Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1) (7 page)

Chapter 14

SPENCER

I should have done a work out earlier. I should have gone for a run. I should have beat the crap out of the punching bag hanging in the garage. I should have burnt off some of this tension that was consuming me and boiling my blood. Instead I’d lain down and had a nap. Something I was now deeply regretting.

If I’d had my way I’d be sitting on the lounge in my sweat pants, beer in one hand, pizza in the other, Zoe curled up in my lap and the door locked. That way I’d know she was safe. Happy. Instead, here we were sitting in my car, I could feel the pulse in her wrist going absolutely ballistic beneath my fingers and I could see the sweat gathering on her lip, but I couldn’t say anything about it. She obviously wasn’t doing as well as she was pretending to and I didn’t want to be the asshole that made it worse for her.

“You ready?” I asked, surprised at how shaky my own voice sounded.

I didn’t think I was afraid, but the way the words came out I realised that maybe I was.

Zoe sucked in a deep breath and winced. I knew her ribs must be causing her pain and I kept waiting for her to complain, but she surprised me yet again and instead bit her lip. She looked at me and I wanted nothing more than to punch something. Her eyes were wide and wild. Filled with fear. Every thought in my head was wishing I could take that fear away for her.

“Okay. Let’s do this,” Zoe declared with a wide, fake smile. I knew it was fake. It didn’t light up her eyes.

“Let’s do it.”

I climbed from the car, my legs trembling underneath me. Shaking off the feeling of dread that had gathered in my stomach, I walked around the car, helped Zoe out, and led her inside. I felt her stiffen in my embrace and I wished I knew who the asswipe was who’d ruined the perfection that was my Zoe.

Stepping inside the pub, it was nothing other than what I expected. The familiar old men were sitting at the end of the bar, wearing moleskins, flannelette shirts and worn work boots sipping their beer. Standing around the battered old pool table were the group of mates that I’d known since we started playing junior football at under sixes. I waved a hello and guided Zoe towards the bar.

“Didn’t know if I’d see you tonight, Spencer,” the bartender said as she poured a beer.

“You know us,” I shrugged it off. Zoe squeezed my hand even tighter if that was at all possible. Her vise-like grip was cutting off the circulation in my fingers, but I wasn’t about to pry our hands apart.

“Yes, I do,” she smirked knowingly. “Hey Zoe, sweetheart.” I watched as Mum leant over the bar and placed a soft kiss on Zoe’s cheek, before trailing her fingers over Zoe’s scar.

I felt Zoe shift beside me and her warm breath on my neck. “I’m going to say happy birthday to Katie.”

“Want me to come?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’m right here…” I left my promise hanging. I didn’t need to finish it. Zoe knew.

“Thanks,” she whispered before leaving a soft kiss behind my ear and disappearing across the room.

Pulling out a stool, I took up my perch. I made sure I kept one eye on Zoe the whole time. I wasn’t going to let anything happen to her, even if I had to beat the shit out of every person in here. I didn’t even taste my beer. It could have been flat for all I knew, but I didn’t care. After another long pull the glass was empty.

“Another?”

“Nah.”

“So, how’s your day going, Spencer?”

“You know…Zoe,” I deflected, not in the mood to answer questions. Today had been a long ass day and an interrogation wasn’t going to make it any better.

“Yeah I do.” She shrugged. “Spence, you’re doing a good thing and I’m here for you if you need any help at all. The one thing you need to remember, son…you’re not the bad guy here. You’re not the one responsible for what happened. You didn’t do it.”

“Thanks, Mum,” I told her as I leant over the bar a dropped a kiss on her cheek.

I knew Mum was right. She knew me. She knew I was blaming myself for what had happened to Zoe and she knew I’d beat myself up about it because that’s who it was. But Mum also knew Zoe. She knew how stubborn and pigheaded my girl could be, especially when she set her mind to something.

“Want another drink, honey?”

“More than you know,” I admitted, stealing a glance at Zoe. She was surrounded by a group of giggling girls and she was smiling. Nothing to worry about.

“Rum and Coke?”

“Just Coke. I’m driving.”

“I can take you home. Or call a taxi,” she suggested, trying to be helpful.

“Zoe…”

“Okay then. Say no more. Coke it is.”

“Well then, if he’s going to be a girl about it, I’ll take his if you’re pouring, Mum.” Kane grinned wickedly as he slid onto the stool beside me. “Big brother…how’s our girl doing?” Kane asked gulping down a large swig.

“Our girl?” Zoe smirked as she slipped in between us, her eyes never leaving Mum’s. “Jenna, can I get another?”

“Sure thing.” Mum smiled, sliding another vodka and orange juice across the bar. “How are these two boof headed sons of mine treating you, Zoe?”

“You know them.”

“Yes, I do.” Mum grinned widely. “That’s why I’m worried!”

Bloody women and their secret codes. It was something I would never understand and gave up trying a long time ago.

“Hey…we’re not that bad!” Kane objected.

Zoe finished her drink and turned to face me. She was beautiful. She always had been. Even through that awkward dorky tomboy phase she went through, in my eyes she’d always been something special, even if she never knew it.

“So, Spencer McLaren,” she slurred. Her eyes were glassy and her cheeks rosy. I knew she was well on her way to drunk, and when her hand landed in the centre of my chest, I could only pray she was tipsy enough that she didn’t feel my heart beating out of control beneath her touch. “Are you just going to sit here and stare at me all night or are you going to come and take me for a twirl around the dance floor?”

Shit! I hated to dance. I had absolutely no rhythm and Zoe knew it. What’s worse is when I did dance, which only ever happened after I’d downed more than my fair share of shots, I cleared the dance floor with my wild dance moves faster than calling last drinks.

“Zoe!” I growled out my warning.

She didn’t flinch. It was just another thing I loved about her. She wasn’t afraid. Never had been. She was a witch and she knew exactly which buttons to press to get me to do whatever her heart desired. As soon as she fluttered her long, black lashes and pouted her perfect, completely kissable lips, I was screwed. I knew it. She knew it. Fuck, everyone in the bar knew it.

“But Spencer…” she whined.

Over her shoulder I watched as Kane tossed his head back and laughed loudly. He’d always found it funny how whipped I was by the tiny firecracker that was Zoe. I was just waiting for the day when some woman wormed their way under his skin and he knew exactly what it was like.

“Hey Zoe!” he called out, stealing her attention.

She wobbled on her feet and instinctively I grabbed her hips to steady her. She sobered instantly. It took a second and a few deep breaths, but the moment Mum slid a glass of ice water onto the bar in front of her, Zoe gulped it down greedily before focusing her attention on Kane.

“Yep?” She smiled forcefully.

“What you want to dance with an old man for, anyway? Wouldn’t you much rather dance with the younger, better looking, more worldly and obviously better in bed version?” Kane taunted, trying to lighten a suddenly very tense situation.

Zoe looked up at me. I wasn’t sure if she was looking for permission or assurance, but I offered her both. Kane was my brother. My twin brother. I trusted him with my life, which meant I trusted him with Zoe’s. If he fucked it up, I’d kill him. A fact he was very aware of.

“You know what, Kane? You’re right. Let’s do it!” She smiled, pushing off me and taking Kane’s hand.

I watched him lead her to the middle of the dance floor and pull her into his arms. For the first few beats of a tired country classic she looked stiff and scared, but soon enough she relaxed and I let go of the breath I’d been holding. When minutes later Zoe’s head dropped onto Kane’s shoulder, I turned my attention back to the bar.

Yet another mistake.

Mum was there waiting for me and I could feel the interrogation coming.

“You can’t protect her from everything,” Mum offered sincerely.

I knew she was only trying to help. Deep down I knew that. It didn’t make it any easier to swallow. I wanted to. I had to. Someone had to. And if I was being honest, I wanted it to be me. It’s hard to believe that the ball of fire wrapped in my brother’s arms; the woman who I’d die to protect, was the same one I hadn’t seen nor heard from for over two years. This time didn’t matter. The old fights and arguments had been long forgotten.

“That girl’s tough,” Mum said, her eyes firmly fixed on Zoe and Kane.

“Yeah, she is,” I agreed, following her gaze.

“But…”

“Not as tough as she pretends to be.”

Chapter 15

ZOE

I was warm. Too warm. And someone was touching me. What the fuck!

“Get your filthy fucking hands off me!” I screamed, pushing at the solid wall of male surrounding me. I was suffocating. He was everywhere. I couldn’t move him. He was too heavy. Too strong. And he smelt. Like rum and aftershave. Too much aftershave.

“Zoe! Zoe!” He was calling my name but I didn’t recognise him, so I shoved him again with all of my strength. Fuck, I wish I was stronger. I hated being so damn weak and pathetic.

“Zoe…it’s just me. Spencer. Open your eyes. Breathe,” a calm voice assured me.

I did as he asked. I don’t know why. I wish I did. Instead, I took a deep breath and fuck, it hurt. Everything hurt. My head felt like it weighed a tonne and my chest felt like it was being squeezed so tightly I couldn’t get enough air. The moment I let go of the breath I’d been holding, I spluttered loudly. Then my eyes popped open of their own accord. The moment they locked with the deep, penetrating gaze of Spencer McLaren, I knew I was okay.

“Spencer?” I questioned, my voice unrecognisable.

I could feel tears filling my eyes and I wiped them away quickly. Licking my dry lips, I was overcome by the metallic taste of blood. My split lip had reopened, bringing everything back. I didn’t have to see the dozens of sets of eyes staring at me to know every move I made was under the microscope, I could feel them boring into the back of my skull.

“Zoe,” Spencer repeated, stepping deliberately towards me.

He looked different. He was pale. Something was wrong. There was fear in his face. Spencer was scared. He was never scared. In all the years I’d known him, I’d never once seen him this rattled. I just hoped he wasn’t afraid of me because right now, in this moment, I needed him.

“Dance with me, Spencer,” I directed.

“Zoe,” he cautioned as he tried to step away. I wasn’t about to let him go. Without realising it, I stepped with him. Drawn to him like a magnet, I followed his every move.

I slipped my arms around his neck and felt him go as stiff as a board beneath my fingers. I ran my hands through his hair at the nape of his neck, but he didn’t relax. His eyes never left mine. It was like he was scared to touch me. The longer I looked at him the more it hurt. To see the pain reflected in his eyes, it was killing me. I wanted another drink. I craved it. I wasn’t about to let him go. No, I needed Spencer more. Two songs later and he’d given up. My head drooped onto his shoulder and Spencer settled his hands on my hips. I felt home. It was like the room had fallen silent. There was nothing beyond me and Spencer.

I lost track of how long we stayed locked together on the centre of the makeshift dance floor swaying back and forth. The truth was I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I’d travelled all that way for Katie’s birthday party, said two words to her, and then spent the night in the McLaren twins’ arms. I didn’t care that their mother was watching every move I made from behind the bar. I certainly didn’t care that I could feel Spencer’s heart beating erratically beneath my head. None of that mattered. Instead I chose to concentrate on what was important. Right now the most important thing in my world was being wrapped in Spencer’s warm arms with him unconsciously singing into my ear.

“Want to grab a drink?” Spencer offered when the rock song ended and some old school R & B song came on.

“Sounds good,” I agreed, slipping my hand into his.

I didn’t want to admit it, and I never would aloud, but I should never have come tonight. And I should definitely never have let go of Spencer’s hand…not for a second. I wasn’t okay. I was an absolute fucking mess. A walking, talking disaster. I would have been better off holed up in my hotel room in my pyjamas stuffing myself silly on chocolate and ice-cream. Not pretending everything was okay when I knew damn well it wasn’t.

We reached the bar and Spencer offered me the stool before he stepped behind me like some kind of bodyguard. I knew what he was doing and part of me wanted to assure him that he didn’t have to, but the other part of me, the selfish part, liked him exactly where he was.

“What’re you having?” Jenna asked.

“Ummm…” I felt awkward. I knew what I wanted, but was it what I should have? I hated living in limbo land. I didn’t do well in limbo land. That whole stuck between doing what you want to do and what you know you should do just didn’t work for me. It never had.

I looked to Spencer for guidance. I don’t know why. It wasn’t like he was my boyfriend or anything. I just wanted someone, anyone to make the decision for me tonight. Without a word, he just nodded at me before redirecting his attention to his mother. “She’ll have a vodka and orange juice and a glass of ice water, and I’ll take a Coke. Thanks, Mum.”

I offered him a small, weak smile. That’s all I had left. All the energy, all the fight, all the drive had left my body and now I felt like a limp noodle.

“I need to go to the bathroom…you going to be okay here for a second?” he asked nervously.

I could tell he wasn’t happy about leaving my side, and I hated to admit it, but it made me feel special. How could I say no? It wasn’t like he was leaving me here. He was going to the bathroom. He’d be back in five minutes tops. Surely I could hold my shit together for that long. If I couldn’t, well then, I was more fucked up than even I realised.

“I’ll be fine,” I promised, really hoping that I would be. Even if I wasn’t, surely I could fake it for him.

“I’m right here, honey. I’ll keep an eye on her,” Jenna added.

She knew. She knew what had happened to me. Of course she did. Spencer and Kane didn’t have secrets from their mother. They never did. Not from the moment they’d caught their father cheating on her on their dining room table with the secretary. They were only fourteen and they knew it would destroy Jenna, but they fronted up and told her. Secrets and lies were against their religion. I knew Spencer would have asked Jenna for advice this time. As much as I wanted to be angry at him for that, I knew I couldn’t. He was doing his best in what was certainly a shitty situation.

I nodded knowingly at Jenna. She offered me a sad smile before shuffling off down the other end of the bar and serving another customer. I fidgeted and sipped my drink. I needed something to do with my hands. Something to keep my mind off everything. Grabbing a cardboard coaster from the bar, I started shredding it in long strips, challenging myself to see how long I could make one piece. I knew I was being pathetic. I wished I could pull my shit together, walk across the bar to my friends, and join in the party, but I just couldn’t find the desire to do so. Faking yet another smile just seemed too hard.

A man walked up beside me and sat at the bar, leaving a stool between us. It was like I was giving off a warning. Don’t get too close, the bitch bites. Silently I chuckled at my own joke.

“That’s what I like to see…a smile,” his rich voice rumbled.

Looking up, I recognised him instantly. Derek was here. I know I’d only seen him hours earlier in the hospital, but then he’d been all decked out in his uniform, making him seem cold and unapproachable, but now wearing worn jeans and a button down shirt, he just seemed like one of the guys.

Jumping off my stool, I threw my arms around his neck with wild abandon and hugged him tightly. It took a second for my brain to catch up with my body and realise what I was doing, but still it didn’t make me pull away.

“Wow!” He laughed as he settled me back on my feet. “Zoe, you should come home more often. You’re good for my ego!”

“Your ego is fine,” Spencer’s voice echoed over my head.

For some reason I felt like I’d been caught. Although I wasn’t doing anything wrong, although Spencer and I weren’t together, it still felt like I’d been caught cheating. It left a sour taste in my mouth.

“How you doing there, Pippi?” Spencer asked, finishing off my water.

“Seriously! Pippi again?”

Derek laughed. “You two ever going to grow up?”

We looked at each other before we both cracked up laughing. “Nope,” we said in unison. It felt both good and bad to laugh. It felt good right down to my toes, but fuck it made my ribs ache. When I clutched at my side, suddenly Spencer’s face became deadly serious.

“I should get you home,” he stated matter-of-factly.

I wasn’t ready to go. Despite everything, I actually was having a good time. As long as I didn’t venture too far from Spencer, I was okay. He was my lifeline, and as long as he was in grasping distance, I knew I’d live.

“Nope! Not yet.” I smiled up at him defiantly. I watched as his eyes darkened and he straightened himself out preparing for a fight, but tonight I was one step ahead of him. “I want to play pool.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Pippi, you can’t play for shit,” Spencer reminded me.

I wanted to tell him he was wrong. Hell, I wanted to prove to him wrong. It would never work. He was right. I was the world’s worst pool player. The truth was I got bored too easily and gave up. But he loved it. And he loved winning. I knew challenging him to a game would bring out the competitive streak he had hidden just beneath the surface.

“Maybe I’ve learnt…” I taunted, gulping down the last of my drink and signalling Jenna to pour me another.

“Doubt it.”

“Care to make a bet?”

“A bet?”

“Yep, a bet!”

“Let me get this right, Pippi. You want to challenge me. To a game of pool. Not only that, you think you can beat me. You want to bet on it?”

“That sounds about right,” I confirmed, watching as his face contorted into a devilish grin.

“Okay then, I’m in,” he agreed, sticking his hand out between us to shake mine.

As soon as I dropped my hand in his I regretted it. It was so warm and comforting I didn’t want to let go. Shit, I was in trouble. “Don’t you want to hear the stakes before you commit to something? I mean I could make you do something truly terrible.”

“I’ll take my chances.” He grinned smugly as he grabbed his drink and led me across the pub to the empty pool table in the back.

We reached the pool table and Spencer dropped my hand. I grabbed the pool cues and watched on silently as he racked up the balls. I was in big trouble. He’d done this so many times he dropped the balls into position with practiced ease. Derek and Kane joined us and grabbed stools.

“What are you two doing?” I asked nervously.

I wasn’t afraid of looking like a fool. Hell, I’d looked like a fool most of my life in front of these boys, but right now I didn’t need to be humiliated. The smirk on Spencer’s face reassured me that I would be.

“Going to watch you beat my big brother,” Kane taunted. Spencer flicked Kane the bird before grabbing a cue from me.

“Want to break?” he offered.

“Nah, you can,” I declined in what I hoped came off as a casual, I-couldn’t-care-less tone, which was one hundred and ten percent fake. I just didn’t want to break because I knew I couldn’t. Every time I’d tried I’d barely moved one ball from the cluster in the centre of the table.