the words that are attached to the video I never thought I would have to use.

At some point, she’s going to break. She’ll act like she doesn’t need you guys because she’s strong, but that’s when you know she needs you the most. She’ll push you away because she doesn’t want to admit she’s falling apart and needs help. If nothing you do works and you still need some help, give her this. ~Alex. 

“What are you doing?”

Stepping up next to Izzy, I pull her into a hug. “Trying to fix our family.”

Abby

“This is a fucking disaster,” I mumble to myself. 

I’m not sure if I’m talking about the files in front of me that I’m trying to put back together because Tuesday decided to make it rain with them, or my life. How did I let things get so bad? I’m supposed to be the stable one, the one that everyone else runs to.  

Tuesday was right earlier when she told me that work should never come before family. That was my rule that she threw back in my face and damn if that doesn’t hurt.

“Sure is,” Jameson’s sad voice rumbles from the door.

I didn’t even hear it open and have no clue how long he’s been standing there. He’s a mess just like she said he was. His hair is a disaster and his eyes look like he hasn’t slept in weeks. I’m afraid to move, afraid to breathe, because I’m scared if I do, he’ll vanish. So, I just sit here looking like an idiot while he stares at me.

“Hi,” I finally whisper, but he ignores my greeting. 

“Is this really all because you miss Alex? Because right now you have three kids and a husband that feel like they aren’t enough for you. I get that this company means a lot to you because it was Alex’s, but so is the house, so is Izzy. If you need a reminder of him, look at her. The way she talks, the shit she does, the way she looks and acts. It’s all Alex.” All I can do is sit and nod. He kicked me out but maybe Tuesday was right about that too and he didn’t actually want me to go. Oh God, what if it was a test and I failed it miserably? “I hate sleeping in that house without you. Fucking hate it, but if Alex is what you need, I’ll give you that.”

Jameson finally steps closer. Leaning against my desk, he drops the envelope in his hand on top of the pile of papers I was sorting. I’d know that envelope anywhere; it’s a video from Alex. Suddenly I can’t breathe. I haven’t seen a new video in a while, but lately have been watching the old ones like crazy.

“He’s always there, Abby. Everywhere you go, he’s with you. I love you— we love you– but you're lost and I can't help you. Hopefully Alex can, but don’t come home until you figure out what you’re doing, because I don’t want you getting the kids hopes up just to let them down again.”   

Once again I don’t say anything as he walks away even though I should. I want to cry but he left the door open so I don’t. I’m sure the tears will come as soon as I hit play but I would rather be able to blame them on the fact that I’m watching this video than on my failing marriage.

Just as I thought they would be, the tears are instantaneous the second Alex’s face pops on my screen. Luckily my assistant notices something is wrong and quietly shuts my door without saying anything.

“All right, so obviously if you’re watching this video there’s something wrong and it’s bad enough that Jameson couldn’t fix it. Obviously I don’t know what it is, or the circumstances, but if it’s bad enough that you need to actually see this video, then it’s worse than I thought it could get. I’m just going to say this. We lost our family, you lost the baby, I lost Cara, and you guys lost me. That’s a lot of loss and I hope like hell that there hasn’t been anyone else since I’ve been gone. But don’t let that break you. Don’t let your stubbornness ruin your life. Don’t let your second chance at love go. Whatever the hell is wrong right now, fix it and fuck everything else. Fuck the company and your career. Fuck the press and the public’s opinion of you. If you didn’t give birth to it or marry it– it doesn’t matter enough to let your life fall apart. You can’t get missed time back. Don’t make me come back there and kick your ass into gear. You know I love you and that I’m always there so I’m going to leave you with this. Quit crying, stop being stupid, fix whatever is wrong, love your babies, love your husband and take care of my girls.”

His girls. It was always about his girls. Me, Tuesday, Izzy and then Sophia when she was born. We were always top priority with him and he made me promise him before he died that it would stay that way. 

Wiping the tears away from my eyes, I shove away from my desk and storm out of my office. I have to fix this. I don’t know how, but I’m going to have to figure it out because I’m not willing to let my whole world fall apart because I’m stupid.

7

Tuesday

I try pulling my dress down a few more inches as I finish up my game of phone tag with the person we hope will officiate the wedding. It’s been hell trying to get everything done but since it’s not going to be huge, it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. This dress on the other hand is horrible. Well, not the dress, just the dress on me. The red sequined dress shows none of my arms, all of my back, and more leg than I’ve ever been comfortable showing.

“Quit trying to make it longer, asshole. I can’t see you, but I can feel you bitching,” Vanessa yells through the bedroom door. Why the hell I let her decide on tonight’s clothing for Izzy and me I will never know.

Ripping the door back, I rest my hand on my hip and glare at her. The simple black dress she picked out is nowhere near as flashy as what she put on me. The only thing that stands out about her dress is the silver bands of fabric sparkling around the bottom and the wrists.  Draped on a hanger it looks like the most boring dress ever, but when she slipped it on she made it sexy by being sexy. I guess it’s true what they say: the clothes don’t make the woman.

Vanessa’s eyes travel over the dress and she shakes her head. “Could I borrow your tits and ass for a day so I could wear that and not look like a teenage boy in a dress?”

“Shut up, I’d kill for your legs.” I won’t lie, I’ve openly gaped at this chick’s legs because they go on for days.

“Neither one of you are allowed to trade,” Evan growls, coming up behind me. “We’re both set with what our women are packing.”

“I don’t know what she’s complaining about anyway.” Vanessa sighs. “Her legs go on for days.”

“Yup.” I can hear the smile in Evan’s voice as I lean back against him. “They go all the way up and make an ass out of themselves.”

Ignoring Evan’s joke, I look around the room. “Anyone know if Jameson and Izzy decided if they were actually going to go tonight?”

“Jameson said she was adamant about going yesterday,” Jason says as he steps into the room, his eyes never leaving Vanessa. “Izzy was getting ready when I was over there dropping Damian off with Sophia and Zander’s sitter.”

Evan pulls me back onto his lap when he sits down on the edge of the bed. His fingers settle against my bare thigh and I sigh. Just having him touch me does insane things to my insides even after all these years and I can’t help but hope that the feeling will never go away.

“Jameson wasn’t too excited to be going, but he’s going to go for Izzy.”

The heavy subject settles over us and it starts to feel like the happiness that all of us should be feeling is being sucked from us. “Enough,” I say. Gripping Evan’s hand, I stand up and pull him with me, settling into his side. “We’re not doing this tonight. Their relationship issues have to be worked out by them. All of us have tried to step in and nothing has worked. Tonight is supposed to be fun for all of us, not depressing.”

“Agreed,” Vanessa says as she turns around to look up at Jason. “Ready?”

He nods and drops his lips to hers. As she sinks into him, I feel out of place, like we’re invading something completely personal. I pull Evan behind me, even though he would probably like to be doing the same thing, and head for the car.

~*~*~*~

“Ho, ho, whores, Merry Shaftmas.” Hunter slides his arm around my shoulder and I leave it. There’s no use even trying to shrugging it off anymore so I leave it alone. Evan squeezes my hand and shakes his head before turning his attention back to the conversation he’s having with Gray and Aiden.

“That joke never gets old for you, does it?”

“Why would it?” He looks down at me, confused. “I mean, a whore a day keeps the shaft at bay.”

“Go ahead and taunt her, Hunter,” Chase says, smiling. “I haven’t gotten a chance to see her kick you in the balls yet.”

It’s an almost immediate reaction for him to shrink away from me and move to stand behind Chase, and I can’t help but laugh. He whispers something into her ear and then heads for the bar. It doesn’t take long for him to come back with a round for everyone but Jason, thankfully he had enough sense not to even offer one to him. It doesn’t stop Jason from having a good time with them though. I love that he laughs now with people other than just us.