Colorblind (15 page)

“Oh my God,” I marveled, moving aside to let her past me. “Are you gonna get into trouble?”

“Not if they don’t know I’m gone,” she told me. “Besides, I don’t actually care if they figure it out in the morning.” She smiled. “I just care that we get to have some time alone before they figure it out.”

I nodded, feeling more than a little out of my element, but Chloe just laughed at my expression and took me by the hand, leading me upstairs to my bathroom. “Give me like two seconds to stop looking like a troll?” she requested, and when I nodded, she closed the bathroom door behind herself. I stood, blinking at the door, as I heard the sink begin to run. Then I realized I was being awkward and stepped away to head to my room.

I hadn’t really altered it in any way, which I hoped was the right decision. It felt cheesy to light candles or put on music.

I hesitated for a moment, glancing back toward the bathroom door, and then crossed to my bed, sitting on it with my hands in my lap. The sink in the bathroom stopped running, and a few seconds later, Chloe emerged and crossed the hall into my bedroom, pausing in my doorway.

We stared at each other for a moment, and Chloe visibly took in a deep breath, then shook her head and let out a soft laugh. “So I guess we just do this?”

“You have more experience,” I countered immediately. “I thought maybe you’d… I don’t know. Lead?”

She raised both eyebrows. “I have to-? Oh. Okay. Yeah. Totally. Well, I think once we’re making out and everything it should be pretty easy from there.”

“Exactly. Totally easy,” I joked back, and she smiled, leaning against the doorframe with her eyes on me.

“It felt easy the last couple of times, anyway. Last night and at my house. Would’ve been easy to go from there.” She paused. “This probably works better when it isn’t planned, huh?”

I nodded emphatically. “Yes.”

“So… maybe we shouldn’t plan it? Sure, your dad isn’t here, and this might be like the only time we get a chance to do this anytime soon, but we don’t have to.”

“Right.”

“I mean, we’ll probably
want
to, but if something feels wrong, we can always wait.”

“Ri-… uh.” I paused, thinking that one through for a moment. “No,” I said instead, eyebrows furrowed.

Chloe looked caught between surprise and uncertainty. “No?”

I shook my head, mentally thanking Robbie for knocking some sense into me yesterday. Chloe wasn’t going to be around forever. I wasn’t about to stop this because of some slight jitters. “Mm-mm.” I stood abruptly before I could lose my nerve, took Chloe by the hand, and tugged her toward my bed. Then I crawled onto it, turned myself over, and sat down, cross-legged, as Chloe stood at the foot of it, watching me.

“So you
don’t
want to wait?” she clarified. “Are you sure?”

“You were the one who said you never wanted to have any regrets,” I pointed out. “We don’t know what’ll happen tomorrow. I don’t want to wait.”

“That’s… morbidly romantic,” she decided. “But are you-?”

“Chloe, stop talking,” I told her with a laugh, and then reached out to take her hand. She crawled onto the bed and over top of me as I resituated myself to rest my head on my pillow. Then she looked down at me, biting her lip.

“Okay,” she sighed out. “I guess I’ll come clean. I’m… kind of still a virgin. In a way.”

I stared at her, taken aback. “In a way?” I echoed.

Her cheeks turned a little pink as she explained, “I was fourteen, and there was, like, three minutes of fumbling around at a sleepover. I don’t think that actually counts.”

“That makes me feel so much better,” I breathed out, and felt some of the tension dissipate as she hung her head and I chuckled. “Like, a hundred times better.”

She raised her head to sigh at me. “But you’re still nervous, right?”

I stopped smiling and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good. Because I am, too.”

“Okay.” I reached up to cup her cheek, chewing on the inside of my cheek for a moment, and then suggested, “Just kiss me?”

“Okay,” she echoed, and leaned down to do just that.

And once we’d started kissing, the rest was surprisingly easy. There was an awkward moment where my pants got stuck around my ankles and another when I couldn’t unhook Chloe’s bra as fast as expected, but that was okay. We laughed it off and it wasn’t an issue. Sex was hyped as this massive, life-changing experience, but I didn’t feel any differently afterward. Just more attached to Chloe, if that was even possible, and maybe a little more prone to let an “I love you” slip out any day now.

And just more scared to lose her.

Chapter Eleven

Chloe was still in my bed when my dad and Deborah got home later that night. She was asleep, but I was alert enough to hear their voices carry upstairs.

“I’m just gonna go check on Harper really quick,” I heard Dad say, and my eyes immediately widened.

“Shit,” I hissed, realizing there was no way I’d be able to wake Chloe and hide her fast enough. I could already hear his footsteps on the stairs.

“Honey, she’s probably asleep. Check on her tomorrow?” came Deborah’s voice.

There was a pause in Dad’s footsteps.

Deborah spoke again. “She’ll be fine.”

The footsteps resumed, but I realized with relief that they were heading back downstairs. We were safe as long as Chloe could get back home by morning.

She managed it, but only after being unable to find her shoes and then sneaking out barefoot through the back door early in the morning, which was further from my dad’s bedroom than the front. I saw her off and then went back to sleep.

The second time I woke up, it was to a knock on my door. I rubbed at my eyes and sat up, groggily calling out, “Come in!”

To my surprise, it was Deborah, not my dad, who cracked open the door and peered in at me.

“Oh. Hi,” I said. My eyes widened when she stuck an arm through the door and I saw what she held: Chloe’s shoes.

“Your dad went into the kitchen for a minute when we first got home last night,” she explained, very clearly amused. “I wasn’t sure he’d recognize that these weren’t yours, but I’ve seen Chloe wearing them, so I took the time to hide them before he saw them. I’m sorry she couldn’t find them.”

She tossed the shoes into my room, and I stared at her hard for a moment, before simply declaring, “Truce.”

She laughed and moved to shut the door. “Okay, Harper.”

* * *

The weather in California didn’t change over the course of the next few weeks, despite summer drawing closer to its end. Chloe and I spent most of our time outside together, either by the cliff and the water or at the park or even just walking the streets of our neighborhood with Baxter. I didn’t want to stay away from her. I couldn’t. And luckily, by the time August hit, my dad had accepted that I was growing up and that avoiding discussions about certain uncomfortable topics didn’t stop me from growing up, and that Chloe’s much less uptight parents were letting me spend the night at their house.

One night, after we’d finally untangled ourselves from each other and agreed to try and go to sleep, Chloe gently traced letters into my back with her finger while I, half-asleep, guessed what she was trying to spell out.

“U… end word. R… end word. P…R…E…T…” I spelled out, before laughing quietly and saying, “Aw, thank you. You’re pretty, too.”

“You’re too good at this. I was going to say ‘you’re pretty annoying’, by the way, but you didn’t let me finish.”

“Oh, I thought you were going for ‘you’re pretty but not as pretty as me’. I gave you too much credit.”

She chuckled against my shoulder as she leaned in to kiss it. “Okay. Pay attention for this one.”

“I will,” I yawned out, and focused on the light touches against my back. “I… end word. L…O…” I paused, and then rolled over to face her. She offered me a gentle smile.

“Me too,” I told her.

She arched an eyebrow, her demeanor changing instantaneously. “You love chocolate? I thought you were allergic.”

“That wasn’t what you were going to spell out,” I said.

“No,” she agreed, leaning in to kiss me. “It wasn’t.”

* * *

“Maybe this is a weird call to be making,” said Robbie over the phone just a few days later.

Confused, I held the phone to my ear with one hand as Chloe painted the nails of my other. I was sitting in my bedroom on the edge of my bed, and Chloe sat on her knees in front of me.

He continued, “I, uh… guess maybe I’m being contradictory here, but I know we haven’t seen each other much in the past couple of weeks, and so I just wanted you to know that I get why, and that I don’t mind. So just know that it’s okay and I get why you’re spending all of your time with Chloe.”

I laughed lightly. “This is totally a weird call for you to be making. But that’s okay. I think it’s sweet.”

Chloe arched an eyebrow at me and I mouthed, “Robbie.” She nodded her understanding and went back to painting my nails.

Robbie sighed on the other end. “Yeah, I’m lame. Okay. Just let me know if you need anything. If anything, uh… happens.”

“I will. Seriously, thank you.”

“No problem.”

I hung up the phone to a questioning look from Chloe as she requested, “Can I ask you something?”

“What’s up?” I offered her my other hand as she finished up with the thumbnail of my first.

“You and Robbie are really close. I like him, but I guess I don’t really see what you guys have in common.”

“We’re both very cynical,” I offered evasively.

“You both lost someone important to you, I know. I just never thought that was enough to bring two people together like that. Especially since you’re so different. He’s a lot older, too. Do you guys have some, like, secret dorky hobby you share that you’re too embarrassed to tell me about?”

“Yes,” I told her, and she laughed.

“Seriously, though.”

“Seriously,” I confirmed. “I’ll never tell you.”

“I can’t tell if you’re messing with me or not right now, but if you’re being serious, you’ll have to tell me eventually,” she pointed out.

“I couldn’t. You wouldn’t believe me if I did.” I resolved to change the subject as soon as the words were out of my mouth. It ached to talk about this.

“Now I know you’re messing with me,” Chloe confirmed with a shake of your head. “Alright, lesson learned. I accept your strange, seemingly random friendship. I’m just gonna assume he got you into Dungeons and Dragons or something and you’re too embarrassed to tell me. It’s okay; I wouldn’t judge.”

“And you shouldn’t. You mocked our comic books but I saw a manga in your closet the other day.”

“I was thirteen and it was lesbian-themed,” she shot back. “Doesn’t count. And it’s not the same thing, anyway.”

“I bet you still go back and read it.”

“Do not.”

“Also, I was only reading
Batwoman
. She’s a lesbian.”

She looked up sharply. “Wait, really? That’s a thing?”

“Yeah. There was this whole controversy where she couldn’t get married and everything.”

“So even Batwoman falls victim to homophobia? That’s depressing; I don’t wanna read that.”

“
Anyway
, Robbie’s cool and he gave me
Batwoman
to read for the lesbian content. That should show you what kind of guy he is.”

“Does he read manga?” she asked me, and I burst into laughter.

“You have
zero
room to judge now!”

“Shut up. Give me your foot; I’m giving you pink toenails, too.”

I grinned down at her as she grabbed my foot and went to work. We sat in comfortable silence for a moment, and I shifted slightly on my bed and let out a soft sigh.

“So how do you feel about a laser tag rematch?” she proposed without warning.

I laughed, surprised. “Really?”

“What, don’t think I can beat you? We can do it just the two of us. One on one.”

“Uh huh. I would
crush
you.”

“We’ll see.” She winked at me. “We’ll go tomorrow.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah. I liked it. The whole place, actually. I might go back there for my birthday in three weeks, too. You think they let people make reservations? Eh, I’ll ask Robbie next time I see him. He probably knows.”

“You’re having a party?” I forced myself to ask. “Do you know anyone else around here?”

She glared at me as though she was offended, but I could tell she didn’t mean it. “Well, I know your family and mine and I know Robbie. It can be small. Plus, can’t you totally see my dad getting into laser tag? He’d have a blast.”

“It could be fun,” I relented, mostly so she would change the subject again. “So maybe tomorrow you could come over after laser tag and stay the night. Dad mentioned leaving tomorrow evening to go somewhere with Deborah for the weekend.”

“Oh? Where?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “San Andreas or something?”

“I, uh… I’m not from California, so maybe you know better, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t actually a place people go. Like, it might even actually just be fictional. From Grand Theft Auto.” She looked like she was trying not to laugh.

“Well, whatever. San
something
. I think. It started with an ‘S’. San Diego? Maybe Sacramento? I wasn’t paying attention when he mentioned it. It was while we were texting yesterday morning about your shopping trip with your mom.”

“Ha! That’s awkward. He didn’t see the bikini pics I sent, did he?”

“If he had, you would
not
be in here right now.”

“Maybe. He’s been letting you off the leash lately. I think my parents have been a good influence on him,” she joked. “He doesn’t look horrified when he sees us heading upstairs together anymore, at least.” She finished up with the last of my toenails and put the nail polish away. I wiggled my toes and made a move to stand, but she made a noise of displeasure and pressed a hand to my chest to keep me on the bed.

“They’re not dry enough.” She moved to sit next to me and carefully took my hand into hers, admiring my nails as she intertwined our fingers. Before she’d done my nails, she’d painted her own a deep purple color. “You have stubby thumbs,” she remarked. “They’re cute.”

“Your pinkies are crooked,” I said. She waited for me to say more, and when I didn’t, she laughed and bumped my shoulder with her own.

“Bitch! At least I was nice!”

“Well, they
are
.”

* * *

Chloe went into the smoky maze before I did, laser gun in her hand and lights flashing from her vest.

“You have twenty minutes, beginning now,” said the young, pimply teenager working the laser tag shift today, and I accepted a gun from him and ducked into the maze, my own vest flashing for a moment before it went dark.

I crouched as I made my way through the maze, squinting through the fog all the while for signs of movement. I could remember my first time in the maze with Chloe like it was yesterday, and stifled a laugh at the mental image of her running wildly through the fog, lights on her vest flashing. I’d thought she was adorable, then, even though I hadn’t wanted to.

She was playing differently this time.

I ducked around a corner and was met with the sounds of laser-fire. Chloe had been waiting for me at the other end of the hallway. My vest lit up and I folded my arms across my chest as she pointed and laughed at me.

“Chloe one, Harper nothing!”

“You know, us hardcore gamers have a word for what you just did, and it isn’t a complimentary term,” I informed her. She just laughed at me again and ran off.

A few seconds later, my lights stopped flashing and I took off after her, winding through the hallways without regard for how much noise I was making.

I found Chloe hiding behind a smaller wall before she could make sense of where I was, and mashed my gun right into her vest as I pulled the trigger over and over again. “Die, cretin!”

“That’s not very nice,” was all she said, but she was grinning at me as she stood. “You’re so cute when you get into this nerdy stuff, though.” She leaned in and kissed me for a moment as the lights on her vest flashed, her gun momentarily disabled. Then the lights stopped and I beat her to firing. She groaned as her vest started flashing all over again.

“Nice try,” I told her, pecking her on the lips once more, and then ran off before she could use her gun again.

“It almost worked!” she called after me.

We spent the next ten minutes running around through the fog, shooting at and teasing each other when we’d find ourselves in the same area. I was sweating by the time we were nearly done, and I was also, frankly, destroying Chloe. She’d only managed to hit me twice more since shooting me that first time after I’d just entered the maze.

I found myself hiding back in one of the corner bases for the last couple of minutes, using the elevation to search for Chloe, who was nowhere to be found. For a moment, standing there in the total silence, I began to get worried. Would something happen to her in the maze? It was unlikely, but with three weeks until her birthday, I was paranoid.

But before that paranoia could manifest itself into outright panic, I felt a gun press into the back of my vest. I let out a laugh, mostly relieved. “I can’t believe you snuck in here without me noticing.”