Commanding Her Trust (2 page)

She was hurting, that was obvious—he wasn’t fooled by her controlled expression. But how much of that pain had to do with what he’d done and how much was the result of her obviously troubled past, he couldn’t say. But he could apologize, and try to make things as right between them as he could before they were holed up alone together for forty-eight hours.

“It was more than that. You know it, and so do I,” he said. “I’m sorry if what we shared left you feeling confused, but you can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it. Or that you didn’t need it.”

“You know nothing about what I need.”

Blake sighed, recognizing her defiance for what it was, a mask for the fear many submissives felt when starting a relationship with someone new. He certainly hadn’t meant to “start” anything or inspire those kinds of feelings in Erin, but now he had no choice but to deal with them.

“Listen, it’s natural to be anxious about giving yourself over to another person, even if that person is someone you used to know very well,” he said, keeping his tone soft and reassuring. He wanted her to know she was safe, that he wouldn’t abuse her trust, and all his cards were on the table. “Especially if you’ve been in a relationship where you’ve been taken advantage of.”

Erin tilted her head back, lifting her face to his, staring deep into his eyes without a trace of fear or deference. At that moment, she was the least submissive woman he’d ever seen. If he hadn’t experienced dominating her himself and seen how she reveled in being controlled, he never would have believed she was the type who enjoyed the lifestyle.

“You don’t know anything about my former relationship, and you don’t know anything about me,” she said, every word clipped and deliberate. “Not anymore. So don’t pretend you do. Just because we had sex, it doesn’t give you the right to psychoanalyze me. I’m not some pathetic sub who needs someone else to tell me how I’m feeling.”

Blake stared into her big brown and gold eyes, seeing so much more than Erin realized. “Is that what he taught you? That to submit is weak and contemptible?”

Without meaning to, he found himself cupping her cheek in his hand, then sliding his fingers into her impossibly soft hair.

God, how many times had he dreamed of feeling that hair falling around his face as he kissed this woman again? And here she was, so close, but still so incredibly far away.

She was everything he craved, but as forbidden as she’d been years ago when they’d both been too young to realize even true love could vanish in the blink of an eye.

CHAPTER TWO
Blake

Erin’s lips parted and her breath came faster, but she didn’t say a word. She only watched him, like he was a circus performer about to do some fascinating trick, while Blake prayed he could live up to the expectation in his woman’s eyes.

His woman.

There was that thought again, that sense of ownership that felt so natural, but would never be anything but wrong.

“In a real Dominant and submissive relationship, the submissive is an incredibly strong person,” he said, hoping she could tell how strong he’d always believed her to be. “Sometimes even stronger than her Dom, depending on how much experience he has.”

“Really?” Doubt and sarcasm warred with the genuine curiosity in her tone.

“Just think about it. What requires more discipline, giving someone orders or giving up control?” He leaned closer to her lips, unable to resist. “Trusting someone else to guide you, exploring the boundaries of your capacity for pleasure and pain, giving the gift of your will, of
yourself
to another person…that’s pretty amazing stuff. I don’t know that I could do it.”

“Call me crazy, but I don’t think that’s your thing.” She smiled, a tiny, genuine twist of her lips that made him inexplicably happy.

“Are you calling me a big bad Dom again?” He laughed and she joined in, the puff of her breath against his lips reviving the desire that had haunted him since the second he saw her dancing on that bar in Pasadena.

“I call ’em like I see ’em,” she said, tongue slipping out to dampen her lips. “Though I have to admit, I was surprised.”

“You and me both. I never thought… Certainly never expected…” Blake took a deep breath and forced himself to pull away. He couldn’t stay like this, with his hand buried in her hair and his lips inches from hers, and not take this encounter to the next level.

He stepped back, crossing his arms, concentrating on the feel of the cold wind cutting through the fabric of his sweater. “I want you to know I never planned for there to be anything sexual about this. I expected we’d come up here, have a few beers and a few laughs, I’d modify your tat, and we’d part as friends.”

“Or that I would say no to having the tat modified, you’d hold me captive and modify it whether I liked it or not, and we’d part as enemies,” she said, a hint of humor in her tone that made this journey seem even more surreal.

And he hadn’t thought it possible.

“I admit that option crossed my mind,” he said. “But either way, there wasn’t any sex involved. I can promise you that.”

“But there definitely is now. So…” She let her words trail off as she stared at him, an unspoken challenge in her eyes that Blake knew he couldn’t take her up on. Not if he wanted to keep what was left of his head.

“Don’t think I’m not tempted. I’d love to show you what you’ve been missing,” he said, his breath coming faster as he watched her nipples bead tightly beneath her shirt.

Damn, he wanted to get those tits in his mouth and suck them until she writhed beneath him, begging him to take her, fuck her, possess her. But he couldn’t.

The first time had been a mistake. A loss of control that couldn’t happen again.

“But I don’t think that would be healthy for either one of us,” he continued. “We’ve got a lot of history, Erin. You should have a Dom who can provide for your unique needs and I’ve got too many of my own.”

“Like the driving desire to modify my tattoo,” she said, sadness in her eyes.

“Like that.” He swallowed the bitter taste that rose in his throat. “And the fact that I’ve never had a full-time sub and don’t plan on getting into something like that any time soon. Especially not with a woman who doesn’t seem committed to being a submissive.”

She blinked. “Doesn’t seem committed? I
lived
it. For years.”

He shrugged. “From what I’ve seen, you’re a pushy bottom.”

“What?” A ragged laugh burst from her lips.

“From the second we started this, you’ve been trying to take control. You’ve questioned and resisted a lot, even for a woman with a new partner,” he said, trying to make it clear he wasn’t criticizing her, just sharing his opinion. “You try to top from the bottom, and in a real scene, I wouldn’t tolerate that. If the woman I’m with wants to be dominated, then that’s what I’m going to do. That’s who I am. I can’t turn it on and off and I wouldn’t want to.”

She pressed her lips together, a frown tightening the skin around her eyes before she relaxed with a sigh and weary shake of her head. “You know what? Maybe you’re right.”

His brows crept up his forehead. “Three words a man doesn’t hear very often from a woman.”

“Even a Dominant man? I’d think you’d get that all the time.” She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering as a gust of cold wind blew in the open car door. “But you are. Right, I mean. I’m not sure I’m ready to sub right now. I don’t think I’m prepared to make that kind of commitment, even one of the ‘fun for a weekend’ variety. Especially with a man who cares so little about me that he won’t take no for an answer.”

“Ouch,” he whispered, flinching at the pain in her voice.

So he’d upset her? So what? She’d done her share to upset him in the past. He shouldn’t let her emotions affect him so deeply. But they did—he couldn’t seem to help himself.

“Let me try to explain again,” he said, hoping she’d be able to understand if he opened up and gave her the real reason he needed to banish their matching ink from her skin. “I’ll be honest, I was pretty fucked up when you left.”

He took a deep breath, wishing it didn’t turn him inside out to talk to her this way. But it did. He’d just have to suck it up and get it out as quickly as possible, show he was a true Dom—one as in touch with his own feelings as those of his submissive.

“And I’ve stayed a little fucked up,” he confessed “I loved you like I’d never loved anyone. It hurt to lose you, and looking at this tattoo every day hasn’t gotten any easier, especially not when you’ve used yours as a hook to get modeling work.”

“Believe me, Blake, I get it. And I’m sorry this is painful for you.” Erin took his hand, her grip strong, though her hand looked almost child-sized compared to his own. “If I didn’t really believe I
needed
this tattoo to get work, I would do what you’re asking me to do. But I do believe it, and there are other people depending on me and…I just can’t risk it. Not now.”

“What other people?” he asked, his free hand balling into a fist at his side, itching to defend her before he even knew the facts of her situation. “A boyfriend? Your ex-husband? Is he after you for money?”

“People I don’t want to talk about right now,” she said, making it clear that was the end of it. “So are you going to take me home or are we going up to this cabin?”

His jaw clenched. “We’re going to the cabin.”

“Fine,” she said, the tightness in her voice making it clear she understood he meant to continue as he’d planned. That he’d modify her tat whether she liked it or not. Still, she took his decision like more of a true submissive than he’d given her credit for.

“Then let’s get going, I’m cold.” She released his hand and half stood up, climbing into the passenger seat as he opened the driver’s door.

Neither of them said a word as he started the car and moved it back onto the road, but Blake made a promise to himself as he drove. He was going to treat Erin with the utmost respect and care, making sure she had nothing to complain about until Sunday afternoon.

Maybe, if he showed her that not all men were pigs and not all Doms bastards who couldn’t control their own cock, let alone another’s life or pleasure, she would change her mind. Maybe they could get through this together without either of them being hurt.

Of course, that would be more easily accomplished if he kept his dick in his pants.

Good luck with that, buddy.

Blake gritted his teeth, determined to get control and retain control for the rest of the weekend. He was a man who prided himself on the ability to restrain himself and command others. Surely he could resist giving into temptation.

Especially if he suspected that temptation would get him in even hotter water than he was in already.

CHAPTER THREE
Erin

Erin watched Blake turn onto the narrow road leading up to his cabin with a strange mix of anticipation and dread.

The anticipation, of course, was pretty easy to understand. No matter what Blake had said about a continued sexual relationship being a bad idea, she had no doubt she’d be able to change his mind. He wanted her—badly. It was clear in every heated glance he shot her way, in the tense lines of his body as he guided the car along the twisting mountain roads.

A quickie against the side of his car wasn’t going to be enough.

He was going to start jonesing for more than a friendly chat over a few beers and, when that happened, she would be ready to take advantage of the situation. She hadn’t had sex in almost two years and she’d never experienced anything close to the pleasure Blake had given her. But that wasn’t why she had to risk the emotional fallout that could result from getting too close to this man who still had the ability to affect her like no other. She had to get close to Blake for one reason and one reason only—to gain her freedom.

The man still cared about her. His hurt and longing had been painfully obvious when he’d explained why he needed to modify her tattoo. That care was going to be her ticket out of this cabin with her angel looking exactly the way it had since she was sixteen years old. A little sex, a little submission, and a little conversation between two old friends and Blake would be convinced he had to let her go. He wouldn’t be able to force her to do anything if he was falling in love with her again.

And that was where the dread came in.

She’d already hurt him once. What would he do when he found out she had been faking some lovey-dovey act to gain her freedom?

Nothing. Because you’ll tell him you’ll go to the police.

“We’ll be there in a few minutes. You’ll want to put your shoes on,” Blake said softly, as if he were loathe to break the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.

Erin leaned over and began strapping herself into her heels, ignoring the little thrill obeying even his smallest request gave her.

Blake was wrong. She wasn’t a pushy bottom. She lived for the freedom of giving herself to a man who could handle her, and had never had any urge to dominate. She wasn’t a switch, she was a sub, through and through. But now wasn’t the time or the place and Blake certainly wasn’t the man.

It wasn’t just her history with Scott that made it hard to let go. Knowing what Blake had in mind for this weekend didn’t help matters any. She couldn’t afford to abandon herself to him completely, not when the one thing he most wanted to demand of her was something she couldn’t give.