Colorblind (13 page)

“No, wait.” She extended an arm, palm out, and took a few breaths. “No, I’m good. It’s just nerves. I wanna say this. Just listen, okay? Are you listening?”

I nodded, then thought better of it when I had trouble focusing on Chloe again. “Listening.”

“I, like, am really into you,” she told me. I nodded along, processing her words more slowly than usual. “Like, not even just in a kissing and sex kind of way… I mean, totally that way, but sometimes it’s like… if I could just, like, press up super close to you and just kind of merge and be this hybrid person I still don’t think I’d be as close as I wanna be. And sometimes, like camping day, you’ll admit you feel the same way, but I hate how things can never just be easy. We met and we got along great and you like girls and I was like, this is gonna go so well, this is everything I wanted, and you really are. I just wanna be happy and I don’t want you to be unhappy, so if I make you happy then why can’t we just be happy, you know?”

I blinked at her, and then shook my head. “No, I don’t think I got that.”

She groaned and fell back on the bed, arms sprawled out at her sides, and whined, “Just kiss meeeee…”

I let out a long sigh and rubbed at one eye, willing the room to stop spinning. “Chloe, you’re gonna die,” I told her, and then abruptly shut my mouth and stared at her, wide-eyed.

She sat up with a heavy exhale. “Harper, we’re
all
gonna die.”

“But-”

“You can’t be afraid to lose everyone because then you’ll have no one, okay?” She reached out and squeezed my hand. “And if you have no one, then, like, you’ve lost everyone anyway.” She pressed her lips together and furrowed her eyebrows. “You know, life kinda sucks, doesn’t it? I think I see your point.”

“See?” I insisted, poking her. “See!?”

“Well, it’s lose-lose in that we’re gonna die anyway, but that’s where my idea comes in, see? You make the most of it while you’re here. And
you
-” She prodded me in the shoulder, “-don’t make the most of it. You’re gonna regret that. Like, that’s gonna be your regret on your deathbed. I’m gonna wish I’d traveled more, and you’re gonna wish you had enjoyed yourself more.” She nodded matter-of-factly, as though she’d said the wisest thing anyone ever could, and then let herself drop back onto her back again.

I sighed and crawled up the bed to lie down next to her, and then absentmindedly found her hand with mine before we both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I woke to a knock on my door and my dad’s voice. “Harper?”

“Shit!” I hissed, and raised a hand to my head as the throbbing set in. Chloe was still asleep, drooling rather unflatteringly on the pillow next to mine. I scrambled to hide the vodka and glasses under my bed and then shook Chloe a couple of times before I hurried over to open my door. “Hey, Dad!” I said a little too brightly, but he was too busy looking past me at my bed to notice.

“Oh, Chloe stayed over?” he asked as she sat up and smacked her lips. She hid a pained look and shot him a sleepy smile, and he waved lamely at her. “Guess I’ll make a couple more pancakes,” he said, and then added, more quietly, “Next time, you need my permission.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, and closed the door behind him as soon as he was gone. I turned away and rested my back against it, watching Chloe, and heaved a sigh of relief.

“Holy crap,” she said, and raised both hands to rub at her temples. “My head. Never again.”

As much as my own head hurt, I couldn’t help but smile at her. “You made so much sense last night, Oh Wise One.”

“Shut up; I was smarter than you!” she shot back, and chucked her spit-stained pillow at me as I laughed at her.

* * *

“So how was your date last night, Mr. Locklear?” Chloe asked him over breakfast. I shot her a look but she didn’t take her eyes off of him.

To my surprise, Dad smiled at her, and then said, “It went well. Thank you for asking.”

“Suck up,” I mumbled to her, and nudged her foot with mine under the table. She caught my leg with hers and then yanked, nearly displacing me from my chair. Dad arched an eyebrow at the both of us as I replied to her grin with a glare.

“So do you have any plans for today?” he asked us. To me, he added, “Do you plan on finding a new job?”

“Yes,” I told him. “As soon as I see one I think I’ll enjoy, I’ll apply.”

“I think I’d like to go back to that spot by the cliff today,” Chloe spoke up abruptly. Dad and I had the same reaction.

“You mean the spot by the
water
?” I corrected.

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” said Dad. “Your parents wouldn’t want you there.”

“It was a freak accident,” Chloe insisted. “I’m okay. I won’t go as far out this time.” She turned to me and gave me a small smile. “I just thought that after last night I owed you. I want to plan something for the two of us.”

I colored abruptly and glanced to Dad, who was watching us with raised eyebrows. Chloe suddenly seemed to realize how badly her words had sounded, and turned red herself.

“It’s not how it sounds,” I told my dad quickly. “I helped her dye her hair.”

“Oh, yeah. Proof!” Chloe perked up and pulled her hair back to reveal the streak underneath. “I’ve always wanted it done. My parents never let me.”

“So you came here and did it while I was out,” Dad confirmed, although he looked a little amused. “Now you’re definitely not going back to the water without asking your parents first.”

“I’ll ask,” Chloe agreed. She turned to me. “Get a bathing suit on and come over in an hour?”

I shifted uncomfortably. I didn’t really want to go anywhere near the cliff or the water after what’d happened last time, but I’d also decided to make a point of letting Chloe enjoy the time she had left. Sighing, I nodded. “Just be careful?”

“I will. Promise.” She looked at Dad as she moved to stand. “Thanks for breakfast, Mr. Locklear.”

“You can call me Peter, and you’re welcome anytime.”

“Thanks. And, um, my parents love Harper, so she’s welcome anytime, too.”

“Good to know.”

There was an awkward pause, and I realized Chloe was waiting for me to walk her out. I stood up hastily and headed for the front door, letting her fall into step beside me.

“So do you think you’ll regret the pink strand?” I asked her, mostly to make conversation.

She shook her head and smiled. “Never.”

We reached the door and she faced me, one hand on the doorknob. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then told me, “Harper, I’m really glad I met you.”

I nodded, hiding a grin. “I know.”

She pressed her lips together in mock-offense. “Say it back.”

I knew she was only kidding, and that I didn’t have to say it. I also knew that a month ago, I couldn’t have said it back. Not with confidence, anyway.

Things were different now. “Chloe Stephens, I am
so
glad I met you.”

She bit at her bottom lip for a moment, and then took a deep breath before she spoke again. “So this day by the water that my parents are definitely going to let us have because I’m going to beg them to say yes? I’m gonna call it a date. Okay?”

I blinked a couple of times, and then swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay.”

“Good.” She offered me a small smile, reaching out with her free hand to gently squeeze mine. “Your move,” she told me, and then slipped out quietly through the front door. 

* * *

I got a confirmation text from her fifteen minutes later, and spent the next half hour panicking in my bathroom. One minute I was sure I could take things further with Chloe, and the next I worried about the repercussions of doing so. Robbie’s words bounced around in my head: “
If you hook up with her and she dies, you’ll be miserable.
With that said… If you
don’t
hook up with her and she dies, you’ll be miserable
and
you’ll regret it.”

But if I kissed Chloe, it’d mean more to me than just hooking up with some cute girl. I was beginning to wonder how I could ever live my life happily after losing her. She’d become my best friend.

I put my hair up so that if I decided to get into the water I could still keep it dry. Then I changed into my favorite bikini. When I was done, I tried to ignore the anxious feeling in my chest, and closed my eyes as I rested my hand on my stomach. I remembered the last night with mom; the nausea I’d felt before she’d gone out. I couldn’t tell if I was feeling that now, or if this was just regular butterflies.

I made sure to talk to Chloe’s parents before we left. They didn’t feel very comfortable with where we were going, especially so soon after Chloe’s near-drowning, but I think that they, like me, had trouble saying no to her more often than not. And she seemed so excited to go out; she was practically bouncing up and down with anticipation and had packed an entire backpack full of stuff to take with us.

Once we were on our way in my car, she caught sight of the book I’d left on the center console and scoffed. “You are so not reading this whole time. You have to get in the water.”

“Not past my waist,” I decided.

“Chest?” she bargained. I shook my head. “Okay, what about mid-stomach?”

“Maybe.”

“Hey, don’t be nervous. We’re just hanging out. Nothing bad is gonna happen.”

I changed the subject, uncomfortable. “Do you think we’ve should’ve brought Baxter? He’s been cooped up a lot lately.”

“Oh, I didn’t even think of that! We should’ve!” She frowned. “Well, we’ll take him next time. He definitely needs to get out of the house more. I’ve been meaning to keep him active, but, um…” She shrugged her shoulders and finished, “Well, I’ve been spending a lot of time with you.”

Words failed me, and I turned the radio on to avoid an awkward silence. Chloe stretched beside me and then idly turned to look out of her window, her fingernails tapping against the door as she rested her arm on top of it.

We reached the spot by the water all too soon, and Chloe set down her backpack and unzipped it. Out came two blankets, sandwiches, apples, and a pair of sunglasses. She slipped the last over her eyes and grinned at the look on my face.

“You came prepared,” I marveled. “Are we having a picnic?”

“Not officially. Too cliché. But you’re welcome to a sandwich and an apple.” She tossed them to what was then deemed my blanket, and then promptly stretched out across her own, letting out a satisfied sigh. That only lasted a second, as she popped up into a sitting position abruptly and reached for the backpack again. “Oh, right. Forgot sunscreen. I put it in the front pocket. I fry like a lobster.” She squirted out a handful and then offered me the bottle.

I shook my head, turning it down. “I’m okay. I don’t burn easily.”

“Lucky,” she sighed out. I sat down on my blanket, which she’d placed directly next to hers, and watched her rub the sunscreen onto her arms, legs, shoulders, and stomach before she laid back down again and grinned over at me. “Try not to stare.”

I colored. “I wasn’t.”

She just laughed and looked skyward again. “So if you want to read while we’re here, now’s the time. Once I get hot, I’m getting into the water, and you’re coming with me.”

I shook my head again, but reached for my book nonetheless. “Sure.”

“I’m serious. It’ll be okay.”

“You’re too adventurous,” I told her. “I bet half the reason you want to get back in is just for the thrill of it. Normal people like to avoid places they’ve nearly died at.”

“I think of it more as conquering my fears,” she said. “Proving to myself there’s nothing to be afraid of. It was a freak accident, and when it doesn’t happen again, I’ll have no reason to be afraid. And neither will you.”

“Unless it
does
happen again,” I pointed out.

She let out a groan. “Ugh! How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not going anywhere?” She reached over to slap at my arm, teasing, and then went back to tanning. I watched her for a long moment before I cracked open my book to find where I’d last stopped reading.

Even after a few minutes of peaceful silence, I still couldn’t manage to shake the uncomfortable feeling that had been building in my stomach all morning. I set my book aside and asked Chloe, “You’ve never been in love before, right?”

She lifted her sunglasses to look back at me, curious. “Why?” she asked.

“Just wondering.”

There was a long pause. “You haven’t,” she observed. “What makes you think I might have?”

“Because you know what you’re doing,” I said.

She laughed at that. “Well, I’m glad it seems that way, but no. Never fallen in love, never had my heart broken. All of this is new to me.” She paused, blushed, and then amended, “Just to have serious feelings in the first place, I mean. Especially without ever going on a date.”

“Isn’t this a date?” I joked. She rolled her eyes at me.

“Not unless you eat your sandwich.”